Edit: April 30 2008: For those just tuning in, I started writing this WAY before we learned of Booth's difficult past or any of Brennan's stories, so bear in mind that this is not completely in sync with the show. And so, on with the story …
The Shoe
Chapter1
Disclaimer: If I owned Bones, then Booth and Brennan would be together already. Clearly they're not, so clearly I don't own it. Also, there is a small part of the text below that was taken from the episode TheBoy in the Shroud; I didn't write that either!
Sighing, she looked up from the notes that she had spread across her desk. She sat up and stretched her back, feeling the vertebrae crack uncomfortably. Next, she flexed her fingers that were pained from the mountain of paperwork she was currently working through. Though she had only made it through a third of it, she knew that she should call it a night.
Not that Dr. Temperance Brennan ever just 'called it a night', but this last case had frayed her nerves to the point where she knew she had to go home before Booth came and physically removed her from the lab. Booth. She sighed, rubbing her temples, a scowl playing across her face, as if it was his fault that she was having such a hard time concentrating.
Even though she hated leaving work undone like this, she clicked off her desk lamp and walked out of her office. She walked slowly through the darkened hallways of the Jeffersonian Medico-Legal lab, realizing that she was, again, the last person to be leaving for the day. Angela would not be pleased when she found out. Promising herself to try and not let it slip to her best friend, she pushed through the front doors.
"Leaving early are we?" a deep voice questioned her from behind.
Although she was exhausted, Brennan recognized the voice, but jumped nonetheless at the surprise of hearing it. She quickly overcame her surprise however, and she ground her teeth together in annoyance before turning- rather menacingly- on her partner, Special Agent Seely Booth, who was leaning against one of the Jeffersonian's vast flower beds. He looked like he had been dozing off but he was awake now, staring straight at her with his patented charm smile, which faltered as he took one look at her expression.
"I thought I told you to leave my lab!" She exclaimed.
"Oh don't worry Bones, you did!" he smiled.
Earlier that afternoon they had sat down to begin the paper work on their last case, but Brennan's temperament had had no patience for Booth's 'witty' banter. Unceremoniously she had banished him from her lab with threats of another 'flesh' wound, similar to the one she had given to him at Halloween, but that she would aim much more carefully this time. Not wanting to risk it, Booth had left, but had returned to his flowerbed post around nine to wait for his partner.
"Then please explain why you are here" she demanded.
"Because Bones, if you're not going to let me help with the paperwork, the least I can do is to make sure you're fed."
"Booth, I'm not going to let you feed me. I can feed myself!"
"I know Bones, but I also know that this last case has been hard on you, and that you haven't eaten since breakfast. So please, please let me get you dinner, and then I'll leave you alone so you can hang with your bones!"
At this, she couldn't hold back a smile- no matter how irritating that man could be she knew he only ever wanted to look after her- so she nodded her head and allowed herself to be steered towards Booth's car.
"Booth?" she said.
"Hmmm?"
"I really don't feel up to sitting in a restaurant this late- plus nowhere decent is even open now!" she sad, nodding her head in the direction of the car's dash, whose clock read 12:25.
Booth just smiled and said,
"Patience, Bones, patience."
Groaning, Brennan decided to ignore her infuriating partner and zone out in the passenger seat. She spent the next twenty minutes trying to forget the images of the mutilated corpses that were there every time she closed her eyes. She grimaced with annoyance as she felt a tear slip down her face, burning a hot trail down her cheek before she brushed it away, hiding her sadness from Booth. Stupid, stupid tears. She couldn't believe that one case had gotten her so worked up. She usually was very good at compartmentalizing and separating her life from her work. This case had changed everything.
Two weeks ago today, Booth had brought her a body, what else was new? It was the body of a young girl who had been raped and shot. Two days later another one came, five days later another. It looked like they had another Epps on their hands, except it was worse, much worse, at least for her it was. It seemed that the killer, instead of going for blondes as was Epps 'preference', he went for foster children.
It was an open-and-close case. They found the murderer after linking some particulates on the bodies to the man's job at a pharmaceutical research company. They caught up with him after three kills, and moments before he made his fourth. Luckily, for Booth, they had caught him alive, sparing Booth the necessity of killing someone new. Brennan wished she had shot him. She wished she had never gone into that interrogation room that gloomy Friday afternoon.
Booth paced the interrogation room, behind the table at which Brennan sat in stony silence.
"Laments, we know it was you, so you might as well tell us everything."
"I told you. I'm not saying nothin' without a lawyer! Besides, you can't prove a thing."
"That is where you're wrong Mr. Laments. The lovely doctor here has mountains of forensic evidence linking you to all three murders! You're going to be lucky if you don't get the lethal injection!"
