Wandering Heart
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Dawson's Creek.
Coupling: Pacey/Andie
Rating: Pg-13
Shout Outs: To my friend Jo for proofing and to ellasblues for her encouragement.
Summary: This is set after the finale.
Chapter Four: The Reluctant Caller.
In the evening when Pacey was at the Icehouse, his mobile rang. It was Dawson.
"Hi Pace. You're a hard man to find."
"Hey Dawson. What can I do for ya man?"
"Pace, I'm getting married."
Pacey tried to sound surprised. "That's fantastic Dawson who is the lucky girl?"
"You've never met her. Her name's Alana. She came onto the set to do some catering and we met over the craft table."
"A love bloomed over the muffins huh?"
"Yeah, something like that. Anyway, I want to ask you something."
"Shoot."
"Pace, would you be my best man?"
Pacey felt a lump in his throat. Here he was saying that he gave this wedding three months and his supposed best friend was asking him to be the best man. Perhaps the wedding wouldn't go through. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to say yes.
"Well, Dawson...I'd be honoured."
"That's great Pacey. I'll call you soon to let you know all the details. Don't worry about the flights out here. The studio will pick those up for me. But Pace?"
"Yeah Dawson?"
"Is Joey with you?"
Pacey realised that Joey hadn't called him yet or communicated in any way. On that basis the only people who knew about Andie and him were Jack and Doug. He'd never let on to Joey that he was going to try and reconnect with Andie. He struggled for an answer. He didn't want to lie to Dawson but he wasn't ready to let Dawson know what was going on either.
"No she isn't. Couldn't you reach her at her place?" He'd meant to say ours but it always felt like hers. It always would.
"Oh. I thought she must be with you. I'd rather wait until you're together to unload this bombshell on her Pace. You could provide the support she may need. I'm not sure how she'd take me getting married. You know how jealous she gets about any woman I have an interest in."
And you've only just figured that out now? Pacey thought. Then an idea struck him.
"Do you want me to tell her for you?"
"Would you? That would be awesome Pacey. I am in your debt. Anyway I better go, we're about to reshoot some stuff for the season opening. Bye Pacey."
"Bye Dawson".
Pacey wondered what processed him to put himself back into the middle of the triangle. Wasn't the whole point of leaving Joey to get away from the drama of their relationship? Now he had put himself right back in the middle, only this time he had left Joey and was the bad guy. He laughed bitterly. How ironic, now Dawson gets to be the hero he thought. The phone rang again.
"Hello?"
"Pacey?"
"Hey McPhee. What's happening?"
"Same old, same old Pacey. Back to the max pressure and stress for us residents. How are you?"
"I'm ok. You know I told Doug and Jack about us."
"Yeah, Jack left a message for me after you talked to him. He's worried about me Pacey. He wanted to be sure I knew what I am getting myself into."
"And your answer was? "
"What do you think? I'm pretty clear-eyed about this Pacey. I told him that we're both adults and we will take things as they come along. Anyway, I told him the one thing that was important. "
"What was that?"
"I love you Pacey and I know you love me. You see I did a lot of thinking after you left. I know what a real relationship is Pacey. It's not about expecting you to make me happy everyday or to complete my life."
"Andie-"
"Let me finish. It's a great partnership. We come together and share our lives. And one day maybe, have children and come out at the end as friends and lovers. Pacey, I have always known you were the right person for me, even when I tried to deny it, tried to run away from it. Certain things are just meant to be."
There was a silence as Pacey tried to form the words. This nagging doubt that sat in his mind was being silenced by her directness.
"Andie, have children? We aren't even engaged yet".
"Well, you better think about that then hadn't you? A girl likes to be courted Mr. Witter."
"McPhee, it would be an honour to court you, and I'll admit. I've thought about settling down and having children one day as well."
"I love you Pacey."
"I love you McPhee. When is your next day off?"
"Friday. Then I am on call over the weekend and into next week. Thankfully I am going back to day shifts. These nights are killers."
