The Messiest Memories

Full Summary: Gilderoy Lockhart remembers one face from his past: the face of a witch who studies dragons. As each of his memories unfurl in his dreams he begins to worry about what he may have done to her. The only thing that comforts him is that Dueling with Dragons was never published. Follow him as he drags his Healer along with him to find clues from the past.

Wow. It's always strangely exhilarating starting a new story and putting it up. This is my second story, so I'm not quite over that weird rush you get whenever you post.

Oh, and just to let you know, if you have read my story, Eloise Midgen and the Yule Ball, this one is NOTHING like it. At all. It's not funny and it isn't about pimply teens and there is (almost) no drama. Okay, fine there is drama. And some romance...I suppose… I don't know what the (insert swear word of choice here) to classify this as.

Just read it and review. If you hate it, let me know, PLEASE. Then stop reading! If you like it, great. Review or put me on story alert or something. I really want good criticism or if you like it then just say so (though I probably won't believe you because as my friend, scholarlydimwit, says, I "need a piece of anti-humble pie."). ENJOY!

A sweet mouth on a pretty oval face framed with dark brown hair that just barely brushed her shoulders. Bright, intelligent green eyes, curiosity abounding in them, were almost concealed beneath her long, dark lashes. She was tiny and pixie-like in a different way…a nice way? A stubborn chin gave her face animation and character. Of course, Lockhart didn't fail to notice the small things. Her hands were calloused and hard, lips chapped, eyes just a smidgen too wide-set, and muscles bigger than his own (Though anyone else would say that her muscles were only slightly toned).

Then she turned to look at him. Her eyes were wide and intense in their shock, but then she relaxed and smiled and everything melted away.

xVx

Gilderoy Lockhart awoke in his bed in the permanent ward of St. Mungo's. The motherly-looking Healer whose name he couldn't quite grasp at smiled at him. "Awake already, dearie?" Before he could say another word she shoved a tray under his nose. "Breakfast. It's your favorite." Was it his favorite? He couldn't remember. He just flashed his most stunning smile and took the tray.

xVx

"Er… Excuse me, do you have license to be here, Mr….?"

"Gilderoy Lockhart, my dear Madam," he beamed down at her.

She flashed him a quick smile. "It's just Emily, Mr. Lockhart. Now, what brings you to Romania?"

"Well, I was hoping to learn as much as I can about dragons. I'm a columnist for the Monthly Moon."

"Oh, really?" her dark brows were furrowed. "I've never heard of the Monthly Moon… But I suppose it's all right."

"Splendid!" Lockhart chimed, handsome face smoothed into a joyful grin.

Only a few months later she probably wouldn't remember anything. That was all the better. Once Dueling with Dragons was published she wouldn't even have a memory of being an expert with dragons. Maybe she would even find herself with a copy of his book. His grin widened at the thought.

xVx

Someone had a grasp on his shoulders, gently rocking him awake. "Gilderoy…"

"Mm?" he groaned and sat up, patting his golden locks. "Yes?"

"You drifted off, dearie," the Healer said, face strained and anxious. "Are you feeling well?"

"I don't know," he said blankly. "Am I?"

She smoothed his hair from his forehead. "Your temperature seems normal…" She whipped out her wand and peeled back his eyelids, peering into each eye with the glowing light that emanated from the wand. "No signs of a seizure or hallucinatory episode…" She pondered this for a moment and finally said, "Have you been under a lot of stress lately?"

"Well, I do have tons of fan mail to answer. Do you think you could help me address the envelopes?" He gave her his sweetest little-boy smile.

"Of course, Gilderoy."

"Oh Rosie, you do spend too much time with him," said a pudgy witch in an ill-fitted uniform, "A war has just ended, for Merlin's sake! We have many other patients who require your help, yet you sit in here with him answering fan mail !"

"But he must get so lonely here by himself," Lockhart's Healer protested. The pudgy witch scowled at Rosie and left the ward.

A new day. People always say that anything can happen in a day. If yesterday was awful, today would be amazing. Lockhart didn't even know if yesterday was awful. Each day was the same. Monday… Tuesday… Wednesday… Thursday… Friday… Saturday… Sunday… Monday… Tuesday… The cycle would go on. March would pass and soon April would be here. Then suddenly, as if the world was turning backwards, March would come once more.

His humdrum existence was barely a steady existence. If he had had his soul sucked out by an overly friendly dementor nothing would be changed.

But that one face. How could he forget it? Those tough red hands. Petite, but with a strong, young, figure. It was hard to believe that these were all figments of his imagination. But a word within the word kept him preoccupied.

Lie.

Was he believing a lie or lying to make himself believe? Was there even a difference?

xVx

"OBLIVIATE!" The voice rang clearly, the word made his insides coil like a snake. Was the snake devouring him from the inside? There was pain. His pain? Whose pain? His body shuddered.

He wouldn't look down. Not down near his feet. If he looked down something terrible would happen. If he looked down he would see something he wasn't ever going to be ready for. He was the one to blame. HE was the one to blame.

And he wasn't ready to face what he'd done.