A/N: Let's just say that Sayaka Miki and Rigby the raccoon have quite a few things in common…
I own neither Regular Show nor Puella Magi Madoka Magica.
Please take note that this story includes the following: yandere-ish behaviour, character death, violence, onesided shounen ai (AKA a boy having a onesided love for another boy). If any of these make you uncomfortable, if you're against them for whatever reason, I suggest you turn back now and spare yourself the torture.
If you're okay with all that and you think you wanna read this… happy reading!
Selfishness Part I: Insanity Princess
The rain was relentless. It drenched everything that lay before it, to the point that a flyer on the ground, discarded by someone who decided they had no use for it, became nothing more than torn, soggy little scraps of what was once paper.
The girl's tears wouldn't stop. Wave after wave of saline liquid sped down her cheeks as the sobs escaped her throat. She was sure to get a headache sooner or later.
Sayaka Miki didn't know what the time was. She didn't know where she was. She didn't even know that it was raining as ruthlessly as she was crying. All she knew was that she'd wished for nothing. She became a zombie, cursed with the job to fight witches – or, rather, giant beings that were very capable of killing everyone from puppies to Puella Magi like Sayaka herself – and now that the wish she'd made to become this zombie had no hope of ever coming true, the once-cheerful 14-year-old was now a ball of misery.
It was too late. She'd just seen her confess to him at the restaurant just around the corner, smiling nervously as a flush of pink stained her cheeks. He grinned and pulled her in for a kiss…
Kyousuke. Kyousuke Kamijou, her childhood friend, had just kissed Hitomi Shizuki, one of her best friends.
It should've been me he was kissing, she thought, the sobs and the rain showing no sign of wanting to stop. It should've been me!
Now, you might be thinking that, as painful as puberty was, a teenage girl like Sayaka shouldn't be so hysterical over a topic as delicate as love. Truth is, in a span of about a week, she'd just watched another Puella Magi get killed by a witch, and after finally becoming a Puella Magi herself she'd learnt that her soul was stored in her aptly named Soul Gem – a blue, oval-shaped object that caused her to lose consciousness when she was separated from it. As of now, the gem was turning more of an ebony colour than the cheery blue that matched her hair and costume. From what Kyubey and Mami had told her, the shades of black would vanish if she purified it with the Grief Seeds that she was rewarded with by fighting witches. Neither the cute little creature nor the now-deceased Puella Magi had explained what happened if a Soul Gem were to dim, and at this point Sayaka couldn't care less. She really couldn't find any reason to live anymore.
It took the distraught magical girl a long time to calm down, and when her tears finally ceased she took a proper look at where she was. She had neither a watch nor a mobile phone with her, rendering her unable to tell the time, but judging by the night sky's deep indigo colour she estimated it to be somewhere between nine and ten o'clock. It was a good thing she didn't have to come home until ten-thirty; it was bad enough that she'd had to skip classes on several occasions in order to take down a witch that was roaming the area. It wasn't completely dark thanks to the exterior lights of the shops that outlined the street, but many of these shops were closed.
Sayaka rose to her feet unsteadily, wiping away the tears remaining in her cerulean eyes. Her school uniform was saturated from the ongoing rain that continued to pour down, and her boyish short hair drooped, sticking to her face. Now her eyes were aching from all the tears they shed, and a headache was kicking in.
This was not how a hero of justice should be feeling right now.
I think I'll call it an early night, the Puella Magi decided, and thus she began her trek home.
For whatever reason, she ended up passing the restaurant Kyousuke and Hitomi were eating at, but this time she didn't dare peep into the window; she'd cried hard enough tonight. Maybe tomorrow she could stay home from school and watch her Soul Gem decay just like she herself was…
"Miki-san!?" The exclamation from behind her was followed by a soft gasp. "What happened? Are you alright? Why are you standing out here without an umbrella?"
Sayaka's blood ran cold at the sound of her friend's concerned voice and the shadow of an umbrella being held over her head. It was the very girl who'd stolen Kyousuke away from the weak clutches of her hands…
"Hi…tomi-chan…" she gasped out, glancing away from the emerald-haired girl. She was wearing a simple blue dress, a beige vest and stockings; Kyousuke was in a red dress shirt and a pair of rather impressive-looking white pants.
