Commissioned by my fellow fanfic writer Bast for her birthday.
Joe struggled to balance two large take out bags and his Gucci attaché as he reached for the button to buzz Ed's apartment. After weeks of being laid up and still more of grueling rehab, his partner had made a slow but steady recovery.
The last time he'd talked to him Ed even mentioned some new regimen he'd taken up which had greatly aided his efforts to get back on the job. He'd called the day before to say his doctor had given him a clean bill of health and decreed him fit to return to active police duty. Joe was like a little kid on Christmas Eve. His partner was coming back! When the lieutenant told him he made up mind right then to take Ed a welcome back dinner along with the files of some of the more pressing cases so they'd be able to hit the ground running.
Joe felt his attaché slip and hugged his elbow tightly to his side. He eyed the food bags and silently vowed to take it out of the waiter's hide if anything seeped out and stained his Italian handmade suit. He was contemplating which method of torture to use when the door flew open and a vivacious brunette jogged out. When she cleared the door Joe stuck his foot in to keep it from closing and was all set to enter when he found his path blocked by a slender arm.
"Hold it!" the jogger barked. "You tryin' to piggy back me, mister?"
Joe flashed his capped, gleaming white teeth. "I wouldn't dream of it, lovely lady."
The girl grinned and her eyes held that 'heard it all before' look New Yorkers developed by the time they reached grade school. "Uh huh. So how come you had to wait for me to come out so you could go in?"
"Well," Joe explained, oozing charm. "As you can see I haven't got a hand to spare and reaching the buzzer seemed a bit more than I could handle."
"Yeah," she conceded hesitantly. Still not satisfied she interrogated, "So who you here to see?"
"Ed Green. Apartment 2D."
"Ed?" the brunette perked up. "Cute Ed with the goatee and the great smile?"
"Yeah," Joe laughed. "I'm his partner."
The girl's eyes widened. "Really?" she queried as she looked Joe over from head to toe. "Damn. It's always the cute ones. Oh well." She dropped her arm and jogged off calling, "Enjoy your dinner!"
Joe carefully made his way up the stairs and all but skipped to Ed's door. He was set to give it a good thump when he noticed it was slightly ajar. Joe grunted. Leave it to a cop to ignore the dangers of not securing oneself against home invasion. Oh hell, he reasoned. Maybe the guy was in a hurry to take a leak.
He opened his mouth to obnoxiously announce his arrival, but the sound died in his throat when he heard what was unmistakably a female groaning.
"Oh god, Ed." The voice said breathlessly. "What are you doin' to me?"
Joe heard Ed laugh. "Feels good, don't it?"
"Son of a…" Joe exhaled in awe. The ink wasn't dry on the doctor's release and he was already back in the saddle.
Joe eyed the food and shrugged. He wasn't about to throw a monkey wrench in another guy's action for $30 worth of Chinese take out so he turned to leave.
"I can't believe I let you talk me into this," the female voice exclaimed loudly.
Joe's head snapped around. He knew that voice. It was slightly husky with a hint of velvet around the edges. It could be razor sharp when cutting an out of line detective down to size or warm and encouraging when he hit a brick wall. Oh yes. He'd know that voice anywhere.
"Heh. Trust me," Ed crooned. "You'll still be thanking me when you wake up in the morning."
"You're assuming I'll be able to get up off this floor and go home."
Joe couldn't believe what he was hearing. Ed! And the lieutenant! The very married lieutenant! Getting busy right there on the living room floor. How had he missed the signs? Surely there must've been something that foreshadowed what he was now witnessing, or well… uh, eavesdropping on.
"Y'know, my husband brought one of these DVDs home once. Did his best to talk me into trying this stuff," she laughed. "I told him he was out of his mind."
"Well, you gotta break out sometimes, Lieu." He was calling her 'Lieu'? At a time like this? "Go out on a limb. Try something new. Keeps you young."
"Mmm hmm. Easy for you to say," Anita shot back. "I'm not trying to hurt myself helping a 53 year old man twist himself into a pretzel. He's just gonna have to stick with what works for him. Hell, he's already huffing and puffing from that."
