She wept. That was the only thing she could do at the moment, lest she be devoured by the undead hordes stalking through the night. She really had no idea how any of this had happened; she had been out of town for a few days on a school-related trip to Europe, but when she had returned to her hometown in the states, she found that nearly everyone there had been turned into zombie-like creatures.

For three days, she had remained hidden in a dark underground complex, wearing only a top and a pair of very short shorts, with only emergency rations of food and water at the ready for nourishment, and four books to read in case she was bored. However, the impact of it all had slowly started to take its toll on her, and finally, she had began crying, mourning the loss of her family.

"Phew… for a moment, I thought that was the final nail in our coffin." The sound of an elderly male caused her to stop crying. Was there really someone in this town besides her who wasn't a zombie?

"Nah, don't sweat it, Bill. We've definitely had worse shit trying to do us in." a female voice said, and now the girl was completely certain; she was saved. There were survivors besides her! Maybe they could help her get out of the town unscathed?

"Yeah, those vampires didn't stand a chance against my automatic boomstick. Ain't that the truth, Zoey?" another male voice said, this one younger than the elderly voice, but still somewhat gruff in tone. As he heard the man say 'vampires', she blinked. Weren't they supposed to be zombies?

"Francis, for the final time; THEY AIN'T VAMPIRES. They're zombies, for crying out loud!" another male voice said, but this one seemed to be younger, and from what she gathered, this one was black. At least he knew what he was talking about… right?

"Louis, just how do you know that?" the voice belonging to this Francis inquired. "Hell, Zoey herself said that zombies don't run like they're part of a marathon, but these guys do."

"That's true, but these guys are trying to eat us!" Louis countered. "Vampires would only settle for draining your blood, but zombies go for everything!"

"Louis has a point, Francis." Zoey shot in. "Besides, when a zombie bites you once, you will become a zombie no matter what, but if a vampire bites you once, it doesn't make you a vampire on the spot; you need to be drained of blood multiple times for that to happen."

"Oh yeah? I thought vampires just shot some venom into your body with a single bite." Francis said, but this made the girl raise an eyebrow, before she looked at the books before her. He couldn't have…

"Francis, just what kind of bullshit are you spouting now?" Bill suddenly said, and when the girl heard that, she widened her eyes. He didn't just…

"Yeah, that thing only happens in Twilight, nowhere else!" Zoey said, as the girl picked up one of the books; sure enough, that book was Twilight. "Wait… Francis, you actually read that tripe?" she said with a laugh, but the comment made the girl's eye twitch. She did NOT just diss Twilight, did she?

"Nah, I was just suckered into watching the film with my cousin; she's apparently a huge fan." Francis said. "To me, it was pretty damn shitty, but I'm not too much into horror stuff, so I just figured all vampires worked like that."

At this point, Louis began to laugh. "You actually thought Twilight-vampires were actual vampires?" he said in between laughing fits. "Did ya also think that they sparkle in sunlight, too?"

Zoey was also laughing. "And what about werewolves? Did you think that they can transform outside of the full moon's light?" By now, both she and Louis were laughing quite loudly, each second making the girl more and more agitated. If they didn't stop laughing this instant, then in God's name…

"Shut up, both of ya!" Bill suddenly shouted, which made both Zoey and Louis stop laughing, which in turn made the girl calm herself a bit. "We haven't been down here before, so we have no idea if there are any zombies lurking in the shadows. And God help us if there's a Witch down here…"

"Nah, we'd be properly fucked if there was a Tank and a Smoker down here." Francis began. "And in Zoey's case, that'd be literal with the Smoker." he added with a laugh, but the sound of a slap indicated that Zoey didn't find it as funny as Francis did.

"Stop being such a pervert, Francis." she said in a deadpan tone, before after a while, she couldn't help but giggle. "Weird. Somehow, you know more about tentacle rape than you do about vampire lore. If we get out of this town alive, I'll show you the first Dracula film with Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing, so you'll know more about them."

"Because as we all know, the 'vampires' in Twilight are just as much vampires as the zombies out there trying to kill us!" Louis said with another laugh, though as Bill cleared his throat, Louis stopped laughing.

"Look, we can stand around and discuss whatever crap you kids call literature, but I'd feel safer if it could wait until we got out of this cave." Bill said, but as he said that, the girl had just about had enough. She could no longer contain her anger; they had insulted her Bible, her idol and her lifestyle, and they would pay.

Now, she no longer wept. Now, she shrieked, and clutching the book in her hands, she ran out of hiding, ready to pulverize those blind fools for disrespecting Twilight. However…

"Shit, it's a Witch!"

"Where?! Damn, I can barely see anything!"

"Keep calm, ladies! I got this in the bag!" With a cock of an automatic shotgun, and the pull of a trigger, the sound of flesh being blown into tiny bits of blood and gore rang through the corridors. "YES! Bull's-eye!" Francis said with a laugh.

"Really?" Zoey inquired, as she took out her flashlight. Turning it on, the area where Francis had fired a shot became illuminated, allowing the four to see that Francis had nailed the girl directly in the head, which was now wiped away from her body, leaving only a fountain of blood to gush out of the motionless body, lying in a heap on the floor. "Huh… last time I checked, Witches aren't that easy to kill." she said with a raised eyebrow.

"Maybe he just got lucky." Louis said with a shrug. "I'm just glad that she didn't do too much damage; we're almost out of first-aid kits and pills."

"In any case, let's get our asses going." Bill said, as he took out a flashlight of his own, before moving ahead of the group. "The faster we get out of these tunnels, the better." he said, as Louis and Zoey followed him.

Francis, however, had noticed something lying by the corpse, and as he picked it up, he found it to be a book, namely Twilight. "Huh… what do ya know." he said, before looking towards where Bill, Louis and Zoey had gone, all of them out of ear's reach. Then, he suddenly hugged the book with a grin on his face. "Oh, Edward and Bella, you two make the best couple!" he said in a giddier tone, before hiding the book on his person. "Along with vests, I don't really hate that series." he uttered, before following the others, leaving the corpse of the girl alone in the dark halls…

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: I figured that I should get something out for the Halloween season, so why not something for L4D? I've been sitting on the idea for a while, and I figured 'What the hell', really. And yes, some mild OOCness for Francis, but it's all in good fun, is it not? And no, I do not think highly of Twilight, and I think of rabid fans of that series even less than I do the actual Twilight series. However, don't let my opinion of the book affect your opinion on this short tale, but rather, remember to read and review, and I'll see you later for something else!

YolkaEd