I love you
The sunset is beautiful. The sea is beautiful. There is no clouds in the sky and no one on the beach. Only you – and him. You listen to his breathing as he sleeps beside you. It's steady and you feel more rock by his slow exhales than by the waves. You don't have to turn your head to know he is beautiful. Even more beautiful than the sun and the sea and the sky. He is the most precious and beautiful thing you've ever seen. You love to watch him swim, you love to hear him laugh – something he doesn't do so often.
You love how he pretends to sleep while he listens to your breathing as you lay beside him. There's something natural in the way his hand brushes yours and your fingers entertwine. There's something natural in the way his thumb carresses your palm. There's something natural in the way you want more. More than just gentle brushes and more than just comfortable silence.
And so you stand on your elbow and you stare. He is beautiful. His wet hair waves in the wind. His long eyelashes rest on his pale cheeks. His muscled chest rises in a slow rhythm. You know this thin, powerful body by heart. You see it in your dreams. You see it every day.
You watch the drops of water on his chest and you reach. Your fingers ghost over his skin. You traces the ligns of his muscles, not quite touching his flesh. You're afraid he might feel it. So you don't, and you retract. You're facing the sea and the sunset. You close your eyes, savouring the feeling of his heat. You know you shouldn't be desiring him like this but you can't help it. You want him.
You feel him shift by your side and you turn to face him.
"Makoto ?"
His questionning eyes are on you. Blue sinks in green. You love those eyes. They remind you of water. They remind you of the first time you got lost in them. Sakura flowers were falling around you. He was facing the pool, back at you. You called his name and he slowly turned around. Blue met green. You sunk. Now he is looking at you with the same expression on his face. And you're sinking.
"What is it, Haru ?"
The way his name rolls on your tongue feels so natural. His eyes soften and his hand reaches for your shoulder. Your heart races up. He gets up.
"You want to go back ?"
He's asking you but he's already in the sea. You're jealous of the water. It can embrace his body and carress it without fear of being rejected. He loves water. You know he likes the feeling of water on his skin and the sun warming up his wet body afterwards. You wish you were the sea. You wish you were able to hold him in this embrace, to be the only thing he thinks about.
You know you can't compete with the feeling of being surrounded by water, even with all the time spent by his side. He looks so at home, as if he was one with it. But still, you get up and join him in the water and you're fighting it. You fight the sea. You're afraid of the ocean and he knows it. Ever since that day so many years ago, you've been afraid of the water. This translucid liquid can take lives. It took the lives of so many before and has the power to take so much more. It can take yours. It can take his.
But he makes it look so natural. You're entranced by his swimming. He doesn't fight the water. He doesn't resist it. He doesn't have to. It's like the ocean accepts him. And it is taking him away. It's always on his mind when you aren't. It's always in his sight when you aren't. It's always on his lips when you aren't. It's touching every bit of his skin, surrounding him and stealing him away. And you can't accept that.
You want him. You grab his arm and drag him to the shore. How many times have you done that? Dragging him home long after the sun has set. He doesn't ask questions but his eyes say it all. How many times have you read them like that? Back when you weren't afraid of what you might see. He's surprised but he's also curious. How many times have you laugh at that face? Everytime you woke him up in the morning.
He's curious of what you'll do. Even if he had ask, you would have been unable to answer him. You don't know what you're going to do. You don't know what you're doing. His skin against your palm is wet and warm. You can feel his pulse, even and steady. You feel your heart race. You can hear his breathing, calm and steady. You feel yours catch in your throat. You can see his gaze, open and steady. You feel your eyes waver.
He's beautiful. He shines brightly in the sunset light. You look right into his eyes and what you see makes your heart flutter. You've never seen him like this. So open and true. His thoughts are written all over his face. You open your mouth to speak and the words flow out naturally.
His expression softens and he smiles. You decide nothing is more beautiful than his smile. It's something so sweet and so honest, intensified by its rarety and it lightens his face to the point of blindness. It's beautiful.
His hand cups your face and he steps closer to you. You feel his breath ghosting over your skin. He chuckles lightly at your mesmerized expression and his eyes sparkle. His lips touch yours. His eyes flutter shut and you're lost in his kiss.
He whispers in the cold night air.
"I love you too."