She didn't last long; she had returned after four months saying that no matter how big of an opportunity it was that it didn't compare to the opportunity that she'd be giving up by staying there. She couldn't stand being away from her and the lack of communication that she thought was best was absolutely destroying her; she had to return, it was the right path.
Gail mulled over the words that the sweet doctor had said to her six months ago when she opened her front door to scold the person knocking at 2 am. She remembered her reaction of pulling the doctor into the apartment and allowing herself to relearn the curves of olive skin and tone muscles. The days and weeks afterwards had been bliss and full of possibility but nothing that good ever lasted in Gail's case. She did what she was infamous for; she found an emergency situation and that involved a six month deep undercover operation.
Staring at that light brown liquid in her glass she could see the hurt in those deep brown eyes as if she had ripped the beautiful woman's heart out only moments before. She could still hear the pleading voice calling after her as she walked away down the dark footpath; she could still feel the deep regret coursing through her body as she struggled not to turn around and run back to the woman but instead kept walking.
"I'll have what she is having," a familiar voice said next to her.
"Brother…" Gail mutter but didn't pull her eyes from her glass.
"Still see that you haven't lost your charm," Steve informed as he slightly nudged her shoulder with his.
"And I see you're still an ass."
Steven let out a small smirk because it was good to see his sister but he struggled to come up with words because he knew that his sister wasn't happy to be back and he had only just found out the reason why a month ago.
They sat in silence until the bartender dropped off Steve's drink; it was that moment that Steve knew that his sister needed to hear it straight and blunt. When it came to Gail there was never the term 'beating around the bush' so he needed to be the big brother and give her the push she needed and the rude awaking that was going to get her there.
"I used to think you were the toughest person I knew but now I'm starting to see that you're just as much as a coward as the rest of us," Steve threw out there.
"What?" Gail snapped; lifting her head up to look at her brother for the first time in six months.
"You're a coward'; if I didn't think it was too low I'd say you're just as bad as Nick but-"
"I'm nothing like him," Gail growled at him. Steve noticed his sister's white knuckles gripping the glass she was holding.
"Really?…you sure about that? Running away on an undercover opt for six months? Sound familiar? Oh wait…you at least had the decency to rip her heart out before you left which that was something Nick failed to do."
Gail clenched her teeth and glared at her brother; she didn't know what to say because she knew he was right.
Seeing that Gail wasn't going to say anything anytime soon Steve kept going.
"Two months before you made this coward decision you had made a selfless decision that had been tough on your part but right for another person.
"Please…don't," Gail begged.
"No…you could have ignored the private detective information of finding her living relatives in the States and kept on with the adoption but no. You did the kind selfless thing; you sought them out, you informed the social worker of the information you had and you got that little girl adopted by a kind family that can give her memories of her mother that she wouldn't get anywhere else. You gave up your desire to make her happy. That was the tough sister I knew; not this one; not the one who left."
Steve watched the emotions twist and change around in those piercing blue eyes; he was getting to her and as much as it killed him to open her wounds wide he knew it was the right thing to do.
"I don't know what that woman said to you Gail but you have got to know that she was wrong. She has been wrong about you your whole life."
"You're right…you don't know anything," Gail said as she stood to leave.
"She is wrong…no matter what…she is wrong. There are people who need you, who want you and love you. People that are proud of you and even after going radio silence are still asking about you to this day.
"Go fuck yourself," Gail snapped and started heading towards the door.
"The only person I see screwing themselves is you," Gail heard before the heavy doors shut.
"I'm not doing shit," Gail muttered to herself as she zipped up her sweater and began her walk back to her dark apartment.
The walk was long but Gail didn't trust herself to drive home; she was so distracted that it would have been wrong to do. Her brothers words kept repeating themselves in her head and the more she thought about it the more upset she became.
"Fuck you Steve…you don't know anything. A fucking coward…fuck you," she muttered but she knew deep down that he was right. She was no better than Nick; she was a coward. But those words aren't the ones that hit home; it was the ones he said afterwards that did. The ones about Sophie and about people loving her and still asking about her.
Gail felt the tears sliding down her cheeks as she remembered watching that little girl boarding the plane with her little hand locked with the tall women next to her who happened to be her aunt. She remembered the relief in the aunts voice as she expressed her gratitude towards Gail taking care of Sophie because as soon as she heard about her sister she had spent all her time looking for her niece but the communication between the social services of the States and Canada messed that up.
The tears flowed harder when Gail heard the echo of her mother's words. She was so lost in the memory that she did notice the small droplets of rain beginning to fall. All she could hear was her mother voicing her deepest insecurities.