The man just laughed. He was aged thirty, white with a pasty complexion. He appeared to be normal from every standpoint; wife, blue-collared job, good education. Except for the fact that, oh yeah, and he was a murdering sociopath.
"Fine, don't talk" Booth growled, "but listen. I'm going to tell you what happened. You married Jane Fynch, couldn't have children and decided to take in a child from the foster system. Problem was you didn't get a baby; you got a 14 year old girl; Emily Lan. Now when she got a bit older, you took too much of a liking to her, and decided to rape her. She got upset, threatened to tell so you bound and shot her. By then, you couldn't stop, so you found more foster girls like Emily; you then raped and killed Lauren Paiz and Nicole Herrington. Sound familiar Mr. Laments?"
He just stared at Booth with contempt.
Up to that point, Brennan had maintained a brooding silence. Trying to silence the screams that itched in her throat. She wanted to get up and strangle that man for what he had done. Finally, Brennan could no longer take it and asked the question that had pained her from the beginning of the investigation.
"Why them? Why those foster children?" She almost whispered.
"Because," he leered, talking slowly and enunciating each syllable, "no one will miss them."
Those six words had sliced through her heart, and Brennan stood up and left the room, striding gracefully to the door.
"You BASTARD," growled Booth, punching Laments square in the jaw. Blood spurted all over the carpet, but even this violence could not staunch his leer.
Booth ran from the room to catch up with his partner.
"Bones," he said softly, grabbing her hand.
She turned towards him, her face a jumble of darkness and pain.
"Yes?" her voice sounded distorted and husky from emotion.
"Wait, please."
"No Booth, please, let me go. This is too much. I need to be by myself for a bit."
"Let me come with you. I can leave Laments with another officer."
"No"
"Why? I can be there for you!"
"Booth please, I might be able to explain better later. Now I can't, I just –just need to think, I just need some space."
Against his better judgment, Booth relinquished her arm and watched her walk to the end of the hallway and out of sight.
Those six words still haunted her. She couldn't get the sight of those corpses or the sound of Laments voice out of her head. She kept repeating the names of the dead girls in her head like a mantra. Emily Lan, Lauren Paiz and Nicole Herrington. Emily Lan, Lauren Paiz and Nicole Herrington. Emily Lan, Lauren Paiz and Nicole Herrington. It was as if she were trying to prove Laments wrong. They would be missed. She missed them, she would remember them. So would their foster families. She had visited each of the families, been to all of the funerals; each girl had been loved, each girl had been grieved over, and most importantly, each girl had been missed. She tried to take comfort from this, but Lament's words would not leave her in peace.
Noticing the car had stopped, Brennan looked up, coming out of her reverie, her eyes glassy from all the emotions that plagued her heart. She looked around, confused.
"But Booth… this is my place."
"Good observations Bones" his smile seemed to lighten even her dark mood.
"Ok, I give up. I won't even bother asking, there's no point."
"I'm glad you know me so well Bones."
"All right, all right, but if you've done anything to my place, I swear I will revoke the privilege of having a key to my place, which, may I remind you, I gave you for emergencies only."
"Well you see Bones; there are many different interpretations of the word emergency."
"You really are impossible" she said, smiling now.
"Come on Bones" he said hopping out of his side of the car.
She laughed at his chivalrous nature, as he ran around the front of the car to her door. He opened it for her, and held his hand out to her.
"I'm not an invalid Booth" she said laughing, taking his hand anyways.
He helped her down from the SUV, and as she let her hand drop from his he had the distinct impression that she did so quite reluctantly.
"You know Booth; I would be quite offended by that if I weren't so exhausted."
"I know," he said, with a mock serious expression, "which is why that will be the last time. Trust me Bones, I'm a smart guy; I won't risk my life unnecessarily."
"Yes, quite" she mused, smiling at him all the way to the front door, which she unlocked and let them into the front lobby.
He followed her past the elevator, to the door that read 'stairs'.
"Uh, Bones?"
"Yes Booth?"
"We passed the elevator."
"I am quite aware of that Booth."
"Aren't you exhausted? I know I am and I don't think that I could make it up fifteen flights!"
"This world is filled with people like you who waste thousands of kilowatts a year simply because they are too tired to worry about energy conservation!"
"Bones, can't you ever just let go?" he groaned, thinking of the prospect of the long climb that awaited them.
"Of what?" she asked, clearly confused.
"Bones, come with me." He repeated holding out his hand.
Again, she didn't think twice at the physical contact as he grabbed her hand and dragged her back to the elevator.
"Booth…" she said warningly.
"Just go with me on this okay?"
"Fine…" she grumbled, too tired to argue and forgetting to drop his hand, it was too comforting to give up just yet.
