Disclaimer: Don't own them, never will... *sniff*
AN: A little Christmas crazyness... it's kinda dumb; don't kill me if it sucks ;-). Sorry about the format, but somehow my computer refused to make a html file out of it... stupid thing.
________
Santa
by T'eyla
------------
It was the morning of the 4th December 2152, and Malcolm Reed was on his way to the Armoury. He'd just had a vitalizing breakfast - including a large cup of black coffee - and thus was in quite a good mood. Checking something on the padd he had with him, he walked up to the Armoury doors and hit the panel. The doors swished open. Looking up and taking in the familiar sight, a slight smile appeared on his face and he entered.
"HOHOHOMERRYCHRISTMAS!!!"
He spun around, his hand reaching for the phaser that wasn't clipped to his belt, and looked around, searching for the person that had uttered this unholy yell. First, he couldn't make out anything, then his eyes fell on an extraordinaryly ugly plastic object hanging on the wall next to the Armoury doors. He bent forward, examining it. It was about as big as a middle-sized plate and was obviously supposed to look like the head of Santa Claus, although it reminded Malcolm more than anything else of the lawn dwarfs his Mum had once set up in the front yard when he'd been a kid. He remembered that everytime he'd looked at them he'd felt a mixture of disgust, amusement and sadness. They had had the same stupid, far-out look on their faces like this plastic Santa. He took a step backwards.
"HOHOHOMERRYCHRISTMAS!!!" screamed Santa. Malcolm jumped.
"Shut up!" he hissed, and only a moment later realized that he was talking to a piece of plastic Christmas decoration. Looking around he assured himself that there was no one around who could have heard him. Then he looked back at Plastic Santa. He wondered who had put him there. It must have been someone from gamma shift, since Santa hadn't been there on the wall when he'd stopped by the Armoury yesterday evening.
Probably Ensign McKenzey, he thought. McKenzey was a nice enough person, but sometimes Malcolm wondered - secretly, of course - if the man had ever heard of the word taste. He wouldn't put it past McKenzey to have hung Santa there next to the Armoury doors.
Again he tried to get out of Plastic Santa's motion sensor range, but stopped immediately when Santa went off again.
"HOHOHOMERRY -" Malcolm stepped forward, and Santa gave a strange noise before starting again.
"Creaak - HOHOHOMERRYCHRISTMAS!!!"
Thoughtful, Malcolm looked at Plastic Santa. Then he stepped back again.
"HOHOH -" He stepped forward.
"CroooinkHOHOHOMER -" He moved backwards.
"CraaackHOHO -"
"CroichHOH -"
"CrkHO -"
"CrakHOHO -"
"CraikH -"
Malcolm stopped and stood still. Santa however continued.
"HOHOHOMERRYMERRYMERRYMERRYMERRY - Crraaaack!
There was silence. After a few seconds Malcolm took a hesitant step forward, looking hopefully at Santa. But Santa remained silent.
Uh-oh, Malcolm thought. He reached out and took Plastic Santa from his hook on the wall, turning him around. The back side was even, of a grey colour, interrupted only by a small depression that held a small switch. Malcolm pressed it and turned Santa around, hoping for some sound from him, but there was nothing. Santa remained silent. Malcolm turned him around again, examining the back side. He couldn't see anything, but when he gave Santa a good shake he heard something rattle inside.
Not good, he thought. He threw a glance around the Armoury and congratulated himself to the fact that he always was the first one of alpha shift to show up for work. Turning around, he hung Silenced Santa back onto his hook and went over to his work station, starting on that day's work.
_________________________________________________________
Yes, I know that in a 150 years they won't have these talking Santa-heads anymore, but this idea was just too hilarious to not to turn it into a story (says I, other people might think different :-) ). But this really works! I once wrecked one of these things by walking back and forth in front of it and making it say MerryMerryMerry all over... Yes, I'm perfectly normal, don't look at me like that!
