Your Glass

"And since you know you cannot see yourself

so well as by reflection, I, your glass,

will modestly discover to yourself,

that of yourself which you yet know not of."

-William Shakespeare

He's been distant lately.

He's always been, in a way.

But never to me.

If he was mad, I knew because I was the only one who noticed it. If he had been crying earlier I was the only one who could see the drying trails. And when he smiled that small smile, I was the only one who knew he was happy.

That's the way it's always been with Riku and me.

But lately…I can tell something's wrong. Ever since our return a few days ago, Riku hasn't been himself. I don't think Tidus and the others even know he's back…and sure, Riku has his 'alone' moods and he broods, but it's never been this bad. Kairi tells me to leave him be, that it's somehow normal.

But I know it's not.

Because this is the first time I can't tell what's wrong.

The few times that I've seen him, it's only for a moment and I see nothing. Not the twitch above his left eye he gets when he's fought with his parents, he's not chewing his lips as he tends to do when he's stressed, not even the subtle hand movement, where he constantly runs his thumb over his index finger, he does when he's keeping a secret. Nothing.

And I feel…useless.

There's a part of me that wants to seek him out more than anything, just plain out ask him what's wrong. But then there's the part of me that sees such a thing as a failure. I'm supposed to know Riku, to know how to read him. And because I don't…I'm failing him.

But as I see that look in his eyes again today, I can no longer stand it. So I follow him when he slowly traverses the town; I follow him to the small dock on the south side of the island which faced the play isle.

I watch from a distance as he quietly takes his boat and rows outward. I give a few moments, until I'm sure he can't see me and take hold of my own oars and slide into my own boat.

It's late, my mom's probably wondering why I'm missing dinner. And the air is chilly, signaling the approach of winter. The overcast sky only darkens my mood further.

When I arrive to the opposite docks, Riku's boat is thankfully already been tied and he gone. I loop the rope around the post once hurriedly and scan the area. Riku's nowhere to be seen.

But the sand gives him away.

He's left a shuffling trail in the direction he's gone. To the west…to our tree.

I can see him now as I near. He sitting, knees bended, and palms upturned at his side. I bite back a cry as I fully absorb his face. He's covered his eyes. The black band I thought I'd never see again wrapped tightly around his head.

Has this where he's been going?

He's been leaving, only to suffer alone like this?

I approach him finally, when I feel I have reigned my own emotions in well enough to speak. I make quiet steps toward him, stopping a few feet away from him. "…Riku."

He only inclines his head downward. I can tell he didn't want me there, I could tell, but I wasn't leaving. Not now.

"Riku…" I hesitate. What could I say? That I was sorry I couldn't tell he was suffering so? Sorry that I couldn't help sooner? "Why…what are you doing?" To yourself, I wanted to say.

To me.

"I've been blinded," he says.

"No Riku, you're not…"

"I can no longer see myself as the same person," he continues. His head tilts down again, hair hiding even more of his face from my sight. I can see it, the wall he's building. It hurts…I've never been shut away from him before.

I kneel close to him, lowering my own eyes even though I know he cannot see them. "What do you mean Riku?"

"I…I'm lost Sora. The dark…it's still there. It's blinded me, and I can no longer see myself. I've forgotten…" the words sound so painful. His tone brings tears to well unshed beneath my lids, because I know he won't shed his own.

"You're the same…Riku you're the same, you are."

He's silent again. The darkness has wounded him so much…what does he see behind that blindfold? What demons whisper to him in that dark world his made.

I reach out, my hands shaking, for his face. He jumps from the touch as I run my fingers up under the dark cloth. He doesn't protest when I slowly pull it from his eyes.

That look--gods that look is still there.

"Riku…I still remember…" my hands tilt his face til his eyes open to mine. "Look at me, Riku…I still remember."

He does look. I can see the exact moment he realizes his clear reflection is looking back up at him through my eyes. I can see how he fights to be reminded. Time passes, I'm not sure how much, but I'm aware he's yet to look away.

"What do you see, Riku?" I ask.

His face changes. That look disappears.

He smiles then. And it's that happy-smile.

And I know it.

Author's Note: Well, yet another one-shot full of misery. Should stop that. I wrote this for a contest on another site in which the theme I chose was 'Shakespeare'. That could be taken a variety of ways. I chose to find a quote I liked and based it off of that. So there you have it.

Cookies to anyone who can tell me the POV giggles Oh, and for those who review as well!