Kurt knew that family was a touchy topic for Blaine, so naturally he didn't bring it up very often. In reality, Kurt didn't think it was as bad as Blaine had led him to believe. Blaine mother, Pamela, was an absolute sweetheart. Sure, she got a bit tipsy sometimes...well a lot of the time, but she wasn't a bad person. She loved Blaine regardless and eagerly accepted Kurt as another son. Then, there was Cooper. As self-absorbed as he was, it was clear that he truly did love Blaine. He just like to pick on him, like many older brothers do.
Blaine's dad was the real mystery. Kurt had never actually met him, but from what he knew, there had definitely been some tension between Blaine and his father. Then, just before the wedding, Kurt knew that Blaine's father had left, thanks to drunken Pam's entry in the guest book. He knew that his father leaving had hurt Blaine, but Kurt never pushed him any further on the matter. They both accepted the fact that Blaine's father just wasn't going to be in there lives. Or they did, until one night when they got a phone call around two in the morning…
Kurt and Blaine were curled around one another in their bed in their New York apartment. The phone rang and Kurt, being the light sleeper he was, woke up. He pulled himself from Blaine's arms and saw that it was Blaine's cell phone that was going off. "Blaine, wake up." Kurt prompted. Blaine began to stir and snuffled as his eyes opened.
"What?" he groaned.
"Your phone." Kurt told him. "It's your mom." Blaine reached over to his bedside table and grabbed his cellphone, sliding the red arrow over to accept the call.
"Mom?" Blaine said sleepily. "It's late. Why are you calling?" Kurt watched Blaine's face as he talked to his mother. Something was definitely wrong. "I'll call you back in the morning. We'll make arrangements then." he added. "I love you Mom." He hung up the phone and set it on the bedside table. Kurt waited for Blaine to tell him what his mother had called about, but he didn't. Blaine just sat there, staring off into the distances.
"Blaine, honey? Why did your mom call?" Kurt asked. He paused a moment. "What's wrong?
Blaine took a deep breath. "My dad died. He-he shot himself." he replied in a monotone voice. Kurt couldn't believe what he was hearing. He couldn't imagine how Blaine must be feeling. Kurt knew that if lost his dad, he'd be a mess.
"Oh honey, I'm so sorry." Kurt said, trying to pull Blaine into his arms. But, instead, his husband pulled away from him.
"I-I just want to go to sleep." Blaine replied. "C-can we talk about this tomorrow?" he asked. Kurt nodded and watched as Blaine turned away from him and dug himself far underneath the covers. Seeing as Blaine didn't want to be touched, Kurt turned the other way and listened, expecting to hear his husband silently crying. But, instead he was only met with silence. Then next morning when Kurt woke up, Blaine was already out of bed. Kurt wandered into the kitchen and found his husband up and already dressed. There was freshly made coffee and pancakes on the stove. This definitely wasn't how Kurt had expected this morning to go.
"Good morning," Blaine said, kissing Kurt gently on the cheek.
"Morning." Kurt replied. "Honey, I think we should talk…"
"I got us seats on a flight to Lima tonight." Blaine told him. "My mom is going to pick us up."
"Oh, okay." Kurt said. He definitely didn't expect Blaine to have a flight booked already. He was starting to worry about his husband. Blaine was definitely in denial. "I guess I'll go and pack. Do you want me to pack for you?" he asked.
"I'm already packed." Blaine replied. "I'm going to change and go for a run, but I'll see you when we I get back and we can go to the airport." he pressed a kiss to Kurt's cheek once again as he went to change. Kurt was taken aback. How was Blaine functioning this well? Problems or not, it was his father. How could this not be affecting him?
Later that day when Blaine got back, they packed up their stuff and headed to the airport. Kurt kept a close eye on Blaine but he still seemed to be okay. When the flight landed, Pam was there to pick them up. Clearly the tragedy was taking a much bigger toll on her than Blaine. She had dark purple circles under her red-rimmed eyes. She gave the boys a weak smile as they walked towards her.
"Hey, Mama," Blaine said as he pulled his mother into a hug. Pam held onto Blaine and stifled back a few sniffles, before breaking away and turning to give Kurt a hug.
"I'm going to go and grab our luggage." Blaine told his mother and his husband. "I'll be right back." After Blaine had left, Kurt turned back to Pam.
"How are you holding up?" Kurt asked.
"As well as can be expected." Pam replied. "Nicholas was and will always be the love of my life...even if he did leave us." she added. "How's Blaine taking it?"