Hitomi waved to Kyousuke. "It's alright, you just go. I'll take care of Miki-san," she assured him. "She'll be fine."
"Are you sure?" The violinist asked her. "She looks pretty shaken up…"
"It's almost your curfew, Kyousuke," his girlfriend gently insisted. "She'll be back on her feet by tomorrow… I promise."
Kyousuke released a sad sigh. He walked up to Hitomi and, much to Sayaka's horror, gave her a final peck on the cheek before walking off.
All Sayaka wanted at that moment was to escape. They were trying to torture her, she was perfectly certain. The fact that Kyousuke… her Kyousuke… favoured someone else… She glared at the boy's disappearing back in hurt and distaste. At that very moment she was starting to wonder what the hell possessed her to befriend Hitomi in the first place. Truthfully, the polite young girl had transferred to her school in fourth grade, and she'd hit it off with a group of girls for quite awhile until she just started to… break away from them. No one knew how or why; the most logical explanation was that the new girl lost interest in her new friends.
Sayaka did have another best friend – Madoka Kaname, whom she'd met at kindergarten. She was always kind, cheerful and soft-spoken, so naturally, when she found Hitomi sitting alone in the canteen one day, she invited her to sit with them. As the years passed, Hitomi never seemed to outgrow Madoka or Sayaka. Whether this was because of the former's heart of gold, or the latter's tomboyish, playful disposition Sayaka didn't know; in fact this led her to wonder if she'd still be friends with Hitomi if Madoka never even existed. Not right now she wouldn't. The little witch – Sayaka sniggered at the unintentional pun – had ruined everything.
"Miki-san…" Hitomi murmured. "You look terrible. Are you okay? I'll take you to my house, you can freshen up and tell me what's troubling you…"
"How about no?" The bluenette spat.
The other girl's spinach-coloured eyes widened in shock and a tinge of fear. "Why not? Is… is this about Kyousuke-kun?"
Sayaka gritted her teeth. Hitomi was always polite enough to address her acquaintances with their surname and the –san honorific. The fact that Kyousuke was now exempt from this rule made her blood boil. She shot Hitomi a fierce glare. "You'd be ashamed of yourself if you had any idea of what I've been going through," she muttered.
"But Miki-san. I… I did give you a chance to tell him how you feel. You didn't tell him, did you?"
"No, Hitomi-chan, I didn't. But even if I did, he'd reject me for the sake of you."
Hitomi reached out a hand, but Sayaka slapped it away the second it made contact with her shoulder.
"I don't need your pity. If anything, all this happened simply because you exist."
Tears were now forming in the poor human's eyes. "P-please say you don't mean that, Miki-san!" She cried. "I'm sorry… really sorry… I just figured it'd be the best way to deal with the problem!"
"The damage has been done," Sayaka declared. "I'm sorry there's no reset button for you to press."
Kill her.
Sayaka's eyes shot wide open. Now where did that thought come from?
Kill her.
This didn't seem right…
Kill her off and everything will be fine.
Well how do you know, voice in my head?
You were never that close to her anyways. And besides, if she's out of the picture then Kyousuke is all yours.
All mine… Even if I have to force him to love me, he's all mine… This thought made the bluenette smile. This mode of insanity was finally starting to kick in, and now she was going to relish it like nothing else.
The rain had abruptly stopped right then and there. The temperature was starting to decrease, and Sayaka's school uniform wasn't doing a very good job of keeping her warm. Her legs, in particular, were now freezing due to her wearing socks that almost reached up to her knees. Lucky Hitomi; she'd bothered to dress in something that looked nice and kept her warm.
That lucky duck wasn't going to be lucky any longer.
"Hey Hitomi-chan," she spoke up. "Wanna see how messed up you've really made me?"
The other girl did a double take. "I-I really don't think so…" she whispered.
Sayaka ignored her as she snatched the umbrella right out of Hitomi's grasp and threw it straight onto the road. "That is no longer needed," she explained. "Now let's go."
-xXx-
The dark alley, Sayaka had decided, was the best place to give her friend – could she still even consider her as such? – a taste of her own medicine.
"Alright Hitomi-chan," said Sayaka. "Watch this." She began her transformation sequence. In a simple twirl, her school uniform had vanished, now replaced by her Puella Magi outfit. A blue and white dress that was longer on the bottom right side than the bottom left, a white cape, long gloves, long white socks, and short blue boots. Her Soul Gem was now attached to her bellybutton in an almost Pac-Man kind of shape.
