Disclaimer: I do not own Sonic the Hedgehog or the works of William Shakespeare, and I'm fairly certain no one else has ever written that sentence.

Writer: I'm about to do something a little silly guys, so bear with me…

Shadow: Oh, this ought to be good…

Silver: Do I get to be featured this time?

Writer: Of course! You guys are gonna be putting on Hamlet, I need all the cast members I can get!!!

Sonic: So, Hamlet then? *grins* I guess I could put on a convincing king of England.

Shadow: Hamlet is the prince of Denmark, Sonic.

Sonic: Whatevs.

Writer: Oi, you two! Quit stallin' let's get started.

~XIX~

Act I: The Beginning

Scene I:

We begin our adventure into untouched Sonic fanfiction territory in one of Adabat's many volcanic islands. The volcano in question is oddly metallic, with assorted robots lining its exterior and interior. It is the new home of Dr. Eggman, as he plots world domination… and, it seems, other things. Before him is a stream of paper. The doctor's pen flies wildly over the paper. Ink shoots majestically throughout the room, leaving magnificent sparks. Each period he marks is punctuated by a grand flourish on the ovular man's part. A choir of robots sings passionately in Latin, that most epic-yet-dead language, behind him. Somewhere, Light Yagami of Death Note fame weeps, for he could never dream of writing as epically as egg-tastic egomaniac Eggman.

With one last stroke of his pen, Eggman laughed maniacally, as sound that, if turned into a word, might be expressed as: "DAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" It is so magnificent a laugh, that the first 'Ha' must begin with a 'D.'

Elsewhere in the base, Lupus, Eggman's trusted right hand wolf, groans, "Oh no, not again." He downed another dose of aspirin, the doctor's writing had given him a migraine that would have knocked out a bull elephant. Or an elephant bull, whatever that is. I think it'd be cool, myself. Anyway, back on topic.

After calming his headache, the wolf rushed to Robotnik's chambers, bowing on one knee, "What is it, sir?"

The doctor chuckled, practically fondling the papers in his hands, "Lupus… do you know what this is?"

Lupus grinned, "Might it be the blueprints to your latest world-decimating weapon?"

Eggman blinked, "No…" there was an awkward pause, "It's a shortened version of William Shakespeare's 'Hamlet.'"

Lupus collapsed to the ground, anime style. Rising, he asked, "Um… Ivo… why-"

The obese megalomaniac turned away, growing misty-eyed behind his goggles, "Lupus… did I ever tell you of my dream?"

"… world domination."

The doctor turned with a furious flourish, "Before that! I… I wanted to be a director. I studied the arts long and hard… and long ago, in high school, I took a job as assistant director. The play? Hamlet. The problem?" Eggman nearly collapsed onto his base's controls with the memories, "Well… let's not get into that…"

"Still getting over the idea of you in high school, Ivo."

Robotnik grabbed Lupus's shirt collar, "Don't you see, my boy? With this play, I could finally break into my old path. World domination can wait, I must direct!!! I must!!!!" With that, the doctor donned a beret, and ran toward the eggmobile, "Farewell for now, Lupus! Auditions are Tuesday, I hope you'll be there!!!!"

Thus, Lupus stood there, alone. He reflected on what the doctor had said… a singled tear rolled down the wolf's cheek, "Ivo… I never…" he held a fist toward the sky in determination, "I shall see your dream a reality, my lord!!!"

~XIX~

Scene II:

The blue blur, Sonic the Hedgehog, raced down the desert plains. As he approached a giant pillar of rock, he leapt from boulder to boulder in the blink of an eye, before finding himself on solid ground again. In the background, one could faintly hear the song 'We Can.'

Above, an equally blue mecha-biplane, piloted by Tails, with Knuckles tagging along for some arbitrary reason, was flying after the hedgehog. The two looked down, seeing the aforementioned hedgehog, and Tails shouted, "Hey look, it's Sonic!"

They swooped down so as to approach Sonic, who looked to them, but only saw Tails, for the same arbitrary reason that Knuckles was there. "Yo Tails! Long time no see!"

Tails held out a flyer to his idol, "Sonic! Check this out!" Sonic flipped up to grab the flyer, proceeding to run backwards alongside the plane, a feet which I wish I could prove was physically impossible, but I can't. Sonic ran there like that for a few moments, until he finally looked up at Tails.

"It's not saying anything, Tails!" he spoke with something akin to urgency

"… it's paper, Sonic, why would it?"

Sonic leapt into the cockpit, and began to shake Tails back and forth, "WE CAN'T DO A CHEAP RIPOFF OF THE SONIC HEROES OPENING IF IT DOESN'T TALK, TAILS!!!"

Tails, rather dizzy after that, said, "Well, we could have Knuckles do Eggman's voice…"

Knuckles looked up from his arbitrary reason to be there, "What? Why me? You do it!"

