C*A*M*P
by Tuttle
Summer 1936
"Come on, Hawkeye, we're gonna be late." John McIntyre yelled up from the porch of Hawkeye Pierce's home. The boys, who had known eachother for their whole loves, 14 years to be exact, had been volunteered by their parents to attend summer camp. But this wasn't the same camp they had attended the previous years, this was a sleep-away camp, a new experience for both of the boys.
"Coming," Hawkeye ran through his front door with his bags. "I told Tuttle he could come. He has his own bags."
"Come on, Hawk. Come on!
"Keep your shirt on, John the bus isn't even here yet."
At that moment, the boys saw a large bus zip by the house. They turned to eachother then back down the road at the bus. They ran down the block screaming for the bus to stop. They ran faster and faster and just when they thought they would never catch it, the bus stopped.
The doors of the great bus flew open. The boys entered slowly, frightened. Some children on the bus were older than them, some were a lot younger.
Hawkeye and John clenched their bags and slowly walked towards the back of the bus. They found a seat and very timidly sat down. The bus began to move again towards their final destination.
The two boys had just begun to catch their breathes when a boy sitting in front of them turned around.
"I don't remember seeing you two last year." he said.
"We're new here, I mean it's our first time going to this camp. I'm Hawkeye Pierce and this is John McIntyre."
"John Mulcahy," the boy said extending his hand. "You can call me Francis, almost everybody does."
Hawkeye sat in the seat and waited, he knew the question would come sooner or later. The one question which everyone who met him asked.
"Hawkeye?" Mulcahy asked, " Is that your real name?"
"It's from The..."
" Last of the Mohicans. I thought that was the case."
" It was the only book my dad ever read."
Then there was chaos, the front of the bus was in an uproar. Everyone was up and huddling around the front bus seat. The driver was yelling back at the kids to behave. He was unable to pull over, the children were beating on eachother. Francis rose from his seat in the back of the bus and pushed through the crowd. He grabbed hold of one of the children.
"Get off of him, Margaret!" Francis said. The child's head came up over the seat. John and Hawkeye's mouths dropped in amazement. The other child sat up as Francis moved away from the seat.
"A girl," Hawkeye was shocked. " That girl beat up a boy?" He looked at John and laughed. They got up and moved to the front of the bus where Francis was.
"What happened?" Hawkeye asked. He looked directly at the girl. She looked about his age, maybe a year older.
"It was him," she said pointing at the boy in the adjacent seat. He was about seventeen, a round face, no chin. "Frank Burns. He said he's a better American than my father. Nobody talks about my parents."
Hawkeye kept talking to Margaret as John moved over to Frank.
"What's going on, Frank?"
"Who wants to know?" Frank began to get an attitude.
"John McIntyre, from Boston."
"Frank Burns, from Indiana." he began to calm down. "Can you believe her?"
"Who?"
" Her." Frank said pointing across the bus at his assailant. " Margaret Houlihan. She's crazy. Absolutely crazy. She said I have no chin, said I look like a ferret. Do you think I look like a ferret?"
"Well," John was thrown off guard by Frank's incessant whining. John just had to get out of there. " You know what, Frank? I think Francis is done talking to Margaret and he's gonna come over and talk to you now. I'm going to go back to my seat."
McIntyre got up and began to walk back to his seat when a hand grabbed reached out and grabbed him. "You're a swell egg, McIntyre, you know that?" Frank said.
John just smiled. He went back to sit with Hawkeye.
"What happened to you?" he asked.
"Her," he said pointing to the front of the bus. "Margaret Houlihan."
"Margaret Houlihan! The same Margaret Houlihan that almost killed ferret face over there?"
"Ferret Face?"
"I'll explain later. Why? Why her Hawk?"
"I don't know, just something about her, just... I don't know, forget it, really."
The bus pulled down a long road. It followed sharp twists and turns. About ten minutes passed and the bus stopped. The doors flew open, the children began to pile out.
"At last, " John said. " A little fresh air and no more problems with Frank and Margaret."
"McIntyre, Pierce, Winchester, Burns." A man with a clipboard called. All of the boys joined him one of which either Hawkeye or John had seen before. "You four share tent six. Bring your stuff there. Latrines are there, breakfast there, and those are the showers. Enjoy your stay."