Hitomi was having a hard time closing her gaping mouth.
"Y-y-you… you're a m-magical girl?" It turned out she was having a hard time speaking as well. "What kind? A Cardcaptor, or- heavens no, you can't be a Mew Mew because you don't have any cat ears or a tail…"
Sayaka shrugged; she was wondering the same thing on that fateful day she and Madoka rescued Kyubey from the terror that was Homura. "Nah. Just make a contract with a cute little white creature… thing… if you find one, and there you have it." She then smiled poisonously as she summoned her sword from her cape. "In order to become a magical girl," she began to explain, "you need to make one wish that'll come true. That, Hitomi-chan, is absolute bullshit."
"Well… what did you wish for?" The other girl asked, although really, the answer was quite obvious. This poor friend of hers had been ruined; it seemed, simply by fighting to gain Kyousuke's affection. She couldn't tell when exactly she'd made the wish that gave her hell, but if she'd wished for Kyousuke to love her more than a friend… that would explain a lot. Not everything, but a lot.
The Puella Magi's answer, however, surprised her.
"Ever wondered how his arm healed so suddenly?" The girl in blue questioned. Before Hitomi could reply, Sayaka's grin widened. "You're welcome, idiot."
"But... but that's…" Hitomi was at a serious loss. How in the world was wishing for Kyousuke to get better going to change anything? Even she had to admit that he wasn't his friendliest the entire time he was in the hospital, but that just showed how devoted he was to his hobby. Still, fixing his broken arm wasn't going to magically change his feelings. She sighed. "Miki-san…" she tried, as gently as she could muster. "I know how much you care for him and his well-being, but if you really want him to love you, you should've wished for it."
"Yeah, that won't backfire horribly either, won't it?" Sayaka snorted as she raised her sword and pointed it at her friend's chest. "You don't know Kyubey… for all I know he's a monster in disguise…"
"But your wish came true!" Hitomi objected. "You… you wished for him to get better and he got better! I'm sure that if-"
That was when Sayaka finally snapped. She swiftly swung the sword, creating a deep gash in Hitomi's belly and tearing through her vest and dress as easily as she sliced butter with a knife. Tears were now streaming hopelessly down the green-haired girl's face.
"M-Miki san…" she sobbed. "If… if you really want to kill me, th-there's one thing y-y-you should know…"
"Whatever it is, it's not gonna seriously help me in the future, now is it!?" Sayaka hollered.
Hitomi squeezed her eyes shut, struggling to think of something besides the mess of her abdomen. The pain and the presence of blood were making her dizzy, but if she were to die tonight, by her best friend's gloved hands, she had to spit it out. Now. Even if she wouldn't believe it, even if she simply dismissed it for whatever reason, it had to be said, right here, right now.
"I… I…" She swallowed the bile in her throat and tried again. "I don't love Kamijou-san. I… w-was just t-t-tr-trying to h-h-help! I…"
Laughter cut her off. Maniacal laughter. Coming from Sayaka Miki of all people.
"You think I'm nothing but an idiot, do you?" she sneered. "I'm sorry, but I'm not letting you live. I'm sure Madoka-chan would forgive you… hell, she'd forgive you for just about anything. Well, I hate to say this, but I'm not Madoka-chan." Sayaka closed her eyes and raised her now-bloodstained sword once more. Then she struck – Hitomi's left arm, now, was bleeding a good amount of blood that was falling to the cool concrete. The human uttered a loud cry, but a gloved, bloody hand was placed over her mouth, converting her screams to muffled whimpers.
The sword descended again and again, breaking into every bit of fabric and flesh Hitomi had on her. Soon enough the pain became equivalent to being burned alive; the tears and blood raining down her body with greater force.
I'm sorry, Kamijou-san. I'm sorry, Miki-san, Kaname-san… I'm sorry, everyone.
With that thought echoing around her head, her brain shut off for good, never to think again.
Once she was sure she'd done enough damage, Sayaka extracted the sword from Hitomi's forehead. The young girl, once an organised teenager who always looked prim and proper, was now in shambles. The silky lime green hair she always brushed every morning was now a disarray of knots and blood. Her emerald-coloured eyes, once filled with compassion and kindness, were now frozen into a blank stare that looked out of place with the tear stains below them. The special clothes she'd worn for her date with Kyousuke, once clean and well-taken care of, were now torn and bloodied to such a degree that there was no way a tailor could possibly mend them all.
