One Step at a Time
Hi CSI guy…
Nick leaned forward against the steering wheel of his truck and pressed his head to the steering wheel. He was careful not to lean against the horn since that would just make a racket. He was surprised even in his state that he was thinking about that. He took another sip of the bottle that he had opened. It was his… it was his sixth or seventh, maybe more, ever since he pulled up and stopped in front of the house he made a beeline to.
Ness, you gotta talk to someone. I know you want it to be me but… Gari is a good choice.
Nick took another sip. He felt angry but he wasn't sure at what. He did recall feeling that sentence was like a rejection. Logically it was stupid but it felt like… it was like he was losing the one thing that kept him going being buried underneath all that ground and nearly being eaten alive. It was stupid yes but…
Gari specializes in trauma. He has worked with a lot of cops and people in high stress jobs. He can help.
It felt like rejection… like he was being pushed away. Nick pinched the bridge of his nose. The alcohol was really getting to him now. He had no idea how much he was drinking now. All he could think about was that he felt like he was being pushed away but he pushed her away. Yet he didn't know how he did that.
Ness, I swear you caterwaul just so you can hear me sing.
Nick could remember that song well. He had sung it to himself and he tried using it to catch someone's attention when he first thought that he was found. Yet what he heard was her voice. He even sung to himself that hymn she liked to sing when she was deep in thought and working. It was her favorite.
Closing his eyes, Nick could see the green glow of the glow sticks. He could feel the heat from the fan stopping, the bright light. His breath was slow and controlled except for when he panicked the first few times. His breathing started to pick up and he recognized the sounds of hyperventilation. SO he forced himself to slow his breathing down.
Looking up he saw the house that he had stopped in front of. Pinching the bridge of his nose and squinting again he looked forward again wondering why he was there. Well he did know why he was there. The question was whether or not he had the balls to get out and speak his mind. He certainly could admit that he hadn't been exactly forthcoming and a snapping asshole.
For some odd reason, Nick recalled the one scene in the lab. The pair of them, thick as thieves, laughing over something; it just didn't sit right with him and yet they were friends. But it wasn't a friend but an ex that paid a visit recently and now…
Finishing the beer, Nick threw the can in the back seat. Grumbling, he got out of his truck and made his way up the path. Somehow he managed to remember to lock his truck and set the alarm and he pocketed his keys. His hand brushed up against something inside his jacket pocket and fingered it. Halfway up, he lost his courage and almost turned around to sleep it off in his truck.
Um… I'm taking a few days. Just personal stuff. See Gari.
Gathering up the courage that was probably falsely boosted by the alcohol, Nick turned around and marched up the path. He swallowed a bit to steady himself on his feet since he was feeling a bit woozy. He stared at the door and gave a hard knock. It wasn't pounding but hard enough to be heard and he stood out there until the door opened a crack.
~0~0~
The knock sounded like it was urgent but it also sounded lazy. It was borderline pounding and it had Sage wondering if one of her neighbors was angry over something that she supposedly did. There was Mr. Granger who was grumpy on principle and complained about anything and everything even when there was nothing wrong. He was always telling her that her yard wasn't perfect or some other thing. She had a yard boy to cut the grass and hedges. The flower garden in the back was her territory.
She walked through her condo in her pajamas and socks on her feet from where she had been packing her suitcase. She was going to spend a couple of days at the ranch and maybe figure out a few things that would be a benefit to all parties. Grissom had approved it and she did have quite a number stacked up in terms of vacation.
She was tempted to pull her spare gun from its hiding place since she wasn't expecting anybody. She peeped through the peephole and she abandoned that thought right away. She was well aware that her mouth was slightly open in astonishment as she opened the door and looked at the sight. "Nick? What…?"
"Good you're still up."
Sage let Nick in and could tell immediately that he was drunk. She backed up and let him totter in. "Yeah I'm still up. I gotta pack."
"Right. You're leaving. Running away."
Sage cleared her throat slightly at that. Apparently a lot was on his mind that night and… "Just a few days."
"Trying to sic me on someone else?"
Sage sighed. That was one of the reasons she was leaving. It had only been a few weeks but even she could see that he was irritable and the events of the Gordon case were fresh on his mind. That he wanted to talk was a good thing but she just thought that it would be better if it was to someone outside the department and a peer.
He had set up an appointment at least for while she was gone and she was relieved for that. Yet his irritability had increased as it had gotten closer towards her days off. It bothered her and almost broke her heart. In a low voice she replied, "It is better to talk to a peer…"
"Don't talk to me in your psychobabble…"
Sage watched as Nick teetered on his feet and point. It hurt that he was using the words that they had always had a playful banter with in a tone that was… She frowned in a worried way as he continued to move to try and gain his balance.
"You want to leave. Thought you had my back…"
"I do," Sage replied in a calm tone. "You're my partner. It's what partners do. I have your back."
"No you doan. Youse want to leave."
The excessive slurring caught Sage's attention. Something wasn't right. She slowly approached Nick. He hadn't attempted to be violent and deep down she trusted him well enough to believe that he wouldn't do anything he would regret. Slowly she reached up and touched his shoulder to steady him and looked him in the eye. "Ness, talk to me. Did you take something other than the booze?" Her eyes searched for anything to give her an answer.
"Had a headache."
