Hey everyone. I promise I won't leave an annoyingly long thingie right here. Just I hope you enjoy it and please drop a comment and tell me what you thought. Even if it sucked. I want to know, I want to get better. ) Flames are nice too, they make me laugh. XD
Disclaimer: I don't own it. I don't wanna pretend that I own it. It's not mine. Period.
Hey Harry,
You know what? You messed up. You messed it all up. I should hate you, I really really should. But for some bloody stupid reason, I don't. For some reason I still love you. And I always will.
We could have made them all so jealous. They would have hated us. That's how it was supposed to be. That's what was supposed to happen. But, then again, you never were one to do the things you were supposed to do eh?
Yeah, guess so.
You were supposed to come home, though, Harry. You were supposed to come home, maybe a bit bruised and broken, tired and battered, but home. Home and alive and safe. And mine. And they would have hated us Harry, because we would have had out happily ever after while they looked on.
We were perfect, Harry. You were perfect. You won't believe it, but you are. Or were. Or, I dunno. This whole past tense thing is messing me up. And it's all your fault. You had to go and had a big heart.
'Mione said that that's why you're gone. You were juse too good. Too perfect. Too amazing to stay with us, At first I said that that wasn't true. I said you left because you were a stupid dolt. She said now that that wasn't very nice.
But that happened when I was still mad. I'm not any more…well, no, I guess I still kind of am. I mean, why did you have to leave? That wasn't what was supposed to happen. You weren't supposed to come home so battered and broken they couldn't fix you. You were supposed to come home alive and safe.
You were supposed to come home to me.
That's why I'm writing this damn letter. To help me not stay angry. But it's hard, ya know? 'Cause I loved you and you left me. And it's stupid, Harry. It's all so bloody pointless without you. It's like, I wake up, but I'm still asleep. I am forever in that moment right before you really wake up, where you can hear and feel and taste things, but nothing really gets processed. You're not really there.
Nothing makes sense.
Nothing's made sense for a long time. Three months and two days. When they brought you home and told me.
Told me there was nothing anyone could do. You were too exhausted. Too broken. Too ruined. Too everything. And one by one they all gave up. And they stopped waiting and trying and everyone left when it happened.
When you were gone for real.
But I stayed. I couldn't just let you be alone, ya know? I just, I don't know. It didn't seem right, leaving you like that.
And then everything stopped. You just stopped. And the Harry was gone. The you was gone. There was just nothing in it's place. And for a while, I didn't feel anything. Nothing at all.
And then the empty came. And then the realization came. The sad. The angry. And now some empty, realizing, sad, and angry all at once. And I'm confused now too, but starting to understand a little more.
I understand what Hermione was saying. About you being too good. You were, I mean, I don't think there is anyone, anyone anywhere ever who is as truly good as you were. You were just so perfect. So amazing.
And I'm realizing how much I miss the goodness Harry. I miss how your tie was never straight. How when Ron and Hermione argued, you got this look on your face, it was kinda a smirk and kinda an annoyed looking thing, and it was just for them. Like you knew something they didn't. And maybe you did, seeing as what's happened to them now. And I miss how when you smiled, you smiled with your eyes. And how every time you put on your shoes, you put your left one on first. No one ever knew why, you never said anything about it. It was just so you. And God, that's what I miss the most.
I miss the you.
I miss not being able to share exciting news with you, Harry. So I think that's kinda why my world has stopped. I don't want anything to happen that is important while you aren't here. I don't want you to have missed anything. And I know that's silly, because things are going to happen. Big things. But that doesn't mean that I want them too. No, I don't want them to all all.
Like this whole Ron and Hermione thing. They're together now. That's what you knew right? You knew it would happen. How could you not? We all knew, it was just a question of when.
Yeah, they're getting married soon and Hermione came into my room the other night and we cried. Because she doesn't want you to miss this either. Ron wanted you to be his best man. I was going to be the maid of honor. But, you're going to miss it. You aren't here, and that hurts.
We cried and cried and cried. We held each other and told stories about you and tried to make it all better. But nothing really worked, because you're still gone and we still miss you.
You weren't supposed to leave.
Life is going to go on, I know. It has too. It doesn't just stop for anything. Even if you were a pretty big something to a lot of people in this world. We all miss you, and we all want you back. But we can't have you. And that's just not fair.
I hate it.
And I still want to hate you, but not as much as I did before this. I guess Hermione was right, this did help a bit. Not that I ever should have doubted her, when has she ever been wrong?
I love you Harry. And I cannot believe that you left me down here. You inconsiderate fool. Believe me, when my time is up, you can expect the wrath of just about a million redheads I am just that angry with you. You git.
Funny how I still love you.
Yours Forever and Always,
Love,
Gin