Warning: Slash, a.k.a. male/male affection of the romantic kind. Not your thing? Find the back-button.
Disclaimer: Poor college student here, I own nothing.
A/N: This takes place sometime during season 2.
So. Over three years ago, I wrote a Bobby/Roberto fic, '800 degrees'. Almost immediately I planned (and even started) to write a second chapter. But, as my beloved and patient girlfriend can attest to, I talk about writing more than I actually write, so nothing really came out of it. However, some people apparently still like that fic, and want more, so here's my attempted sequel.
I'm trying to make it so that you don't have to read '800 degrees' before this fic, cause, dude, three years. Hopefully my writing has evolved at least some during that time, heh. But you should know that this is the sequel to that fic, and will deal with things that happened there. I also plan to have this be a multi-chapter fic. Yay.
Two Steps Forwards, Five Steps Back
Chapter One
by sugar. coated
If asked to choose between the two, Bobby will say that secretly pining over someone is much preferable to having an unrequited crush on that person. He will say that while pining in secret can cause random unexplainable blushing, can be frustrating, head-spinning and occasionally pathetic, there is still those moments of happiness. The moments when the object of your affection smiles at you, when your eyes lock, when it seems like maybe there can be something between you. There is still that speck of hope.
Unrequited crushing is final. No chance of anything more than friendship, and if it's really bad, there's not even friendship. But instead avoidance, looking elsewhere, not talking. Yes, Bobby will definitely choose to be secretly pining if given the chance.
No one asks Bobby to choose. (Which probably is just as well, because while Bobby's brain does a lot of very well phrased thinking, his mouth will likely only manage an emphatic but not all that eloquent 'nrgh!' sound of frustration.) In fact, no one seems all that aware of his inner turmoil. Sometimes that makes Bobby want to scream, just stand up on a chair and yell that hey, excuse him, he is going through some heavy personal drama here and doesn't anyone care about that? (But the others have personal drama of their own, that Bobby doesn't care about, so he guesses he'd mostly get blank stares at such an unexciting revelation.)
Most of the time, Bobby is happy about being able to wallow in self-pity as much or as little as he feels like. He really doesn't want to be told to get over it, or be given pitying looks over the bowls of cereal during breakfast. He wants to be able to brood and sulk when he feels like it and then the next moment ignore everything to pull a prank or make some stupid joke, and have people making lame comments about Bobby being bipolar but not pay any more attention to it. Then he catches sight of Roberto ducking into a spare room to avoid having to walk past him, and Bobby wishes someone was paying more attention.
He sighs and scratches his ear, and Sam is still telling some lame story. Bobby pretends to be listening and he guesses that maybe it's karma catching up with him. No one's paying attention to him and his problems, because he can't even pay attention to simple stories. At least people aren't paying attention to that either.
"Dude, are ya listenin'?"
Or maybe some are.
"I thought I saw Wolverine," Bobby lies. Lame, lame, lame, he thinks, but Wolverine is the thing most distracting to the teenagers in the institute in any situation.
"What did ya do to his underwear drawer this time?" Sam looks honestly curious. He's also looking around, Bobby presumes it's to make sure Wolverine isn't in fact lurking nearby, prepared to drag them both off to extra Danger room sessions for Bobby's supposed crime. (After all, Wolverine believes in punishing anyone even remotely connected to the culprit, even if that connection merely consist of breathing the same air.)
Bobby scrunches his nose. I might be gay, but poking at Wolvie's underwear is still far from my idea of a good time, he thinks, but he doesn't say it because Sam still doesn't know Bobby's gay. As far as Bobby knows. As far as Bobby knows, Roberto is the only one that's aware of Bobby's sexuality, and with how unsuccessful that night of revelations went Bobby isn't exactly jumping to tell everyone that he likes guys.
Especially not Sam, because Sam is nice to everyone, but how would he react? Maybe Bobby shouldn't think like that, but Sam's a southerner so he probably wouldn't be okay with it. Bobby doesn't want to lose Sam's friendship like he lost Roberto's. (Except maybe Sam already knows, because he does share a room with Roberto, and what has Roberto said about it all?)
"That complicated, huh?" Sam teases and Bobby grins at him, embarrassed about zoning out but trying to hide it.
"You know how well thought out all my pranks are," Bobby jokes, but he takes too long to respond. He's taken too long to respond for weeks now, and Sam gives him a concerned look.
"Bobby, are ya alright?" he asks and Bobby isn't sure what to say, because he doesn't know if he is alright or not. He doesn't even know if he should tell the truth or not. He shrugs and looks out the window, looks at the wall behind Sam, at Sam's shoe, but that's as close as he dares. Sam lightly touches his shoulder and Bobby sighs, rubs at his face, looks up at Sam and smiles.
"I'm just peachy," he says, void of sarcasm, and he almost believes himself. Sam looks doubtful but Bobby keeps smiling, and eventually Sam smiles back, hesitant.
"Okay," Sam agrees, "but, if ya ever need to talk or so. . ." He leaves the sentence open and Bobby grins, playfully punches Sam's arm.
"C'mon dude, we're guys, we don't talk," Bobby jokes and Sam grins back. "Let's go see what Kurt's up to, I think he had something fun planned." They start walking down the hallway again, Sam launching back into his story and Bobby really trying to pay attention. He doesn't think it works this time either though. Sam's voice is white noise to him, but it's familiar and comforting, and that's all Bobby wants right now.
TBC