"Don't I know it. OK, I'll see you on Friday then McPhee. Till then."
"Till then. Bye Pacey."
"Bye McPhee. "
He felt at peace when he put the phone down. But calling Joey was still hanging over his head. What would he say, what could he say? All he knew is that he wouldn't be calling her tonight.
That Thursday night he knew he had put it off for far too long. It had been a week since he had walked out of Joey's apartment. He sat in the kitchen of Doug & Jack's place staring at the phone. He didn't want to do this but he had made a promise to Dawson and, if he was honest with himself, he was curious to see what Joey's reaction would be to him calling and to the news. He dialed the number and the phone rang a few times and just as it was about to switch over to the answering machine Joey answered.
"Hello?"
"Joey, it's me."
"Go to hell Pacey, how could you?" She slammed the phone down.
He sighed heavily and dialed again. This time it went straight though to the answer machine. After that sweet little message they had recorded played and he heard the beep he launched into his speech.
"Joey, I know your there Joey...we have to talk ok? I have something that Dawson wanted me to tell you. I'm-"
"What did he say?" Joey's sullen voice came onto the line.
"Joey, I'm sorry –"
"Forget that Pacey. You don't get to apologise now. You ended it once again. And once again it's my fault."
"Joey I not calling to argue. I need to tell you something."
"So why are you Dawson's messenger boy?"
"Because he asked me. I and promised I would."
"Seems like promises are not your strong suit Pacey. Seemed you promised me that we'd be happy and clearly you weren't. "
Pacey had wanted to spare her feelings but it was clear no matter what he said, she would still be angry.
"Dawson's getting married." He said flatly.
There was silence in his ear.
"Joey?"
"Is it her?" And there it was. That tone she always used when talking about women who were interested in Dawson. Oh Joey you're so predictable when it comes to Dawson.
"Who? Alana?"
"Yeah."
"Yes. He's proposed and she's accepted. I don't know when they are getting married but I think it's soon. He wants me to be best man."
Joey let out a sad laugh. "Does he know about you and me?"
"No. To be frank Joey, I never got a chance to tell him. He basically called to ask me and then had to go."
"Well you have done him a favour. Thanks Pacey now if you don't mind I'm hanging up." And the phone clicked off in his ear.
Pacey hung up the phone and sighed heavily. It had gone better than he had hoped but he hated the thought of Joey alone in that apartment. He didn't know what it was but he felt truly sorry for her at that moment and strangely even felt the need to go down to New York to see her.
"Don't do it little brother"
Pacey spun around to see Doug leaning on the doorframe.
"Do you mind Doug? Or were you getting your rocks off seeing me in such difficulty?"
"I said don't do it." Don't go running back to her out of some sort of obligation."
"What are you talking about Dougie?"
"Pacey it's obvious. You're thinking of going back to New York and trying to comfort her. It's your default setting Pace, the white knight to the rescue."
Damn! He right as per usual. Pacey had to give it to Doug. He felt guilty. "Ok. So I am weak. What of it?"
"Look Pacey, you told me that you weren't happy and now you're in love with Andie. How do you think she'll feel if you go back to New York?"
"Well..."
"I'll tell you. Awful and totally upset with you. Pace, you'd be hurting her badly. Look I need to say something that may help you."
"Doug, some more advice? Do you ever stop?"
"Funny Pacey, but listen. The thing is that Andie makes you happy. I saw how you acted around her and how you seemed when you arrived on Sunday night. You were truly happy Pacey, happier than I've seen you in a long time. So please, even for my sake, don't go back there. You have a future with Andie, and she makes you happy and for what it's worth, I think you should be with her."
Pacey did not know what to say. It was a relief to know that Doug was in his corner. That only left Dawson to deal with. He knew he had to talk to Dawson right now and get things sorted between them.
"I'm calling Dawson now. Do you think I should tell him what has happened?" Pacey was trying to make his mind up and he hoped that Doug would give him the advice he needed.
