"Good night, children. Your safe."
The man left our room with that phrase. Every night he would tell us that we are safe. Every single night.
But still I was so scared.
Those japanese soldiers were everywhere, we knew that. We heard the bombplanes as they flew by. We all learnt that we could always go to Ho-ke when we needed him. We could always go and tell him if we were scared. But I didn't want to.
I didn't want to ruin my image and just let my feelings loose. I'd never want him to see me as nothing but a child.
That's why I kept sobbing in silence. Tears blurring my sight. And I tried to not make a sound. The other kids would tell Ho-ke I was crying. But I couldn't keep the sadness back.
Cause it was black when they died. And I couldn't forget or erase those memories. Their screams. How my father tried to save my sister from being raped. Both my twin sisters were. And we could do nothing but watch. Our father couldn't stand the pain and took his life. And I was left alone. In a city of screams and cries.
And I cannot forget it.
The children sleep. Quietly.
I hear their breathing. Slow and soft.
Merely touching their small lips. Just flowing out of the mouth and then returns. I wish I could sleep like that.
I've been waking up shaking with pain. Not pain of wounds or lice that iches. It is the pain of memories.
I cannot sleep.
As always Ho-ke enters the room once more. He walks around in the room carefully to check everyone's sleeping.
I close my eyes and try to slow down my breathing. One could think he would not go to the teenagers place in the room but I knew better. I've been awake late every night.
Ho-ke smiled and left the room. I opened my eyes again.
He had not noticed me. Not my wet cheeks or my breathing that, even though I tried, would not slow down to a calm phase.
I sat up, not knowing if I could keep on crying anymore. It felt useless as I had been interupted. I still did not want to sleep. I knew what massacre I would dream about.
My shoulders were shaking of fear and grief so I wrapped them around my knees. Then I heard a soft voice at my side.
"Jianyu...?" I quickly wiped of my tears and looked into those dark eyes staring back at me. The black hair laying gracefully over his forehead. I blinked as I could not see much in the darkness.
"What is it, Jianyu?" he asked and I tried not to answer but it seemed to be hard to obey my own thoughts.
"I....Zheng, I miss...home." I whispered, careful not to wake the others. The tears were streaming down my cheeks again. Zheng sat himself up, yawning as he still were sleepy and smiled at me. "I know." he said and moved closer to me.
I did not understand him. It was as if he asked what was wrong so that I myself could figure it out. I was sure he had not asked for his own knowledge.
Zheng lay his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer. I could feel his ribs and the only thing I could think about was that I wanted him to eat. I did not want to feel his starving body. But he said those two words that made me forget about him and just letting the tears flow. "Your safe."