Vincent Valentine's Guide to FF Vacationing
By Triad Card 844A
Disclaimer: No, I don't own Final Fantasy. (grumble grumble grumble)
********************************
Episode 1: The Gold Saucer (Part 1)
********************************
Vincent: Hello, I am Vincent Valentine, and this is my new show, Vincent Valentine's Guide to FF Vacationing. Basically, I have to take a group of tourists on a tour of some famous Final Fantasy place. Today, we are going to the Gold Saucer, and here are our guests for tonight!
Mysterious Announcer: Whaa haa haa haa! Today, we have five tourists out to have a good time. Let's meet them, shall we? First up is Locke Cole of Final Fantasy VI. He is native to Kolingen, but is here on this show for his first vacation in twenty years, unless you count searching the world for treasures a vacation! After all, his profession is "Thief".
Locke: That's treasure hunter, you moron!
Mysterious Announcer: Well, what are you going to do to me?
Locke: I'll rip your lungs out!
Mysterious Announcer: I'd like to see you try! You can't even see me! I'm only a mysterious voice projecting across this fanfic!
Locke: (grumble)
Mysterious Announcer: Anyways, here's our next tourist. He was once a supervillain, and probably still is, a man who tried to destroy the world with a large rock, but was stopped by a kid with a way-too-big sword, here is Sephiroth!
Sephiroth: I decided that I need a vacation before trying to destroy the world again.
Mysterious Announcer: Next up is a hyperactive teenager on a caffeine diet, but his friends are still petitioning for a hot dog one as well, please welcome Zell!
Zell: Got any hot dogs?
Vincent: They're over there on the counter, just help yourself.
Zell: Yay!
Mysterious Announcer: Our next guest was once killed by a crazed maniac with a cheap sword, but was once again revived, to the joy or dismay of many happy or angry fans, here is Aeris!
Aeris: Hey, what are you doing here?
Sephiroth: Well now, I'm just here for a trip to the Gold Saucer.
Aeris: Jerk! I still have to pay you back for killing me!
Vincent: Stop that! I can't have you two ruining my show on it's first episode!
Mysterious Announcer: And finally, we have a tourist whom the author can't think of a reason to bring onto the show, but decided to anyway. Let's welcome Celes!
Locke: I didn't know you were going to be here!
Celes: Well, the author simply chose slots on who should be in this fic. Just shows how unorganized he is.
Locke: (blush)
Vincent: Anyway, let's all get into the Highwind and fly over to the Gold Saucer. Thankfully, it's not far from here . . . .
*****************
20 hours later . . . .
*****************
Vincent: Well, it was a long trip, but we finally made it. Cid! You just had to make a pit stop at Wutai, didn't you?
Cid: How was I suppose to *&^%@# know that a ^%$@$* Andamantaimai was going to sit on the wings of the ship?
Vincent: Maybe if you just remembered to clean the wings of all those nachos that Cloud and Barret left behind on the wing, we would have made it here much earlier.
Cid: Hey, even if I did, it wasn't my fault that the %^$& % Rapps had to kidnap Celes and Aeris and that we had to hunt it down at Dao Chao.
Zell: Um, can we just go to the Gold Saucer already?
Vincent: Fine. Cid, guard the Highwind. If the Ruby WEAPON attacks, well, I won't be held responsible in any way.
Cid: ^%#&%*%^#&%^^%#&%*^#$%^%&*^$&#$#^%$@@%&^^%&!!!!
Vincent: And Cid, remember that this is public fanfiction. We can't show language like that.
*******************
10 minutes later . . . .
*******************
Vincent: And now, we are at the Gold Saucer, were we can all spend a great two days together. I hope you all remembered to bring 3000 gil each for your tickets.
Zell: Um, you never told us that.
Sephiroth: Yeah, I left my wallet at home.
Vincent: Well then, we must fight a few enemies first to gain the money.
Zell: I've been thinking, just where do all these enemies keep their gil? And what do they need them for? Do Flapbeats need cash to buy those flying sickles? Do Cactaurs store gil instead of water inside them?
