A/N: This was written almost a month ago. It's the first in a series of In the Forests of the Night drabbles. I've always been fascinated by how contradictory AAR makes Risika seem. She's very hard to write, but I think she came across well here. These are her musings on vampiric nature in general. Much like in the book, if you squint hard enough, it comes out Risika x Aubrey. I'm fascinated by this pairing, so there might be a few blatant blurbs later on. I'll be accepting challenges.
Drabble One: Of Cats And Dogs
Vampires and animals alike only have one set law. The law of the jungle is absolute; kill or be killed. There is no mercy, no divinity, and no morals, despite us claiming otherwise. Though we may have once adhered to such things as mortals, now we are ruled by more animalistic urges. We are fierce and dangerous, hunters until the last. Our lives, or un-lives, as they could better be called, are still ruled by emotion and time, but to a lesser degree. They do not govern us, though they remain. Instinct, rival, territory, predator, prey. They are the only things we truly understand anymore. I find that that is what makes us so dangerous, after all. An animal's lust for the kill with a human's calculating mind. Yet I often wonder if we'd be better off letting our animal instincts rule, and letting go of all else.
Even after all these years, I find more peace in my other forms then I ever do in my human form. When I am a hawk, or a tiger, I do not remember. I am not Rachel, nor am I Risika. I am no longer a vampire; yet I am everything a vampire is meant to be. I am a true predator, free to be as I truly am because I am free of myself. There are no lingering feelings of guilt for the lives I have taken, no pangs of grief for Alexander and Tora, nor is my hatred for Aubrey as fierce. But it is still there; always there, provoking me.
Though I have had my revenge and taken his blood, I still hate him. I suppose I always will. I no longer fear him; I often wonder why I ever did. Perhaps I have always feared becoming more like him then I already was, or perhaps it was animal instinct. After all, I am a tiger, and he is a wolf. Vampires we both may be, but when it comes down to it, we fight like the cat and dog we are. Rivals by instinct, enemies by nature. Maybe vampires are animals, after all.