Our Children

Millicent Griffith watched the President leave the Oval Office with determination issuing from his every pore. She smiled sadly. He was such a good man. A good President and a good friend and a good father. And she knew, after so many years, that he wasn't like that by accident; Jed Bartlet tried every day to be better, even when—like now—he didn't really know how.

Charlie appeared at the door to escort her from the Oval. "Dr. Griffith?"

Millie nodded and walked over to him. As she passed by Charlie's desk, she ripped up the envelope containing her letter of resignation and dropped it in the wastebasket. She paused. "Charlie, would it be possible for you to get the First Lady on the phone for me, somewhere private?"

He nodded. "Of course, Dr. Griffith. I'll get her here and you can sit at my desk. I'll join the President in the screening room, and you can take as much time as you need." He sat for a moment and dialed. "Hi Lily, it's Charlie. I have the Surgeon General for the First Lady, if she's available." He turned to Millie as the First Lady's aide put him on hold. "She'll just be a moment. Apparently she's getting ready for bed, but Lily knows she'll take your call."

Millie smirked. "She'd better take my call. Do you know how many times I made omelets for that woman when she was hungover? That's a trade secret for you, Charlie. If Abbey's ever had too much to drink, she'll want a sausage and cheese omelet with a side of bacon and aspirin."

"I'll keep that in mind, ma'am," Charlie replied with a laugh.

Abbey was quickly tying her robe and thanked Lily for the phone. "Hello?"

"Dr. Griffith for you, ma'am."

"Thanks, Charlie." Abbey sat down on the edge of the bed as she waited for Charlie to hand the phone to Millie.

"Hey, Abb."

"What's going on, Mill? You didn't resign, did you? Oh my god, I'll kill him if he made you resign."

Millie interrupted before Abbey got too carried away. "No, I've still got my job, I promise. He wouldn't accept my resignation. Even though Leo was right, it was the right thing to do."

"Dammit, Millie, you were telling the truth! I would have said the same thing if anyone had asked me."

"That isn't why I called you, Abbey."

Abbey stopped ranting. She knew that tone in her friend's voice. That was a very serious tone that they didn't often have to use with one another. "Millie, what's wrong?"

"Do you know what your husband just said to me?"

"What? Because Millie, I swear to god, I'll kill him."

"No. Nothing like that. He asked me if I put Ellie up to it. Which of course, I didn't."

Abbey sighed emphatically. It wasn't like Eleanor to make waves like this. Abbey knew she'd have to have a talk with her daughter.

Millie continued. "And he asked me why she's never liked him. She told him she didn't know how to make him happy. And he was very offended when I told him that kids know when they aren't their father's favorite."

"Oh Millie, you didn't." Abbey felt her heart constrict in her chest.

"It's true, Abbey. I've been there since the day she was born. I'm her godmother, and we're very close. You know that. And Jed knows it too. That's why he asked me. He should know that she's not like her sisters. She's different and he can't expect her to react to things the way Liz and Zoey do."

Abbey ran her free hand through her hair, holding it back from her face as she rested her elbow on her knee. "I really wish you hadn't done that. Fatherhood is a very touchy subject for Jed."

"I can't see why. He's a wonderful father. He makes mistakes sometimes, but who doesn't? Everyone knows he loves all three of your girls more than anything in the world," Millie replied.

"Even so." Abbey didn't really want to explain any further. Jed had been cursed with a father who was, in a word, mean. Perfectly polite to most people, but Abbey had seen how jealous and cruel her father-in-law could be. She knew it was Jed's greatest fear that he'd end up like that. But that wasn't a conversation she needed to have with Millie, especially not over the phone.

Millie filled the awkward silence. "Well, I think everything will be fine. They're all watching a movie. I'm sure he'll make everything right with Ellie."

"Thank you for telling me." She sighed again, trying to come up with a plan. "You and I should have lunch soon. I'll check my schedule and get back to you, alright?"

"Sure. You get back tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah. We fly out from Chicago first thing in the morning. I'm supposed to be back to the White House for a meeting at noon."

"Alright, well have a safe flight and I'll talk to you soon."

"Oh, Millie, could you tell Charlie that I need Jed to call me before he goes to bed? I don't care how late it is. Tell him I insist. He'll get the message."

"Sure. I'll let Charlie know."

The two old friends hung up their respective phones. Millie went to the screening room to give Abbey's message to Charlie and finally went home, secure in her job for the first time in over twenty-four hours.

Abbey had wanted to get to bed early so she'd be well-rested for the next day. But she knew she needed to talk to Jed about Ellie. This couldn't wait until she got back. So she found the briefing book she had planned on reading on the plane home and read it through with as much attention to detail as she could muster at that time of night. It was almost midnight before Jed called her. She picked up the phone on the second ring.

"Hey, Charlie said you needed to talk to me. Is everything alright?"

"You tell me, Jed."

He was quiet for a moment. "I didn't fire her and I didn't accept her resignation."

"I know. She called me as soon as you left the room. She told me what you said to her about Ellie."

"Did she tell you what she said to me?" Jed asked, the ire evident in his tone.

"Yes, she did," Abbey responded calmly.

"And?"

