So i had a dream about Ryoji that caused me to like him a bit and wish he didn't have the fate he did. (i used to hate his guts and now i'm questioning if actually ever did...) (My personaxpokeani fic is still ongoing! i just need to do a LOT more world building that's all ;w;)
...
December 2nd, 2009
…
Ryoji just finished telling you about who he was and what his existence meant. It meant certain death and destruction of not only you and your friends, but also the whole world. His face never moved from any other emotion other than certainty the whole time he spoke. Now he remained staring at the floor. Like everyone else. But you.
Yes, you could feel your stomach twisting into knots over the literal earth-shattering news, but there was far too many to be just that. Looking at Ryoji caused some of them to tighten so much you had to clench your stomach to keep yourself standing. The ordeal he spoke of… You believe it to be true. Because you trust him. Because he never looked down all for an act or a joke. But this "appriser" he spoke of…
The feeling in your heart is telling you something. You can definitely feel it. But you cannot understand it.
Not even as he leaves.
…
Everyone else has gone off to their own rooms. You're sitting in yours, seated on the edge of your bed. The feeling from earlier is still there. By now, the feeling is making a nest inside your heart. Ryoji's face is constantly flashing in your mind. Flashing again and again. Knots in your stomach still remain, as for none of the situations have risen in the air. But the feeling in your heart…
Was something only you were the most concerned about…
…
December 24th, 2009
…
You decided to spend time with Yukari and Fuuka this Christmas Eve in the Paulownia Mall.
As you walk beside them, they talk about the lights, the holidays, and all sorts of things people think when it's Christmastime. You hardly contribute to the situation, just enough to keep them from suspecting something about you. Together, you look around in the shops and come home to the dorms with a few things, including a cake. Just as in the mall, you participated in Yukari's room party enough to convince them that you were with them.
You hated to lie. You hated to hide things from them, your dear friends. But when you don't even know what you were keeping inside, that's all that you could really do to keep yourself stable. Ryoji still flashed in your mind, occasionally from Ryoji to Pharos and back to Ryoji. It wouldn't be so hard to understand if it wasn't just the fact that it was him. You understood that it was him, but you didn't receive any reason why you were seeing him.
Even when you attempted to come to terms with the fact that you're simply missing him already, the feeling ceased to sever whatsoever. The knots kept tightening, loosening whenever you exhaled and constricting when you breathed oxygen into your lungs. If you didn't think hard and long and figure out this feeling soon, the fear of running out of air could be rational.
…
December 30th, 2009
…
Aigis returned today from the damage she received from Ryoji at the beginning of the month. As she talks about her guilt, you can't help but feel sorrow, hearing her robotic voice lower and seeing her look down at her hands and feet. Until she mentions what she wants you to do to Ryoji tomorrow.
"Please kill him…!"
Her words tighten your knots the most they've had the whole month. You double over, clenching your stomach, letting out a few whines and small gasps for air. Junpei and Yukari question your sudden pain, but as soon as you went to answer, the pain lessened and you were able to stand straight up as if nothing happened. Ignoring them, you further the conversation with everyone and Aigis, questioning her reasoning and comforting her doubt.
…
That night, everyone retired to their rooms for the night. Just like every night that year. Everyone seemed resolved more than they were before Aigis returned to the team. You could tell they were nervous, but not as much as they were the night of the news at the beginning of the month. Strength had settled in place of most of their fear, leaving more performance anxiety than fright anymore. But as for you…
As for you, the knots, the images of Ryoji, and the feeling in your heart still remained. Staring off into the dark ceiling, you lay on your bed, trying to relax your breathing. As you suspected days earlier, breathing became harder for you. The ticking clock counted how many breathes you were taking every moment. More that people are supposed to within a few seconds.
Then, the clock struck midnight. Dark Hour settled in. The only light that illuminated the city was the bright, large moon in the sky in the full phase. Aimlessly, you walk over to your bedroom window and looked out, out to the moon, shining and looming as suspected. However…
The images of Ryoji start flashing in your mind, coming at you wildfire. The images overtook your conscious so much that your vision went hazy and Ryoji appeared in the darkness of your diminishing vision. Clenching your forehead and shaking in confusion and the overwhelming events taking place within moments of time, the images of him slowly become clearer.
His hand. You can see his hand reaching out for you, an image constantly switching out with the one of him simply standing before you. As the image grew sharper, his face became clearer. Smiling, then tears of mercy, and back to smiling, over and over again, till the image started to mainly stay on his pleading gaze, his hand trembling, struggling to reach out to you. Something dark was wrapped around his neck, then more grabbed other parts of his body. The image moved, as if he was there before you, but no sound resonated from it. Still, you could see him blinking, his tears pouring out, and his lips moving as his eyes remained wide and full of fear. While struggling to maintain consciousness, you attempt to read his lips. They kept making the same motions as he struggled with the darkness to keep reaching out for you. It proved difficult, the animation of the image hazing as it moved, causing his lips to almost be unreadable. Then…
"-elp –e! I –a-t to l-! S- -e!"
When you got simply that, he was pulled into the darkness. As he was engulfed by the black, your vision remained black as you fell into unconsciousness.
…
December 31st, 2009
…
That morning, you woke up on your bedroom floor, awaken by Yukari's knocking to tell you to wake up, questioning your sleeping in so late. When you sat up, you took notice that you lay where you fell last night, confused as to how none of the others heard your body slam in into the ground. Thankfully, because you weren't sure if you could explain what happened to them without causing disbelief or chaos. After all, it wouldn't be best to unsettle their courage and belief the day of the big decision.