Merry Christmas!
AN: A little Christmas crazyness... it's kinda dumb; don't kill me if it sucks ;-). Sorry about the format, but somehow my computer refused to make a html file out of it... stupid thing.
________
Santa
by T'eyla
------------
It was the morning of the 4th December 2152, and Malcolm Reed was on his way to the Armoury. He'd just had a vitalizing breakfast - including a large cup of black coffee - and thus was in quite a good mood. Checking something on the padd he had with him, he walked up to the Armoury doors and hit the panel. The doors swished open. Looking up and taking in the familiar sight, a slight smile appeared on his face and he entered.
"HOHOHOMERRYCHRISTMAS!!!"
He spun around, his hand reaching for the phaser that wasn't clipped to his belt, and looked around, searching for the person that had uttered this unholy yell. First, he couldn't make out anything, then his eyes fell on an extraordinaryly ugly plastic object hanging on the wall next to the Armoury doors. He bent forward, examining it. It was about as big as a middle-sized plate and was obviously supposed to look like the head of Santa Claus, although it reminded Malcolm more than anything else of the lawn dwarfs his Mum had once set up in the front yard when he'd been a kid. He remembered that everytime he'd looked at them he'd felt a mixture of disgust, amusement and sadness. They had had the same stupid, far-out look on their faces like this plastic Santa. He took a step backwards.
"HOHOHOMERRYCHRISTMAS!!!" screamed Santa. Malcolm jumped.
"Shut up!" he hissed, and only a moment later realized that he was talking to a piece of plastic Christmas decoration. Looking around he assured himself that there was no one around who could have heard him. Then he looked back at Plastic Santa. He wondered who had put him there. It must have been someone from gamma shift, since Santa hadn't been there on the wall when he'd stopped by the Armoury yesterday evening.
Probably Ensign McKenzey, he thought. McKenzey was a nice enough person, but sometimes Malcolm wondered - secretly, of course - if the man had ever heard of the word taste. He wouldn't put it past McKenzey to have hung Santa there next to the Armoury doors.
Again he tried to get out of Plastic Santa's motion sensor range, but stopped immediately when Santa went off again.
"HOHOHOMERRY -" Malcolm stepped forward, and Santa gave a strange noise before starting again.
"Creaak - HOHOHOMERRYCHRISTMAS!!!"
Thoughtful, Malcolm looked at Plastic Santa. Then he stepped back again.
"HOHOH -" He stepped forward.
"CroooinkHOHOHOMER -" He moved backwards.
"CraaackHOHO -"
"CroichHOH -"
"CrkHO -"
"CrakHOHO -"
"CraikH -"
Malcolm stopped and stood still. Santa however continued.
"HOHOHOMERRYMERRYMERRYMERRYMERRY - Crraaaack!
There was silence. After a few seconds Malcolm took a hesitant step forward, looking hopefully at Santa. But Santa remained silent.
Uh-oh, Malcolm thought. He reached out and took Plastic Santa from his hook on the wall, turning him around. The back side was even, of a grey colour, interrupted only by a small depression that held a small switch. Malcolm pressed it and turned Santa around, hoping for some sound from him, but there was nothing. Santa remained silent. Malcolm turned him around again, examining the back side. He couldn't see anything, but when he gave Santa a good shake he heard something rattle inside.
Not good, he thought. He threw a glance around the Armoury and congratulated himself to the fact that he always was the first one of alpha shift to show up for work. Turning around, he hung Silenced Santa back onto his hook and went over to his work station, starting on that day's work.
_________________________________________________________
Yes, I know that in a 150 years they won't have these talking Santa-heads anymore, but this idea was just too hilarious to not to turn it into a story (says I, other people might think different :-) ). But this really works! I once wrecked one of these things by walking back and forth in front of it and making it say MerryMerryMerry all over... Yes, I'm perfectly normal, don't look at me like that!
Merry Christmas!