(Silence . . . . )
Locke: Let's forget about that.
****************
6 hours later . . . .
****************
Vincent: Finally, we all have enough gil to buy a ticket and some GP and everything!
Zell: 'Bout time!
Aeris: Let's hurry this up! I don't want to spend another minute fighting with Ancient Hairdo over here.
Sephiroth: Hey, this is the way my hair always is! I can't cut it down, nor will it ever grow. It's what happens to Ancients!
Aeris: Then how come my hair still grows?
Sephiroth: Um, my hair was involved in an accident when Proffesor Gast spilled some strange liquid on it.
Aeris: No wonder why your hair reeks.
Sephiroth: You idiot! If this weren't public fanfiction, I would slaughter you right now!
Celes: Will you two shut up?!
Vincent: So, we shall enter the Gold Saucer!
*******************
15 minutes later . . . .
*******************
Celes: It's a shame that we have spent so much time with our antics, that it is night already.
Vincent: Don't worry, I already booked us for the Ghost Hotel, where we will be spending the night. You each will be getting your own rooms. Be sure to get plenty of sleep, as tomorrow will be our only full day here, due to the fact that we have wasted so much time.
Locke: How can anyone enjoy this place? Who decorated this place, an undertaker?
Zell: Yeah, Halloween was five minutes ago.
******************
Later that night . . . .
******************
(Aeris is staying up late, watching scary movies, when suddenly someone knocks on the door)
Aeris: Who could it be at this hour? **opens door**
Sephiroth: It is I, the great Sephiroth! And I shall do something very shocking!
********************************************************************************************************
What could Sephiroth be up to? Find out after this commercial break!
********************************************************************************************************
(commercial 1:)
Clown paint - 450 gil
Annoying Laugh School - 4,000 gil
"Dancing Mad" Theme Song - 100,000 gil
Being one of the most successful and hated Final Fantasy villains - Priceless
There are some things that gil can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterVillain Card. The only card accepted when you rule the world.
(commercial 2:)
Announcer: It's epic! It's amazing! It's . . . . . The Summoners/Monsters/Trainers Tournament! See many summoners and such take part in a huge tournament! See your favorite summons, such as Bahamut, Thorn Elemental, and the Windy card! It's so pointless it's funny!
Pikachu: Pika Pika?
Announcer: And oh yeah, see Pikachu get killed by Bahamut, Alexander, and Odin! Only in the Summoners/Monsters/Trainers Tournament! (yeah, it's low advertising my own story on this, but I'm getting so few reviews that I just can't continue)
(commercial 3:)
Colonel Sanders: Welcome to KFC, the only fast food restaurant in the whole Final Fantasy World! Try my new popcorn chicken, made from real tender chicken strips!
BOOM!
(An angry storm of Cockatrices burst in)
Cockatrice A: There he is!
Cockatrice B: Get him!
Cockatrice C: Destroy!
Colonel Sanders: This could get ugly . . . . . Cut!
Cockatrice B: We already ate your cameramen!
Cockatrice A: They were delicious!
Colonel Sanders: Um, we are experiencing some technical difficulties here . . . .
(end of commercial break)
********************************************************************************************************
(when we last left, Sephiroth has just appeared at Aeris's door)
Sephiroth: Aeris, will you go out on a date with me?
Aeris: No, you jerk! In case you have already forgotten, you killed me before.
Sephiroth: But that was all in the past! Can't you forget about the past?
Aeris: Idiot! Why do you want to go out with me, anyway?
Sephiroth: What other way is there to replenish the Ancient race?
Aeris: (really, really, really shocked) You &%$#^*&%^&%$^%!!!! **slams door**
Sephiroth: That's it! I shall devote the rest of my vacation to killing that Ancient! Who cares if the race becomes extinct anyway?
Suspenseful Music: Duh, duh, duh!!!
************************
End of Part 1 of Episode 1
************************
What will Sephiroth have in store for Aeris? Will Cid get attacked by the Ruby WEAPON? And how long has Zell gone without any hot dogs? Stay tuned for part 2!!!!!
