I Had You
His reaction could be blamed on the alcohol. He was intoxicated, maybe a stone's throw away from stark, raving drunk. He was just looking for a good time.
Sometimes, I'm not even sure he remembers anything of that night but then he looks at me with those remorseful blue eyes and walks out of the room. It's in those times that I know, in his silence. He remembers and he has his regrets.
I don't have any regrets.
My reaction could be blamed on my infatuation with him - as well as my extreme lack of alcohol I suppose. It's only infatuation because I'm afraid to call it love because love is only something two people share in common. To him, I'll always be little Panny - an annoying nitwit, a silly little girl. A silly little girl that he took in a sodden haze.
I knew it wasn't right, but I wanted it so bad I could taste it. I could die happy because for one moment he was mine.
I tried to kill myself three times after that. Whoever said third time's a charm is a loser. It was on the third time that my dad got wise and found me bleeding in the bathroom with my slit wrists. It was then that I was landed in the hospital.
It was then that I found out I was pregnant.
Thank Dende for doctor-patient confidentiality. If my father knew, if his father knew… I shudder just to think about it. I thought long and hard about running away, taking the coward's way out. But then I felt the small ki growing inside me.
My baby was a Saiyan. My baby would be a prince.
If he was accepted.
I want to tell him so badly. I want to let him know. I feel like I can't hide it anymore. I'll go away for a while, but I'll be back. When I can face them.
Him.
He was anxious - all because of her.
He didn't really understand why. That night seemed forgotten between them. They had gone nearly six months without talking. She had left town for a while - reasons that Gohan and Videl kept tightlipped about. The couple seemed tense every time they were around him. He didn't want to think that they might know. It was horrifying.
Now, on the Capsule Corp. lawn, his home, they were having picnic and he couldn't help but notice how lonely it was without her. Marion was trying to coax him into a conversation and was slowly giving up. Goten and Bra were off to the edge of the compounds talking quietly. His parents were bickering and the Sons - minus Goku who would be a little late for some reason or other - were watching his parents and laughing behind their hands.
At least they could be happy.
He just wished he wasn't so miserable.
"Vegeta, honestly-!"
"Hey guys!"
His mother's scream was cut off by the arrival of Goku, holding something in his arms. Something beautiful, with skin so soft and her sighing his name kept him up at night.
It was Pan.
Goku noticed the looks and for once, became grim as he placed his granddaughter gently on her feet. It was only then that he realized why she was not flying herself. He realized when her large t-shirt tried to hide it but he felt the other ki signature pouring from her, a signature laced with traces of his own.
Suddenly, he felt sick.
He barely noticed anything else except the screaming erupting in his head, claiming it wasn't real. But it was real. He had gotten Pan pregnant. A one night stand, a drunken mistake, turned into the biggest error of his life.
He panicked and flew around to the other side of the building. He missed her saddened look.
"I guess I knew it would be this way," I said to no one in particular as I took off on foot toward the father of my child.
I ignored my parents disapproving looks, or my grandmother's teary eyes. I ignored Bulma's quizzical stare and Vegeta's stony glare. I ignored my best friend and my uncle as they stared in shock along with the rest of the petitioners of the party I had – oh so delicately – crashed.
My grandfather gave me a smile and wrapped his arm around my grandmother's shoulders. I returned his smile and her watery one with a small smile of my own. He silently offered to fly me over to where Trunks signature was coming from. I shook my head. The walk would do me well I supposed.
Sadly, it gave my imagination too much time to think about possibilities and what his reactions could be. I know he was shocked – but why did he take off like that? Was it fear or anger? Did he blame me? Did he – would he even want to claim his son.
The heir to his nearly nonexistent throne.
I turned the corner and he stood with his back to me, floating a few feet in the air, shimmering with a golden tint. He had not fully ascended as his hair was still pale lavender but it fluttered erratically in the breeze of his ki. He was beautiful, a true prince and I, too lowly to mean anything other than the mother of an unwanted, unplanned child.
I knew he felt my approach but he didn't take off again. His ki slowed but he still floated there.
"Trunks…" his name seemed to burn my tongue. Tears pooled in my eyes but I pushed them down. "Trunks, please… It's not safe for… for me to fly."
His shoulders tightened under his black tank but he slowly came down, not turning to face me. The silence that hung between us was choking me.
"For Dende's sake, Trunks, say something!"
"Why now, Pan?" He asked, suddenly, throwing me off guard.
I was shocked into a deeper, more involved, honest answer than I was perhaps happy to give. "Because I'm strong to tell you now without being afraid."
"Was what I did to you so horrible that you would be afraid of me?" he asked, turning around to stare at me with those haunted blue eyes.
"Trunks, that night, was the happiest time of my life."
"You don't know what you are saying," he growled, beginning to pass me to the back door to the house.
"Damn it, Trunks! It's because I had you!"
He went still and stayed in place, back once more to me. I took a deep breath and wrapped my arms around him from the back. He was hard as stone but so warm. I was pleased when he placed his hands over top of my own gently. I nuzzled my cheek into his shoulder blade.
"You stupid Saiyan," I mumbled. "All I've ever wanted was you."
"Why me, Panny?" His voice broke.
"And why not you?" I countered.
He stepped out of my arms and turned to face me once more. He stared into my eyes for the longest time and it was the most involved and deepest conversation we had ever had. He placed his hand out and caressed my swollen middle. I smiled at the wonder in his expression when the baby kicked at his hand as if recognizing his presence.
We stayed that way for a while. He had his hand over our child and my head rested on his chest. His head was placed gently on top of my own.
I was content. Then almost in unison our stomachs rumbled with hunger.
"Curse that Saiyan blood." I mumbled as I made to disentangle myself from his arms, but he pulled me up against him.
Then, he kissed me.
It was nothing like his kisses of that night. It was sweet, innocent and – if I dare say it – promising. I knew or at least believed that he won't leave me.
Us.
I felt another ki as Vegeta landed near us, and cleared his throat. I blushed and even Trunks' cheeks were tinged pink.
"The woman won't let us eat without you," he growled, arms crossed across his chest.
Trunks led me away on foot, holding my hand tight in his grasp. I looked back at Vegeta and smiled. He smirked at me.