Chapter One – "Unintentional Romance"
Finn and Jake were walking down one of the halls of the Candy Castle with Princess Bubblegum leading the way.
"So, P.B., what did you need our help with?" Finn asked.
Bubblegum sighed. She turned around, "Finn, Jake, what I need your help with is very important. As you may recall, I am still without an heir, and after the mess with Goliad, I've decided that I should not fabricate one—on my own." They continued down the hall and a flight of stairs that led to the catacombs. They entered a large room with many colorful chemicals fizzing, popping, and bubbling. They, though, did not take up the most space; the two large machines did. The machines were white; one had clear glass plates that seemed to be meant for observing something inside from the outside. A watery liquid flowed inside it. The other machine was next to the first and was only half the size, and it had no glass plates.
"I have found a way to make a baby with my DNA using these machines, but I need the DNA of a male to complete the process."
"What about me?" Finn said.
"Finn, are saying you want to make a baby with me?" Bubblegum said while raising her eyebrow.
Finn's cheeks grew red, and he stammered, "No, P.B., I just, uh—"
Bubblegum giggled, "It's okay, Finn. I already tried your DNA, but it failed. I have no idea why."
"Why don't you make a baby naturally?" Finn asked.
"Because that form of procreation is messy and uncivil."
"But it's fun!" Finn yelled.
Jake and Princess Bubblegum slowly looked at Finn with suspicious faces. Finn's eyes darted between the two, "Or so I've heard."
Jake slowly turned back to Bubblegum, "Anyway, Princess, does it have to be anyone in particular—or a candy-person at all?"
"Well, I do have a list of genetic features I want," she walked over to the table and picked up a piece of paper, "But I don't suppose it doesn't have to be a candy-person." She walked to Jake and handed him the list. He and Finn scanned through the list.
"So, can you help me?" Princess Bubblegum said.
Jake raised his head from the list, "Yeah, P.B., we can help you."
"Oh, thank you! And please do take your time. It has to be someone special."
Finn and Jake left the palace with their new task.
"I think we should start on this as soon as possible—like tomorrow," Finn said.
"So you're okay with this?" Jake asked.
"What do you mean?"
"You know, finding your ex-girlfriend a mate."
"Dude, I told you: we never went steady!"
"If you never went steady, then how come you were on the rebound with Flame Princess?"
"What?! I wasn't on the rebound. I've got a way with the ladies."
"No, you don't. You couldn't get any princesses to give you some of their hair to save my life!"
"I got Bubblegum's hair," Finn said calmly.
"Yeah, and even though you now have a girlfriend, you still have it!"
"Whatever, man."
Tension, married with silence, hung in the air for the remainder of the way home.
The next morning, the boys began the eliminating for Bubblegum's new mate. They knocked out many obvious choices—the Ice King being the most obvious. Cinnamon Bun was also quickly eliminated because he was too much everything other than what was on the list. They soon eliminated everyone (well, every male) that they knew.
"Ugh! There's no one that fits the features on P.B.'s list!" Finn said, despairingly throwing himself back on the floor of the tree house.
"Maybe we should try using another method," Jake suggested.
"What method?"
"Squeezing grape juice from the grapevine."
"Hey, L.S.P.," Finn greeted her while he and Jake entered the dump that was Lumpy Space Princess' camp. It was a few hours after Jake made his suggestion.
"Hey, Finn," the princess replied, "Are you here for my lumps?"
"Uh, no—"
"Good! 'Cause you'd need a ring!" L.S.P. said while holding up her ring finger.
"No, L.S.P., I need to ask you something," Finn said.
"What?"
"Do you know any nice guys that Jake and I haven't met living in Ooo?"
"Have you heard of 'the prince'?" Finn and Jake shook their heads. "Oh, my Glob, guys. I've heard he's this super-awesome, hot prince from some island kingdom. I've also heard he lives in an abandoned cottage deep in the woods."
"What's his name?" Jake asked.
"I don't know. I don't know everything, Jake," L.S.P. said with sass.
"Okay, thanks, L.S.P.," Finn said as he and Jake began to leave.
"Remember: bring me a ring, and you can have my lumps!" she yelled after Finn. Jake's stomach gave in, and Jake expelled his stomach's contents onto the forest floor.
The boys pressed on toward the deep part of the forest. The sun began to sink, and the sky changed into yellowish-orange. The sound of critters doing Glob-know-what surrounded the heroes.
"Dude, we might want to hurry," Jake worried, "This part of the forest gets dangerous at night, man." Finn did not seem to be worried, but he did unsheathe Joshua's sword.
Suddenly, a loud, demonic screech rang from a forest clearing to the heroes' east. Birds disrupted by the noise flew away to the sky. Finn and Jake ran toward the clearing with haste.
Within a minute or two, they saw the shriek's origin—a wood nymph. Wood nymphs are beautiful creatures with beady, earthly eyes that they are anything but. Typically, wood nymphs possess strong magical powers; usually, they throw explosive green orbs. Wood nymphs have skin the color of wood and the feel of bark. Their noses are cylindrical with visible rings. They have wings like a butterflies', only not as peace-loving.