"Sounds like a cozy place," Hawkeye said sarcastically. The camp wasn't the cleanest place in the would. Only a few tents were scattered around the whole place. The latrines were disgusting, the mess tent was exactly that, a mess
"Now this is what I call roughing it, Hawk." McIntyre said. The two of them walked over to the tent. "Wonder who this Winchester is."
"Sounds like some rich kid." Hawkeye said.
"Then what would he be doing in a dump like this?"
Hawkeye didn't answer, but went off the subject. "I knew a Winchester once. The only kid who could drink a case and a half of Grape Nehi at one time and not throw up."
"Thrilling." McIntyre reached for the tent door. "Shall we?"
They entered the tent to see a boy going through his bags.
"Hi, I'm John McIntyre and this is Hawkeye Pierce."
"Charles Emerson Winchester. The Third."
John and Hawkeye looked at eachother and then back at Charles who didn't even look up from his bag when introducing himself.
"I'm from Crabapple Cove, in Maine, and John is from Boston, Mass..."
"Boston?" That seemed to catch Charles' attention. " I too am from Boston. Have you ever attended the theater?"
"Not much," John was unsure of his response. His family was not as rich., and it was very obvious that Charles was.
"You know what," Hawkeye said. " I think I'll leave you two alone for a while. I'm gonna go tour the camp."
"Hawkeye, don't you..." John called after him but Hawkeye paid no attention. He just kept walking.
The camp was very large, and Hawkeye never stopped strolling. He only looked around. He rounded a corner near the latrine and saw a small child kneeling down.
"Are you..."
"I'm OK." the boy said. He stood up and didn't even reach Hawkeye's waist.
"What were you..."
"I was talking to the bunny. I think he's lost." The boy kept interrupting Hawkeye. It was as if he knew what was going to be said.
"What's your..."
"Walter O'Reilly."
"OK, let me finish at least one...'
"Sorry."
"Please. Now where are you from Walter?"
"Ottumwa, Iowa."
How old are you?"
"Five. I live with my Ma and Uncle Ed."
"Oh, I live in Maine with my dad. My name's Hawkeye."
"That your real name?"
Hawkeye hated that question. "No, Ben. Benjamin Franklin Pierce. Hawkeye's a name my dad gave me. It's from a book."
"Do you think I'll ever get a nickname, Hawkeye?"
"I don't know, maybe Radar."
"Why Radar?"
"Because you kno..."
"know stuff before it happens."
"Radar."
"O'Reilly, get over here." A voice came from behind Hawkeye. He didn't turn around.
"That's my Ma's friend." Walter said. "I have to go now, Bye Hawkeye."
"See ya...Radar."
Walter turned back to Hawkeye and smiled. Then he ran towards the voice.
"Nice kid," Hawkeye thought, "but a little squirrelly. Wow." He continued his walk through the camp. He stopped long enough to look at the horizon. The sky was purple and orange. The light shined through the clouds in the sky.
"Beautiful, isn't it?" Came a voice from behind him. Hawkeye turned. The voice was given a face, a face still unfamiliar to him. The boy was still holding his bags, a late arrival. He put them down and extended his hand.
"I'm B.J. Hunnicutt."
"Hawkeye Pierce."
"That your real name?"
"Here we go again," Hawkeye thought. "No it's from the Last of the Mohicans. What about B.J.?"
"What about it?"
"Is it your real name?"
"Yeah."
"Well."
"Well what?"
"What does it stand for? There's gotta be a story behind it."
"It means whatever you want."
"Come on."
"Really, no story."
"Really?"
"Honest. Boy scouts honor."
"You aren't a boy scout."
"How could you tell?"
"If you were, would your parents have sent you here?"
"Guess not. What about your parents, why are you here?"
"My dad usually sends me to this other camp, but this year, my friend John's parents decided to try something new. And wherever he goes, I go, so here I am."
"What does you mom think?"
"I just live with my dad. My mom died when I was nine."
"I'm sorry."
"I try to keep that behind me, you know?" Hawkeye changed the subject. "What tent are you staying in?"
"Six."
"Me too. There are three other guys in there too. My friend John, ferret face Frank and this rich kid Charles."
"Sounds like fun."
"Charming." Hawkeye started to walk back to the tent. "Come on, I'll show you where it is."
