A/N: This was written for a MWPP-fest on LJ almost a year ago - I've forgotten to upload on here until now. Special thanks to lordrandallslady for beta-ing!
Standard disclaimers apply.
"Our siblings. They resemble us just enough to make all their differences confusing, and no matter what we choose to make of this, we are cast in relation to them our whole lives long. " – Susan Scarf Merrell
We Are Cast
Sirius thinks this might be the only night when he can have a moment to himself before all the end of the term festivities begin, and the end of this specific term is especially important for him and everyone else in his year.
He really can't imagine not coming back next September, but there it is. Despite his hatred of History of Magic and his aversion to writing essays, he's going to miss Hogwarts. A lot.
Grimacing, he checks the Invisibility Cloak to make sure it's covering his body properly. Now that the Marauder's Map has been confiscated forever (thanks a lot, Pete), they have to rely on pure stealth like the good ol' days.
Ugh, no. He doesn't want to be one of those losers who say things like that. There are plenty of things to look forward to now that they're diving headfirst into the real world, right? No early morning classes, no homework…
Voldemort, Death Eaters, murder, panic, destruction, he darkly finishes in his mind.
He glowers into nothing as he makes his way through empty corridors, vaguely surprised and pleased that he hasn't seen anyone unwelcome: professors, prefects, certain Heads who are always snogging each other…
…Then he sees Regulus sitting beside a suit of armor, reading by candlelight.
He's about to walk past him, he really is. They haven't had a conversation since the day before he ran away from The Most Noble House of Black and that was almost two years ago, consisting of nothing beyond yelling and slamming of doors; they've been avoiding each other ever since.
So he plans to keep his stride, ignore his younger brother and leave him behind forever and try to forget that he is his flesh and blood. But then he's slowing himself down and he's pulling the Cloak off him, somehow not giving a damn that Regulus will now know one of the Marauders' secret weapons.
Regulus whips his head up, his gray eyes widening slightly. Sirius stares down at him, unsure of what the hell to do now. He hates looking Regulus directly in the eye – it's like staring into a mirror sometimes; their eyes are same shade of gray.
Sirius doesn't like acknowledging any similarities the two of them have. It's bad enough that they share the same name, but for Sirius to see the prodigal son of the Black famille makes that familial connection too obvious for comfort.
Regulus' eyes shift to the shimmering cloak draped over Sirius' arm. "So that's how you guys pull off all those pranks."
Sirius nods. "Yeah."
Silence.
It's extremely awkward and uncomfortable.
"What are you reading?" Sirius inquires before wanting to smack himself upside the head. Seriously? Since when do I give a shit about that? I don't even ask Remus what he's reading and I actually care about him.
Regulus glances at the book and back at Sirius, lifting an eyebrow at him; Sirius thought he was the only Black capable of that. Orion tried his best but always failed, the proud bastard. "Nothing that would interest you," Regulus answers.
Sirius rolls his eyes.
"I don't know why you're trying to be civil right now. Do you want to hex me while I'm off my guard or something? Because I'm not," Regulus continues, a hard edge to his voice.
"Believe it or not, I'm just going on a midnight walk to think," Sirius retorts haughtily.
"Think of what? Nothing substantial, certainly."
Sirius narrows his eyes. "I can change my mind about hexing you, y'know."
Regulus lets out a sigh of defeat; Sirius is rather infamous for his dueling. "Fine."
Silence again.
Sirius doesn't like this pattern.
"What're you doing out of your dorm?" Sirius asks, breaking the silence again.
Regulus shrugs. "Wanted to get out for a bit."
"I thought Slytherins loved to be miserable in their gloomy cave together."
"Yes, but every once in a while we have to leave if only to support the notion that our gloomy cave is the best place for misery," Regulus quips with a roll of his eyes.
"I'm surprised you haven't been caught."
"Ears of a dog."
Sirius' nose twitches in disgust. He did not just say that.
And almost like he read his mind, Regulus smirks for a fraction of a second.
Then the smirk falls and there's a look of concentration; he's wondering whether to say something or not. Sirius really hates that he can read his little brother like a book sometimes, but it's even worse when he can't.
"What?" Sirius prompts him.
"Lupin is a werewolf, right?" Regulus asks arbitrarily, but he's not really asking; he's stating it.
Sirius freezes, his mind whirling. I suppose I can Obliviate him, but I haven't performed a memory charm before and who knows if it would really work and oh Merlin how can I convince my stupid brother to keep this quiet? At least for the next month?
"I don't give a rat's arse," Regulus continues, seeing Sirius' eyes (and is it just a coincidence that two Animagi forms were mentioned?) – "The guy never bothered me personally. I just wanted to confirm my theory."
"Why?" Sirius blurts.
"Why what?"
"You must've known for years, you're not completely brain damaged…you could've gotten him kicked out of school if you wanted."
Regulus clenches his jaw before shrugging in such a flippant way that impresses Sirius. "There are more unbearable people at Hogwarts. Like that Ravenclaw McGuire."
Sirius scowls. "McGuire," he spits. "Hate that guy."
"So irritating."
"And he spits everywhere when he rants!"
