Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry

When Miharu asked if they could go for a little trip one Tuesday afternoon, Yoite shrugged, not really interested, but because it was Miharu asking, he would go. That boy seemed to be able to pull little miracles such as this, making him do things for others. Yoite didn't ask why was Miharu bringing a rucksack with him, didn't need to know it, the only thing important was beside him anyway, breathing softly while travelling by the train, not caring in the slightest of the way people sometimes looked at them disgusted or confused. After all, it wasn't every day that they got to see two boys holding hands, one of which was dressed as though it wasn't late summer but late winter, with his cloak and gloves on, hat casting shadows over his eyes. Yoite also didn't ask why they had to travel, he trusted Miharu with his life, and this wasn't a significant matter.

Arriving to their destination, Miharu grabbed Yoite's hand again, smiled at him softly and with his rucksack containing things for both of them he made his way through the train, towards the exit. Outside the station the breeze was warm and soothing, slightly humid and smelled besides perfumes and trains also of salt and water. It made Yoite breath in more, even though he was sure Miharu must smell it much more, what with his dying senses and everything.

"Do you like it?" The question came unexpectedly and Miharu had to repeat it in order for his companion to hear it properly, but when Yoite got it, he nodded and his eyes shone slightly more.

After enduring a short ride with a bus, they got off on a station in the middle of nowhere and Miharu led them down the little hill and then there was white and blue, everywhere, in front of them, above them, around, you could get lost in it. One was sky, of course, blue with a few white clouds marching slowly. The second was sand and sea, a few seagulls flying over the blue blue water, making Yoite's heart skip one beat, because he hasn't been to the sea for so long if ever and now he was here, Miharu's warm hand in his, squeezing slightly just to let him know he was still with him, not letting go until asked to.

Coming nearer to the water, his feet drowning in sand, he knew his boots will be full of sand in a while, but not really caring for it, Miharu pulled Yoite with him all the way until they were both standing just millimeters in the water, waves steadily licking the shore and their shoes. His heart was swelling at the effect this was having on Yoite. The taller boy's face has already began to fill with color, it wasn't the nightmarish white or even bluish white anymore, now there were traces of pink on his cheeks and he also seemed to breathe easier, eyes shining brightly with life. Miharu was starting to be proud of himself for this idea and also very thankful to Yukimi-san for giving him some money and permission to go. He had a plan, which he hoped would heal some of Yoite's bruises, were they on his soul or body.

"Yoite…"

"Yes?"

"I have an idea. Do you trust me?" Although he was confused, Yoite nodded. This was Miharu. He wouldn't ask for anything unreasonable. Seeing the nod, Miharu continued. "Would you take your boots of? There's nobody here who can see. Yoite, please, it would do well to you." He was somewhat desperate to make the other boy understand why he was asking him to take off his precious clothes which functioned as his cover before the world. The Kira user was somehow taken aback by this request, but didn't mind that much because he knew Miharu has seen him before and didn't mind. Also, the boy was right – there was nobody else on this beach in this part of the day, sun not yet setting but already hanging low in the sky, making the water golden in some places.

"Ok." He sat down and began to untie the laces, not looking at Miharu, who was wearing a soft smile. When Yoite was done, Miharu knelt in front of him and rolled up his trousers a little, only haf an inch under his knees, where the skin wasn't so blackened and rough anymore, but pliant and pinkish, as it was supposed to be. Helping him to stand up, Miharu kicked off his tennis shoes and inhaled sharply.

"I have another request, Yoite."

"What is it, Miharu?" If every request made him feel this good when he complied he would agree more often to things. The sand was everywhere, warm waves licking now his bare feet, and God, he could still feel, and if that wasn't wonderful then he didn't know what was.

"Take off your coat and gloves." This time, Miharu didn't plea with him. He looked determined but afraid, knowing full-well this was a difficult request to fulfill for Yoite. His companion, on the other hand, simply looked around them, searching for unnecessary witnesses to his weak but happy moment and when not finding anyone – beach still empty – he slowly, trembling slightly, pulled off his gloves. Miharu looked like he didn't quite believe his eyes, immediately taking one of those hands into his, the other throwing the gloves to both of their shoes out of the water's reach.