The two boys had quickly become good friends. Hawkeye had almost forgotten that he had left John alone with Charles. B.J. and Hawkeye were having a great time, sharing jokes, telling stories, and then they entered the tent.
"...when my mother began to play the piano." Charles was still rambling on about his home and family. John was laying back on his cot staring blankly at the ceiling.
"John, Charles, I'd like you to meet B.J. Hunnicutt."
McIntyre jolted up from his cot, his eyes sparkling with relief. "Thank God. Welcome B.J. Pull up a cot and make yourself at home." He got up and walked over to Hawkeye. "Don't ever leave me alone with him again. He bored me to death with his stories of the theater and his mother the concert pianist."
"Sorry."
"Sorry! You were gone for two hours. It's my turn now, I'm gonna take a walk. Your turn to stay with Chuckles."
McIntyre left tent six. Just as Hawkeye had, he strolled the camp. Looking around, he reached a tent he hadn't seen before. He approached slowly and noticed the sign in the front. "Tent Three: Female Quarters."
"Hey there are girls in there." He thought. He tried to peak inside through a small window on the door. He noticed two figures in the tent, they moved together in every way.
"Who is that?" John thought. He looked harder and tried to focus until he saw one of them coming towards the door. He hid on the side of the tent peeking to see who was leaving.
The tent door opened and the figure stepped out. John's jaw dropped. "Frank Burns?" John had to see who the other person was. He cautiously crept towards the door and once he got there opened it slowly and entered.
The girl's back was facing him, she was arranging some items on her cot. McIntyre crept a little closer. She turned around and surprised to see John behind her, screamed. John was now able to see her face, Margaret Houlihan!
Her screams traveled through the camp. John grabbed her by the shoulders to calm her down, but it was no use. She only screamed louder. The camp which up to this point was in total darkness sprang to life. Lights flew on in tents. Boys, girls, men and women raced towards the screams.
The boys from tent six were the first to arrive, followed shortly by the rest of the camp. The tent door flew open and Margaret ran into the arms on Francis Mulcahy.
"I turned around and there he was," Margaret was histerical. "He put his hands on me, his dirty filthy hands, so I screamed."
"I think the order of events have flipped a little." John suggested.
"You shut up." Margaret yelled. She fell into Francis' arms. "He trapped me, oh my God, he trapped me!"
Hawkeye had a smirk on his face as he walked towards John. The rest of the camp was fussing over Margaret,
"So..." Hawkeye said. "You told me you were going for a walk and you end up here?"
"Hawk, you really don't believe I attacked her?"
"Of course not, you're my best friend. If you were gonna do something like that you would have invited me."
"You know who did attack her though?"
"Share the details."
John began to tell Hawkeye about Frank Burns When he felt a hand on his shoulder. John turned around and saw an older man standing there. He was obviously in charge of the camp.
"I'd like to speak with you, Trapper John." He said. "Follow me."
"Where are you taking him?" Hawkeye asked.
"Are you Hawkeye Pierce?"
"Yeah."
"Then you better come with me too."
"But..."
"Now."
The boys followed the man. He looked about 35, very demanding, a take charge kind of guy. John and Hawkeye were worried and curious. They didn't know what the man wanted from them. Well John did, but not Hawkeye. They entered a tent in the middle of the compound. The sign outside the door read "Sherman T. Potter."
"Sit down, boys." He said to them once they reached his office. They complied. "Well, John McIntyre, I hear you had a run in with one of the females in this camp."
"Yes, sir, but I didn't...."
"Just answer my questions, son, I know you didn't do anything wrong, other than being at the wrong place at the wrong time. What were you doing at the females quarters anyway?"
"Taking a tour. Of the camp I mean."
"All right, Trapper John. I got a notice from the last camp you attended that you had to spend a whole week away because you glued the counselor to the seat in the latrine?"
"Yes." Hawkeye was giggling he remembered that day.
"Well boys, I won't tolerate that kind of nonsense here. Comprende?"
"Yeah."
"Yep."
"OK, go get ready for dinner."
The two boys got up and exited the tent. Hawkeye was smiling from ear to ear.
"What's the matter with you?"
"I wish he had told us that before I super glued Frank's sheets to his cot." The two boys started cracking up.
"I heard today they're serving meatloaf." John said between gasps for air.
"Come on Trapper. Let's go get some dinner."