The nymph held her side, which had a slice in it, and faced her opponent, a man. The man had purple skin and wore a purple-and-gold outfit, which looked luxurious and regal, yet dirty. He was handsome and held an unsheathed rapier. He stood with his unarmed hip toward the nymph.
With her empty hand, the nymph used her power to create a green orb and threw it at the man. He dodge-rolled away, and the orb exploded with a forceful green aura. He was unaffected by the impact.
"Oh, my Glob! We have to help!" Finn shrieked. He ran toward the ongoing fight, but Jake stretched out and pulled him back.
"Dude, you do not want to mess with wood nymphs!" Jake said. He glanced at the fight, "Besides, that guy can take care of himself." Finn looked over to the fight and the man, who was athletically dodging the barrage of orbs the nymph fired at him. The man then made a daring move—he pierced an orb with his rapier. Instead of detonating, the orb surprisingly let the thorny blade of the rapier slide through it. The man was careful not to detonate the orb prematurely. The nymph was caught off-guard by this stunt, and the man took advantage of it. With a skyward slice, the orb flew off the rapier and exploded in its creator's face. The nymph landed on its back, slain. Suddenly, the nymph's corpse exploded into a black mist. Finn was impressed. The man sheathed his rapier and began to walk away in the opposite direction.
Finn and Jake ran after him, shouting. Their shouting spooked the purple-skinned man, who then drew his rapier and pointed it at the guys. Finn and Jake stopped a few inches away from the tip of the blade. Upon closer inspection, they found the man to be in his twenties—around Bubblegum's age.
"Villains!" the man said loudly, "I am in no mood to fight anyone else!"
"Whoa, man," Finn said nervously, "We don't wanna fight."
"Yeah, we just wanna talk," Jake added.
The man was reluctant to put away his sword, "Fine, you shall talk."
Jake looked at Finn then back at the man, "You got a girlfriend?" The man raised his brow.
After a while, Finn and Jake were able to calm the mysterious man. The man was the prince L.S.P. spoke of, introducing himself as Prince Jay of the Jellyjam Kingdom; but he preferred to just be called Jay. He was twenty-one, exactly the age of Bubblegum. The Jellyjam Kingdom, he explained, was not part of the Ooo mainland. The kingdom controlled a small island off the coast and was not well-known inland.
"So how did you get here if you lived on an island?" Finn asked. He and Jake convinced Jay to go back to the Candy Kingdom to meet Bubblegum. They had already exited the forest, but the sun laid itself to rest while the moon and stars came out to play.
"I was sailing to the mainland alone when a storm caused my boat to capsize; I was washed ashore some time later."
"When was that?" Jake asked.
"I was washed ashore about three weeks ago. Ever since, I've been living in an abandoned cottage in the woods. I was looking for food one day when I saw a weird, floating, purple thing cooking a can of beans. Do you know about that?"
"Yeah," Finn responded, "That 'thing' is Lumpy Space Princess."
"Wait," Jay stopped walking and tried to grasp this unbelievable truth, "That thing's a chick?!"
"I'm still waiting for proof," Jake said.
"And she likes dudes?"
"I guess," Jake answered.
"What thing would want that?"
"You'd be surprised," Jake said, "You'd be surprised."
Jay's stomach roared with hunger, "Sorry, I was looking for dinner when the wood nymph attacked me."
Finn looked at Jake; Jake nodded and stretched to pick Finn and Jay up. They began to move at an accelerated rate.
"Wow!" Jay was amazed, "A magical dog!"
The trio arrived at the Candy Kingdom within minutes.
Bubblegum let Jay stay in one of the palace's guest rooms against her better judgment. When she, Finn, and Jake were alone, she scolded them, yelling, "How could you bring a stranger into my palace and my kingdom?!"
"He and L.S.P. said that he was a prince," Finn said, trying to reassure the princess; Bubblegum, though, was still quite angry.
Jake leaned in, "Uh, dude, I don't think saying L.S.P. said will help your case much. You'd be better off saying dirt said it."
"I swear, if I am killed in my sleep, I'll make sure you two will be joining me to see Death!" she continued to yell. Finn and Jake looked at each other with astonished looks.
That night, Finn and Jake stood guard outside P.B.'s room. The only disturbance was Cinnamon Bun sleep-walking and sleep-talking, saying, "Lasers!"
The next day, Bubblegum held a party and a feast, formally welcoming the prince to the Candy Kingdom. The entire kingdom was in attendance, even Finn and Jake. The sweet smell of candy and candy-related foods engulfed the palace's ballroom as the food was laid out onto a long wooden table. Princess Bubblegum sat at the end with Jay to her right. Finn and Jake sat in the middle of the table.
During the party, Bubblegum sat in a seat beside Jay, "So, I heard you are from the Jellyjam Kingdom. I'm sorry, but I have never heard of it."
Jay took a sip from his goblet, "I'm not surprised."
"Where is your kingdom?"
"On an island off of the coast."
