Major spoliers for the entire manga and Brotherhood anime! Do not read if you haven't finished either! The lemon isn't for a long time, this is a long one.

Roy blamed himself, he should have predicted this. He was so dedicated to his subordinates, why didn't he see this coming and plan for it? He was going to be stuck with the consequences for the rest of his life.

—

It was nearly four years since Bradley's death and the defeat of the Homunculi. Ed had traded his alchemy for his brother and, once he became reaccustomed to his body, Al traveled east to Xing and Ed to the west, both to study alchemy in order to reinvent it.

Ed's research was over and Al was still in Xing. They had corresponded, but had not seen each other in two years. Ed shipped off all his work to his brother, the only one of them who could put any of it into practice, and returned to Resembool.

Winrey met him at the train station, but this was not the same confident, happy Ed that had left two years ago. For two days Ed tried to act normal, but it was a sham. Winrey tried to bring up Ed's spirits with her own buoyant attitude, but all he could manage was a sad grin. He didn't even get testy about his height—although he had gained an inch or two—or argue about drinking milk (he still didn't drink it though).

On the third day, Ed said "Winrey, I know I sort of asked you to marry me when I left, but . . . I'm not so sure right now. I . . . I need to go."

Winrey let him go. Pinako cornered him as he was packing. "Just like your father, can't stay put."

"It's not the same thing."

"I'm sure." She didn't sound sarcastic.

"What do you think Pinako, should stay I marry Winrey?"

"Not in the state you're in now. Most men are lying when they say they need to find themselves, but I think you really need to. And I don't think you can do that here."

"Thank you, ba-chan, for understanding."

"Your father and I were drinking buddies; I drank with all types of men and I think I know a thing or two about you men."

On the station platform, "Where will you go?" Winrey asked.

"I'm not sure yet. When I get there, I'll let you know."

"Will you go to Xing?"

"I don't think so. Goodbye."

The train headed east. Ed tried to figure out where he needed to go for . . . Understanding? Comfort? Advice? He didn't even know what he was seeking, but he needed to talk to someone. Not Winrey. Not his brother. He needed to talk to an alchemist, a friend. There was his master: she could be scary, but she could also be motherly. No, he didn't want to go to her. Who did that leave?

The train was headed east. East. Ed had come to associate the east with Mustang. Roy Mustang. He decided quickly, he would pay Mustang a visit in Central.

—

Ed took a roundabout route to Central. Once there, he made his way to the military headquarters. He stood outside for a while before going in. He went up to the receptionist.

"Um, I'd like to see Brigadier General Mustang, but it's more of a social visit. Um . . ."

Before he could go on, someone called to him. "Edward?"

Ed turned to see Hawkeye. "Lieutenant, I mean . . ." he glanced desperately at her rank insignia.

"It's alright Ed; you don't really need to worry about rank now that you're out of the military. It's good to see you. What brings you to Central?"

"I wanted to see the—I mean, Mustang. I didn't want to disturb him at work though. Now that I'm not under his command, it doesn't seem right to barge in his office anymore."

Hawkeye couldn't suppress a smirking smile. "I think he'd like to see you, but you're right; he is amazingly busy. He's practically Fuhrer. Grummen is more Fuhrer in name; most of the work he leaves to the General. Let me get you a car. You can do what you like and then the driver can take you to his home later this evening."

"If I'm not intruding."

She picked up on what he meant by the way his eyes shifted embarrassedly. "Oh, we're not together. He only got as far asking me out, but he quickly rescinded the offer even though I said yes. I think he has doubts about getting romantically involved with a subordinate, or anyone in the military, especially someone who was at Ishval."

"Oh. I just kind of assumed."

"I think everyone did."

"Thank you, Lieu—"

"Riza."

"That's going to take some time."

She smiled at him. "I hope you stay in Central long enough to get used to it."

Ed made use of the chauffeured car to see the rebuilt parts of Central and to see Gracia and Alicia Hughes. He managed to kill nearly the entire day. The driver drove him around until an hour after Mustang should have left headquarters, then he drove Ed to Mustang's home.