THE END :-)
by Tuttle
Summer 1936
"Come on, Hawkeye, we're gonna be late." John McIntyre yelled up from the porch of Hawkeye Pierce's home. The boys, who had known eachother for their whole loves, 14 years to be exact, had been volunteered by their parents to attend summer camp. But this wasn't the same camp they had attended the previous years, this was a sleep-away camp, a new experience for both of the boys.
"Coming," Hawkeye ran through his front door with his bags. "I told Tuttle he could come. He has his own bags."
"Come on, Hawk. Come on!
"Keep your shirt on, John the bus isn't even here yet."
At that moment, the boys saw a large bus zip by the house. They turned to eachother then back down the road at the bus. They ran down the block screaming for the bus to stop. They ran faster and faster and just when they thought they would never catch it, the bus stopped.
The doors of the great bus flew open. The boys entered slowly, frightened. Some children on the bus were older than them, some were a lot younger.
Hawkeye and John clenched their bags and slowly walked towards the back of the bus. They found a seat and very timidly sat down. The bus began to move again towards their final destination.
The two boys had just begun to catch their breathes when a boy sitting in front of them turned around.
"I don't remember seeing you two last year." he said.
"We're new here, I mean it's our first time going to this camp. I'm Hawkeye Pierce and this is John McIntyre."
"John Mulcahy," the boy said extending his hand. "You can call me Francis, almost everybody does."
Hawkeye sat in the seat and waited, he knew the question would come sooner or later. The one question which everyone who met him asked.
"Hawkeye?" Mulcahy asked, " Is that your real name?"
"It's from The..."
" Last of the Mohicans. I thought that was the case."
" It was the only book my dad ever read."
Then there was chaos, the front of the bus was in an uproar. Everyone was up and huddling around the front bus seat. The driver was yelling back at the kids to behave. He was unable to pull over, the children were beating on eachother. Francis rose from his seat in the back of the bus and pushed through the crowd. He grabbed hold of one of the children.
"Get off of him, Margaret!" Francis said. The child's head came up over the seat. John and Hawkeye's mouths dropped in amazement. The other child sat up as Francis moved away from the seat.
"A girl," Hawkeye was shocked. " That girl beat up a boy?" He looked at John and laughed. They got up and moved to the front of the bus where Francis was.
"What happened?" Hawkeye asked. He looked directly at the girl. She looked about his age, maybe a year older.
"It was him," she said pointing at the boy in the adjacent seat. He was about seventeen, a round face, no chin. "Frank Burns. He said he's a better American than my father. Nobody talks about my parents."
Hawkeye kept talking to Margaret as John moved over to Frank.
"What's going on, Frank?"
"Who wants to know?" Frank began to get an attitude.
"John McIntyre, from Boston."
"Frank Burns, from Indiana." he began to calm down. "Can you believe her?"
"Who?"
" Her." Frank said pointing across the bus at his assailant. " Margaret Houlihan. She's crazy. Absolutely crazy. She said I have no chin, said I look like a ferret. Do you think I look like a ferret?"
"Well," John was thrown off guard by Frank's incessant whining. John just had to get out of there. " You know what, Frank? I think Francis is done talking to Margaret and he's gonna come over and talk to you now. I'm going to go back to my seat."
McIntyre got up and began to walk back to his seat when a hand grabbed reached out and grabbed him. "You're a swell egg, McIntyre, you know that?" Frank said.
John just smiled. He went back to sit with Hawkeye.
"What happened to you?" he asked.
"Her," he said pointing to the front of the bus. "Margaret Houlihan."
"Margaret Houlihan! The same Margaret Houlihan that almost killed ferret face over there?"
"Ferret Face?"
"I'll explain later. Why? Why her Hawk?"
"I don't know, just something about her, just... I don't know, forget it, really."
The bus pulled down a long road. It followed sharp twists and turns. About ten minutes passed and the bus stopped. The doors flew open, the children began to pile out.
"At last, " John said. " A little fresh air and no more problems with Frank and Margaret."
"McIntyre, Pierce, Winchester, Burns." A man with a clipboard called. All of the boys joined him one of which either Hawkeye or John had seen before. "You four share tent six. Bring your stuff there. Latrines are there, breakfast there, and those are the showers. Enjoy your stay."