"Pacey, it'll only cause more trouble if you don't tell him. Don't you think Joey's already called him?"
"I wondered about that Doug. But if she had, he would have called me straight away and he hasn't. I can only assume she hasn't said a word."
"Well, she's told Bessie. When I talked to her today she asked me why you had left so suddenly. I didn't mention anything about Andie."
"Thanks Doug. I really mean it. I'd better go call Dawson." Pacey left the kitchen and went to the guest bedroom. He sat on the bed and stared at the phone. With a heavy sigh he called Dawson's mobile. It rang once and was picked up. A female voice answered.
"Dawson Leery's phone, Paula speaking."
"Uh...hi. Um...this is Pacey. Uh...Pacey Witter is Dawson about?" This wasn't a good start he thought.
"Well...he's just finishing a shot so we can wrap for the day. He will be available in fifteen minutes. Would you like me to get him to call you back?" She sounded very pleasant and somewhat sexy. He wondered what see looked like.
"Hmmm...look let him know I called and I will call back in about twenty minutes ok?
"Thankyou, I'll let him know. Bye" She hung up. Pacey just sat there and looked at the phone. He had to do this now or he would lose his nerve.
It suddenly occurred to him to call Andie. Her optimism was infectious and he needed a healthy dose to shore up his courage. He hit the speedail on his mobile and listened to it ringing. It took eight rings before Andie picked it up.
"Pacey! Why are you calling me here?"
"Hey McPhee. I need some of your perkiness. I have to call Dawson and let him know about me and Joey. It's only right he should know.
"You're right Pacey. Has Joey rung him about your break-up?"
"No. I don't think so. Otherwise he would have called me by now. "
"Are you nervous?"
"Yeah. About as nervous as I was when I tried to tell him about Joey and me the first time around."
"We're not in high school anymore Pacey. And we're supposed to be adult about these things."
"Easy for you to say Andie."
"It's not Pacey. I'm in love with you and at some point I'm going to have to let my friend know that her boyfriend is back in my life and I'm so happy. "
"Andie, it shouldn't be this hard. Damn the triangle! I didn't want to drag you into this."
"Pacey don't be so naïve. You put me into this the minute you called me last week. I chose to see you and I chose to let you love me again. It's just that I feel horribly guilty about what I am doing to Joey. She will feel betrayed."
"Let me worry about Joey's feelings Andie. You just worry about finishing work and making sure you're home when I get there in the morning."
"Is that a promise Witter? What should I expect? Flowers? Chocolate?"
"So you still want to be courted huh?
"I most certainly do Mr. Witter. A girl has her pride you know." Andie giggled.
Pacey had to laugh. Calling her had worked. He felt better somehow.
"Well, fair enough. I'll see you in the morning McPhee. I love you."
"I love you Pacey. I'll see you then. Bye."
"Bye Andie." He ended the call and took a deep breath. It was time to call Dawson. He picked up the phone and hit the redial button. It rang twice before it was answered.
"Speak to me." It was Dawson this time. He sounded rushed.
"Dawson? It's Pacey. Are you able to talk?"
"Hey Pacey is it about the wedding? Alana's handling everything I am just staying out of her way" he laughed.
"No, man it's not about the wedding." Pacey's change of tone caught Dawson's attention.
"Oh?" Pacey sensed Dawson's surprise and wondered what he would say next. If only I'd written out a script I'd be ok he thought.
"Yeah, it's about me and Joey. We're no longer together Dawson. It's over and there's no going back."
"Wha...ah...you and?"
"That's right Dawson we broke up. It's over. And there is something else you should know."
"I'm finding hard to process what you've already told me Pacey. What other earth-shattering news could you have?"
"I'm in love with Andie and we're together."
Dawson who was walking out of the building with his assistant at the time shuddered to a halt almost causing Paula to slam into his back. She glared at him while he scrambled to apologise. This thing with Joey was out of the blue but now Pacey was saying he is back with Andie.
