AN: Merlin has never been mine, and, though I am not a seer, I predict that it never will be...and I'm pretty sure that's an accurate description.
I am on a ROLL! This almost makes up for the delay in my updates the last few days. When I'm done with this, I'm going to go update my other stories some more.
"You know, Merlin, all those jokes about you being a coward...I never meant any of them. I always thought you were the bravest man I ever knew..."
He could see his servant, standing as though paralyzed, eyes glued to the king as he spoke. Arthur knew how much his words must hurt. And normally, he wouldn't have said something like this for that very reason. But right now, he was hurt and confused. Merlin had never failed to follow him into danger. He didn't know why Merlin would stop now, when he needed his servant the most. He couldn't even come up with a believable excuse, and the guilt that shone through as he delivered it blew any chance of it being convincing.
To be honest, he would never admit it, but he truly needed Merlin. And now his servant was abandoning him.
"Guess I was wrong."
The last remark was the final, crushing blow. Arthur wasn't sure what he expected Merlin to do. Hang his head? Mumble another half-baked excuse? Maybe even tear up?
Merlin seemed on the verge of doing all of those. But then something inside him seemed to snap, and instead, Arthur saw a spark of anger emerge. And then he saw something that scared him.
Because the king recognized the look in his servant's eyes. He'd seen it before. He saw it in the mirror after Agravaine and Morgana's attempt to take Camelot. Betrayal. Painful, gut-wrenching betrayal. The royal realized just how much his words impacted Merlin.
But the betrayal was soon joined by something else. Arthur had no specific name for it. But it scared the king the most because the person he'd seen it in before in Morgana. He knew Morgana had felt betrayed by all of them. She'd somehow deluded herself into thinking they'd struck the first blow. And when they'd stared each other down in their fight for Camelot, he'd asked what had happened to her. And for a moment he'd seen an unnamed expression that said 'you hurt me and then expect me to be loyal to you?'
But it was only there for a moment. Because Merlin did not have it in him to turn into anything remotely resembling Morgana. The look in the servant's eyes was soon replaced with resignation. He was resigned to the fact that Arthur thought him a coward. And maybe it was just Arthur reading into it more than there was, knowing Merlin, but beneath the pain he saw the omnipresent loyalty that had not wavered.
He turned away, unable to stare any longer into those damn forgiving eyes. Who was he kidding? Merlin had drunk poison, rode into battle, went on rescue missions, and even jumped in front of the dorocha. He was anything but cowardly. Which was why this whole conversation felt wrong. Merlin never made excuses to save his skin. He didn't understand it.
His back was turned, but he felt that accusing stare burning into him. It bored through him, scorching him with its intensity. He almost wished Merlin would just yell at him.
But he didn't. After a moment that seemed an age, the burning eyes dropped their gaze, and there was the sound of footsteps, and then a door opening.
The servant left the king alone in his chambers, feeling as though the familiar blue orbs were still there, fixing their heated gaze on his back. Merlin may not have said anything, but his eyes screamed everything he needed to.
How could you forget everything?