Suspenseful Music: Duh, duh, duh!!!
By Triad Card 844A
Disclaimer: No, I don't own Final Fantasy. (grumble grumble grumble)
********************************
Episode 1: The Gold Saucer (Part 1)
********************************
Vincent: Hello, I am Vincent Valentine, and this is my new show, Vincent Valentine's Guide to FF Vacationing. Basically, I have to take a group of tourists on a tour of some famous Final Fantasy place. Today, we are going to the Gold Saucer, and here are our guests for tonight!
Mysterious Announcer: Whaa haa haa haa! Today, we have five tourists out to have a good time. Let's meet them, shall we? First up is Locke Cole of Final Fantasy VI. He is native to Kolingen, but is here on this show for his first vacation in twenty years, unless you count searching the world for treasures a vacation! After all, his profession is "Thief".
Locke: That's treasure hunter, you moron!
Mysterious Announcer: Well, what are you going to do to me?
Locke: I'll rip your lungs out!
Mysterious Announcer: I'd like to see you try! You can't even see me! I'm only a mysterious voice projecting across this fanfic!
Locke: (grumble)
Mysterious Announcer: Anyways, here's our next tourist. He was once a supervillain, and probably still is, a man who tried to destroy the world with a large rock, but was stopped by a kid with a way-too-big sword, here is Sephiroth!
Sephiroth: I decided that I need a vacation before trying to destroy the world again.
Mysterious Announcer: Next up is a hyperactive teenager on a caffeine diet, but his friends are still petitioning for a hot dog one as well, please welcome Zell!
Zell: Got any hot dogs?
Vincent: They're over there on the counter, just help yourself.
Zell: Yay!
Mysterious Announcer: Our next guest was once killed by a crazed maniac with a cheap sword, but was once again revived, to the joy or dismay of many happy or angry fans, here is Aeris!
Aeris: Hey, what are you doing here?
Sephiroth: Well now, I'm just here for a trip to the Gold Saucer.
Aeris: Jerk! I still have to pay you back for killing me!
Vincent: Stop that! I can't have you two ruining my show on it's first episode!
Mysterious Announcer: And finally, we have a tourist whom the author can't think of a reason to bring onto the show, but decided to anyway. Let's welcome Celes!
Locke: I didn't know you were going to be here!
Celes: Well, the author simply chose slots on who should be in this fic. Just shows how unorganized he is.
Locke: (blush)
Vincent: Anyway, let's all get into the Highwind and fly over to the Gold Saucer. Thankfully, it's not far from here . . . .
*****************
20 hours later . . . .
*****************
Vincent: Well, it was a long trip, but we finally made it. Cid! You just had to make a pit stop at Wutai, didn't you?
Cid: How was I suppose to *&^%@# know that a ^%$@$* Andamantaimai was going to sit on the wings of the ship?
Vincent: Maybe if you just remembered to clean the wings of all those nachos that Cloud and Barret left behind on the wing, we would have made it here much earlier.
Cid: Hey, even if I did, it wasn't my fault that the %^$& % Rapps had to kidnap Celes and Aeris and that we had to hunt it down at Dao Chao.
Zell: Um, can we just go to the Gold Saucer already?
Vincent: Fine. Cid, guard the Highwind. If the Ruby WEAPON attacks, well, I won't be held responsible in any way.
Cid: ^%#&%*%^#&%^^%#&%*^#$%^%&*^$&#$#^%$@@%&^^%&!!!!
Vincent: And Cid, remember that this is public fanfiction. We can't show language like that.
*******************
10 minutes later . . . .
*******************
Vincent: And now, we are at the Gold Saucer, were we can all spend a great two days together. I hope you all remembered to bring 3000 gil each for your tickets.
Zell: Um, you never told us that.
Sephiroth: Yeah, I left my wallet at home.
Vincent: Well then, we must fight a few enemies first to gain the money.
Zell: I've been thinking, just where do all these enemies keep their gil? And what do they need them for? Do Flapbeats need cash to buy those flying sickles? Do Cactaurs store gil instead of water inside them?
(Silence . . . . )
Locke: Let's forget about that.
