A/N: Hey everyone! It's been a while since I last published/updated something. Blame my massive writers block and every single one of my teachers is trying to suffocate my grade with homework and assignments. Ah well. Anyways, thanks as always to my lovely beta-reader OVERKILL-MAX. Enjoy the short one-shot!
It was dark and raining heavily outside Claire's window, matching her mood exactly. Wiping her eyes again, she hugged the only piece of clothing she had of Elle more tightly and inhaled her scent again. It had been a week since Elle vanished from the Bennett household, leaving behind only a plain white shirt. Claire had discovered it the morning the family realised she was gone. On top of it, there was a note, bearing the words 'keep it. As a memory I'm not coming back, I'm sorry.'
She squeezed her eyes shut, tears leaking out of the corner of her eyes. She missed her so much. Why did she leave? That question repeated itself over and over and over again in her head like a mantra, cutting away every other thought that she had. She had nothing to distract her from the emptiness and loneliness of Elle's absence. Noah, seeing Claire's despair, had left to try and track her down. He warned her that Elle was a master at disappearing without a trace, so there was a small chance that he would be able to find her. Sandra was out grocery shopping and Lyle was at a friend's house studying, leaving her alone to wallow in her misery and regret. Her sun had imploded, leaving her world a dark and desolate place.
Regret. That was the Claire's dominant feeling. Regret that she never got to show Elle that water wasn't as evil as she thought it was. Regret that she had dated West just to try to forget. Regret that she didn't tell the older blonde that when she said to her "I love you," she had meant it in the way it was supposed to be meant when you say those words to someone you truly love.
Sniffing, she sat up and looked around her room, looking for the thing she wanted. Her eyes landed on a small, pink photo album that contained a multitude of pictures of both of them together. Swinging her legs over the edge of the bed, she walked over to the album. As she picked it up, a small rectangular object fell out. At first, she thought it was only a picture, but then she realised that it was bigger than most of the pictures in the album. Frowning, Claire bent down to pick it up and turned it over. Her heart skipped a beat when she recognised the untidy scrawl of Elle's handwriting on the front. She had written her name on the envelope, and nothing else. With shaking fingers, she turned the envelope over and slid it open. She removed the piece of paper and unfolded it carefully.
It was a letter that read:
Dear Claire:
I'm sorry that I
I know that I'm an ass for running
I need to tell you that –these three lines were scratched out, barely legible by Claire before the letter continued.
I know you're wondering why I ran away. I'm a coward for running away, and I'm sorry if I hurt you by doing that. Out of the twenty five years of my life, this is probably the hardest thing I've had to do. I'm scared because I don't trust myself when it comes to emotions. I hope what I feel is what I think it is, because it's fantastic. Well, it was fantastic until I realized something else. I wish it didn't have to be like this, because things like these should be said in person, not over a letter.
I like watching you sometimes. I like watching your face when we watch movies together. I like watching your expression change whenever you have your constant epiphanies, when you're happy, or excited. I wish I could tell you this in person, because I want to watch you experience every emotion as I tell you this.
You're probably wishing that I would just tell you what I need to. So I will. Here it is:
I love you.
I'm in love with you.
It's difficult for me to admit this, even to myself. Daddy always told me that love was a sign of weakness. He always taught me that love was evil, and that it never really ended happily. But with you, it doesn't feel like a weakness. It doesn't feel like something evil. But I wish so much that it won't turn out badly. I love you, but I don't deserve you. You are so beautiful, so perfect and innocent and I'm this...monster. I'm jaded and flawed in more ways than you can think of.
Don't get me wrong, it's not easy being in love with you. Like there's this...hole in my chest that refuses to heal and I'm running out of ways to numb the pain until I can learn how to fill it up again. It was great being friends with you, but every time you smiled at me or fell asleep on me after a movie, it would hurt so much because I knew that you would never love me back and I would never have the chance to be with you.
I've tried so hard to forget how I feel about you. Alcohol, drugs, one night stands...none of them worked because none of those things compares to you. None of them keep me together. None of them comfort me. None of them hold me after I wake up screaming from a nightmare fuelled by the memories of my childhood. And after some time, I've learnt that nothing can rid me of these feelings. The cure to my pain is the cause of my pain.
So that's why I ran away. To try and at least numb the feelings I have for you and heal the hole in my heart. I can't stand by and watch someone else hold you, touch you and kiss you the way I so desperately want to. It simply hurts too much. It hurts that when other people say that they love you, you believe them, but when I say it to you, you simply smile and hug me, never really understanding that I love you as more than a friend. Because unless hell freezes over and the Notebook isn't the most I'm-vomiting-because-it's-too-overly-romantic movie of all time to me, that's all I'll ever be to you. A friend.
I want you to know how I feel. I want to be completely honest with you. I want you to be happy. I want to be the source of your happiness. I want to hold you in my arms and never let go. I want the words "I love you" to be the first thing you hear in the morning and the last thing you hear before you fall asleep. I want to say those words to you, with you to knowing that I mean them. I want to stay forever by your side and shield you from any harm and danger, but I can't. I wish I had some hope over you feeling the same way about me, but I know that will never happen.
I'm not coming back. I'm sorry, but remember, despite everything that will happen; I will never get over you. Your name will forever be engraved into my heart and as long as humans have the ability to breathe and the sun keeps shining, I will never stop loving you. Don't forget me, because I don't remember anything else.
Forever yours, Elle
The letter dropped from Claire's fingers, fluttering softly to the floor. Her whole body felt numb as a fresh wave of tears flooded out of her and she cursed herself for being a coward and not telling Elle how she felt. If she'd had the guts to do it, she wouldn't be stuck in this position and feel this way. She didn't even bother to stop the flow of tears. She just sat there until the loud ringing of the doorbell indicated that someone was at the front door. Standing up, she wiped her face with the sleeve of her jumper and shuffled out of her room, down the stairs and to the front door. She gripped the cold doorknob and took in a shaky breath to compose herself before opening the door. She gasped, a shock running through her body as her eyes fell upon the blonde, drenched and slightly shivering figure in front of her. Her body heaved with renewed sobs as the other person offered a weak smile.
"Elle?"
A/N: Please review...*hopeful face*