"You couldn't even manage to keep a little girl what makes you think that you'll keep this doctor friend of yours. She'd be stupid to stay with you. I found it foolish of her to give up a promising career for the likes of someone not bothering with her own career. She'll get bored with you eventually Gail…everyone else did. She will see the potential that you lack in someone else like Nick did in Andy."
Gail stopped in her tracks and viciously wiped the tears away from her face. She was finally starting to compare the words that Steve said to the words their mother had said. She was starting to see that their mother was wrong; she had started seeing that fact while she was undercover. She had allowed her mother to win and push her to do the biggest mistake she ever did.
She looked up at the rain and let it continue to fall on her. The water was falling faster and her clothes were slowly starting to become drenched but she didn't care because at the moment she knew what she had to do. It was something she should have done months ago.
Gail pushed back her shorts locks from her face and started to jog in the opposite direction she had been going. The jog started off slowly but within minutes she was sprinting full speed; she had to try. She knew that there was a very strong possibility it would crash and burn but she had to try.
She continued to run her hardest until she finally made it to the place that she had called home and felt safe. She was breathing hard and her hands were shaking but she pushed forward towards the front door and began to ring the doorbell repeatedly.
Gail took a step back when the porch light lite up above her and watched the front door swing open aggressively to reveal a very agitated brunette.
"What is you-" Holly started to say but the words died in her mouth. She took in the pale shaking figure drenched completely through her clothes.
"Are you fucking insane?" She said. She reached forward to pull the blonde into the dry house but Gail stood firm.
"It's been a long six months and the worst six months of my life. I regret everything. I regret being a coward and being too afraid to tell you what I want. But I'm not going to do that anymore…I can't do it anymore. I want you for worse or for better; I would wait for ever and ever for you because it's only you that I want. I know I broke your heart and I hurt you but I'd spend the rest of my life putting it back together and taking away all the pain that I caused. I'm not going anywhere and I'm not running anymore. I'll be here no matter what you choose and in whatever way you want. I was insane to leave you but I was letting someone put thoughts in my head that were false and I was letting myself believe them. I should have been thinking about your words and the memories we made. Your light touch, your kisses and your smile but I didn't and I left without an explanation that you deserved so much. Fuck…Holly…I love you and want you so much. I…I…fuck," Gail finished her explanation with a deep breath that she was afraid to release. The doctor in front of her was gripping the door frame and struggling not to let the tears fall but she didn't say a word. She just stared at the shivering blonde.
After a few more seconds of silence Holly finally shook her head, "you're an idiot," she said as she released her grip from the door frame and turned around to walk back down the hall towards the kitchen while leaving the front door wide open.
Gail wasn't sure what to do…should she go in? Her question was answered when Holly came back down the hall holding a towel. When she got closer to Gail she threw it at her.
"I believe I still have some of your clothes upstairs so you can change out of those wet clothes," she said.
Gail gave her a soft smile that Holly didn't return instead she just went back into the kitchen. Gail walked through the front door and quickly rid herself of her shoes and wet clothes right there in the hallway. She wrapped the towel around herself and slowly walked down the familiar hall.
"The clothes…there…there still in the same spot," Holly admitted when she saw Gail. Gail nodded her head and made her way upstairs. The feeling she got was overwhelming when she entered the warm, bright bedroom that held so many precious memories. Taking a deep breath Gail walked over to the dresser and got out her clothes, which were indeed in the same spot, and got dressed.
"This should warm you up a little quicker," Holly said when Gail entered the kitchen. She slid the hot beverage across the island to where Gail sat herself.
"Thank you," Gail whispered and wrapped her hands around the cup. She could feel the blood starting to warm up in her hands and her body slowly stopped shaking.
She looked over at the brunette leaning against the sink holding her own cup and lost in thought. Holly hadn't changed a bit; she was still breathtaking and Gail shook her head at herself for letting herself walk away from this beautiful creature.
"You expect me to believe that you won't run again?" Holly asked suddenly breaking the silence.
"No…I don't expect you to believe it but I know that I won't and I believe that," Gail said.
Holly glanced up at her, "you've already run twice from me without allowing me a chance to say anything," Holly reminded her. "What makes this time different?"
"This time…this time I know whose words really matter and whose thoughts I really care about," Gail answered.
Holly let out a sigh and dumped her cup out in the sink. "You can take the spare bedroom and tomorrow…I guess we can start from scratch and see what happens," Holly said with a shrug.
"Thank you," Gail said.
"I haven't taken you back or forgiven you. At this point I have a hard time trying to see this into the future," Holly cut in. Gail felt the sting but she wasn't going to give up.
"I'm not giving up…I'll make up for what I did and will convince you that I'm here to stay…for worse or better," Gail told her with conviction.
Holly gave her, her first small smile that showed a little hope, "I hope so Gail.