Okay it's pretty obvious this is a little, yet very important, bit that I think we needed just like some of the lovely folk on here have already taken upon themselves and done. But also this isn't just because I feel the writers have committed the worst of crimes not only doing what they did but also in the most detached way possible. But I'm doing this because I really need this. You see, I'm actually grieving after Skins Fire which sounds pathetic because people will say it's 'only fiction'. Well yes that is true but it's also something incredibly heartbreaking for the people that have fallen in love with our beloved Naomily, because they are real (to us at least) and the provided us with hope and joy at times when we needed it most and now that feels like all those expectation have been shattered. But never less it is true when many folk on here say that, yeah Britten and co may have created the characters but we the fans make them live which I hope we continue to do for years to come.
I did try to convince myself that it never happened and have spent the last few days absorbing myself in fluff but every time I read I just thought 'what does it matter they just get broken at the end'. So then I decided to write my own version of a Skins final chapter (Skins- Dawn which I am still working on and that should be getting uploaded soon so keep an eye out) with different story lines and everything but it still didn't help. So, that's when I decided there's no hiding from this and the best solution is the face the problem straight on and it worked. I put on The Feeling- Rose and had a little cry (which for a Scots man like myself is quite something so you've had the privilege of knowing I'm a right softie), then as soon as I started writing everything just poured out (albeit it probably isn't very good but it's real none the less) and when I was done I felt lighter. And now I don't see Naomily as broken, or gone, or dead, or whatever. I see them as forever ours and here to serve us when we're feeling angry, happy, upset, in love, scared...ect, ect. Basically they'll always be here so LONG LIVE NAOMIY!
Thank you for reading
Over and out guys.
When the day came, the day, Emily knew it was time. It didn't make it any easier but when she awoke that morning, squashed beside another in the hospital bed with various monotone beeps and blips of machinery- her alarm clock, she just knew because for the first time in months she was looking at things realistically. Of course she didn't tell Naomi, or anyone else for that matter, about her assumptions because she had a feeling that they all knew and were doing the same - keeping it all together for Naomi until it was time. Emily couldn't deny that she had fought off reality right to bitter end because really nothing could take her Naomi from away her- not even fucking cancer. She remembered how in the months leading up to that day she had scoured the internet for stories of hope, a select handful of lucky individuals who had overcome the cliffs edge, a handful that she was sure Naomi was in. That's what she think got her through the months leading to that day because when she imprinted that scenario into her head, the day would never arrive. Even the days when Naomi could barely blink because it just hurt so much Emily still thought Naomi was one of the select few.
That morning, as she lay there, she mesmerised herself as Naomi slept so peaceful beside her, it made Emily almost fall apart when she realised the next time Naomi would look this peaceful she would be gone. Emily, for the first time since everything came to light, thought about the last four months, right from the phone call in New York to lying in that bed on that day.
First and fore most she thought of Effy, and how that name was toxic in her head and probably would be hell in her throat. She could slap her another million times over but it wouldn't do anything to dull the pain, the whole that started in her chest and finished at her abdomen. She thought back to when she met her at the airport and she asked her so 'how she was', what the fuck did she think? The only person she could ever love has cancer. At least she had the decency to look guilty and not have that inferior smirk that she always had plastered on her face since collage and probably even before that. What she wouldn't have given to go back to collage in that moment, yeah sure some times were adolescent hell but at least Naomi was there and could stand on her own two feet. It was very clear to Emily then that they really were grown up now- nothing was collage now.
She remembered how she told Effy she wanted more time and even back then when Effy had told her the sobering truth that she didn't have any, Emily still found it physically impossible to believe. She wanted more time, she technically got four more months but it wasn't the time she needed. Emily needed Naomi how she had left her when she told her she loved her at the terminal, strong with fire in her eyes. The time she had was horrible because she had a lifetime of questions and answers that she thought she had exactly that, a whole lifetime to fret over- but she only had four months. She should have counted herself lucky because the doctors had originally told her only two, but she still only had four and Naomi was just too weak to answer those questions, too helpless to satisfy Emily's wishes.
One of the worst days, the day she probably should've started looking at things with reality in mind instead of just on that day, was when they signed the do not resuscitate papers. Emily was so close to snapping when doctors had started to push forward the idea, the only thing that stopped her was the fact that Gina had agreed- so did Naomi. But it didn't matter back then because Naomi was going to be okay- she was in that handful of people remember?