Ed hesitated, but finally knocked. Despite the lights being on, Ed prayed Mustang wasn't home yet; he wasn't so sure about this anymore. But the door opened.

"Hawkeye told me to expect you." Mustang was dressed in his uniform, sans jacket and gloves. Ed wondered if he'd ever seen the man so . . . underdressed. But his hair was slicked back without his bangs hanging in his face. Ed wasn't sure he liked that look.

"Sorry to come unexpectedly."

"Not so unexpected. Come in."

It was a really nice house, but it was still a soldier's house, nothing too fancy. And Mustang was an alchemist, so there was no shortage of books. Ed found himself drawn to the shelves. Mustang chuckled. That brought Ed back to himself; a little embarrass to be so easily distracted. Ed's reaction worried Mustang.

"What can I do for you?" Mustang asked, gesturing to the sofa. Ed sat and Mustang sat opposite him in an armchair.

"I just needed to talk to someone." He was nervous enough that he thought that was apology enough for bringing up something Mustang probably didn't want to think about. "Remember when you lost your vision? I was so impressed how quickly you adapted. Within the hour you were fighting alongside us despite being blind."

"With Hawkeye's help."

"But still. And you seemed ready to deal with it and continue on. I admired you for that; still do."

Ed didn't seem to know how to go on. "It's about your alchemy," Mustang offered.

Ed nodded and Mustang completely understood, more than Ed realized. It wasn't just his inability to use the science that had defined him since he was young and his greatest talent, it was also the fact he'd set himself on a single path for so long, to restore his brother's body, and now that it was over, Ed felt empty, without purpose. Mustang understood it and mentally kicked himself for not realizing this would happen.

Ed was shaking. "I'm so scared. I've always been insecure about my height, but I always had my fighting skill and especially my alchemy to defend myself. Now that my alchemy's gone, I feel defenseless. And useless. It wasn't bad around Al and Winrey, but once I left to research in the west, I felt insignificant."

"Like a snail's who's shell was removed."

"Exactly! Though I should take issue with the metaphor. I feel lost, empty."

Mustang knew from personal experience what Ed needed. He knew what he needed during those first few days in Ishval, but he never found it. He knew how damaging that could be.

Mustang came forward and knelt in front of Ed. "I understand." Ed looked at him for nearly a minute before he threw himself into Mustang's open arms and wept. Mustang held him.

"You're not insignificant or useless. You're brilliant, determined. Strong, physically, mentally, and strong willed. You're also the kindest person I've ever met. You never think of yourself, always thinking of how to help and protect others, utterly selfless. If it wasn't for your temper, you'd be what we all should aspire to be."

That didn't stop Ed's crying. Mustang didn't say anything else, but held him. He felt strangely honored that Ed felt he could come to him. They had always respected each other, but they could never have been called friends. Ed sniped at Mustang more than he spoke to him and Mustang smirked at Ed more that he smiled. Mustang felt more affection for the young man now. His hand found its way to Ed's neck and he gently massaged the base of his skull through the top of the golden braid.

Once Ed stopped the worse of his crying and shaking, he realized just how safe he felt. It seemed like Mustang's arms were molded just to hold him. He was glad he chose to come here.

It was some time before Mustang realized that he was all but petting the younger man and he stopped. That brought it to Ed's attention and he took Mustang's stopping as a signal to move away.

He backed very slightly and Mustang released his arms from around the slim frame. Ed couldn't look him in the eye.

"Why don't you stay the night and sleep?" Mustang offered.

"Thanks," Ed accepted. "I think the driver is still outside, waiting to take me to a hotel."

Mustang nodded and stood. Ed pulled his legs up onto the couch and curled up. Mustang was going to offer him his bed, but Ed looked too comfortable to disturb with the offer. He went out and told the driver to go home and took Ed's suitcase.

Ed was fast asleep when he got back. Mustang went to the linen closet, got out an extra pillow and blanket, put the pillow near Ed's head if he woke up and draped the blanket over him. Before he knew what he was doing, Mustang was tucking the blond in.