So guys. It's pleasure to meet you (If anyone reads this). This is not my Fanfiction, but definitely my first on FFnet and first written not in Czech, but in English. I'm terribly sorry 'bout my grammar, I just really wanted to try this.

And about the story. I just got this idea and had to write this. It's not like I don't like Kylo, but I just sometimes see him as our little emo nerd. I had to write this bad comedy story about him being young, having family like this, going to school, being very annoyed little Vader worshiper and stuff.

It's big AU. If I continue this, there will be Rey and probably Poe included, but no Finn. Not like I don't like him, I just can't find a way he could be here. I'll see.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Star Wars or any of it's characters. Lucasfilm and Disney do.

Dear Diary,

My parents just totally made me write you.

So long story short (or long story long). It was my 11th birthday. Everything started normally. I was unhappy as usual. Mom was our friggin family general-leader (as usual), jellying at dad and me to work harder at decorating. Dad was just normally lax, just grinning at her and working even slower. Which meant I had to do more, to make it at time, for my birthday party. Our last family member, Chewbacca just stood next to mom and roared stuff I did not understand. Like really, is that even language, or does everyone pretend they know what he says? No one actually explained me.

First one to come to party was Uncle Luke. Uncle Luke is ALWAYS first one to come. You wanna know why? Well because uncle is a broke half-homeless dude that lives in some ancient temple. Without electricity, heating or even bathroom. We may live on pretty green planet with mild climate, but it's still cold in the night, and during winter. This stupid temple is made of cold black stones and he lives in it, sleeps on the ground and eats some veganic bluffs.

Don't get me wrong, I DON'T CARE! Luke can live however he wants. However my beloved uncle always comes to our house, when he is cold, hungry or he wants to sleep in real bed, because his back hurts.

So great Luke Skywalker, last Jedi, saviour of Galaxies, came first to my 11th birthday to eat our food, lay on our couch and watch our TV. Mom made me bake extra portion of party snacks because she had saw Uncle put most of the last year's snacks in his bag (it was really big bag).

After like hour of my Uncle messing around, eating, watching TV and eating again he suddenly pulled me to him. I mean literally. One moment I was happily playing with my trading cards and in next I was flying through the air and hitting sofa. After I finally picked myself up from the ground, Uncle pulled me again and I was sitting next to him, watching "Survivor: Alderaan" (SPOILER ALERT: everybody died).

"So Ben, what do you think 'bout the Force?"

"What do you mean uncle?" I said anxiously. Not that talk again.

"Do you… you know?"

"No Uncle Luke, I still don't feel the screams of thousands of beautiful Jedi souls united calling me by name to join them on the magical Jedi tour filled with interesting mystical experiences and blind eyed sword fights. I really don't."

You probably do realise, that I was just quoting him, right?!

"Sure." Uncle said disappointed and ignored me again. Typical.

Another hour later finally other people came. My nemesis was with them. That cocky bastard Hux. My bloody worst enemy. Worse thing is that our parents thinks we are friends.

He and his rich royal parents (some republic politicians or what) off course came as the last. I totally don't care about Hux's parents. Hell I don't know their names. Hell I don't even know Hux's name.

Whatever. So that awkwardly ginger bastard came to (involuntarily) congratulate me and give me gift. He had his weird noble clothes, that blockhead still wears his dumb black golf shirt (It's not like I wear that black sweatshirt and black t-shirt with Darth Vader all the time). We looked at each other for something that seemed like eternity, death glares everywhere. Then he was like:

"Hello Klutz Ren"

Yeah, that was Hux's vain effort to insult me by distorting my name (My name IS Ben NOT Ren). So I totally paid him back.

"Hello Ginger-bread."

Another moment of silence. And then there was my mom with:

"Oh my Force, you are so adorable! Look *Hux's mother's name* they are such a good friends. They give each other nicknames."

And then they started with that talk I didn't want to be part of. Too bad I was one that was born exactly ten years ago.

Ten the gifts giving came. It was ok, almost. Little model of Millennium Falcon from dad (again), book of intergalactic politic from mom (again), fake lightsaber from Uncle (again), dead rat from Chews (that was actually surprise, an unpleasant one) and some useless stuff from others (again). Hux (and parents) were the last to give me a present. And guess what, the diary. Bloody pink diary that was literally called "My sweet secrets: Diary of a little space princess". How could have Mr. and Mrs. Hux allowed this.

Unfortunately my parents haven't seen it from my point of view. They said it was "rude to call a lovely gift from your BEST FRIEND dumb crap".

So I got grounded and mom and dad ordered me to write you, diary. Or I'll be grounded again, and again, and again… till I die old and grounded. I thought it won't be half bad. Hey, I have my "GalacticWars: Battle of Force" trading cards and TV. Then they came with worse punishment. I would be grounded, not in our cozy house, but in Uncle Luke's terrible old TEMPLE.

0:1 for Hux.

P.S.: I'm kinda starting to enjoy that. DAMN IT!

Tell me what you think. Again, sorry about grammar. I did my best.