This is my first ever FanFic. I love Blindspot and Jeller. I cannot wait until February! I hope you all like it!
I got champagne for the pain
Blackout all the memories
Running through my veins
I don't really want to feel anything
Trying to escape
I'm my only enemy
Niykee Heaton – Champagne
Jane downs her tenth shot. The alcohol barley stinging as it slides down her throat. After everything with Oscar, she's turned to alcohol. Every other night, her detail drags her home, black out drunk. No one knows why she drinks. They all just think it's because of what happened with Carter, but Jane left out Oscar and the video. The true reason she drinks practically every night.
Tasha and Patterson thought it was fun at first, having a drunk-off-her-ass Jane, but they soon weren't able to handle drinking so often. They also didn't enjoy dragging her home every night. They would have to put her to bed.
Weller noticed this drastic change. She wore large dark glasses every morning. She always came in late, something that never usually happened. She also didn't seem to be functioning like usual. She was never fully there in the field. He also caught her slipping some liquid into her coffee. He thought it would only last a week, but it's been three. She was pulled from the field, but that just encouraged her to drink more.
She slams her glass down for a refill. The bartender fills it and she stares at the murky liquid.
"Here's to you Oscar," she slurs to herself. She downs the shot with ease. "Bastard," she says under her breath.
"Jane." She turns to see who it is. Even though she hears that voice in her dreams.
"Special Agent Kurt Weller!" she yells. He looks at her with pity and disbelief. "Have you finally decided to fulfill that promise of a drink?"
"No, Jane, I'm here to take you home." Jane slams her glass upside down and places some bills on the counter top.
"I was getting tired of shots anyway." She stands and stumbles forward. Kurt catches her. "Such a gentlemen," she slurs. She pats his cheek and walks out of the bar much like a new born deer trying to walk.
Kurt follows her closely, ready to catch her if she falls. She thankfully gets to the car without incident. He helps her into the passenger seat. The ride to her safe house is without issue, that is if you count Jane singing a song she barley knows at the top of her lungs.
Once he pulls up, she pushes open the door and stumbles out. Kurt shuts off the car and finds her at the door attempting to fit the wrong key into the lock. He reaches over and gently grabs the key from her. He opens the door with ease.
She steps in and turns on the lights. She sets a course for her personal stash. She returns to Weller in the living room with two glasses and bourbon. She starts to pour, but Kurt grabs the bottle.
"No." He shakes his head and puts the cap back on. "We need to talk," he says sternly. Jane smiles and downs the little there was in the glass.
"Okay, Agent Weller, what do you want to talk about?"
"You," he responds sharply.
"What about me?" She saunters over to the couch and sits.
"What has gotten into you, Jane? This is nothing like you." He take a couple steps closer.
"Well, you don't know me very well, Kurt." She sighs and rests her head back on the couch. "Can I have my bourbon back?" Kurt places the bottle on the coffee table. Jane jumps at the sharp sound of the glass hitting the wood.
"Not until you tell me why you are drinking so much." His hand stays firmly on the neck of the bottle. He stares straight at Jane. Her eyes are glued to the bottle, but soon flicker up to his.
"I just want to forget," she replies. Her voice is dry and stripped of emotion. Her eyes are glassy and filled with pain. Kurt feels a tug on his heart and he softens
"Carter?" he asks. She shakes her head, breaking their eye contact. She stares down at her feet.
Kurt slowly approaches her. He crouches down and hesitates to put his hand on her knee. In the end he places both of his hands on her knees. Her muscles tense at the touch. She smells strongly of alcohol. She doesn't even look up. Her eyes are closed tightly.
"Jane," he says softly. The way his says her name makes her melt. "What aren't you telling me?"
She sucks in a long breath and she sits straight up. Sobriety starts to seep into her foggy, drunk head. She then stares at his hands. She covers them with hers. Now it's his turn to tense up.
Sure, they are no strangers to touching. They've kissed and it was an amazing kiss. The only thing that Jane has felt was completely right. Then Oscar showed her the video of her. She has tried to forget everything. It's really ironic. Her memory was wiped and all she wanted to do was remember, but not she wants to forget. She doesn't want Kurt to feel that betrayal that she feels.
It's silly she feels betrayed. It was her who did this to herself, but she can't help but feel that specific emotion. She doesn't know if she's still the person who did this to her. She does know that Kurt will feel the betrayal more than she ever could.
"You're going to hate me," her voice cracks. She pushes back the tears that sting her eyes. Her eyes float to his. His face is a mixture of confusion and interest.
"I could never hate you, Jane." She stands abruptly, leaving Kurt crouched down in front of the couch.
Her sudden movement startled him. It took him a second to register that she was across the room. He slowly stood and looked at her.
"You shouldn't say that," she says softly. She decides then and there to tell him everything. He deserves to know. She will take whatever punishment comes after, but this secret is slowly killing her.
"Why not?" he asks. She takes a couple long strides to meet him. She brings their lips together. She needs just one more kiss before things go to hell.
Once again, Kurt is caught off guard, but recovers quickly. She taste of alcohol and something sweet. His hands are around her waist, pulling her closer. Her arms are wrapped around his neck as she pulls him down to her.
"Jane," he murmurs against her lips. He wants nothing more than this to go further, but she's drunk and obviously upset. She pulls away at the sound of her name. She doesn't make eye contact. She slips out of his grasp.
"I'm sorry," she whispers. "I just needed that one more time." She finally looks up into his blue eyes.
"Tell me what's going on, Jane." He reaches out to hold her forearm, but she moves away.
"I did it," she admits. "I did all of it." Some part of her feels relived, but the other, stronger side knows she will forever regret this. There was no going back now.
"What are you talking about?" He tries once more to touch her, comfort her in some way. He sees how hard this is and it kills him.
"My memory wipe and tattoos. I did it. It was all me. It's a mission." Tears threaten to spill. She closes her eyes tightly. She doesn't want to admit the thing that is most important. She doesn't want to see his face crumble and anger enter. "I sent myself to you," she spits out.
A tense silence fills the room. Kurt doesn't talk. His mind races as he sorts out everything he just heard. She did all of this. She sent herself to him. Everything instinct in his body tells him to be angry. To feel betrayal, but his mind fights against them.
She isn't the person she was before this, he tells himself. He told her that. He watched as her hands clench and unclench. He sees that she is breaking. This secret has been eating away at her and it's all because of him. She lied because she didn't want to hurt him.
Before he can stop himself he steps forward. Jane's eyes snap open and look at him. Fear is present, but he does something unexpected, he wraps his arms around her. He hugs her tightly. Relief fills her and she can't hold back the tears. She sobs into his chest.
"I could never hate you, Jane," he repeats. Her hands take a handful of his shirt. "You are not the same person who did this. Physically you are, but I know you, Jane." She sobs harder and buries her face deeper into his chest. She takes in his comforting warmth and scent. He places a kiss on the top of her head and rests his head on hers.
"Everything is going to be okay, Jane. I promise." That is a promise he intends to keep.