"She's not wrong, Jed." Her voice was quiet and sad. "I don't think Millie should have said that to you, but she was not wrong to say that Ellie knows she's not your favorite. I'm not saying you don't love her just as much as you love Zoey and Liz," she said quickly, cutting of his retort. "But Ellie is different. She's quiet and she's never wanted to make a fuss."

Jed had been able to latch on to Abbey's calm tone to keep him from getting too upset. "I don't understand how she's so different from her sisters. I've never understood it. We loved them all equally. Never gave anyone special treatment."

Abbey smiled softly to herself. "Well, Liz was by herself with us for a while. In London and when I first started school. We made all our mistakes with her. Ellie came along when I was swamped with school and then residency, and you were teaching and writing and starting to get into politics. And by the time we had Zoey, and all the drama that entailed, Eleanor figured out that she could help best by staying quiet and not making a fuss, as you said. She's always wanted to help people, Jed. Just like you and just like me. But we've never really needed to be quiet about it like she has."

He thought about what she said. Jed knew Abbey was right. She usually was when it came to their children. Ellie, especially. "I just don't know what to do with her. I never had trouble connecting with Liz or Zoey. Ellie is all yours."

"I know. But that shouldn't stop you. It never stopped me with Liz."

"Are you kidding? Liz loves you!"

"Of course she loves me. But she never liked me like she liked you. Her whole life, you're the one she went to for everything. Ellie was like that with me. And Zoey…well, Zoey is Zoey."

Jed chuckled. "That's true."

"She knows you love her, Jed. No matter what Millie said, Ellie knows you love her. You are a wonderful father to all three of those girls. And I am so lucky that I had children with the best man in the world."

He could hear the smile in her voice, and it was infectious. "Thanks."

"Well, it's true," Abbey told him with a shrug.

"I'm glad you made me call. It wasn't too late, was it?"

"No, it's fine. I'll sleep on the plane if I need to. We needed to talk."

"Yeah," he agreed. "Listen, you go to bed, and I'll see you when you get back. Maybe we can have lunch?"

"I've got a meeting at twelve, but after that, sure. I'd like that."

"Ellie is staying over, so I'll make sure she waits for you before she leaves."

"No, don't make her stay if she has to get back to school. Have breakfast with her, though."

"You should really be here for stuff like this." He didn't continue his thought. I'm no good at parenting without you.

"You're fine, Jed." Abbey hated seeing these moments of self-doubt that plagued him. When their girls were little, he was so overwhelmed with his love for them that he didn't have any space in his head for doubts. If only they could always have those moments. Abbey watching Jed wander around the room with a baby girl in his arms. His twinkling smile when he watched her sing to them at bedtime. The way she stood in his embrace as they watched their children sleep.

"I'll let you go, honey."

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you, too. Goodnight." Jed hung up the phone and leaned back in the armchair, staring up at the ceiling, thinking.

He got up after a moment and walked down the hall. There was a light coming from Ellie's room. He knocked gently and heard her say, "Come in."

"Hey. Just wanted to make sure you had everything. It's been a while since you stayed here," he said as he cautiously walked in.

Ellie was sitting in bed, reading one of her medical textbooks. "I'm good, Dad. Thanks."

He paused for a beat. "Do you mind if I sit for a minute?"

She nodded and moved her legs out of the way for him to sit. "Did you talk to Mom?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

Ellie shrugged. "She's not here. And whenever something big happens, you always talk to her about it. And especially because it was Aunt Millie. I'm sure she would have yelled at you if you didn't talk to her about it before she got back."

"Yeah, that's true," he replied with a slight chuckle. "She'll be back around lunchtime, but she said you shouldn't wait if you have to get back to school."

"I'll see. I can probably get some work done here."

Jed looked over at her book. "What are you working on?"

"Clinical pathology. We're in the Transition to Wards right now. Starting next month, we work in the hospital, assisting the residents. So Transition is all about preparing us to not be completely useless on the job."

"Oh I remember when your mom did that. You know she practiced procedures on me? I must have lost a whole quart of my blood over the weeks she practiced inserting a central line or drawing blood or whatever the hell else she was doing." He pushed up the sleeve on his left arm. "You see that scar there? She missed the vein one time and pricked me so many times, I've still got the evidence of the torture after twenty-five years."

Ellie tried not to laugh. "Well, I guess it paid off. You don't get to be a thoracic surgeon if you can't draw blood."

"Any time you need to practice anything when you're staying her, I'm happy to be your lab rat."

"Thanks, Dad."

Jed stood up. "Well, I should get some rest. You wanna have breakfast with me?"

She nodded. "Sure."

He smiled as he took her face in his hands and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Goodnight, Ellie."

"Goodnight, Dad. Can you get the light on your way out? I can't do any more work tonight."

Jed waited until she was settled in bed before turning out the light. He paused before closing the door. "Eleanor?" he said into the darkness.

"Yeah?"

"You know, I love you very much."

Ellie swallowed the lump in her throat. "I know, Dad. I love you, too."

Jed didn't know what else to say, so he just nodded silently and closed the door behind him. For a moment, he considered calling Abbey again, but he decided against it. He wanted to keep this moment to just Ellie and himself.