"Hulu Destroys The World"
A Fate/Stay Night Fanfic.
XXX
Tohsaka Rin believed herself to be a reasonable person. Though people called her a technophobe the truth was that she simply didn't have any use for technology herself. In fact, the mere presence of a computer in her home showed that she was more open minded about technology than many other magi. Of course, as mentioned before, she had no use for such a thing when there were other matters that she had to worry about.
That's why when Archer asked if he could borrow her computer she simply gave it to him. She had barely turned it on once or twice – and then only at the insistence of Kotomine who suggested that she try to broaden her horizon. No doubt he simply wanted enjoy seeing her struggle with it in the first place.
"Are you sure?" Archer asked, as she handed him a box simply labeled "junk." "You don't mind if at all if I mess with it?"
"Sure, it's not like I was doing anything with it anyway," Rin said. "I'm more amazed that servants are summoned with the knowledge to use computers."
"Yeah," Archer said with a smirk. "It really is amazing, isn't it?"
"Is there something funny?" Rin asked, tilting her head.
"No. Not really."
Looking back, that was the moment Rin really should've known things were going to go horribly, horribly wrong.
XXX
Things had gone horribly, horribly wrong.
"You're exaggerating things," Archer said. "Things aren't quite as bad as they seem."
Rin stared at him, before looking back to the thing that used to be her computer. Though she couldn't remember clearly what it originally looked like, she was pretty sure it wasn't six feet tall, completely invulnerable to conventional and unconventional firearms, or have a thirst for human blood at first.
…maybe that last one. It was a Macintosh after all.
The two of them had already spent the better part of the day running away from the mechanical monstrosity. It had been pretty informative, really. First, she learned that unplugging the machine didn't turn it off, it only made it angrier. Second, it wouldn't stop until everything they knew and loved were dead. Third, those soulless eyes that constantly searched for them weren't as empty as they may have seen.
They were filled with hate and rage and LASERS.
"You're right," she said, as she put out the fire in her hair. It wasn't the first time, nor would it probably be the last her head would be set aflame. "It's much, much worse."
XXX
"So, tell me, how this happened again?"
Ten days had passed since the computer had first gone berserk. Forget the Holy Grail War – the terror that had been unleashed by Tohsaka's servant had easily dealt with the rest of the servants that had stood up to challenge him. Along with their masters, their masters' friends and family, and basically anything that that lived and breathed and did not yet know true fear.
Shirou was essentially the only one left besides the two of them. He felt he was entitled to an answer.
"This idiot here decided to upgrade my computer."
"Hold it, Rin," Archer said, holding up a hand in protest. "You couldn't even call that thing a computer. It didn't even have a connection to the internet. How was I supposed to watch my favorite shows on Hulu?"
"What kind of servant has creates a sentient killer robot just to watch Hulu in the first place? Just watch them on TV when they air if you care so much!"
"…that is pretty bad, Tohsaka," Shirou said with a frown. "To not have internet in this day and age…"
"S-shut up!"
"By the way Archer, how do you know how did you know so much about computers anyway?"
"Well you see, I'm actually you from the future," Archer casually said. "In my line of work, I had to deal with a lot of enemies. I ended up fighting quite a number of things like this in my past. After destroying the millionth or billionth robot you start to pick up things here and there."
"Oh, so I became a hero after all," Shirou said cheerfully. "That must be pretty awesome."
"Not really. I actually came back in time to kill you because I hated myself for how my life turned out."
"Not cool, Archer. Not cool."
"Ahem," Rin said, clearing her throat to have them focus again. "In case you haven't noticed, it seems they've arrived."
"They?"
Shirou looked over to where Rin was pointing – finding his heart sink as he saw an army of the machines on the war torn horizon.
"…Archer," Shirou asked, laughing weakly. "Were you the one that taught them how to self replicate?"
"No," he answered, shaking his head. "They must be evolving. I must say, I'm pretty impressed with how far they've grown."
"Yeah, it's really impressive how you've doomed the whole world."
XXX
"There's no way this is going to work."
"Just trust me."
"That's what got us in this mess in the first place!"
It was the second year in the war of the machines. Civilization as they knew it had ceased to exist. The machines had assimilated every bit of technology that it had come across, and with its numbers easily brought humanity to near extinction.
But the war wasn't over. The humans that had survived had banded together, and struggled against the mechanical oppressors. However, they had finally found a way to defeat them – thanks to their accidental creator, Archer. He held the key, after all.
"That was my future self that started this mess," Shirou said, fanning away the accusation. "If I go back in time, I can stop this from ever happening!"
"Just what makes you sure this is going to work?" Rin said, crossing her arms.
"We've tried everything else, haven't we? We don't have any other options. That means this has to work!"
"…I don't think that's how it works, Shirou."
"But this will!"
There were a lot of problems with the plan. For one thing, there was no guarantee that Archer would arrive intact exactly the way he was now. However, he was right; this was their only option left. Someone had to go back in time to stop this war – and he was the only one that could do it.
The past her would summon him, and then he would stop these things from ever being created.
"Very well…let's make the preparations."
"You won't regret this, Tohsaka."
"Don't say that," she said, rubbing her temples in a vain attempt to fight off a migraine. "I already have."
XXX
His arrival didn't go as smoothly as he had hoped. He ended up crashing into a living room, making a mess everywhere and when the dust settled his master was nowhere to be seen.
There was another problem as well. He couldn't quite remember what he was supposed to be doing here – but he knew it was something important.
Think!
That was right…he was a servant in the Holy Grail War. It was more than that, though; the details were fuzzy, but he had to stop someone called Emiya Shirou…
"Well," he said to himself with a shrug. "I'm sure it'll all come back to me eventually."
Suddenly, a girl burst through the door, looking at him with expectant eyes. It was, without a doubt his master.
He could confirm it later, though. First -
"Can I use your computer?"
He wanted to see if there was anything new on Hulu.
And the future refused to change.