So MillionMoments and I got talking about an idea we'd had about embarrassing situations and crazy ex's and before we knew it we were writing alternate paragraphs to the following...
One minute Richard was next to her as they walked through the market, having an argument about whose fault it was that the witness had clammed up (his, obviously, he had been rude), and the next he was gone. She turned around and realised that to the people around her, she looked like she had been talking to herself. Using her keen detective skills to locate him, she found him lurking in a nearby store. No, not lurking, hiding.
And if running away wasn't bad enough, he now seemed to be ignoring her completely.
All attempts at her questioning were heartily shushed. Which didn't have the desired effect. She was about to draw breath to give him a dressing down for making her look deranged but instead began to watch his erratic behaviour. He was now peering out from behind a bookshelf scanning the market in front of him. Whatever he was looking for wasn't there. He breathed a sigh of relief and straightened up to find her looking at him.
He picked up a book from the shelf in front of him and feigned nonchalance. "Found it!" The raised eyebrow he received in return told him that he hadn't fooled her.
"What to expect when you're expecting?" She asked, indicating the book her had selected. "Is there something you want to tell me?"
He sneered his annoyance, wondering briefly if he should buy the damn thing to prove a point before conceding defeat and putting it back on the shelf. Indicating that she needed to move with a dismissive hand gesture (something that she always found intensely annoying), he found his way blocked.
"Richard Poole," she said. "You aren't fooling anybody, what are you hiding in here for? Owe one of the market traders a debt or something?"
He was still checking that the coast was clear. "Hm? Oh no..." He changed his mind midsentence. "I mean yes, yes absolutely. Expensive mangos. Didn't have enough cash. Could you just..." He motioned that she needed to move again.
Unfortunately for him, Camille had seen him examining the market closely. She spun on her heel and began searching herself. Before he could think of something to say to distract her, Camille's eyes locked on exactly the person he didn't want her to see. Richard swallowed hard as she turned back around to face him, clearly having realised the truth.
He pre-empted her question. "She is..." He searched around vaguely for an answer before realising that he didn't actually have to give one. "She is none of your business."
Camille did not react well to that. "Fine!" She said huffily. "I mean, fine, you don't have to tell me. It's not like we're friends. I'll just be over there, minding my own business!" She stalked off towards the back of the shop where she began to examine a rack of earrings.
He wanted to ignore her. He really did. But there was something about the way that she was scrutinising that particular rack of earrings that he thought might mean she was in a mood with him. He could hear her huffing. Yup, she was definitely in a mood with him. He wasn't quite sure when he had began to open up to Camille, but knew now, without a shadow of a doubt that this was going to be one of those moments. He took a deep breath, held it in and released it slowly, then moved towards her.
"Ah, Camille," he tried nervously. She ignored him. This was not a good start. He cleared his throat and tried again, "Um, Camille?" Still no response. Perhaps he should just come out and say it, even if it was too her back. In fact it might actually be easier to her back. "She's somebody I knew at university."
She thought about this for a moment then fixed him with a shrewd look and hit the nail on the head first time. "Just from university?" Damn it. How the hell did she do that?
He bit his lip, "Well we might have met up once or twice a few years after that. But it's been at least ten years since I last saw her." And last wanted to see her, though he didn't say that out loud.
She seemed to accept this, but her eyes were still firmly fixed on the earrings. Richard, pretty pleased to have got away with his white lie, completely missed the mischievous look that had appeared on her face. She was pushing past him before he knew what was happening, and was almost at the door before he managed to catch her wrist.
She looked entirely innocent of any trouble that she was about to cause. "You should say hi."
His grip on her wrist tightened instinctively, he tried to convince himself it wasn't due to fear. Camille frowned at him and he let go, but not before stepping in front of her to block the exit as she had done for him mere minutes ago. "I don't think that is a good idea," he said.
Her frown implied that he needed to start talking and pretty quickly. The pressure coupled with the heat was making him feel more than a little faint. He struggled to find the words he needed to explain himself. "She's, um." Little black dots were beginning to appear in front of his eyes. He thought hard about how to phrase his next statement but failed again. "We, um." This was harder than he thought. Although he wasn't really sure why given that he didn't really need to explain himself to her. He looked at his hands and realised to his horror that they were mimicking his thoughts, palms faced together in a clapping gesture, shortening and lengthening the space between them. He went even redder as he spat out his answer and tried desperately to keep his voice level. "I took her out a couple of times." Well, five. But she didn't need to know that.
Camille took in his increasing distressed state and suddenly her face became a mask of sympathy. "Oh Richard," she said, placing a gently hand on his arm. "Did she break your heart? I'm sorry, of course we won't go and talk to her. In fact I can tell you when the coast is clear if you like."
"What? No!" He realised too late that he had said the wrong thing. If he'd only agreed with her they could have put the whole thing to bed. Bed. Damn it! Now he was thinking about that again. He was becoming more and more agitated.
Now Camille looked intrigued, "Oh my God, did you break her heart?" Technically, Richard wasn't sure if that was true – but he had certainly been the one to end it. For reasons he didn't want Camille to find out. The problem was that she was taking his silence as confirmation that she was correct. "Richard Poole!" She cried, a little shocked. "I didn't think you had it in you."
He stood looking a little uncertain as to why they were still talking about this. He was also a little affronted as to why she thought he was incapable of breaking anyone's heart, perhaps she didn't think anyone was capable of falling in love with him. The thought reared the need to reassert his masculinity in front of her. He put on an air of indifference. "I have no idea what happened to her. I didn't call her." He realised too late again that perhaps admitting to that might have been a bit of a blunder.