"Sounds like a cozy place," Hawkeye said sarcastically. The camp wasn't the cleanest place in the would. Only a few tents were scattered around the whole place. The latrines were disgusting, the mess tent was exactly that, a mess
"Now this is what I call roughing it, Hawk." McIntyre said. The two of them walked over to the tent. "Wonder who this Winchester is."
"Sounds like some rich kid." Hawkeye said.
"Then what would he be doing in a dump like this?"
Hawkeye didn't answer, but went off the subject. "I knew a Winchester once. The only kid who could drink a case and a half of Grape Nehi at one time and not throw up."
"Thrilling." McIntyre reached for the tent door. "Shall we?"
They entered the tent to see a boy going through his bags.
"Hi, I'm John McIntyre and this is Hawkeye Pierce."
"Charles Emerson Winchester. The Third."
John and Hawkeye looked at eachother and then back at Charles who didn't even look up from his bag when introducing himself.
"I'm from Crabapple Cove, in Maine, and John is from Boston, Mass..."
"Boston?" That seemed to catch Charles' attention. " I too am from Boston. Have you ever attended the theater?"
"Not much," John was unsure of his response. His family was not as rich., and it was very obvious that Charles was.
"You know what," Hawkeye said. " I think I'll leave you two alone for a while. I'm gonna go tour the camp."
"Hawkeye, don't you..." John called after him but Hawkeye paid no attention. He just kept walking.
The camp was very large, and Hawkeye never stopped strolling. He only looked around. He rounded a corner near the latrine and saw a small child kneeling down.
"Are you..."
"I'm OK." the boy said. He stood up and didn't even reach Hawkeye's waist.
"What were you..."
"I was talking to the bunny. I think he's lost." The boy kept interrupting Hawkeye. It was as if he knew what was going to be said.
"What's your..."
"Walter O'Reilly."
"OK, let me finish at least one...'
"Sorry."
"Please. Now where are you from Walter?"
"Ottumwa, Iowa."
How old are you?"
"Five. I live with my Ma and Uncle Ed."
"Oh, I live in Maine with my dad. My name's Hawkeye."
"That your real name?"
Hawkeye hated that question. "No, Ben. Benjamin Franklin Pierce. Hawkeye's a name my dad gave me. It's from a book."
"Do you think I'll ever get a nickname, Hawkeye?"
"I don't know, maybe Radar."
"Why Radar?"
"Because you kno..."
"know stuff before it happens."
"Radar."
"O'Reilly, get over here." A voice came from behind Hawkeye. He didn't turn around.
"That's my Ma's friend." Walter said. "I have to go now, Bye Hawkeye."
"See ya...Radar."
Walter turned back to Hawkeye and smiled. Then he ran towards the voice.
"Nice kid," Hawkeye thought, "but a little squirrelly. Wow." He continued his walk through the camp. He stopped long enough to look at the horizon. The sky was purple and orange. The light shined through the clouds in the sky.
"Beautiful, isn't it?" Came a voice from behind him. Hawkeye turned. The voice was given a face, a face still unfamiliar to him. The boy was still holding his bags, a late arrival. He put them down and extended his hand.
"I'm B.J. Hunnicutt."
"Hawkeye Pierce."
"That your real name?"
"Here we go again," Hawkeye thought. "No it's from the Last of the Mohicans. What about B.J.?"
"What about it?"
"Is it your real name?"
"Yeah."
"Well."
"Well what?"
"What does it stand for? There's gotta be a story behind it."
"It means whatever you want."
"Come on."
"Really, no story."
"Really?"
"Honest. Boy scouts honor."
"You aren't a boy scout."
"How could you tell?"
"If you were, would your parents have sent you here?"
"Guess not. What about your parents, why are you here?"
"My dad usually sends me to this other camp, but this year, my friend John's parents decided to try something new. And wherever he goes, I go, so here I am."
"What does you mom think?"
"I just live with my dad. My mom died when I was nine."
"I'm sorry."
"I try to keep that behind me, you know?" Hawkeye changed the subject. "What tent are you staying in?"
"Six."
"Me too. There are three other guys in there too. My friend John, ferret face Frank and this rich kid Charles."
"Sounds like fun."
"Charming." Hawkeye started to walk back to the tent. "Come on, I'll show you where it is."