Tails sighed, "Fine…" he cleared his throat, then spoke in his best imitation of Robotnik, "Muahahahaha!!! Guess what random passerby reading this flyer? I've finally developed the ultimate version of William Shakespeare's 'Hamlet!' On Tuesday, I'll hold auditions!!! Think you can get in? Ahahahaha!!!"

Knuckles whistled, "That was pretty good, Tails."

"Thanks, I've been practicing…"

Sonic spoke, "Heh, sounds like an invitation to party!"

Knuckles shook his head, "No, it's a general invitation to audition for one of Shakespeare's finest works."

"Oh…" Sonic gave it some thought, "You sure it's not an invitation to party?"

"Yep."

Sonic gave this some thought, "Well… it is Eggman. He must have some diabolical scheme based around this book…"

Tails sighed, "Hamlet's a play, Sonic."

"Oh yeah! The one with the star-crossed lover-"

Knuckles smacked his forhead, "No, that's 'Romeo and Juliet…"

The blue hedgehog waved off the notion, "Whatevs. Egghead's gotta have some diabolical scheme based on this play, right?"

Nodding, Tails said, "That's what I thought. Knuckles came along because…" he looked to Knuckles, "why was it?"

Said echidna nonchalantly rubbed the space under his nose, "An arbitrary reason."

"Yeah… and-"

"Hey guys!"

The voice came from above. A purple porcupine, carrying a somewhat gothic Arctic fox in his arms, grinned down at them. He ran on a jet of ice, generated by the aforementioned fox. "Yo, Sonic! Long time no see!"

"Xero! Check this out!!!" Sonic began to toss the flyer to the porcupine, but the arctic fox shook her head.

"Already got the memo, Sonic. Let's not go through the Sonic Heroes opening again."

The blue hedgehog smirked, "Fine then, Sasha…" he began to speed up, as did the others around him, "Somebody explain the play to me while we go…"

~XIX~

Scene III

Rouge was sneaking about the GUN base, looking for the jewels hidd-

Hey, wait, what're you-

~XIX~

Writer: Ow!!! Hey, guys, what gives!?!

Sonic: *smacks Writer upside the head* Wouldja stop ripping off Sonic Heroes already?

Shadow: *also smacks Writer* It's really getting old!!!

Silver: *you get it. Writer's being abused by the cast* So cut it out already!

Jet: *runs Writer over* I have extreme gear!!! *speeds off*

Writer: Fine… fine… let's just go back… you guys are jerks.

~XIX~

So! Rouge wasn't really sneaking about the GUN base, I lied. What was really happening was… uh…

Shadow was collapsing onto his couch after a long day's work for GUN. At last, he was rid of his boss, rid of his hellish paperwork, and best of all, rid of that fanboy of a partner, Agent Lupus. At last he could get some rest…

His doorbell rang.

"DAMN IT!!!" the ultimate life form's shout could be heard from the next apartment over. He stormed over to the door, nearly tearing it of its hinges, and with all the fury of the… um… furies, he shouted, "WHAT."

Shadow saw a terrified Amy Rose, whose eyes began to well up with tears, "I was… um… just…" She ran off in terror. Shadow couldn't help but feel guilty and slam his head into the wall, in that order.

Finally, he saw fit to stop slamming his head into the wall (his neighbor was shouting at him to find a quieter means of self mutilation), he heard an all too familiar voice, "Hey, Shad! Fancy seeing you here!"

Lupus.

"I. Live. Here. Lupus." Shadow seethed.

The wolf smiled obliviously, "Hey, we're off duty. Call me Arc."

Fine. Not Lupus. Arc.

"What do you want, Lupus?"

"Arc."

"I'll call you Arc when you stop calling me Shad."

"Fair enough, Shad…" 'Arc' adjusted his glasses, which was oddly quite a mysterious action, "But you shouldn't use my codename on our new mission…"

Shadow was not amused, "Stop being cryptic and tell me the damn mission."

"Well, someone forgot their morning coffee," Arc/Lupus grinned some more, "You know that play that Dr. Robotnik's putting on?"

The black and red hedgehog rolled his eyes, "Of course. Who doesn't know 'Hamlet?'"

"Well, we've been assigned to go undercover, and audition for it. Y'know, to keep an eye on the good doctor."

Shadow sighed, "I'll get my stuff."

"One more thing, Shad…" the wolf adjusted his glasses again, reaching the same effect, "we've been assigned another partner…"

"Hey, boys!" A certain bat suddenly jumped from the ceiling, landing on Shadow, "Hey, Shad. It's been a while, hasn't it?"

He sighed, "Get off of me…"

"Well, good to know you're still such a social butterfly..." she rose, and turned to Lupus, "And you must be Lupus."

The wolf was blushing deeply, "Miss Rouge, I've heard a lot of stories about you…" he suddenly fell onto one knee, grasping the bat's hand, "But none of them mentioned that your beauty surpasses that of the Greek goddess Aphrodite!"