"What's your climate like?"
"It's seasonal. We have a lot of green plains and lush forest; the forests are very beautiful and colorful during the autumn months."
Bubblegum smiled, "I bet they are." She readjusted herself on her seat. "So, tell me a little about yourself."
"Like what?"
"Everything."
Then Bubblegum and Jay began sharing interests, dislikes, and ideas. They found they have a mutual love for chemistry and botany. They talked for hours on end, until Bubblegum offered to take Jay to her laboratory.
"Sure," the prince said. Bubblegum grabbed Jay's hand and led him to the hallway by Finn and Jake.
"Hey, where are you going?" Finn asked.
"Oh, I'm going to show him my lab," Bubblegum replied.
"Is that a euphemism?" Jake asked. Bubblegum ignored him and went on. Finn sighed and looked at Jake, who was grinning.
"What?" Finn asked.
"Jealous?"
"Shut up."
The weeks and months passed on, evident in the young couple's relationship, which was growing and blooming quite rapidly. P.B. began to spend more time with Jay, mostly doing chemistry and botany experiments together. This left Bubblegum's first assistant—Jake's daughter Maria—feeling a little like a third wheel. Jay often romanced Bubblegum with the utmost thoughtfulness. On more than one occasion, Finn has walked in on Bubblegum and Jay gently making-out, at which point he would swiftly and quietly walk away without disturbing them or letting on to his being there. Jake caught them once, saying, "Oh, yeah! Show me watcha got!"
One day, Finn and Jake went to the palace to see Bubblegum out of pure boredom. They were walking down a hallway and saw Bubblegum and Jay. Jay kissed Bubblegum, who had some bed-head and wore a messy, wrinkled dress, and walked past Finn and Jake, greeting them along the way. Finn and Jake looked back at Bubblegum, who was smiling.
"What happened?" Jake asked.
The princess giggled, "I found out I'm messy and uncivil."
Jake laughed while Finn fainted.
A couple of weeks later, Bubblegum became worried about something and saw Dr. Ice Cream. When Finn and Jake heard, they rushed to the palace as quickly as possible. When they arrived, Bubblegum was talking to Dr. Ice Cream in the hallway. Bubblegum seemed to be depressed about something.
"P.B., what's wrong?" Finn asked, quite concerned.
Bubblegum looked at the doctor, who said, "It's up to you to tell them." She left, and Bubblegum turned to Finn and Jake.
"Finn, Jake, I'm—"Bubblegum began to weep into her hands, "I'm—pregnant!"
"What?!" Finn and Jake yelled simultaneously. Bubblegum, still crying, sat into a nearby chair.
"I don't know how this could have happened!" she continued.
"Usually a lot of wine and faulty latex manufacturing are the causes," Jake said, not taking the news as seriously as everyone else. Finn elbowed Jake in his love handle. "So," Jake continued, "you're probably not going to need that baby machine anymore, huh?" Finn slapped his friend in the back of the head.
"Don't worry, P.B., we'll make Jay do the right thing!" Finn said. "Come on, Jake." They left the crying, pregnant princess for her unborn baby's daddy.
They soon arrived at Jay's abandoned cottage. The cottage profoundly expressed its abandoned state. Wooden boards acted as windows and vine vegetation as the siding. The cottage had two stories, and smoke bellowed from the stone chimney. The grass around the cottage was as thick as the surrounding forest.
Finn and Jake walked up to the cottage's only door, and Finn knocked on the door. The hits opened a crack between the door and its frame. Finn peered inside and saw lit candles but no Jay. He opened the door and saw the room was empty. Finn and Jake looked through the house; then, a bang on the ceiling occurred. They ran upstairs to see to the source of the bang, and they saw that it was Jay. He was on the floor with a box.
"Oh, hey, guys," he greeted them.
"What are you doing?" Finn asked.
"These boxes were left here, and I am seeing what is inside. Why?"
"No, reason. Hey, P.B. wants to talk to you."
"About what?"
"It's best if you ask her that."
Bubblegum led Jay to her bedroom's balcony, for privacy. It had been a pretty dry day, but a storm head threatened it with moisture and precipitation. Bubblegum's hair flowed in the wind.
"Finn and Jake said you want to talk to me; about what?" Jay asked.
"Jay, do you remember that one day when we—you know?"
"Yeah, I'm still surprised you were into doing that, especially being a princess and a first-timer!"
"Well, a few hours ago, I found out that," a tear escaped Bubblegum's eye; and Jay noticed it, "I'm pregnant!"
Jay's eyes widened as he backed away in disbelief. Without a word, he ran out of the room and out of the palace and pass Finn and Jake. They watched him and turned around after he left to see Bubblegum running toward them, crying more than Little Lady Rainicorn when Finn did his weird experiments with the Little People.
"P.B., what's wrong?" Jake asked.
"He just ran out when I told him!"
"It's okay, Princess," Finn said, "We'll bring him back!"
The guys left for Jay's once more; but this time, Jay was not home. It seemed like Prince Jay of the Jellyjam Kingdom had completely disappeared.