Hey there. This is another crack fic thing I wrote on a whim for Harry Potter. Actually, I was working on a chapter for Harry, Hogwarts and Halla when I thought of the phrase "with a sneer and a scowl" and I thought, hmm, this has a poetic type of rhythm. It reminds me of the Night before Christmas. So I decided to do a whole poem that was based off of the meter in The Night Before Christmas, though this would be Snape roaming the halls. I had a lot of fun writing this, and I hope you like it. I have found I like writing HP crack fics…. Ah, well. Enjoy!
Snape's Night Before Christmas
All was dark in the castle and Peeves was about
Just one other was stirring, absorbed in his pout
Brooding, he stalked the long halls with in great care
All big nose, flowing robes and long greasy hair
He thought of the children and all of their T's
Although some did do well, he'd grade as he pleased
And those house-elves as well, they made his lip curl
They messed with his dinner; tried to make him hurl
He would get his revenge; oh yeah he'd get them good
And he would simply plead he was misunderstood
He smirked with sick glee at the thought of his prey
Like a bat from the belfry after the day
He slunk up some stairs and jumped the trick step
He ended level with that feline demirep
Mrs. Norris; an odd cat she was indeed
She warned with meows no one dared not to heed
She flicked her tail and pointed him his way
Then suddenly was gone; where he could not say
There was a BANG! And a CRASH! Quite a clatter
Our greasy friend thought he knew what was the matter
It's Potter! It's Potter! It's Potter and his friends
Ah Ha Ha! It's Potter! Now I've surely got them!
Quietly he rejoiced, this news in his mind
He'd locate their cloak and grab from behind!
He extinguished his wand light and wrapped in his cloak. He muffled his laugh
For he would get them expelled, as a member of staff
He snuck through the shadows and heard the clocks tick
He did look rather odd to Nearly Headless Nick…
It had been a long time; almost an hour
His great mission was going quite sour
In his excitement, he upset a suit of armor
Unfortunately for him, he's not much of a charmer
After some spells and a trip to a closet
He made the final adjustment to the knight's posit
Disgruntled and grumbling, a corner he rounded
And abruptly a tinkle and a moan were sounded
Just was his luck, he stared at the ghost
The Baron's friendship wasn't something to boast
He clinked and he clunked and he moaned and he sighed
Saying something about Peeves and Yuletide…
Our oily old friend made it past the old ghoul
That Potter boy wouldn't get away! The fool…
Speaking of such, who was to observe it all
But a certain poltergeist who couldn't resist the call
Peeves liked Christmastime pranks; they were the best right now
They were especially fun involving a snow plow…
Poor Peeves didn't know quite what he'd done
For soon this prank would not be so fun…
Our moody hero stopped, and narrowed his eyes
It seems he had figured out Peeves' little surprise
With a sneer and a scowl, he whirled right around
Peeves didn't have time to make a sound
As the first light of morn appeared in the day
Snape's voice could be heard to say
The Bloody Baron will be hearing of this!
While on that Christmas morn, three rested Gryffindors woke up to bliss
Hee hee! This was a fun one to write.