Title: Their Catchphrase
Pairings: Hinted TezukaxFuji
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Humor
Summary: Wonder how it is to be in Fuji Syuusuke's mind? Experience first-hand what Fuji is thinking while he hears his friends' unique catchphrases!So far, we have Atobe, Tezuka, Shiraishi and Oshitari Kenya!
Warning: Crack, nonsense and shameless stupidity ahead! Not beta-ed!
Disclaimer: They are not mine… because if they were, Tezuka and Fuji would be married and going on their honeymoon at some point in the story and Pillar would be rotting in hell.
A/N: THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT FOR A BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF THE STORY.
(1) You must know that, along with Cocaine and Marijuana, Ecstasy is a drug.
(2) A Speedo, in English, is those ultra-tight swimming trunks guys wear to swim. It shows off their… hum… male parts a lot. You can image google search it if you want. (Beware of disturbing images.)
(3) To be straight it to not be homosexual, in other words, not attracted to the same gender.
(4) A bikini is a two-piece swimming suit for GIRLS. If you do not know that you might seriously want to go educate yourself… XD
Now, let's start the crack!
~Their Catchphrase~
You have always wondered what it was like to be Fuji Syuusuke, even though you have denied it when your friends asked you about it. You never understood why he was chuckling so over-sweetly in the background and you wanted to know why he was always smiling while watching his teammates. You wished to be able to somehow enter his mind for an hour, just to figure out what was behind such intelligence and mystery. To unlock all those mysteries, to reveal what was behind that joyous facade became your ultimate goal. You therefore started analyzing him, studying him, so much it became an obsession at some point and you wondered if you haven't by accident caught the Inui syndrome... You denied it, of course, but you could never really lie to yourself about it. You wished for being able to understand him completely, and that will in itself was so strong that one day, you suddenly found the answer to all your questions. But of course, this, is how it is like to be Fuji Syuusuke!
This, is why he silently chuckles to himself whenever his teammates repeat their catchphrases.
~oO~Oo~oO~Oo~
First off, you decided to star with Atobe Keigo, because his Mighty Self was too important to be bashed.
It was somewhere during your third year of middle school, in the middle of a tournament, that you found out about all the subliminal messaging Atobe was freely distributing. His Mighty Self was standing in the middle of the court, throwing off a show like he always did before he started playing. You think, mockingly, that he probably needs all the reassurance after all. You tried not to laugh out loud for fear of disrupting him. Instead, you decided that widening your smile a little would not hurt. You watch carefully as he lifted his left hand in the air, pointing at the sky.
"Atobe, Atobe, Atobe!" the members of the team chanted. You heard girls squeal in delight and guys screaming at their loudest. Your smile widened as you saw him walk towards the center of the courts, his chin lifted up so high in dignity you though there was no one else who could love Atobe more than himself. He then descended his arm at a 90 degree angle, pointing directly towards the mass screaming students at his left. The chanting automatically changed, as you expected. You tried not to smile too broadly.
"The winner will be Hyotei! The winner will be Hyotei!"
You tried not to smile too brightly in mock as Atobe closed his eyes in delight. He pointed with his racket at the right side of the courts, with one swift swing of the arm, and the chant morphed again. You watched as the oponent glared at Atobe defiantly, obviously displeased with this whole rehearsed display.
"The winner will be Atobe! The winner will be Atobe!"
Extanding both arms, Atobe pointed at the two sides adjacent sides of the court, automatically making every single participant chant with delight.
"The winner will be Hyotei! The winner will be Atobe! The winner will be Hyotei! The winner will be Atobe!"
You held your hands together lightly behind your back, watching cheerfully with that ever-present smile on your face for what will happen next. Hyotei's oposing team was squirming in fear for what will happen next as the cheer continued. Even your own team, who was watching the face off from afar, was slightly tense with all the shouting. You glanced at your team captain and was surprised to see him watch the unfolding events with a sharp eye and a cold facade, despite the tensed shoulders. You chuckle out loud this time, pleased to see that even your buchou was being swept away with all the palpable tension (even though you knew you were the only one who realized this). Your sadistic side surfaced for a moment, your smile contorting into an evil grin, and your captain raised an eyebrow noticing your obvious pleasure. You shrug it off and continue watching Atobe treat himself as the King of the world.
"The winner will be Hyotei! The winner will be..."
Atobe lifted his hand up to the sky and snapped his fingers. Immediately, the whole courts fell silent. Tension builted up as Atobe slowly opened his eyes and opened his mouth to speak.
"Ore-sama!"
The croud exploded into a loud mob of cheers, squeals, laughs and screams. Atobe then silenced them with another click of his fingers. You grinned in delight, knowing what was to come. Atobe posed.
"Ore-sama no bikini (ni) yoi na!!" he said, unzipping his jersey in one swift motion and sending it fly in the air. His opponent blanched completely on courts.
You tried to stifle your chuckles at what he was wearing underneath.
~oO~Oo~oO~Oo~
Second would be Oshitari Kenya's turn, you decided. Because even though he is Oishitari Yuushi's cousin, they did not look very much alike.
You were, again, in the middle of a tournament. This time though, it was somewhere after you graduated from High school, after some of the tennis stars in your youthful days turned pro. You decided to pursue photography instead of tennis though, partly because you enjoyed it so much (and you exceeded at it as well, but that's not very surprising for a prodigy), and partly because your lover pursued pro tennis and you could use your job as an excuse to follow him everywhere. Today, you ended up watching the preliminaries of the US open. You went there majorly because you wanted to encourage your other half, knowing that he will probably win the trophy for the second time this year if no valuable opponent shows up, because you knew that despite all his denials, he was delighted of your supporting presence. Besides, it wasn't like you wasted your time because you had the chance to meet and observe Oshitari Kenya as a participant there. In fact, the speed master was currently facing off with an American, with a very tied score.