They waited a few minutes in silence for the elevator, when it came, the doors opened and an elderly woman exited, smiling at Brennan as she left. The presence of another person jolted Brennan to her senses and she immediately dropped Booth's hand, no matter how much she wished she didn't have to; the comfort of another human being felt so nice after the harsh coolness of her lab, that had become her own personal hell these past few days. Although it should have been uncomfortable, it wasn't. Their relationship was like that; they supported each other both emotionally and physically.
Once in the elevator, Booth turned to Brennan, smiling.
"See that Bones?"
"See what Booth?"
"You're being a normal person, not caring that you're wasting a tiny bit of electricity by using the elevator when you are clearly exhausted."
She laughed, nodding.
"Yes Booth, I'm being normal."
She laughed again, her deep throaty laugh, before they both lapsed into silence.
Without his warm hand around hers or his so called witty jokes, Brennan had nothing to tie her to the present, and her thoughts drifted back, once again, to the terrible events of the previous weeks. She could feel Booth watching her easy-to-read face, but she couldn't seem to stem the flow of her thoughts and emotions.
Booth was about to say something, she could tell by the way his face screwed up for a second before his lips twitched, but he was interrupted by the bell that announced the arrival of the elevator to Brennan's floor. He gently placed his hand on her lower back and followed her out of the elevator to her door. She stopped and rummaged through her bag for a second before retrieving her massive key ring. After selecting the correct key, she opened the door.
Inside the table in her dining room was set for two and there was music softly playing from her cd player. It was nothing special, not by a long shot, but the tenderness and affection put into the display was clear to Brennan.
"Booth," she said, turning to face him, "thank you. Really, I mean it. Thank you."
"Come on, Bones, don't thank me until you've eaten." He said, sounding, for the first time that evening, a little nervous.
"You cooked for me?" she asked, sounding surprised, and impressed.
"Don't get too excited just yet. It's nothing fancy."
"Don't worry, I'll like it" she said smiling at him.
"Well that remains to be seen. Now you go get changed into something comfortable, and I'll lay the food out."
"Uh… okay, are you sure you don't need any help?"
Booth just rolled her eyes and motioned for her to go.
"Alright Booth…" she said, looking at him over her shoulder as she retreated into her room.
She appreciated what he was doing for her; he knew this case had been hard on her, and having him around outside of work made her feel ten times better already. She looked around her closet, extracting a pair of warn grey sweat pants and a plain black tee-shirt. She deftly removed her heavy necklace, earrings, button-up shirt and work pants, replacing them with the soft cotton.
She padded back to the front room where Booth was serving out two healthy servings of Spaghetti. She stood by the doorway for a moment, watching his concentrated movements, and couldn't help but chuckling to herself at his adorable attempts at serving out the long strands of pasta; a majority of the food was landing on the table rather then the plates.
At the sound of her laugh, Booth looked up from the serving bowl, and looked back at himself, muttering under his breath, presumably aiming insults at the food.
"Here," said, intervening by stepping in between him and the table, "let me help with that.
Booth stepped back and watched as she smoothly doled out two healthy servings of the food.
"It's a wonder you can feed yourself Booth" she smiled.
"You know, I manage, it's either me eating over the sink, or Parker and I eating together; I can assure you that he doesn't mind the mess!"
"Don't worry Booth, and besides this smells fantastic!"
The two quickly dug into the food, both of them forgetting conversation as they inhaled the food.
Brennan's two helpings and Booth's three helpings later the two sat on the couch with a glass of wine each, laughing at a story that Booth was telling Brennan about his high school years.
"Oh, Booth, it's a wonder you survived adolescence, let alone adulthood."
"It's true; I can't believe half the things that my brother and I got away with as teenagers."
"You two must have been veritable monsters!"
"Come on Bones, like you didn't do anything bad!"
This sobered Brennan up immediately. She normally wasn't so sensitive about her past, but the recent events threw her pained past into sharp relief, especially in contrast with Booth's stories of a carefree adolescence.
"Well," she started, "you know, my teenaged years weren't all that great…"
"God, I'm sorry Bones, you know I never meant-" he truly looked sorry that he had brought up that taboo subject.
"It's fine Booth. Really it's fine, it was an accident."
He knew she was being sincere, but he still felt awful. Booth knew that Brennan rarely opened up to anyone about anything, especially her past. What little he knew about her life was gleaned from a combination of things; the F.B.I's file on her parents, discrete conversations with Angela, and the few things Brennan had disclosed over the years. He knew that one day she would have to open up to somebody, and he could only hope that he would be the one to be there for her when she was ready. He also, however, realized that she couldn't be prodded or pushed into talking; he would just have to wait until she decided she was ready.
He put his arm around her and pulled her into a hug.
"I am really sorry about how this case went, Temperance."
He could feel her tears seeping into his chest, and he could feel her shoulders shake. After several minutes, the tears seemed to slow, and she lifted her head from his shoulder.
"I am too, Booth."