"Weirdly okay." Kurt told her. "He hasn't cried and he's just going through life like nothing happened."
"That's Blaine for you." Pam replied. "He always internalizes things and then in a blink of an eye, he'll snap. Please watch out for him."
"I will," Kurt promised. Just as he said that, Blaine walked back over to them, two suitcases in hand.
"Alright, we're all good." Blaine replied.
"The cars is right this way." Pam said, trying to muster up some strength in front of her son. They followed her into the parking lot where they got into Pam's car. The drove home was eerily silent. No one talked and it was especially awkward for Kurt, who had chosen the backseat. When they arrived at Pam's house, it was strange. Since his father had left, Pam had to move out of Blaine's childhood home because she couldn't afford it anymore. Now, they pulled up to a tiny home in a not so nice neighborhood.
"Sorry, I know it isn't great." Pam replied, "but it's just me so it works."
"It looks great mom." Blaine replied with a smile as they went inside. Once inside the house, Kurt realized how small it truly was. He was pretty sure that they're apartment in new york was bigger.
"There's an extra bedroom down the hallway." Pam told them. "You two can have that one. Cooper can take the couch when he gets here." Blaine nodded and took the bags down the hall, still acting chipper as ever. Kurt knew his husband and he knew that act wouldn't hold up for much longer.
The next few days were a whirlwind of chaos as Pam, Blaine, Kurt, and Cooper tried to make funeral arrangements. They contacted all of the family and friends and had gotten a funeral home for the viewing and funeral. Cooper, surprisingly took the event very hard. Kurt caught him crying many times, but Blaine...he never even shed a tear.
On the day of the funeral, Kurt was up and dressed early. He wanted to make sure to be ready if Pam or Cooper...or Blaine needed anything. Pam and Cooper seemed to get along okay. They were understandably sad, but ready to go when it was time to leave. Blaine on the other hand, was not ready. Kurt walked down the hallway into the extra bedroom and found his husband staring at two different suits.
"Are you going to get dressed hun?" Kurt asked. "We have to get going soon."
"He always loved suits." Blaine said with a slight laugh. "He'd say, 'Blaine, if you're going to be an Anderson man, you're going to dress like one." Then he'd help me with my tie. Even got me a little pair of cufflinks when I was just a kid. I just can't decide which suit to wear right now." Kurt sighed. He figured this was the moment that he had been expecting all week.
"I'm sure he'd love whatever suit you choose honey," Kurt replied, placing a comforting hand on the small of Blaine's back.
"You're right." Blaine said. "I'll wear this one." he added picking up a simple black tux. Kurt expected tears, but once again Blaine composed himself. he pulled on the suit and fixed his hair before turning back to Kurt.
"Okay, I'm all ready." Blaine said. "Let's go." He took Kurt's hand and lead him out of the house to the car where Cooper and Pam were waiting. They drove to the funeral home and went inside. Up in the front was Blaine's father's body. Pam walked up first. Kurt watched as she whispered something into her late husband's ear and then pressed a kiss to his forehead. She held herself together which was a testament of how truly strong she was. Cooper, on the other hand, broke down and eventually had to go into the bathroom to compose himself. Blaine refused to go up, even when prompted by Kurt. Instead he choose a chair in the back and looked over the funeral program about a dozen times. When people started coming in, he took his place in the front row, accepting apologies from all the guests. Kurt stood by his side, expecting a meltdown at any minute, but Blaine was fine. He was composed and even comforted many of his sobbing family members.
At one point, Burt and Carole came through. They each gave Kurt a hug before doing the same to Blaine. "How are you doing son?" Burt asked Blaine.
"I'm okay, Burt." Blaine replied, a fake smile plastered to his face. Carole hugged him next.
"If you need anything honey, let us know okay." she said. "I know how hard this is." she added tearing up a big. Kurt knew she was thinking about Finn and got a bit choked up himself thinking about his brother.
"Thank you Carole. I will." Blaine replied. All of their friends, including Mr. Shue and Emma were there to support Blaine. After everyone had gone through the line to say their goodbyes, people took their seats. The priest came out and gave an opening about heaven and talked about how Nicholas was in a better place.
"Now, I'd like to invite Nicholas' son, Blaine up to say some words about his father." The priest said. Blaine got up from his seat and went to the front of the funeral home.