Then that day came around and the time was now and Emily didn't even bother gripping on with her finger tips which were already bloody and bruised because of all the hanging- four agonising months of it. She didn't hang on in that way because she knew Naomi didn't want her to do that; she wanted Emily to hold her hand up until the last minute just to make sure she made it alright. Because even though Naomi had accepted the fact she was going to die and the fear had left her long ago, she wanted to make sure for definite that Emily was going to be okay because that's what petrified her most about leaving. So that's what Emily did, that frosty afternoon when it was just them two in the room. She held on to Naomi and not the cancer.
"Ems?" Naomi's voice so cracked and course it actually hurt Emily's ears to hear, god knows how much agony Naomi must have been in to say it.
"What is it Naoms, I'm here." She smiled with salty tears as she held her hand, Emily wanted to hold it so tight but she knew it would hurt Naomi but held it just right never the less because that was want Naomi wanted.
"Remember…..when we first move to London?" Emily nodded and smiled because she did, she never forgot anything when it was with Naomi and she never would.
"Yeah, of course Naoms."
"Well I just thought….I'm so bad at decorating." Emily tried to laugh but it came out as a sob anyway, Naomi was still grateful for the effort.
"Yeah, wouldn't know a pattern if it smacked you in the face." Emily breathed as she smiled which was soon to turn into an uncontrollable cry if she didn't do anything about it. She had to keep it together so she would lead Naomi off. She flicked her gaze to their entwined hands Naomi's gold band now around Emily's ring finger. Emily remembered a couple of months back when Naomi had put it on there saying she couldn't give her a marriage and this was close enough- Emily didn't care ring or no ring she would still be a widow.
Naomi lightly chuckled as she knew that she didn't have the strength to give anymore and even if she did that would be it and there was a couple of last thing she needed to say.
"I'm sorry I had to hurt you again…..after my promise." Emily shook her head, still looking at their fingers locked around each other, psyching herself up to look into those eyes because needed to- she never would again.
"You're forgiven." She managed to squeak out as she got absorbed by blue. Blue that had fire for the first time in months and it gave Emily strength, because despite everything Naomi was more alive now than ever and Emily was just grateful she had been privileged enough to see it.
"You'll be alright Ems?" Emily nodded even though she was sure she wasn't.
"When we see each other next…I want to hear a life time of stories ….you understand?" Emily sniffed wiping her cheek with her free arm, wiping it on the sleeve of Naomi's green jumper- the lake jumper.
"I don't want to get there and you beat me to it." Emily understood, of course she did because everyone else had been saying something along those lines these last few months, just Emily had never listened because back then she still thought this wouldn't happen. But she listened now because it only meant anything if it came from Naomi.
"Good. Don't go back on it though." Naomi warned and even as frail as she was Emily knew she meant that with complete seriousness.
"I won't, I promise." Emily choked. Naomi eyes fluttered and Emily's heart jumped into her throat because she thought that was it. But they opened again and a powerful blue met brown and Emily knew in that moment it was it. She lay down next to her she needed to be as close as possible because Naomi needed her and Emily wasn't letting go until she absolutely had to.
"I'm so tired Ems." Naomi wheezed.
"Then sleep." Emily voice wavered but she needed to say it, because she knew Naomi wouldn't go until she was sure Emily was ready to let her.
"You sure?" Emily nodded and brushed the select few of brown tufts.
"I'm sure." Emily bit her lip because the hysteria was getting so close now.
"I'll miss you so much" Naomi gasped and her long fingers squeezed Emily's so tight and Emily did the exact same back because that was what Naomi needed.
"I'll miss you." She sobbed because Emily was virtually on the cusp of crashing; she wasn't sure how she was managing to keep the final onslaught back for so long. But she reminded herself she was doing because that's what Naomi needed.
"I love you Emily….kiss…me….p…please." She begged and Emily didn't need to be told twice as she leant over and put every last bit of her onto Naomi's cracked, dying lips because that's what Naomi needed. Emily's blessing to give her the final push and Emily couldn't possibly deny her that after coming so far.
Emily eventually pulled back because her work was done it was all Naomi for there on. She had let go to start her journey into the unknown, a journey Emily would make one day and she was positive that Naomi would be there waiting to give her the last push when she needed, just like how Emily had done for Naomi. Because after all they we Naomi and Emily and right from the start it was always everything once and most importantly together.
