~ ~ This is a result from boredom and my first crack!fic as well as a reader insert. I had to put this intro in here since it wouldnt let me at the top. I got this idea when Blood, Elliot, and the bloody twins were bathing. I wondered if they acted so childish would they do childish acts like just soak in the bath rather than acutally bathing? And so here is the result of this maddness!~ ~

Disclaimer:

Dee: Hitokiri no Datenshi does not own us or any other Heart no kuni no Alice Character

Dum:She wishes she did but sadly no she dont!

*you're name will be _, I thought there was no way in hell Alice would ever agree to this*

I, _ was the new "Alice" in the land of hearts, and today Dee and Dum came over to the clock tower to ask something important (or so they say).

"Onee-Chan! Onee-chaaaaaaan!," they yelled in unison as they tackled me to the floor.

"Yes? What is it?," I laughed at their hyper-ness.

"We came to ask you to come to the Hatter Mansion! So you can sleep over!," they replied as we got off the floor. I dusted myself off and wondered if this was a good idea. The twins weren't called 'the bloody twins' for nothing! They almost killed me when I had arrived (as did Elliot try to do as well).

"Did you ask Blood or Julius?," I asked. At the mention of his name, Julius looked up from the clock he was working on and muttered,

"It's fine by me. Do as you will, you've already done all the errands I've asked you to do." The twins cheered at his reply.

"Boss said it was fine!," yelled Dee while Dum eagerly finished, "He'd be pleased to have you come over since you haven't visited in a while!"

There was no way out of it, so you got you're sleeping wear and waved good-bye to Julius as the twins dragged you to the Hatter Mansion. You really didn't want to go, but you couldn't refuse the adorable (yet sadistic) twins. Hopefully you didn't have to see Dupre, you plainly didn't trust him (but hey, you didn't really trust anyone!). When you got there, Elliot was at the gate.

"You brats! You abandoned you duties again! Oh, hello _," he said bashfully as he noticed you. Before you could greet him back, the twins yelled;

"We got permission from boss, stupid newbie hare!"

"Oh really? For what?," retorted Elliot.

"I'm sleeping over, apparently," you answered him.

"And she's sleeping with us!" yelled Dee, as both him, and his brother dragged you to their room.

~~~~After a fight over 'which is better? Grenade or axe?' in which you told them that both were cool but were horrible to use on someone, night had fallen.~~~~

"Onee-chan?," Dum asked.

"Hmm?"

"Will you take a bath with us?," Dee finished. When you told them no they resorted to two things: puppy eyes and shameless begging. After about two million 'pleases', you agreed and they quickly dragged you to the bathing room. You looked at the 'bath' which could really be considered an indoor swimming pool! The twins quickly started to undress, you blushed and covered your eyes.

"Dee! Dum! Don't you just start stripping!," you yelled. Sure you thought of them as your own brothers, but they really couldn't just start undressing to their birthday suits! Especially in front of a girl! Had no one taught them manners?(Err probably not.) Your hands got pulled from your face, and now peering into your face were the twins.

"Why not?," they asked. "Boss and the stupid hare don't mind," added Dee. You did a face-to-palm gesture as you sighed. Yes, clearly they weren't normal, here in wonderland.

"Dee, Dum, even though I truly love you as siblings, you still shouldn't expect me to just automatically behave like Dupre or Elliot do. I'm use to my friends stripping down to their underwear, but I just barely met you two! I'm not really ready for you to strip in front of me," you explained. They hugged you and muttered their apologizes before they went in to the 'bath'. You sighed as you stripped to you underwear. It would be really awkward if they would hug you again, especially if you were completely nude.

The water was cloudy, and it smelled of roses. There were even some flower petals floating on the surface. The water went up to your collar bone, which was a relief to you.

"Dum, Dee?," you asked, interrupting the twins' play.

"Yes onee-chan?"

"Do you guys just soak in here?"

"Yes, pretty much!," they replied happily in sync, again. This irked you. So you grabbed the closest twin near you (which happened to be poor, unfortunate Dum), put shampoo in his hair, and started to scrub the sweet-smelling substance in his hair.

"Onee-chan! What are you doing?," he hollered as his brother laughed.

"Just making sure you get clean! Didn't Elliot or Blood show you the proper way to bathe?," you replied.

"What is it that we failed to do?," asked a voice behind you. You finished with Dum's head and grabbed whomever's head the voice belonged to and did the same as you had done to the young boy.

"Ah! What did I do _ to make you be so mean?," whined Elliot as you, unmercifully continued your work (you probably had hurt his ears).

"You don't know how to bathe yourselves so I'm doing it for you!," you huffed. Blood chuckled at the scene before him while Dum started to scrub himself clean, in hopes that you wouldn't get mad at him and help him yourself.

"Blood! Come here so I can show you what you're supposed to do with this things!," you muttered as you pointed to the bottle of shampoo and the scrubs(?). He looked at you blankly for a moment before deciding that it'd be better to go along, he set his hat to the side and moved towards you. You repeated your previous act.

"_, I should hire you," he murmured with a smirk.

"For what?"

"To properly-" You didn't let him finish as you dunked his head in the water. He re-emerged from the water and wiped his eyes before commenting, "I'll take that as a no."

~moments later~

"Onee-chaaaaan," murmured Dum. You glanced up to see the guys (all except Blood) advancing eerily on you.

"You seem to need a lesson on the proper way of bathing as well," smirked Elliot. Uh-oh this couldn't be good, you thought. The twins grabbed you by the arms as Elliot scrubbed shampoo on your head, you yelled for blood to help, but he only chuckled. You took that as a 'no' as well.

~Owari~