****************
6 hours later . . . .
****************
Vincent: Finally, we all have enough gil to buy a ticket and some GP and everything!
Zell: 'Bout time!
Aeris: Let's hurry this up! I don't want to spend another minute fighting with Ancient Hairdo over here.
Sephiroth: Hey, this is the way my hair always is! I can't cut it down, nor will it ever grow. It's what happens to Ancients!
Aeris: Then how come my hair still grows?
Sephiroth: Um, my hair was involved in an accident when Proffesor Gast spilled some strange liquid on it.
Aeris: No wonder why your hair reeks.
Sephiroth: You idiot! If this weren't public fanfiction, I would slaughter you right now!
Celes: Will you two shut up?!
Vincent: So, we shall enter the Gold Saucer!
*******************
15 minutes later . . . .
*******************
Celes: It's a shame that we have spent so much time with our antics, that it is night already.
Vincent: Don't worry, I already booked us for the Ghost Hotel, where we will be spending the night. You each will be getting your own rooms. Be sure to get plenty of sleep, as tomorrow will be our only full day here, due to the fact that we have wasted so much time.
Locke: How can anyone enjoy this place? Who decorated this place, an undertaker?
Zell: Yeah, Halloween was five minutes ago.
******************
Later that night . . . .
******************
(Aeris is staying up late, watching scary movies, when suddenly someone knocks on the door)
Aeris: Who could it be at this hour? **opens door**
Sephiroth: It is I, the great Sephiroth! And I shall do something very shocking!
********************************************************************************************************
What could Sephiroth be up to? Find out after this commercial break!
********************************************************************************************************
(commercial 1:)
Clown paint - 450 gil
Annoying Laugh School - 4,000 gil
"Dancing Mad" Theme Song - 100,000 gil
Being one of the most successful and hated Final Fantasy villains - Priceless
There are some things that gil can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterVillain Card. The only card accepted when you rule the world.
(commercial 2:)
Announcer: It's epic! It's amazing! It's . . . . . The Summoners/Monsters/Trainers Tournament! See many summoners and such take part in a huge tournament! See your favorite summons, such as Bahamut, Thorn Elemental, and the Windy card! It's so pointless it's funny!
Pikachu: Pika Pika?
Announcer: And oh yeah, see Pikachu get killed by Bahamut, Alexander, and Odin! Only in the Summoners/Monsters/Trainers Tournament! (yeah, it's low advertising my own story on this, but I'm getting so few reviews that I just can't continue)
(commercial 3:)
Colonel Sanders: Welcome to KFC, the only fast food restaurant in the whole Final Fantasy World! Try my new popcorn chicken, made from real tender chicken strips!
BOOM!
(An angry storm of Cockatrices burst in)
Cockatrice A: There he is!
Cockatrice B: Get him!
Cockatrice C: Destroy!
Colonel Sanders: This could get ugly . . . . . Cut!
Cockatrice B: We already ate your cameramen!
Cockatrice A: They were delicious!
Colonel Sanders: Um, we are experiencing some technical difficulties here . . . .
(end of commercial break)
********************************************************************************************************
(when we last left, Sephiroth has just appeared at Aeris's door)
Sephiroth: Aeris, will you go out on a date with me?
Aeris: No, you jerk! In case you have already forgotten, you killed me before.
Sephiroth: But that was all in the past! Can't you forget about the past?
Aeris: Idiot! Why do you want to go out with me, anyway?
Sephiroth: What other way is there to replenish the Ancient race?
Aeris: (really, really, really shocked) You &%$#^*&%^&%$^%!!!! **slams door**
Sephiroth: That's it! I shall devote the rest of my vacation to killing that Ancient! Who cares if the race becomes extinct anyway?
Suspenseful Music: Duh, duh, duh!!!
************************
End of Part 1 of Episode 1
************************
What will Sephiroth have in store for Aeris? Will Cid get attacked by the Ruby WEAPON? And how long has Zell gone without any hot dogs? Stay tuned for part 2!!!!!
Suspenseful Music: Duh, duh, duh!!!