A/N: This is another thing I had to do for English. I don't know if they wanted me to use characters for Harry Potter, I don't think they did. But what the hell – I did it, so forget them!

Disclaimer: I own nothing, just so you know.

When Magic Goes Wrong (Well, Sort Of)

"Crucio!" Harry pointed his wand at a VERY ugly snake-like man. A bolt of light hit the man, Voldemort, square in the chest. Harry stared, nothing was happening. Voldemort wasn't being tortured, he wasn't crying out in pain. Infact he was just standing there like nothing had happened.

"Harry!" Voldemort yelled. He said it with joy rather than rage… "Oh, Harry! I'm so glad to see you!" By this time Harry was REALLY confused.

"Yeah…glad to see you too?" Harry muttered.

"Yay!" Voldemort screamed. "We've got to go shopping! Oh, and you have to see my secret lair. I'll tell you all about my evil plot to destroy you!"

"Great…" Harry was being dragged by Voldemort to some place.

Soon enough Harry was inside Voldemort's evil black lair. The walls were covered with illustrations of ways to kill people.

"Oh my word! Please, let me redecorate," Voldemort flicked his wand and the illustrations were replaced with pictures of Harry and Voldemort being best buddies, he didn't even remember posing for those photos… "Please, come this way." Harry walked through (it made a change from being dragged) and found himself looking at a map of Hogwarts and other places around it.

"What's this?" Harry asked.

"This is where I plot your demise each year," Voldemort explained. "Now, in July I plan to break through your dormitory window with a bunch of Death Eaters. We will then kill you and you won't be able to do anything because you'll be so sleepy. How does that sound?"

"Actually, my lovely friend, I'd rather not die. I'd prefer that you quietly open the window downstairs for me to be ready," Harry said. "Then, when I come downstairs and see you with a cup of tea, you will offer me one. We'll have a little chat and you'll go home, remembering you have to kill Wormtail, that annoying little rat. You got all that?"

"Yes. It's perfect. Thank you Harry Potter, thank you so much!" Voldemort jumped around

happily.

"Now, Harry, let's go SHOPPING!!!" Voldemort took Harry's hand to drag him. "WAIT! What is this foolishness? Why am I clutching you hand!? This is not natural! I must kill you!" Voldemort went to pull his wand out, but he couldn't find it. As Voldemort searched frantically Harry was making his get away with his broom.

"So long Voldie!" Then Harry zoomed away.

The night of Friday 13th July.

"Now, wait here for me, my faithful Death Eaters. I shall be back by midday tomorrow," Voldemort said.

"Shouldn't we accompany you?" Lucius Malfoy asked.

"Hmm…it doesn't say anywhere in the plan that you should. So stay here and clean this place up! I can see grey dust, I want to see black!" Then Voldemort left for Hogwarts.

Finally Voldemort had found the window to the Gryffindor dormitories. He could see Harry all warm inside. 'Quietly open the window' the plan read. Strange – he could've sworn he had put nosily. He followed the plan though, he'd obviously written that for a reason. Once he was carefully inside he read the next step: 'wait downstairs'. The Dark Lord tip-toed down the

stairs and got comfy in a big red chair. How long was he supposed to wait?

After a couple of hours Voldemort poured himself a cup of tea. Halfway through drinking it he heard a noise. Then a boy with jet black hair appeared. Voldemort quickly glanced at his plan.

"Would you like some tea?" Voldemort asked awkwardly.

"Sure," Harry said. Voldemort conjured up a steaming mug of tea and it levitated over to Harry.

"So…how's school?" Voldemort asked.

"Er…it's okay…" Harry said. "How's your evil plots coming along?"

"Alright, I suppose."

"Good, good…" Harry trailed off.

"Well, look, Harry, I've been up all night. I want to get home and my plan says that I have to kill Wormtail," Voldemort said.

"Okay then. Good luck and I hope never to see that idiot again." Harry waved him off. Then Harry was alone. "Oh, I love magic."

THE END

A/N: Well, I hope you liked it. If you don't get it, I'll tell you – The crucio part, Voldemort was being tortured even though he wasn't aware of it because he couldn't help being nice to Harry. I dunno if that helped or made you more confused, but, please review.