Like he told, Ryoji returned to the dorm that night. The sight of him made the feeling in your heart pump more than it should. As he talked, went up the stairs, and you and your team came to a consensus, you felt as if the knots had responded to Ryoji's presence, beside the fact that your heart certainly did. Upon getting the right away from Akihiko, you head upstairs. Your feet slightly began to tremble as you got closer and closer to your room, but you were determined to remain steadfast.
When you open your door, Ryoji is standing in the corner, next to your television set on its stand. He starts to conversation, taking about how he hopes you and your team have decided to kill him. First time he asks you, you tell him no. Second time, you tell him the same thing. Then he persists no longer and relaxes in your gaze. The image you saw last night, him reaching out to you with his hand, occasionally flashed as he spoke to you. When he handed you the glowing ring he bought on the class fieldtrip, you let it rest in your hand, but you stand still. He soon takes notice to this, questioning why you were suddenly staring off into space and if your answer to let him live was your true answer. Then you blurted it out.
"Don't worry, Ryoji. I'll do my best,"
He gives you a few confused blinks before giving a small, soft smiling. He leans over and touches your forehead, gently moving your bangs away before pressing his thin, gentle lips to it. He whispers a few, silent 'love you's before you head down with him, back to the lounge.
As he left that evening, you knew, as you feared, that he assumed something rather than what you were implying. His unaware messages to you in your mind have become very important to you, the determination to not let your goal sever. You have the determination to fulfil his silent wishes.
…
January 31st, 2010
…
The summit of Tartarus. The Nyx Avatar stood, large and tall, before you and your friends. The knots in your stomach tensed up more than ever. Your eyes locked onto its face and Ryoji's flashed in and out of your vision. He was calling, reaching out yet again and the image clearer than a month ago. And, this time, actual words resonated from him.
"Help me! I want to live! Save me! Please!"
The feeling in your heart, the knots in your stomach, they started to turn the weakness they gave you into strength and power. And along with those feelings came the determination and the exact actions to perform. It was obviously all up to you, for none of your friends knew this message. Because this rescue mission was all up to you.
Attack after attack, arcana change after arcana change, you and your friends brought the Nyx Avatar to its final straw: Death. Its true arcana.
Without warning, you jump forward, evoker to your head, and towards it. You summon Messiah to your control, jump onto its back, and proceed further to it. With its might God hand stretched out, it hits the Nyx Avatar so hard that it makes a tear visible only to you in the epicenter of Messiah's strike. As the darkness from its body spews out at you, covering you, fear settles in, but slowly dissolves into nothing but steadfast emotions. Everything goes black and your ears ring loudly then into complete silence.
…
You questioned your death. You questioned your existence. You question everything until your vision returns and feeling returns to your body.
Standing up, you look around. Everything is still black, but instead of a mass, you're in a physical void of nothingness. You feel as if what you did was suicide. You couldn't sense anything. Nothing seemed to be hear.
You receive the sudden urge to call out his name.
"Ryoji!"
Your voice echoes. Nothing. But you persist.
"Ryoji!"
You start making your way forward, calling out his name, amplifying your voice with cupped hands. Again and again, you call out. You start feeling a sense of hopeless and surrender, until…
A faint light shines in the distance. As you make your way towards it, rushing as fast as the darkness will let you, you can strangely feel a familiar warmth. And the light became to take a faint shape. When you stop before it, you look at it, your mind running in circles and your heart pounding. Without thinking, you reach out to touch the light, your conscious self completely sure your hand would go through. But it doesn't.
Your hand touches the figure, sparkles of its light brushing off into the darkness from where you touched. You stand still for a few moments, your almost metaphoric body shaking. You then collapse into its arms, letting yourself be surrounded by its blinding light.
"I told you I would come, Ryoji…"
…
You still lay in darkness, but you now hear familiar voices. They call out your name, shaking your body that just regained feeling as if that would wake you up faster. As your conscious starts to become clearer, you can also hearing them calling out for someone else.
"Ryoji! Can you hear me? Wake up, dude!"
Your eyes snap open and you jolt up, as if rising from possible death was easy. And as you thought, there he lay.
Ryoji laid next to you, unconscious, but looking somewhat alive.
A faint blush spreads across his face, for he apparently came out like a newborn baby, Junpei's school jacket laying over his lower body. Yukari and Fuuka are sitting next to you, Junpei next to Ryoji, when they start talking to you.
"When you attacked, you defeated it in one blow. But when the smoke cleared, you and Ryoji were laying on the ground. What happened?!"
You couldn't say much. You didn't know either. It seemed as if what you saw was only visible to you and that this was all a mystery to them, so you played dumb. You were pretty sure they weren't convinced, but the movement of the other laying body averted their gazes from you to him.
Ryoji's eyes blinked open and then stayed squinting. He seemed completely clueless as to everything around him, situation, surroundings and all. He looked to everyone and then to the looming, green sky.
"Wha… What happened? Where…?"
"Ryoji-kun!" Yukari called to him. He turned his head to its side to her. He gave her a blank, yet confused stare.
"You're alive! How could this possibly be?!"
He blinked a couple of time, around at everybody once more. When he met gaze with you, he stopped. He stared for nearly a minute before smiling, tears coming to his eyes. You've never seen him cry before, but you knew. You knew you got the right person, the right guy. This wasn't a complete stranger. Your actions weren't in vain. You saved him. You saved Ryoji. You entered his captor and split his fate from its.
"I'm… a human… Thank… you…"
You smile back.