Camille looked disappointed in him. That created a feeling in his stomach that he didn't particularly like. The good thing about it was that she was no longer interested in pursuing the woman, or even talking about it further. Instead she said shortly, "We should get back to work. Dwayne and Fidel will be wondering where we are."
The relief he felt as he meekly followed her was short-lived as it suddenly occurred to him that she had spoken to him in the same way that a disappointed parent speaks to a naughty child. The bravado that he had felt only moments earlier had now morphed into embarrassment at his behaviour 10 years previously. Thinking about it again after so much time had elapsed, he couldn't actually believe that he hadn't called her, it was rude and selfish behaviour. But then, the alternative had been so hideously awful that he knew that there could have been no other option.
He sent nervous glances over his shoulder the entire way back to the station, convinced a certain somebody might spring out from behind a palm tree, or from under one of the market stalls. This helped him ignore how uncomfortable he was with Camille's silence. It was a physical effort not to show his relief at having made it to the station without incident – but then Dwayne said the words he knew could change his life there forever. "Hey Chief, a woman was here asking for you!"
He paled a little beneath his flush. "Woman?" If the others hadn't noticed the change of his skin tone then the semi octave change in his voice was a dead giveaway.
"Yeah!" Dwayne continued, not bothering to hide his smile. "Pretty one at that. About your age, with lots of blonde hair and a lovely pair of…" Richard held his breath. "Green eyes." Phew. "Said she was an old friend of yours."
Richard was nodding but not really listening anymore. Eyes wide he seemed to be paralysed by memories. Dwayne continued, "How do you know her then chief?"
He considered how to answer – he had tried the 'none of your business' routine with Camille, and it had failed. Mind so had his attempt to explain their 'relationship'. It seemed he was screwed either way. "She's somebody I used to go out with, and don't particularly want to see again," he eventually said – even though he knew the likelihood of Dwayne not asking further questions was very small.
Dwayne gave him a pitying look. "Ah, she dump you chief?"
"Why does everyone think I got dumped? I didn't get bloody dumped!"
Richard wasn't sure what was worse, the assumption that he was dumped or the shock that was now apparent on Dwayne's face. To his credit he did look a little chastened. "Sorry chief." The roguish look was back. "What was it? Too pretty? Her lovely...green eyes too mesmerising?" Richard fought for control over his feelings. He was their boss. It wouldn't do to lose his temper. Again.
Realisation suddenly dawned on Dwayne's face – perhaps his years of experience with the fairer sex had led him to be able to recognise Richard's particular issue. "Ah," he said, nodding knowingly. "A bit crazy, is she?" Richard didn't respond to that, but he didn't need to, Dwayne had already decided he was right. "Well, that's a bit awkward."
His eyes narrowed, "what's a bit awkward?" He felt a little sick at what he knew Dwayne was about to tell him.
"Well, I kind of told her she could find you at La Kaz later…" the officer admitted. Richard glared at him. "Hey! I know we all have at least one crazy ex, but how was I supposed to know she was yours!"
Richard clenched his fists very close to his body and took a deep breath. Once he had released it he looked back at Dwayne. "It's fine. She's probably only here for a week. I don't have to go to La Kaz. I can stay at home for a week."
"You're so desperate to avoid her you would sacrifice tea?" Camille asked – at least she was talking to him again. He merely nodded in reply, sitting down at his own desk. "So tell me, what is Dwayne going to tell her when she turns up tonight? And what is stopping her from returning to the station tomorrow – or do you plan to avoid work for a week as well?"
"Tell her I've died. Freak accident involving a pot hole..." The look Camille was giving him quite clearly suggested that that wasn't an option. He tried again. "I can work from home..." the look hadn't changed. He suddenly realised that there was only one option. "Oh God I'm going to have to see her aren't I?"
Camille looked smug, but then Dwayne piped up, "Hey, you know Chief, I might be able to, ah, distract her for you."
"Really? I mean she's not actually that crazy. She's perfectly normal to talk to..."
Dwayne held up a hand, cutting off Richard's hurried explanation, "Chief, in my considerable experience one man's crazy ex can be another man's hot date for the evening. You leave it to me Chief, she won't even remember who you are by the end of the night." If Dwayne saw the significant, and amused, look shared by Camille and Fidel he chose to ignore it.
Richard debated quickly whether to let Dwayne know the specific quirk about this particular ex and decided against it immediately. With any luck Dwayne wouldn't ever find out and his professional integrity would be assured.
There was something he needed to check though, "So, you're just doing this out of the good of your heart, then?"
Dwayne was nodding, his face a picture of understanding. "Sure chief. I'll keep her out of the way, keep her entertained, offer her a shoulder to cry on if she needs it." Richard highly doubted that it would end at his shoulder, and almost interjected to say as much but as long as she was out of his way and Dwayne made no effort to pry information out of her then he had no need to panic. He was about to sit at his desk when Camille perked up again.
"So why did you dump her?"
Knowing he couldn't just ignore her, he said with a sigh, "For a multitude of reasons. Since this is a police station and intended for interrogations of the criminal kind, rather than just gossip mongering, perhaps you could ask me at a more suitable time." When he had time to think of some lies, and practise telling them so she didn't catch him out.
Extra points if you can guess who wrote what!