"C'mon and turn over," Ed instructed when they'd finished laughing at her husband. "I want you to see how the supine position feels." Supine? That was a new one. Joe made a mental note for future reference. "Bend your knees. Yeah, that's right. Just take your time and relax into it. Now, roll your pelvis from side to side. See! You got it. You're a natural."
"I've got a good teacher."
"Well," Ed said modestly. "I've had a lot of practice."
Joe nearly shouted, "Ed you ol' dog you!"
"You wanna try the open leg rocker?"
"Ed please," Anita let out a satisfied groan. "You wearin' me out, boy."
"Okay, okay. But I wanna show you something called the 100's before we both collapse."
"Collapse? A young stud like you?" Anita goaded. "Come now, Ed. You can do it, put your back into it."
"Very funny. I never figured you for an Ice Cube fan."
Anita laughed. "You obviously forget I have two teenage sons."
"Say, I bet your boys would get a kick outta seeing their mom right now!" Ed teased.
Joe was leaning on the door so he could hear better and the last comment made him lose his balance. Before he could stop himself he was hurtling headlong into the room. He skidded across the floor and came to rest against a very solid coffee table.
"Terribly sorry to break up the party, folks," Joe spewed apologies, his eyes shut tight. "Don't mind me. I didn't see a thing. I'll be going now."
"Joe?" Ed laughed. "Man, what the hell you doin'?"
"Just thought I'd pop in and bring you a little welcome back dinner. Drop a few case files off," Joe babbled, his eyes still closed. "But I can see you're indisposed so I'll just leave this here and show myself out."
"I don't know how you can see anything with your eyes closed, Fontana," Anita cracked. "If you don't wanna end up in Ed's closet I'd suggest you open them."
"Oh, no!" Joe protested. "Ed if you'll be good enough to give me a shove in the right direction I'm sure I'll make out just fine."
"Fontana."
"Ma'am?"
"Open your eyes."
Joe slowly cracked his eyes, his forehead drawn and his nose crinkled. Once they adjusted to the light he glanced sideways in the direction of the voices. There stood his partner with his arms crossed and his lieutenant with her hands on her hips. They were both fully clothed.
"Oh," Joe blinked.
"You wanna tell us what's goin' on?" Ed demanded.
"Yeah," he stammered. "Well, uh… you see… uh, I was in the neighborhood and uh… I figured I'd do my good deed for the week, uh… by looking in on the sick and shut in."
"Okay," Ed drawled. "That still don't explain why you were sniffin' around my front door for five minutes before you came in."
Joe was stunned. "How did you…"
"I heard you breathing."
"Is that what that was?" Anita asked.
Joe's eyes narrowed. "If you heard me out there you must've known your door was open. You mean to tell me you sat in here knowin' somebody was loitering around your door? What kind of cop are you?"
Ed shrugged. "I knew it was you. I could smell your cologne."
Anita snickered. The longer she looked at Joe, the worse it got and pretty soon she was doubled over.
"You were standing out there listening?" she managed to squeak between giggles. "Just what did you think you were listening to?"
Joe's bottom lip thrust out defiantly and he refused answer.
"Shame on you, detective," Anita scolded. "I'm a married woman!"
"Well, what in blazes were you two doing in here that you were moaning and groaning and carrying on so?"
"I was showing Lieu some of my pilates moves," Ed answered simply.
Joe did a double take. "Come again?"
"Yeah, my therapist turned me on to it," he explained. "Lieu stopped by to drop off some paperwork and we got to talking about how her back has been bothering her."
"Pilates?" Joe repeated. "You mean you two were exercising?"
Anita and Ed nodded in unison and Joe knew his face was probably three shades from being purple.
"Goodnight!" he barked and dropped the takeout on the coffee table.
Ed and Anita's laughter followed him down to the stairs and out the security door.
"Pilates," Joe muttered as he fumbled for his car keys. "Damn health nuts!"
Back inside Ed closed the door to his apartment and locked it. "Whew," he sighed. "That was a close one. Think he bought it?"
Anita smirked as she sauntered over to Ed and pulled him to his bedroom to finish what they'd started. "He left, didn't he?"