The opponent sent a heavy ball flying towards the edge of the tennis court. You observed Oshitari's grin widen as he picked up his speed to catch that ball.
"No speedo, no life!!" he said, in a very Japanese-accented English and sent the small yellow ball back to the other side.
The American froze, shocked and insulted as the fuzzy ball rushed past him. The umpire called a point for Oshitari but his opponent seemed oblivious to it all. When finally he could no longer contain his anger, the American player smashed his racket on the ground and yelled on top of his lungs.
"MY SPEEDO IS IN MY BAG YOU ASSHOLE!"
Oshitari raised an eyebrow, not understanding a word he is shouting.
You tried not to fall off your chair simply because that would be too out of character.
~oO~Oo~oO~Oo~
Next, you decided, was Shiraishi's turn, just because he had the right to come in third.
You watched as the poor captain sat alone with a very robust police man in the dark interrogation room, with a small lamp as the only source of light. Shiraishi sighed for the XXth time that day, and rested his chin in his bandaged hand. He disdainfully looked up at the displeased cop and sighed again. "What was your question again, may I ask?" he questioned. The cop glared at him.
"Are you, in any way, related to this drug dealer?" he shoved him a sinister picture of the man in question in front of his face. Your smile widened.
"I told you I don't have anything to do with him!" Shiraishi said, exasperated. "I don't know how I got involved in this, but I really need to go back to tennis practice. The tournament is soon, you know?"
The cop stared at him again, trying to detect any signs of lying. But Shiraishi was perfect, his Bible was perfect. Finally, the policeman gave up. "You may go now... I guess..." he told him. You pouted, seeing that the fun was almost over.
However, Shiraishi was completely delighted at being freed from this small confinement room. He stood up gracefully and brought a hand to that loose strand of his hair. "Ahn, ecstasy!" he cheered.
The policeman was then immediately on his guard. "What?!" he asked, disbelieving.
"Ahn, ecstasy," Shiraishi repeated. "It's my catchphrase."
The cop scoffed. "Yeah right," he said sarcastically, "and my catchphrase is 'Ah, cocaine!' "
Shiraishi was dumbfounded. He sighed as his guard forced him to sit down again. He did as told reluctantly. "I swear it's my catchphrase..." he mumbled to himself. "You can ask my friends for confirmation..."
You couldn't help a giggle here. Shiraishi sulking was a sight to behold! You watched as he slumped a little lower in his seat in complete defeat. You wonder sometime if his Bible was that perfect... Then, you switched your attention to the poor cop that was assigned to interrogate him. You took pity in him, really, because apparently this case was going to draw longer than either of them anticipated. And, you thought delightfully, you might gain juicy blackmail plus a good serving of sadistic glee after this whole episode would be over. The cop glared suspiciously at him.
"Yes, and I believe your friends have catchphrases such as 'Behold my marijuana!' and 'No drugs, no life!'" he said sarcastically.
Shiraishi suddenly became furious. He stood up, his fists smashing the table. "It's 'Be awed by my Bikini' and 'No Speedo, no life!'" he fumed. "Get that right at least!"
The cop was stunned to silence.
You couldn't stop laughing.
~oO~Oo~oO~Oo~
Last but not least, you decided, would be your team's captain's turn. After all, you saved the best for the last.
It was one ordinary day after tennis practice. You saw Tezuka talking to the small rookie, Echizen, on courts, when it was deserted. You decided, as went your sadistic nature, to spy on them. There wasn't much of a conversation, really, just some good glaring and glaring and, well, glaring. Tezuka was stabbing the small freshman with his piercing eyes, demanding for answers. You guessed without a doubt that they were still discussing about passing down the title of Seigaku's Pillar of support thing. Echizen flat out refused the last time your captain asked, and since then, there has never been more glaring. You scruntinized further to catch what they were saying, now that they were actually doing something else than stabbing the other mentally.
"Echizen!" Tezuka called, his voice cold and void of emotion, as always. You chuckled at his commanding tone. 'Become Seigaku's Pillar of support!' you thought he would say, but for once, you were wrong. "Become straight!" is what Tezuka said instead.
"Don't wanna!" Echizen screamed in his face and ran away.
This time, you really couldn't stop yourself from chuckling out loud. You used both hands to try to cover the sounds, but you failed miserably. Tezuka noticed your presence immediately and sighed, walking towards you while rubbing his forehead to ease the headache. He gently touched your trembling shoulders, sliding his hand along your neck until he reached your cheek. You were shocked into silence, your previous glee forgotten. With your huge cerulean eyes open and revealed, you stared at him in wonder. His expression softened ever so slightly, his hazel orbs staring into your sky-colored ones.
"What am I going to do about him?" he asked you, exasperatedly.
Your sadistic side chose that time to resurface. You close your eyes and grin evilly. "Maa, you should let him be. After all, you aren't so straight yourslef," you said, and melted in his embrace.
~End~
A/N: The first joke about Atobe's "Ore-sama no bigi ni yoi na" was thought of from a friend of mine. She one day comes up and says "Omg, doesn't it sound exactly the same??" and I decided it would be fun to start a small ficclet about that. I came up with the second and the third with her, while the last was entirely my doing. XD
I am trying to think of more to come, but those four are all I have for now. If you have any ideas, do leave a comment because they might just inspire me! If you find any of the characters' catchphrase funny, do tell me!
I'm sorry this was not beta-ed. It came out of nowhere, and I finished it within an hour. Free writing it is, so I didn't pay much attention to punctuation and stuff. I'm sorry if it offends some people!
I might make a sequel for this if I come up with more. In the mean time, do tell me what you think!