"So let me get this right. You've dumped Joey for Andie?" It wasn't so much of a question as much as an accusation.
"It's not like that Dawson-"
"So how is it?" Dawson's voice sounded angry. He was getting defensive over Joey. He'll never let her go will he thought Pacey.
"Dawson, it wasn't meant to work out. I regret going to New York with her. It was wrong for both of us, not just me." Pacey had to work at remaining calm.
"Regret? It's a bit late for regrets isn't it? So you're hurting Joey with Andie? Does she even know about Andie?"
"No. Look Dawson, it just happened ok? I saw Andie at the hospital and it started something. She opened my eyes man. I was just the safe choice for Joey and I was lonely. You know she dumped Chris right?"
"Yeah. He wanted to marry her and she wasn't ready."
"So what does that tell you? She got scared again Dawson and ran. Just as she ran from you. I don't want to be her placeholder until she gets over this latest drama. I'm sorry Dawson but that's not for me anymore."
"We're not teenagers anymore Pacey. We're supposed to be adults. You're supposed to be responsible." I keep hearing that from everyone thought Pacey. Pacey could see the funny side as well. Here was Dawson lecturing him when Dawson's current occupation was recreating his teenage years for television and changing the past to fit the way he thought it should be.
With all the self-control he could muster he replied. "Dawson, I love Joey, I always will. But I'm not in love with her."
"You're being facetious aren't you?"
"Look Dawson, I don't love Joey in the way you love her. I am in love with Andie ok. And I want to spend my life with her."
"Andie? After all this time, broken hearts and the fact she cheated on you. She shows up again in your life and all of a sudden, she's the one, the only one for you? I just don't get it Pacey. "
"I'm aware of the seeming contradictions in the present state of my relationships but I don't how else to put it to you Dawson, but I just know for sure she's the one." He paused. "I don't want to lose what friendship we have Dawson, and not over Joey again. You as my friend means a lot to me man."
"But you've hurt her Pacey." Dawson began to almost whine which threatened to drive Pacey to distraction. If he could only step back, Pacey silently wished, and saw the bigger picture, remembered our Miss Potter's hang-ups and inclination to run when things get too emotionally intense, then he could understand why I have gone back to Andie.
"Don't you think I know that? Don't you think that I'd like things to be different? God I wish I could take things back but I can't Dawson It's over, it has to be. Joey can't be without a boyfriend to define her. I don't think she'll be alone for long Dawson.
"Huh." Then there was silence on the phone.
"Dawson? "
"Yeah? Ok, this is huge Pacey. Look, can you call me back later? I need to think this over. Wow. You know it's funny." That brief flash of Dawson's anger had faded.
"What's funny Dawson? This situation? Cause-"
"No, I'm talking about the irony Pacey. I was finishing off today that scene where you and I duked it out at the marina." He laughed at the memory. "And now here we are, after all this time doing the same thing."
Pacey remembered. "Yeah well at least this time it didn't end with you and me punching each other."
"True, but this isn't a good situation for any of us Pacey, you included. Answer me this, are you doing the right thing?"
"Yes. I have no nagging doubts, no major regrets Dawson. All I can tell you is that it feels natural, normal and totally comfortable. It was like we had all that drama at Capeside only to wind up now perfectly happy with each other. I'm not Andie's placeholder. I never would be Dawson."
"Ok, I understand...I think. Um...can you call me later say 10 o'clock?"
"Sure. I'll talk to you then man."
"Bye Pace."
"See ya Dawson." When he ended the call, Pacey let a heavy sigh out. It had gone better than he had hoped. Dawson was upset, but given his feelings for Joey wasn't mad at him. He'd take all the advantage he could. It occurred to him that he should have asked Dawson not to tell Joey about his renewed relationship with Andie. There was plenty of time for that soon. Anyway, he had the happy thought that tomorrow morning; he'd be with her again. Working out when he had to call Dawson, he took a quick nap, dreaming of making love to her again.