A/N - Its sure been awhile, hasn't it? Funny how summer is always supposed to be the most relaxed season, yet at the same time it's also the busiest. Anyway, this story is not a song-fic, I noticed the lyrics seemed to fit the story you might want to listen to the song as you read.
Disclaimer: Is Misty back on the show yet? Nope, she's not. So I don't own Pokemon, the song "Where I Stood" by Missy Higgins, or any of the characters included.
How do I get myself into these stupid situations? Oh yeah, 'cause I'm a freakin' idiot!' I thought to myself as I sat at the hard metal chair of the little café, watching my best friend's Pikachu try to distract his trainer from alternately saying how much he'd missed me and blatantly staring at me, and the said trainer's girlfriend alternate her glare between me and him.
The day hadn't started out that badly. I'd travelled all the way to Pastoria City to deliver some papers on water-type research to Crasher Wake and I'd spent a nice long morning doing more talking then I'd done in the past year. It was quite refreshing to talk to someone other than Tracey and my sisters.
Then I ran into them.
It started out innocent enough. I was walking along one of the side streets, killing time until my ferry left, when I happened to pass the little café they were eating at. Ash, being Ash, spotted me instantly and called for me to come over to join him, Pikachu and the girl he introduced as Dawn. In all of the letters that mentioned her, Ash'd described her a very nice, cheerful person so I tried to be the same. She did nothing of the sort: at a few points it was almost as if she was mute, never speaking unless spoken too and even then giving the shortest possible answers she could. Pikachu, on the other hand, was ecstatic.
Then, after I'd endured a good half-hour of that, it dawned on me – get the humor? Dawned? - she didn't want me there. Once I'd got that fact drilled through my thick skull, all those - what I thought were - nasty glares weren't meant to be nasty at all.
She was jealous.
Of me.
Who'd ever thought?
Ash putting his arm around my shoulder was what finally made my mind up. Well, that and the heartbroken, defeated look on Dawn's face when he did. It was obvious she felt a hell of a lot more than friendship for my beloved best friend and that she felt a lot more than a childhood crush on him. She thought I was trying to steal Ash away from her.
I saw Dawn give a barely contained look of surprise when I shook Ash's arm off from around my shoulder which she quickly schooled when she caught me looking. "Ash, we need to talk." I said, trying to make my voice sound normal, so he wouldn't know what I had in store.
Ash gave me a confused look. "Whatcha talking 'bout, Myst? We're talking now, aren't we?"
This was going to be hard enough without an audience. "I meant alone, Ash." Dawn didn't look up from the table. Pikachu kept frantically looking back and forth between us.
"Oh, okay..." He said, jumping up. Then, as if somebody hit him, he added, "We'll be back in a sec, Dawn." Oh Ash, oh ever-oblivious Ash. Can't you see what's right in front of you? No. A little voice in my head sounded. If he'd ever seen what was in front of him, we wouldn't be in this situation now, would we?
I couldn't argue with that.
Finally, after I'd led him way out of Pikachu and Dawn's sight and earshot, I cut straight to the chase. "So Ash, when were you going to tell me?" I asked conversationally, pretending like I didn't care, analyzing the cracks in the sidewalk.
"Tell you about what, Myst?"
"You being in love with Dawn. Her being your girlfriend. When were you planning on telling me?" I answered, looking him in the eye, trying not to let the hurt at being left out of yet another important part of my best friend's life seep into my voice.
His jaw dropped. "I don't love Dawn. I mean sure... she's like a sister to me but..." He trailed off, looking away. Then he suddenly jerked his head back to look at me, comprehension finally getting through to him.
"Oh please Ash," I continued in the same light tone, trying to keep my emotions in tact. "I've been your best friend for seven years now, Ash. I know you like the back of my hand. You're in love with her – I just know it."
"No Myst, it's not Dawn, it's you. It's always been you!" He said. "I'd leave Dawn in an instant for you, Myst; just say the word."
I studied Ash's face for a moment and gave a sad little smile. "Now Ash, you know you don't mean that."
"Of course I mean it-" He started. I reached over and put my finger to his lips to silence him.
"No Ash, you're just saying that so I won't leave again." I took a deep breath. It's now or never. "I'm no good for you, Ash. Dawn, Dawn will always be there for you, always cheering you on from the sidelines, always by your side. That can't be me – not anymore at least." I gasped, I knew I had to get it all out now or I'd never bring myself to do what I knew I had to do. "Things have changed while you've been gone. I've changed. I've grown up, got a job, a house, responsibilities, hell - I've got a life. I won't be able to be there for you.
"Dawn, she really loves you, Ash. I can tell by the way she acts around you, the way she dotes on you. Me, I... I just can't be. I'd be holding you back, always having to rush back to the gym at a moment's notice..." I trailed off, looking away from him.
"But Myst -"
"No Ash, no buts. Hear me out." Deep breath. Don't chicken out now. "Ash, this is - believe it or not - for the best, I just know it is." I pleaded with my eyes, hoping he'd finally get it. End this hellish torture.
"But how do you know it's for the best, Myst?" He asked, sounding almost tearful, stepping towards me and grabbing my arm gently. I forced myself not to look at his face, knowing that if I did I'd lose my courage. I kept Dawn's heartbroken face in the forefront of my mind.
I had to do this. No matter how much my heart screamed at me not too.
I shook my arm away from him and took another deep breath. I knew, deep in my heart-of-hearts that it would but despite myself, I'd hoped this moment would never come; He'd left me with no other choice. I was going to have to tell the biggest lie of my life to my best friend in the world. The boy I loved.
"Thing is, Ash... I've had a lot of time to think while I've been at the gym. Thinking my life over - and, I realized - I just don't love you anymore. I mean, you'll always be one of my best friends, but you've never been more than a brother to me. I'm so sorry that I ever led you on, Ash. I, I never meant to hurt you, but if I let anything, anything besides friendship, happen between us – I'd just be hurting the both of us. Do you understand what I'm saying?" As I spoke, I felt a sense of rightness come over me; I was doing the right thing. Or at least, I prayed to Arceus and what other spirits decided to be merciful to a teenage girl with boy troubles that I was.
Ash's head was bent down, his hat blocking his face. I put my fingers under his chin and pulled his face up. He looked about ready to cry. "Don't cry, Ash." I said, trying to be reassuring, and giving him a small smile, taking my fingers away. "Think about the good things. You're a Pokemon trainer, living out your dream. You have faithful Pokemon who would do anything for you. You have a beautiful girl who's completely head-over-heels for you. You even have Brock's amazing cooking you lucky Psyduck!" I added, trying to lighten the mood. It didn't work. Whatsoever. "Now Ash, Dawn is still back at the café, don't leave her waiting."
He didn't move. I sighed heavily. Leave it to Ash to make a difficult thing even more difficult. I put my hand on his cheek, "Ash, don't cry. We'll always be friends." I withdrew my hand and stepped away from him a bit. I opened my mouth to say something, but no words came.
As I turned to walk away, he called out to me in a broken voice that made me want to run back and give him a big hug. "Will I ever see you again, Myst?"
I stopped walking but didn't turn back to face him. "I'm sure we'll meet again someday, Ash."
He was silent. I started walking, away from Ash, away from my happy ending. After I'd walked a block or so, I stopped and looked back. He was gone. There was nothing to show he'd ever been there.
As I continued walking all I could think was, Take care of him, Dawn. That's your job now.