Sayaka looked pretty gritty herself, as her sword was dripping enough blood to fill a bathtub and her Puella Magi outfit was starting to look more red than its colour scheme of blue and white. But above all else, she was satisfied. Killing her best friend was wrong, true, but somehow it just felt… right. Now that Hitomi was gone, Kyousuke was hers for the taking.
"I don't love Kamijou-san."
She briefly began to wonder if that was true. It flew from her mind as quickly as it had come.
As she walked past the restaurant again on the way home, she caught sight of Hitomi's umbrella lying on the road, broken and bent just like its owner.
-xXx-
The next day at school was probably the most morbid school day Sayaka had ever experienced.
When the news reached Madoka, she was just a miserable wreck the entire day, not unlike the time Mami had died. She refused to leave Sayaka's side all day, and this, the bluenette hated to admit, was perfectly justifiable. Madoka was a lot closer to Hitomi than Mami, simply because she knew the former longer. Mami was the polite veteran Puella Magi that had saved Madoka and Sayaka from a witch that same day they met Kyubey. A couple of days later, she fought another witch and didn't survive. The cake the three of them had promised to have afterwards to celebrate their new friendship? It was never eaten. So, compared to the aftermath of Mami's death, Madoka had taken Hitomi's a lot worse.
As much as she hated to admit it, Sayaka felt a tiny bit guilty for breaking the kind little pinkette a little more. But she'd wished for something to become this zombie, and she was going to make the most of that wish, even if it killed her friends… or herself.
Kyousuke wasn't any better off. It was good to see him back at school; on a typical day he'd smile and chat happily with his friends, maybe stop by to say hi to Sayaka if she were lucky. Today, however, he barely spoke and distanced himself from just about everyone. How he was emotionally fit to go to school was a mystery.
This led Sayaka to wonder if he would grieve this badly if she had died. Given their history, it was likely, but then again, the love of his life had just died. Worst case scenario, he wouldn't give a damn and be thankful Hitomi was still alive.
The Puella Magi cursed under her breath. Even when she was dead the name of her ex-friend still sent surges of anger streaking through her.
"S-Sayaka-chan," Madoka began as the two girls were walking home that afternoon, "do you know how Hitomi-chan… how she…?" Her lips trembled as she trailed off.
Sayaka hesitated. Devoted to Kyousuke as she was, Madoka was too kind to break her friendship with. She did know this girl a lot longer than Hitomi, after all. "No…" she murmured. "I don't."
"Do… do you think it'd be possible to… to wish she were… back?" Madoka questioned.
Sayaka stopped in her tracks. Madoka wasn't even a Puella Magi yet… how could she have forgotten? Was it even possible to wish people back from the dead? And even if it were… no. Madoka would be perfectly willing to sacrifice herself for her friends.
"I really don't think-"
Typically, no, that would be impossible, came a high-pitched voice. Kyubey had stuck his head out from the top of Madoka's schoolbag. But with the potential you have as a Puella Magi, Kaname Madoka, you do have the power to wish that your friend were alive in order to become a Puella Magi.
Potential? Power? What was it that gave Madoka the ability to bring people back from the dead, but other Puella Magi couldn't? Was Kyubey plotting something against her? She didn't want to get Hitomi back! She was going to ruin her life all over again!
It is not what you think, Miki Sayaka, Kyubey assured her. It is not me giving her all the power she has.
"Then who is it!?" The bluenette snapped.
I am afraid even I do not know what or who is causing it.
Sayaka felt like crying. Stupid Madoka. Stupid, stupid Madoka…
"I-I don't understand, S-Sayaka-chan," the pinkette whimpered, noting the hopelessness and frustration on her best friend's face. "Why… why are you so sad? If I'm going to be a Puella Magi, I'll use my wish… to bring Hitomi-chan back…"
"And then what are you gonna do? Sit around and cry like you've always been doing?" Sayaka chuckled humourlessly. "I'm sorry Madoka-chan, but I really can't see you as a fighter. You'd die on your first witch hunt. And you know, bringing Hitomi-chan back from the dead isn't gonna be worth it."
