An Ill-Fated Nap

by The Unauthorized Author

Ed falls asleep, and mustang takes his leg. Ed tries to get it back. Adapted from an RP with one @Fiercedeitygirl on Instagram. She seems to me to be pretty cool, so why not give her a follow? The story will progress in the same way it was originally written; as a series of comments. All curses have been censored.

Fiercedietygirl:

It was a boring day. Al was out doing who knows what. Probably playing with a cat. Ed was reading another alchemy book; since Mustang didn't have any work for him at the moment. He was just enjoying the peace and quiet. Of course he had to fall asleep with the book on his face.

Unauthorized Author:

Roy mustang walks in and sees the young alchemist asleep. He proceeds to poke Ed in the face. He receives only a sniff from the sleeping boy. Feeling that this could be highly entertaining, he unscrews Ed's automail leg and picks the book up from his face. In the margin he writes "find it within 2 days, or you get to be my personal dog for the next week.

-Colonel Mustang"

He replaces the book and walks off, leg in hand.

Fiercedietygirl:

At some point Ed woke up, though still half asleep. He picked up the book from his face and wiped the drool off his mouth. He was about to stand when he face-planted on the ground with a girly scream. He sat up, realizing his automail leg was gone. "What the ****!?" After looking around, trying to figure out what to do, he looked at the book. "That **** Colonel! I'll find it!", Ed yelled with anger.

The Unauthorized Author:

Alphonse, who had been outside playing with a fuzzy kitten, heard Ed's girly scream, and ran inside. He saw his brother dragging himself about the room in search of a crutch. "Brother…" he said, appropriately confused. Edward, by way of greeting, said "Mustang took my leg as some sort of sick practical joke. Look at the stupid book, you'll see. I'll rip his legs off and stick 'em on his head!" "We're indebted to him, Brother," Al said after reading the note. "I guess we will just have to play his game." "guess you're right, but Mustangs gonna' be in a world of hurt when I find that leg." "Brother," Alphonse added "I doubt I could stop you, but I think you'll need to find that crutch before we can start." Ed muttered, "I'll beat him over the head with the stupid crutch!"

Fiercedeitygirl:

Ed clapped his hands and slapped the floor, light flickering around him. Once it was over, a crutch was laying on the ground next to him. "Al, give me some help!" Al came over to help his brother stand. Once Ed was stable with his crutch, he started for the door. "Where do you think he hid it? Maybe I should just go beat it out of him." "Brother, just try to look for your leg. Don't hurt anybody!" "Alright, fine." Ed and Al were wandering through the halls, peeking behind a door every now and then, trying to find his leg. When they realized they had gotten to Mustang's office, they barged in. "Where is it? I know it's in here!" Ed was running all over the room, searching for his leg. "Brother, be careful!" Al stood still, watching his brother destroy the room. "Alphonse, what are you two doing here?" Lieutenant Riza walked up to Al. "Oh, it's nice to see you, Lieutenant Hawkeye! We're trying to find Ed's automail leg" "What? How did ed lose his leg?" "Ah, well, while Ed was sleeping, Colonel Mustang came in and took it." "Or course, I should have known." Ed came up to the two of them then. "Lieutenant Hawkeye, do you know where Colonel Mustang is?" At that moment, Mustang walked into the room. "Well hello, Fullmetal."

The Unauthorized Author:

Ed's face blanched in surprise upon seeing the colonel. Riza sniggered at The Fullmetal's face and turned to Roy, morphing from amusement to rage as quickly as the turn of a page. "Colonel Roy Mustang! Are you really so immature as to take advantage of your own subordinate while he is helpless!?" To the side, Ed muttered "Who are you calling helpless!?" Riza pulled her gun and pointed at her superior. "I am not above pulling this trigger! I would hope you are above continuing this cruel game any longer!" Mustang shrank slightly under Hawkeye's stare. Her eyes were truly as piercing as those of her namesake. He reluctantly turned to Edward. "Your leg is in the mess hall pantry. 3rd cupboard to your right. Probably covered in flour." He returned his gaze to the barrel of Hawkeye's pistol, inches from his nose. 'Lieutenant, I suggest that you remove your gun from my face before I reduce that pretty face of yours to cinders." Edward, instead of running to find his leg, watched the argument rooted to the spot. Bad idea.