"I'm fully aware – I got hit in the face walking by one of his infamous rants about how the Ministry should instill another standardized test when we're thirteen so we have a good idea of how much we'll have to study for the O.W.L.s."
Sirius winces in sympathy without any real thought on who the sympathy was for. "I hope he chokes on his own spit when he leaves."
Regulus grins. "The obituary will read, 'Choking on Words: unfortunate death through spit asphyxiation.'"
Sirius barks a laugh. "'His body simply had enough of him and rebelled. Can't really say this hasn't been a long time coming.'"
The silence this time is almost comfortable, faint smiles still on their faces.
Sirius can't remember the last time they've managed to hold a conversation that didn't involve rants about purity of blood and all that nonsense. It's kind of sad, really. Maybe if things had been different and they had better parents and different lives, they could've had some sort of bond that was an example of that phrase "blood is thicker than water."
But maybe that's exactly what this is – despite the hatred and differences between them, there's still something that connects them, that always will, no matter what happens, as cheesy as that sounds.
Regulus lifts his arm to rub the back of his neck and Sirius can spot it, just a little, that black ink which binds you for life.
For the first time in years, he wants to take Regulus away from everything and protect him like a real older brother should. But there are too many fights and too many years between them; it's rather heartbreaking.
He wants to pretend that they're not existing in the middle of this terrible war and that they haven't already chosen to be on opposing sides, that they're not going to fight each other, life and death, as soon as they leave behind Hogwarts. I can do that, right? Just for tonight?
This is too sudden and painful for him. He tries not to vomit as he looks away, forcing himself to calm down.
"I have a question," Sirius asks, wanting the atmosphere to lighten (his name is just so ironic).
"What?"
"Did you really snog Tate Driscoll? Last year?"
Regulus glances up and down the corridor before nodding once. "It went on for a bit. But…it's obvious which Black she really wanted," he says, giving Sirius a pointed look.
Sirius glances at his feet in a rare moment of insecurity. "I know," he admits quietly. "But…I shouldn't. Nothing good can come out of it – her sister is practically married to Remus and I'll be leaving…"
Regulus raises an eyebrow again. "Wow. You're actually thinking about someone other than yourself? Remarkable."
"It's been known to happen on occasion."
"Yes, loyal as a dog to the Marauders," Regulus continues with unconcealed bitterness.
Sirius clenches his jaw, feeling the tides change again and they're back to being enemies. They can't ignore it for long, can they?
"What's that supposed to mean?" Sirius asks in a half-growl, but as soon as the words leave his mouth, he wants to take them back. He doesn't want to know because then he'll question himself.
Regulus sighs. The anger and defense immediately draining out of Sirius as he stares at his younger brother, suddenly looking too old to be sixteen going on seventeen. "Nothing. Forget it," Regulus responds tiredly.
Sirius drops it because they can fight tomorrow. Just not tonight, please.
"So…you and Remus…" Regulus starts, a ghost of a smirk on his face.
Sirius glares for a second before rolling his eyes and letting out an exasperated sigh. "Don't swing that way."
Regulus chuckles a bit. "Too straight?"
"You know it."
"People are convinced you two are having a closeted affair."
Sirius can't help but laugh. "No way. But, you know, if Remus were a bird…he'd totally be my soul mate," he admits.
Regulus raises both his eyebrows. "Yeah?"
"Without a doubt," Sirius answers without shame.
Regulus nods in acceptance.
This is the last silence shared by the Black brothers. Sirius thinks that this moment should feel more poignant or saddening, but he doesn't feel much of anything except loss. But he lost his brother years ago, so why does it feel like he's losing him right now?
"Well…I should get back…" Sirius starts, fiddling with the Cloak.
"Right. Me as well."
Regulus stands up and Sirius wonders when the hell his brother grew. He's still not as tall as Sirius, but he's no longer a pipsqueak, as Sirius would tease him when they were younger.
They stare at each other for a moment and Sirius can tell Regulus still has so many questions: he knows Regulus was dying to talk about The Prank a while ago if any of those lingering looks afterward meant anything. Sirius also has some of his own (how the hell can he let himself be marked like that?), but the reprieve is over and done with, never to be talked about, ever.
Sirius wants to wish him good luck, but he doesn't know what it should be for, so he just gives his younger brother a curt nod before putting on the Invisibility Cloak. Before he leaves the corridor, he stops and says, "I hope you know what you're doing," with his eyes screwed shut, wanting any sort of emotion towards Regulus to just go away.
Regulus doesn't say anything and Sirius all but runs so he can put back the usual distance between them. He's not going to give this another thought; he knew that things were going to turn out like this, that his parents' drivel logic would get to Regulus, turning him into someone that's not quite in his nature.
Sirius knows Regulus doesn't have to be like this. There are so many if onlys that apply here and it drives Sirius insane, especially since all the if onlys don't just pertain to his parents or Regulus – he doesn't want to think about what he could've done to make this better.
Nothing he can do about it now – the past is in the past. Out of sight, out of mind.
Except not really (he doesn't think it ever will be).
A/N: Do remember to leave a review!
MissGoalie