Mary Sue's are perfect creatures
Satin skin and even features
Shiny manes of beautiful hair
They always look perfect no matter what they wear.
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Yet despite their marvelous fighting skill
(A cool sword or bow is the usual bill)
They mange to get into pretty tight places
Dodging orc arrows, scimitars, and big nasty maces.
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Tougher than dwarves and wiser than elves
Everyone loves their pert Mary Sue selves
Fiercer than knight's they sing better than most
But ere' of their talents would they think to boast.
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The hearts of all men are laid at her feet
But only for one will her heart faithfully beat
The one who cares not if she lives or she dies
Him, she will love and all others despise.
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The favorite of all our beloved nine guys
With perfect blond hair and those to-die-for eyes,
Now the next lines should be quite obvious
The one that she loves is Prince Legolas
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If you think this will go smoothly, you are quite a fool.
She won over the son, but NOT King Thranduil
No matter how pretty or charming her art,
She will never, no never soften his stony heart.
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Than she was sent into some unlikely exile
Her telephone number taken off of speed dial,
And so she languished a number of years
Weeping, and sobbing her silver-blue tears
&&
Her keepers were Orophin, Rumil, Haldir
And ere to the door keys could she get near
At last her chance came, when they weren't looking
Away did she run while they were elf lembas cooking!
&&
Like a homing Beacon her gleaming hair did act
And in a single moment three arrows thumped into her back!
Then to their horror they realized
A Mary Sue doesn't just give up and die!
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For the next ten minutes she commenced to sing
Of forbidden loves and a hard hearted King
And finally with gasp falls to the ground.
&&
"Aha!" Cried the elves "we have peace at last!
No more must we deal with this one perfect lass!
No more will her cries and her songs fill our ears,
No most we dry her fake silver-blue tears!"
&&
And Lothlorien was filled with joyful elven laughter
And bid Mary Sue an angsty ever after!