Fiercedietygirl:

"Sir, I think you should apologize to Ed for taking his leg in the first place." "I thought I was the superior? I will kindly ask you to lower your gun, Hawkeye." "Not until you apologise." "Are you disobeying an order, Lieutenant?" "You did not order me, you kindly asked." During al of this, Ed, Al and the rest of Mustang's subordinated were trying to disappear from the sparks generated by Mustang, though failing. "Brother, maybe we should go get your leg back?" "Good idea, Al." As they tried to move towards the door, a bullet was fired, hitting where Al's foot was about to step. "You two are not leaving until Edward gets an apology." "Yes ma'am!", the two boys shakily yelped and they stood straight, hoping another bullet would not get fired. "I'm not apologizing. if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go finish my paperwork." "You don't need to worry about your paperwork. I already finished it, since you never do any." Hawkeye and Mustang continued to glare holes into each other, the sparks throwing everybody into the walls. "Hey, everybody! I just got back from picking up a new photo of Elicia! Who wants to see it?" Hughes had slammed the door wide open to talk about his darling daughter. "Oh, Edward! Al! It's nice to see you again! What happened to your leg, though? And what is this? A little lover's quarrel?" Hughes laughed as Hawkeye and Mustang's eyes widened at him. "Hughes, we are not lovers!" "Sir, I would not allow anything like that to happen between us!" , Hawkeye and mustang immediately refused. "A little quick to deny that, weren't you?" Everyone in the room chuckled at this.

The Unauthorized Author:

"I know just how to settle this one!" Hughes yelled enthusiastically, a microphone appearing in his hand. "Where was he keeping what?", Ed wondered aloud. "A 3-way duel," Hughes continued, "winner gets the leg!" "Wha-what?!" Ed stammered, flabbergasted. "I need that! Winry will kill me if she hears about this…"

Fiercedietygirl:

"What, are you scared that you'll lose, shrimp?" "WHO ARE YOU CALLING A SHRIMP SO SMALL THAT HE CAN'T EVEN WIN A DUEL 'CAUSE SOMEBODY STEPPED ON HIM AND DIDN'T EVEN HEAR A CRUNCH 'CAUSE HE'S SO SMALL!?" Ed was fuming, and started running toward Mustang, but Al held him back. "Calm down, Brother. He didn't say that." "But he thought it! I accept this duel!" Hughes laughed into the microphone as everyone was seemingly magically transported to an arena with lots of space. "Let the duel begin!" Hughes yelled into the microphone. Once the shock wore off of Ed, Al and Roy, Al started drawing a circle on the ground as Ed clapped his hands.

The Unauthorized Author:

Too slow. Mustang snapped his fingers and blew up the ground the brothers were standing on. They were sent rocketing into thin air. Edward landed on Alphonse. "Brother," Al said with a whine, "you dented me." "Later, Al," Ed grunted as he transmuted the ground under Roy into a solid cube around him. "Can't transmute the air around us 'cause he can't tell for sure where we are. Can't blow up the box because he'd incinerate himself. Can't believe I didn't use this one on him sooner." Hughes picked up the microphone (he had been too enthralled by the fight to commentate) "Aand it looks like the fight goes to the Elric brothers!" Just then, an explosion shook the ground.

Feircedietygirl:

"Not so fast, Hughes, this battle is mine!" Roy yelled as he stood atop a pile of rubble. "How- How did you do that?" Ed and Al, still lying on the ground where they had landed, were dumbfounded. "That's a secret for only me to know! Haha!" Roy stood proud as he snapped his fingers. "Well, looks like we're having shrimp tonight, everybody!" Hughes said into the microphone as Ed was cooked on Al's steaming armor.

Sometime later, Ed and Al were getting out of the hospital when Winry came running up to them. Hearing about Ed being injured, she came as fast as she could to check up on them. "Ed, Al, are you two okay? Lieutenant Hawkeye called me! She told me you had gotten in a fight!" Winry was about to burst into tears when she saw why Ed was on crutches. Suddenly, a wrench appeared out of nowhere.

The Unauthorized Author:

Ed woke up in a bed in central, his head pounding. Beside him stood Winry, wrench in hand, looking sheepish. "Eh, sorry for knocking you on the head there, Ed. Thought you had just carelessly broken my lovely automail again, and I guess I was a bit over-enthusiastic." "Over-enthusiastic? You knocked me out!" Ed shouted indignantly. "If it's any consolation," Al piped up, "Mustang has a knot on his head twice the size of yours. Plus, he will be one automail leg poorer when he wakes up." "Guess you know what that means," said Winry. "Docking time," grumbled Ed.