Author's Note:

Hey guys. Ok, this is my first fic ever and I normally don't ever let anyone read my stuff, which basically translates into I have no idea what I'm doing. So please don't judge too harshly!

Disclaimer:

These characters belong to Dick Wolf and NBC etc. They are not mine (if they were, you could bet your life Olivia and Elliot would be together by now)

Simon Marsden. Young man. Lives with girlfriend and her son. Works the night shift at a pharmacy. Long lost brother. And until a few days ago, suspected rapist. Liv sighed and regarded the contents of her cup remorsefully; cursing the day she had given up caffeine. You sure as hell needed something stronger than Lipton tea to last the day in the Special Victims Unit. Life in the SVU was hard enough between all the men you met thinking you're perverted and being slapped in the face with the colossal downfalls of humanity everywhere you turned. And Elliot.

Liv aimed her now empty cup at the bin closest to the bench she was sitting on. She was most certainly not in the mood to open up that can of worms. For Elliot Stabler was a minefield of problems all on his own. He was unstable, unpredictable, insecure and her lifeline. The last was by far the biggest problem. That and the fact that Liv could only lie to herself for so long and eight years was long enough. She could no longer tell herself that she felt nothing for the man beyond friendship and believe it. And damn him too, for giving her reason to hope – as she had barely ever allowed herself before.

Olivia looked out over the park and a memory presented itself form the corner of her mind she'd thought she had safely locked up. It was almost a year ago now – the Gitano case. It had been tough for all of them, as every case was. But this was the one that broke her. But it wasn't the sight of Ryan's dead body, or those of his family that had Liv hovering dangerously on the edges of her mind. Though those faces and bodies did join the others in her nightmares – more lives she hadn't been able to save.

No, this time it was her partner. It was Elliot and the ultimatum he had delivered; stop working together, or stop caring. Because basically, that's what he had said. He had been pushing her away for a while and Liv had known that, but that had been the final touch. He had said those words and Liv had felt her heart unravel. What he said next had stayed with her during those nights when her life seemed just a pathetic lie and she searched desperately for a reason to get out of bed the next morning, 'You and this job are the only things I have left. I can't screw that up.'

He had set her aching heart racing then and she knew not what part of that to focus on. Was it that he said you and this job? For surely she was part of the job. Surely it was the same thing? Or was it that he couldn't screw it up? Screw what up? His job? Or their relationship? Olivia was so lost in her thoughts she had almost missed the next words out of his mouth as he stood up to leave, 'I couldn't take it.'

So softly, Liv scarcely dared to believe they were spoken at all. She had sat on that hospital bench until time evaporated into the distance, her insides raged in a tumult of emotions. Finally, her face wet and her mind a broken mess, she came to a decision, the hardest she'd ever made. Olivia couldn't stop caring for him, she just couldn't. So she had told Cragen she wanted out.

Their relationship had never recovered. Not really, anyway. She had returned of course, as she had known deep down she would, but only to abandon him a matter of months later. And now what? Liv asked herself. There he was again, when she needed him the most. He was there, the protective support of a friend she would have been lost without. But she couldn't even be happy with that. Seeing him refuse to answer Cragen when their boss had so directly asked what they had been thinking running off to New Jersey had made Liv's insides churn.

It had been only a couple of years ago that Kathy had left him after all. And had Liv been there for him in that same way? Absolutely not. She had watched him fall; she had half-heartedly reached out a hand, knowing full well he wouldn't take it. For what? For fear of dragging her down with him? Well Liv should have tried harder. She should have jumped in after him, been the friend that he needed her to be and that she had once been.

Now they were here, at Simon and in a bizarre twist, Liv found that now she was the one with the family and he was the one left utterly alone. Liv closed her eyes, it was all too much. Suddenly, her phone rang, startling her out of her reverie.

'Benson.'

'Olivia, we've got a case. 32 year old woman was raped at her home this morning. She's at the hospital now, Munch and Fin just left to interview her. I need you back at the precinct.'

'I'm on my way, Captain.' Heaving one final sigh, Liv got up and left her personal problems at the park bench, readying herself for another case, another victim. Another nightmare.

She walked into the precinct ten minutes later, pushing her hair out of her eyes and making straight for the table with the tea and coffee and pouring herself more tea. Elliot watched her go, concern clouding his mind. His partner had changed, perhaps irreversibly so.

Since Liv had returned from that case with the feds there was something different about almost every aspect of her. Her hair – caught back in a dark ponytail- her clothes, the tension that laced her body. When she had walked through the door that first time after their weeks apart, Elliot had known a moment of relief and he had felt almost two months of anxiety lift from his body. But the indifferent glance she had casually thrown his way had snatched the relief back out of his grip. Something was wrong. Olivia had slammed a door in his face before they'd even had a chance to say hello and it had left him reeling.

His bewilderment had swiftly cleared however, after that first case they worked as partners again and Elliot couldn't believe he hadn't seen it before. Dani. Of course Liv knew. What other explanation could there be for the distance she had wasted no time placing between them?

Liv sat across from him now, with a cup of tea and a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, but one he would treasure all the same.

'Hey. So where are we on the case?' She began.

'Victim's name is Joanne Mitchell, her neighbour found her raped and beaten this morning. Munch and Fin are talking to her which leaves us to start retracing her steps before the attack.'

'Boyfriend?'

'Not that we know of. But she's very close to her sister. So I guess we start there. See if her sister had seen or at least heard from her anytime before it happened.'

'Ok, let's get going.'

They were in the car and on the way to the victim's sister's house before Elliot could work up the courage to ask her.

'So, Liv. Spoken to Marsden lately?' he kept his eyes carefully focused on the road, aware that she would most likely lash out at him for sticking his nose where they both knew it didn't belong instead of answering the question. Though to his surprise, she didn't.

'Yeah, actually. We're going out to dinner tomorrow night.'

This time Elliot did chance a look at her and noticed with some comfort the small, hopeful smile that played on her lips.

'You really want a relationship with this guy, don't you?'

'He's my brother, Elliot. He's the only family I've got and besides he's – he's nice. We probably didn't get off on the right foot, what with me thinking he's a rapist and everything. But this deserves a shot, don't you think?'

They were pulling up to Joanne's sister's home now and Elliot was sorry to have to cut the conversation short, especially since it had been the first time in what had been way too long that Liv had spoken to him this freely. As she made to get out of the car, Elliot couldn't help but grab her arm gently.

'Hey, Liv.' He told her with as much warmth as he could muster, 'Good for you.'

This time the smile she gave him did reach her eyes, and it was enough to put one on his face for the rest of the day.

Well, that's chapter one. Please let me know what you think so I can decide whether this is worth continuing!