"My father and I had a difficult history, but umm...I-" Blaine stuttered. "I'm not great at expressing myself through words, I'm better at singing so I'd like to sing something for all of you. he walked over to the piano that was placed in the corner of the room. He sat down on the wooden bench and rested his fingers on the black and white keys. Taking a deep breath, he played the first chord and then began to sing…
Father, I'm gonna say thank you
Even if I'm still hurt
Oh, I'm gonna say bless you
I wanna mean those words
Always wished you the best
I, I prayed for your peace
Even if you started this
This whole war in me
Blaine sounded beautiful, but Kurt could hear his voice beginning to crack and knew what was coming.
You did your best or did you?
Sometimes I think I hate you
I'm sorry, dad, for feelin' this
I can't believe I'm sayin' it
I know you were a troubled man
I know you never got the chance
To be yourself, to be your best
I hope that Heaven's given you
A second chance
Silent tears were falling from Blaine's eyes now as he played and sang the song. Kurt wanted to go up and pull him to his arms, but he knew that singing was how Blaine was getting through grieving and he couldn't stop it.
Father, I'm gonna say thank you
Even if I don't understand
Oh, you left us alone
I guess that made me who I am
Always wished you the best
I, I, I pray for your peace
Even if you started this
This whole war in me
The song climaxed and Blaine's voice got stronger as the tears fell.
You did your best or did you?
Sometimes I think I hate you
I'm sorry, dad, for feelin' this
I can't believe I'm sayin' it
I know you were a troubled man
I know you never got the chance
To be yourself, to be your best
I hope that Heaven's given you
You did your best or did you?
Sometimes I think I hate you
I'm sorry, dad, for feelin' this
I can't believe I'm sayin' it
I know you were a troubled man
I know you never got the chance
To be yourself, to be your best
I hope that Heaven's given you
A second chance
As the last note, rang out, Blaine started to sob. Kurt got up but he wasn't quick enough. Blaine stood up and ran from the room, Kurt hot on his heels. He followed his husband into a back room, where Blaine finally grieved. He knelt down and sobbed into his hands. Kurt went up and pulled Blaine into his arms. Blaine sobbed and sobbed, until he started having trouble breathing.
"Honey, you have to breathe." Kurt said softly, rubbing Blaine's back. "Please, honey. Come on, in and out." Blaine began to follow Kurt's prompts and eventually he got to a point where he could speak again.
"I-I was relieved." Blaine stuttered quietly.
"What?" Kurt asked. "Relieved about what?"
"When my mom called...to tell me he had died. M-my first thought was relief." Blaine cried. "What kind of son thinks like that?"
"Honey, you were in shock." Kurt told him. "It's natural-."
"It's not." Blaine cut him off. "Kurt, my dad...he was abusive. He never hit me, but emotionally so many insecurities stem from him. I am so fucked up because of him. I'm so fucked up that I was relieved that my own father died."
"He was abusive, he left you guys." Kurt told him. "It's understandable that you could feel that way."
"No it's not!" Blaine screamed as he pulled himself from Kurt's arms. "It wasn't his fault. He-he was bipolar. He struggled for years and we all knew. My mom used to tell me that when he would scream horrible stuff as me that if was just the disease talking. But, I just couldn't see past it. I hated him so much Kurt." he cried.
"Okay, that's okay too." Kurt replied, trying his hardest to help Blaine feel okay again.
"But it's not…" Blaine cried. "He-he was a good dad...sometimes. I knew that deep down my dad was in there. And I just let him go… when he needed help, I let him go." he paused, tears running down his face. "And now, he's gone and all I can think about his how stupid I was to cut him out of my life. He was still a good man." Kurt pulled Blaine into a hug again and this time, Blaine latched onto him and held on for dear life as he sobbed.
"He was still my father." Blaine cried.
"I know honey." Kurt soothed.
"He was my dad…" Blaine repeated, crying even harder. Kurt held his husband and knew that it would take time, but eventually things would be okay. He just hoped that in the future, Blaine knew that he didn't have to hold his emotions in like that. With Kurt, he was always safe and nothing would ever change that.
Hey guys, so I'm not dead lol! I hope you enjoyed the one shot. I was inspired by Demi Lovato's song "Father" which I think is beyond beautiful. I also want to apologize for not updating in like forever. I am a freshmen nursing major and am more than a bit busy and stressed. But my passion for writing is not gone, it just needs to take a back seat to science right now. I promise I will post whenever I can. Please leave a review I miss hearing from my readers 3 Thanks - Klainelover1997