She sweatdropped, "That's… um… lovely."

Lupus rose (the action, not the flower), a rose (the flower, not the action) between his teeth, "As the bard himself once said, 'Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?'"

Rouge smirked, "He also said never to fall in love with an older woman, kid."

The wolf swooned, "And she's versed in the bard's mythos!" he struck a dramatic pose, "But, my lady, I wouldst even goeth against the word of that greatest of poets if it meant I could be with thee!!!"

The bat walked past the wolf, still in his pose, "It wouldn't."

Shadow followed after her, "I told you he was a petulant fanboy, but no. 'He can't be that bad' you said."

Thus, Lupus was left alone… he smirked, reverting to his earlier, villainous appearance, and laughing a bit to himself, "God, I love my job." With that, he followed after the two.

Which left Amy, who'd watched the scene from a nearby corner, "Eggman's putting on 'Hamlet?'" she gave it some thought, "I guess I'd make a decent Ophelia…" Her mission set, the pink hedgehog headed off after the three agents.

~XIX~

Scene IV:

Two birds, a massive albatross named Storm and a swallow called Wave, waited outside their boss's room. He'd been in the soundproofed fortress for some time… that couldn't be good.

The swallow looked to the albatross, "Your turn."

Hesitantly, Storm entered the room… "Boss? You in here?"

Storm had never known how huge Jet's room was… it made him wonder why he'd only been given an outhouse-size room… then he saw it.

The green hawk, Jet, dressed in 16th century British noble clothing, held a skull in his hand, and seemed to be speaking to it. Storm was horrified.

"Alas, poor Yorrick!" the hawk said, "I knew him, Hor-" he turned, seeing the albatross, "STORM!!!" He threw the skull at the other bird, who was quick to dodge, "What have I told you about interrupting my extreme monologue?"

"S-sorry, boss… it's just…" Storm began.

Jet looked out the window of their… airship, I think… "I need this part, Storm. I can't just be in 'Hamlet…' I have to be Hamlet."

"Wh-why?"

The green bird laughed, "Why? … if I know Sonic…" he looked at Storm, "And I do know Sonic, he'll be there as well. No matter what, I've got to snatch the lead roll from that… that rodent!"

With that, Jet began laughing maniacally… Storm and Wave looked on at they're boss, fearful of his Ahab-esque obsession with Sonic the Hedgehog…"

Stowed away on the ship, a white hedgehog was telekinetically juggling a few barrels, to pass the time. Near him, a pink cat paced back and forth, finally looking at the psychic hedgehog.

"Silver, are you sure this is a good idea?"

Silver just kept juggling, absentmindedly saying, "Blaze, it's just a production of 'Hamlet!' What could possibly go wrong?"

"Remember Mephiles? Remember how horribly things went that time?"

"Yeah, but this time I'm not here to kill Sonic, Blaze…" he stopped the barrels, "I'm just here to act…"

Inside one of the barrels, a very stowed away Espio muttered to an equally stowed away Vector, "Go in the barrels. Nothing'll happen to the barrels, right Vec? No psychic hedgehogs are gonna juggle these barrels, right Vec?"

The crocodile sighed, "Shut up."

~XIX~

Scene V:

Eggman, still donning his beret, sat alone in the theater he'd purchased. By purchased, I of course mean tied up and gagged the true owner in the supply closet. Poor Bill Quiverpeike desperately hoped for an escape that, alas, would not be convenient to the plot.

The doctor breathed in the scent of the theater. "At last…" he grinned, and looked at his watch, which doubled as a calendar, videocamera, and set of goggles. It got pirate radio, and could hook up to the internet. But those features don't matter… except the watch and the calendar. For today… was Tuesday.

Robotnik heard the crowd growing outside, and looked out a window, seeing the throngs of anthropomorphic animals there. He recognized only a few of them, and at least there was no sight of…

Sonic.

He began to panic. Had Sonic come to ruin his play? No, he couldn't. Not after how long the doctor had waited to finally take to the stage again… he'd have to be disposed of… the doctor thought and thought… and finally… when he thought he had nothing, suddenly, it struck him…

"Oh… that's good… that's very good indeed…" the doctor grinned maliciously, quick to revert back to a welcoming grin. He put his hand on the handle of the theater door, and took a deep breath, "Showtime… well, audition time…"

The doors opened, and ecstatic, eager Eggman exclaimed, "Welcome, actors… to the auditions for…" he extended his arms toward the sky, as he had many a time when overzealously describing a machine, "Hamlet, the Prince of Denmark!"

~XIX~

Writer: Whew… that took a while.

Xero: Yeah, and it's pretty good… but when're we getting to the actual 'trials of producing stage acting,' y'folla?

Writer: Yeah, I folla… next chapter. This one's just here to set the stage. So! You, the reader! How was I? Please tell me, I thrive on your reviews!