She turned away from the comfort of his arms and sat staring straight ahead. They both sat for several minutes like that for several minutes, before Booth broke the silence.
"Bones?"
"Hmm?"
"Are you feeling a bit better? About those girls, and what Laments said I mean."
"You know Booth," she started, turning back to look at him, "I am. I went to their funerals and there were so many, so many people there mourning them. It made me happy to prove Laments wrong. But still, I can't get what he said out of my head, and ever since, I can't help but wonder…"
"Wonder what Bones?" Booth asked gently.
"No…" she whispered… her voice catching.
"Temperance, I am here for you."
She seemed to mull over his words before completing her thought;
"I can't help but wonder….who will miss me?" she asked, tears silently tracking her cheeks once more.
Booth looked at her fiercely before pulling her into a tight hug, that must have crushed her, but Brennan didn't mind, she loved the feeling of being held.
"Bones, you have got to be kidding me! I can't believe that you would even be asking that!"
"Think about it Booth" her voice was muffled by his hug, but her words were still discernable, "who would there be?"
"Temperance, you have your father-"
"A criminal."
"You're brother-"
"On parole"
"The squints-"
"They're co-workers"
"Angela and me. Of course."
"Booth do you realize that the people you've named can fit on two hands?"
"Bones, Temperance, don't you understand? It's not the number of people that will miss you, but the strength with which they will miss you-"
"That is not a quantifiable-"
"Oh Bones don't make this scientific. There are people on this earth who love you with their whole hearts. That is enough to make anyone missed, especially you."
He didn't receive a response, but she lay her head back down on his chest, and he could tell that she was digesting all of what he had said. After twenty minutes, Booth ventured a question.
"Bones, is this what has made you all upset for the past week?"
"Erm…"
"And do you feel better now?" he asked gently.
"Yes," she said, eyes glistening, "not completely, but enough. Thank you."
"See Bones, you need to talk with people! Angela, me, hell even Zach! But if you keep all this inside, then you're going to explode. Talking can make you feel so much better! If you hadn't held this in the whole time you would have felt this much better that much sooner!"
"Why though?"
"Well I have a theory…" his eyes twinkled as he gazed into hers, "if you share with people; rely on them, then they can help you cope, help you understand your feelings."
She nodded. "Can I test your theory? She breathed.
"Of course Bones."
"I think I might be able to explain where I went Friday. Well more importantly, what I was thinking about. I told you I would tell you. Maybe the time is right..."
"You don't have to Bones…"
"I know, but I want to."
"Alright, I'm all ears."
"Hold on a sec, I need to get something."
And with that, she got up from the couch and rummaged through her closet for a few moments. Booth could hear the rustle of fabric as he poured them both another glass of wine, and picked up a blanket from the back of a chair.
When she returned, Brennan was carrying a box, a shoe box. She settled down beside Booth, and he wrapped the blanket around her shoulders.
"Well," she began with a sigh, "you know I was in the foster system correct?"
"Well, whenever I'm confronted with thoughts I can't handle I take this out" she said, motioning to the shoe box. He was confused, but knew better then to interrupt her.
"It never really makes me feel better, but it helps to remind me who I am."
She took a deep breath, and he nodded, indicating that she should continue.
"It's painful, but it's important." She lifted the lid, revealing a worn, black tennis shoe that had a gaping hole near the heel.
Suddenly, the shoe triggered Booth's memory.
He lifted his sleeve, to show the list of names tattooed into his forearm.
"What are those?" Booth demanded.
"People I've killed," Was the boy's sullen reply.
"No, Booth, they're the names of foster families that didn't work out.
………………………………
"Did you have a list?"
"Of foster families that didn't work out? Yes, I kept mine on the bottom of a shoe."
'Of course,' Booth thought, this must be that shoe.
"Booth?" Brennan asked, pulling him from his speculations.
"Yes?"
"This may take a while."
"Don't worry, we have all night." He said, patting her back comfortingly.
She turned over the shoe to reveal a list of names.
McGraw
Verrety
Langley
Blake
"Are you sure you're ready?" Booth questioned.
"As you said," Brennan replied, "it's better out then in, and it's been in for so long. And I trust you, when you said it would help; you wouldn't lead me astray."
Authors Note~
Well I hope you liked the beginning of my little brain child. I got the idea for this fic randomly, and I was just too excited to get it out there! So normally, I don't like writing chapters this long, but I felt it was kind of necessary this time, because I didn't want to split this chapter anywhere…anyways, I would adore a review, just to let me know what you think. I'm going to try and get an update out every week, but hopefully 2-3 times a week, but we'll see how it goes! Also, I know she seems a little ooc, but you know how sometimes she gets all emotional, and she lets him in for a little bit, and she seems really receptive? I'm going for that for a bit, because remember…she's gone through a lot!
Hugs & Kisses,
Hannah