The two boys had quickly become good friends. Hawkeye had almost forgotten that he had left John alone with Charles. B.J. and Hawkeye were having a great time, sharing jokes, telling stories, and then they entered the tent.
"...when my mother began to play the piano." Charles was still rambling on about his home and family. John was laying back on his cot staring blankly at the ceiling.
"John, Charles, I'd like you to meet B.J. Hunnicutt."
McIntyre jolted up from his cot, his eyes sparkling with relief. "Thank God. Welcome B.J. Pull up a cot and make yourself at home." He got up and walked over to Hawkeye. "Don't ever leave me alone with him again. He bored me to death with his stories of the theater and his mother the concert pianist."
"Sorry."
"Sorry! You were gone for two hours. It's my turn now, I'm gonna take a walk. Your turn to stay with Chuckles."
McIntyre left tent six. Just as Hawkeye had, he strolled the camp. Looking around, he reached a tent he hadn't seen before. He approached slowly and noticed the sign in the front. "Tent Three: Female Quarters."
"Hey there are girls in there." He thought. He tried to peak inside through a small window on the door. He noticed two figures in the tent, they moved together in every way.
"Who is that?" John thought. He looked harder and tried to focus until he saw one of them coming towards the door. He hid on the side of the tent peeking to see who was leaving.
The tent door opened and the figure stepped out. John's jaw dropped. "Frank Burns?" John had to see who the other person was. He cautiously crept towards the door and once he got there opened it slowly and entered.
The girl's back was facing him, she was arranging some items on her cot. McIntyre crept a little closer. She turned around and surprised to see John behind her, screamed. John was now able to see her face, Margaret Houlihan!
Her screams traveled through the camp. John grabbed her by the shoulders to calm her down, but it was no use. She only screamed louder. The camp which up to this point was in total darkness sprang to life. Lights flew on in tents. Boys, girls, men and women raced towards the screams.
The boys from tent six were the first to arrive, followed shortly by the rest of the camp. The tent door flew open and Margaret ran into the arms on Francis Mulcahy.
"I turned around and there he was," Margaret was histerical. "He put his hands on me, his dirty filthy hands, so I screamed."
"I think the order of events have flipped a little." John suggested.
"You shut up." Margaret yelled. She fell into Francis' arms. "He trapped me, oh my God, he trapped me!"
Hawkeye had a smirk on his face as he walked towards John. The rest of the camp was fussing over Margaret,
"So..." Hawkeye said. "You told me you were going for a walk and you end up here?"
"Hawk, you really don't believe I attacked her?"
"Of course not, you're my best friend. If you were gonna do something like that you would have invited me."
"You know who did attack her though?"
"Share the details."
John began to tell Hawkeye about Frank Burns When he felt a hand on his shoulder. John turned around and saw an older man standing there. He was obviously in charge of the camp.
"I'd like to speak with you, Trapper John." He said. "Follow me."
"Where are you taking him?" Hawkeye asked.
"Are you Hawkeye Pierce?"
"Yeah."
"Then you better come with me too."
"But..."
"Now."
The boys followed the man. He looked about 35, very demanding, a take charge kind of guy. John and Hawkeye were worried and curious. They didn't know what the man wanted from them. Well John did, but not Hawkeye. They entered a tent in the middle of the compound. The sign outside the door read "Sherman T. Potter."
"Sit down, boys." He said to them once they reached his office. They complied. "Well, John McIntyre, I hear you had a run in with one of the females in this camp."
"Yes, sir, but I didn't...."
"Just answer my questions, son, I know you didn't do anything wrong, other than being at the wrong place at the wrong time. What were you doing at the females quarters anyway?"
"Taking a tour. Of the camp I mean."
"All right, Trapper John. I got a notice from the last camp you attended that you had to spend a whole week away because you glued the counselor to the seat in the latrine?"
"Yes." Hawkeye was giggling he remembered that day.
"Well boys, I won't tolerate that kind of nonsense here. Comprende?"
"Yeah."
"Yep."
"OK, go get ready for dinner."
The two boys got up and exited the tent. Hawkeye was smiling from ear to ear.
"What's the matter with you?"
"I wish he had told us that before I super glued Frank's sheets to his cot." The two boys started cracking up.
"I heard today they're serving meatloaf." John said between gasps for air.
"Come on Trapper. Let's go get some dinner."
THE END :-)