"But Kyousuke-kun… He… he's really sad. I want you to be happy, Sayaka-chan… don't you wish the same of Kyousuke-kun?"
"Shut up." Sayaka turned to her friend and pushed her into the hard concrete. "Just… shut… up!" Her azure eyes, oddly enough due to their large, round shape, were blazing with a fury that Madoka had never seen before, definitely not in those eyes.
"If no one even takes the time to try viewing the situation from my point of view, fine! I'll fix the problem all by myself. I don't need anyone's help or pity!"
Madoka's pink eyes were now moist with tears that streamed down her miserable face. "Sayaka-chan…"
"Ugh. I'm done, Madoka-chan. Don't bother helping me; I can snag Kyousuke-kun on my own." Thus, she stormed off to Kyousuke's house, ignoring the tearful calls for her completely.
-xXx-
The first thing she heard upon entering the house of her beloved was the faint sound of a violin.
Mrs. Kamijou had answered the door when she knocked, and she'd gently told Sayaka that while Kyousuke was not in a good way, it would be appreciated to cheer him up, even just a tiny bit. She'd also apologised for Hitomi's death, despite the fact that it was never even her fault. Despite the fact that it was Sayaka who'd killed her… but she didn't need to know that. Sayaka slapped a sad smile on her face as she promised to put her son back in shape.
The caring mother stepped aside as Sayaka casually made her way upstairs to Kyousuke's room. The door was closed, and yet it was quite clear that the violin player was in there. The bluenette hadn't yet managed to decipher just what song he was playing, but in contrast to the cheerful chiptunes she heard on the radio that gave her a warm feeling, the song was filling her with dread and sorrow.
She raised a trembling fist to knock on the door.
No response. The melancholy melody continued. Maybe he was playing too loud and didn't hear her.
She knocked again, this time with more force.
The music was abruptly cut off, and there was silence beyond the door.
Sayaka released a huff of impatience as she finally opened the door and allowed herself in.
The young boy didn't look up, still staring down at his beloved violin. His expression was hidden, and he wasn't making a sound.
Sayaka swallowed. This felt just like in the hospital, all over again, where he lay helplessly in his bed, gazing longingly at his violin on the other side of the room, expression wistful and yet the bluenette could sense that he might just snap at any moment…
This is messed up. Hitomi's right… there's no way I can tell him now, not when I just… just…
A sudden rush of vertigo struck, leaving the girl shaking and unable to properly distinguish her surroundings. It was then that the guilt and grief of Hitomi's death hit her like a ton of bricks, nearly knocking her down like a bowling pin.
Blinking away tears once more, she ran out of, and as far away from, the Kamijous' residence as she could.
-xXx-
It was cold. It was wet. It was dark. And it mirrored her emotions clear as day.
It was just like the previous night, except that instead of around the corner from the restaurant Kyousuke and Hitomi had their last date at; Sayaka was sitting at a train station.
She pulled out her Soul Gem examining it carefully. The blackness had now almost completely dominated the gem, only leaving some faint shades of indigo in between. She could very well kick the bucket tonight unless she purified her soul jar. And she wasn't purifying. Fuck everything, the world was against her, and she'd committed the crime of killing her best friend over a boy.
She was a monster. A disgrace to the world, a disgrace to love. If the cupids had any poisonous arrows in stock, they'd be more than happy to shoot her dead with them.
Except that they couldn't shoot her dead. They could rip out her heart and strangle her with her own intestines and she'd still be alive, as long as her Soul Gem was close by and perfectly blue.
"Come on, you stupid gem," she grumbled impatiently, tapping her fingers idly against the cold concrete, "let me die already. Please."
Again, the current time was unclear, but if it was past her curfew then what did it matter? She was never going to see her parents again, so it wasn't as though she were going to be punished.
I want you to be happy, Sayaka-chan… don't you wish the same of Kyousuke-kun?
Madoka. Oh no, Madoka. The truth in her words was blinding her, slapping her in the face, and she screamed to let it all out, but then she screamed because her Soul Gem was spilling darkness and she was dying.
Except that she wasn't dying, but still very much alive.
Just in a completely different way.
And to be completely honest, a witch's life didn't seem like that bad of a life to live.
Selfishness Part I END
-xXx-
A/N: Regular Show comes in next chapter.