When Miharu's warm hands enveloped his cold one, Yoite closed his eyes for a moment, just enjoying the sensation. Both he and Miharu were long used to being different from others. They knew their relationship was different from the normal friendships, but not naming it, neither of them took the first step to something further, afraid of losing the other. Afraid. They were afraid of many things, beginning with each other, through their relationship and its continuation to losing each other without the chance to say… What? Yoite didn't know. Miharu did, but kept silent, depending on Yoite far too much to be willing to take the risk of scaring the other boy away. Miharu's hands let go of his and started to unbutton his black cloak, taking it off of him in one slow movement, letting Yoite's skin breathe in the warmth and the sun. He then took one other step forward and, as close to Yoite as possible without really touching him, he rolled the sleeves on his white turtleneck up, exposing the skin, same as on his legs, blackened and dry, thin like a sheet of paper, fragile. Breakable. One only had to push with his nail slightly and there would be single drop of crimson blood, proof Yoite was still alive.

Scarcely breathing from his shock Yoite didn't move for a long while, just staring into Miharu's eyes, not knowing what to say. Miharu didn't look like he cared Yoite was silent. He turned away from the boy, took his hand carefully into his own and to display his affection he brought it to his face. When Yoite tried to pull free, he squeezed him tighter, looking at him pleadingly. Yoite sighed and stopped resisting. When his damaged hand touched Miharu's soft, yet childish skin of his cheek, he bit his lip from whimpering. Reaching further, he tangled his hand Miharu's hair, soft and caressed him on his own will, Miharu leaning into his touch, eyebrows drawn tight together from the depth of his feelings. He was overwhelmed by the power Yoite had over him. On a whim he grabbed his hand and kissed the palm, making Yoite tense up.

"Sorry," whispered Miharu, not letting go of that hand, but now stepping away and leading further into ocean, until he was in it to his knees, the water reaching just under his shorts and Yoite to half of his calves, the sea gently washing away and healing small bruises on his feet, making them tingle all over. He then let go of Yoite's hand, reached into the water and splashed some of it on his companion, making him blink and step away. Miharu's grin faded a little.

"C'mon Yoite, put your hands in it. You'll like it." The boy complied once again, but now only because his deep trust in Miharu and not because he wanted to. Crouching down he let the water splash on his hands, then put them into it, letting it wash him, wash away some sings of using the Kira too much, washing away some of the blackness, making the skin slightly more sensible than it was. Miharu was right, he did like it. A little sigh escaped his lips and a warm smile was starting to play on his lips, making Miharu's heart swell even more and his stomach do flip-flops. Watching Yoite while so peaceful was a little miracle he was able to do and he was immensely happy of it. Something in his chest was pulling at his heart. He knew very well he has fallen, and pretty deeply at that, maybe still falling, everytime he managed to make Yoite smile brought a wave of something indescribable over him. He knelt down in front of him, not really caring about seam of his shorts getting wet – it will dry up eventually and the weather was warm, anyway – and caught Yoite's face in his hands, his lips already quirking down, eyes watering and he rested his forehead on Yoite's, a sob raking his frail frame, making Yoite's eyes widen to two blue blue oceans of their own. He pulled his hands out of the water and brought them uncertainly to Miharu's back, hugging him closer. He was scared he would do something unpleasant, but Miharu didn't complain or say anything at all. After all, it wasn't as if the words were that needed with them, but his lips were moving, eyes shut tightly, little salty drops dripping from them, making his cheeks wet and adding a little to the ocean full of little salty drops, billions of them around them, and Yoite thought about how God had to cry pretty badly to make the ocean so wide and deep, and why the hell would God cry…? His thoughts were stopped however, when Miharu's eyes flew open, and they were wide and watery and green as nothing he had seen before. Yoite could only stare back, still hugging his friend(?) close to him, his wet hands leaving wet prints on Miharu's shirt, but neither of them cared. And then Miharu inhaled deeply against another sob, closed his eyes again and brought his lips to Yoite's with desperate urgency. Yoite could only taste the saltiness at first, then it registered to him what was happening and his heart began to hammer in his chest, mind panicking. This wasn't how it was meant to be. Neither of them was supposed to care. Right? He was only using Miharu, and Miharu was only using him. Right?

Right?

So where did these feelings come from, why were his eyelids sliding shut, why was he trying to bring Miharu even closer to him, their bodies flush against each other, now both of them kneeling in the water, getting wet, but not caring, letting the water wash away Miharu's tears and Yoite's fear, kissing desperately like there was no tomorrow, because with them one never knew, maybe there wasn't. And if one had only today to make something, it was that much easier and difficult all at once, having to do the decision now or never.

Neither of them noticed the sunset or Yukimi when he came for them, having settled on time the day before with Miharu, and neither of them noticed how he looked away, surprised at Yoite's lack of clothing, sad and embarrassed from how he found them, knowing it was unavoidable but hopeless. He went back to his car; shut the door behind him, knowing Miharu would call when he needed him. Because sometimes, things weren't as they were supposed to be.

Right?