Sage kept her eye on Nick as she reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a vial of over the counter painkillers. She gave a slight shake and could only detect a few. "How much did you take?"
"Enough."
The weight was sudden as Nick's legs gave out. Sage caught him and was lucky that she didn't fall. He was still conscious so that was a good thing. It was still a bad combination of pills and alcohol. He needed to sleep it off but he also needed to be watched to make sure that nothing went wrong.
Slowly she walked or rather half carried Nick over to where her couch was and set him down. She was amazed that she could do it considering that he was a head maybe taller than she was and had a few more pounds to carry and that was dead weight. She could swear that her ears turned red when Nick murmured a few phrases in her ear that were rather… interesting. She murmured back half agreeing and half of putting up with no nonsense. It was a bit of an ordeal but she finally got him to sit on the couch and encouraged him to lie down.
"M sorry."
Sage looked at Nick struggling to stay awake as she adjusted the pillows on her couch for his head, thankful she had gotten the extra wide seating since it was perfect to allow for slouching while watching TV. She had to ask, "Sorry for what?"
"M sorry for being n ass."
Sage could say that Nick had always been honest with her but it still was a surprise to hear it even under these conditions. She replied in a gentle tone, "When was that?"
"Sass… I'll go n see Gari but youse m pardner. Youse always sumthin ta say."
Sage had really never seen any of her friends drunk but she had a few family members that indulged and this was different. The family reunions she avoided because of that. This was different and she got the feeling that this drunken stupor was brought on by emotions that he was harboring and had trouble saying out loud.
"Sass youse the only one to listen. Youse got me through…"
Sage took the plunge and decided to go with it. She would never know what made him so irritable unless she asked. She was curious about him calling her 'Sass' though he could be slurring her name badly. "Through what?"
"Underground. I see 'n hear you. Youse more than pardner ta me… I wanna ta talk n…"
Sage blinked as she listened to Nick ramble. His eyes were droopy so he was ready to pass out and sleep it off. There seemed to be no signs of anything serious due to the combination of pills and alcohol. She would just have to make sure that he didn't raid her medicine cabinet in the morning. The main thing was that he was close to admitting something that was more along the lines of what she had been tempted to do before the kidnapping.
The thing was she didn't know if it was part of being drunk or not. She did know that she didn't want him to say something that he would either have no memory of in the morning or he would regret ever saying it. She didn't want him hurting any more than he already was. She suspected that he was irritated because he cried on her shoulder. She knew how proud he was; damned Southern pride as they joked.
She saw Nick struggling to get his words out and she touched him on his shoulder and he calmed down. "It's okay Nick. I'm not going anywhere. Just go to sleep and we'll talk in the morning." She recalled what she had said when they found him and he just wanted to get out. Grissom had initially calmed him down but she had kept his attention. "I have something to talk to you about and you have to be coherent to hear it. You know I like to tease with my surprises."
It was a positive when Nick nodded even though his eyes were closed. "A'right. Youse win Sass."
Sage sighed in relief as he drifted off to sleep. She listened to his breathing and watched him as she walked over to where her main line was and picked up the handset. She dialed a number and waited for it to be picked up. "Hey… Boss, I think there might be a change in plans for me…"
~0~0~
Nick didn't know what was worse, the sick feeling in his stomach or the killer headache. He put a hand to his forehead and slowly opened them. The natural light from the sun assaulted him and it made his headache feel worse as he slowly sat up to take stock of his surroundings.
The room he recognized off the bat and groaned when he realized at what he had done. He remembered getting drunk and sitting outside her house and then what happened then it was sketchy. He did recall pouring out his heart that he considered her more than a partner but she stopped him. At least he thought she did. He did remember she said the same thing she said only slightly different when they found him.
He sat up completely and looked around but didn't hear anything and thought that she was gone. He wouldn't blame her. He had been an irritable jerk with her. Part of it was because he cried like a baby on her shoulder after he saw Gordon's daughter in prison and felt weak for doing that. Part of it was because his feelings for her were real and he was afraid of it being perceived differently and the last part was because he still dreamt he was still in that box and had never been rescued.
Suddenly feeling sick to his stomach, he made a dash to the bathroom and paid tribute to the porcelain throne. It just made him feel worse about the fact that he came in here drunk and he had probably scared her off. He was grateful that he hadn't done anything that he might have regretted; he didn't see signs of him ruining her place. He just kept his head down and continued puking his guts out and feeling miserable.
"You know a cousin of mine told me the cure to hangovers was the taste of a ham sandwich in a dirty ashtray."
Nick heard that and he couldn't help but puke out another chunk. "Sometimes I hate you."
"Yeah you love me."
Nick winced at the tone of voice. Oh yeah he was in the doghouse on this one. He finished his bout of nausea and managed to get to his feet and flush the evidence away. He turned to find a clean toothbrush held out to him. Slowly he brought his gaze up to look at her to find her still dressed in pajamas. He took the toothbrush and said, "Thanks."
"Brush, rinse and the floss is in the medicine cabinet," Sage replied. "Take your time."
Nick watched as she turned and shut the door behind her. He made a slight face of pain, not the physical kind though the click of the striker sounded loud in his ears. It was the emotional kind. He wondered what else he did and if he seriously damaged their relationship. He didn't want to contemplate the possibility of them not at least being friends but he would deserve it.
Ten minutes later with teeth brushed and face washed he was back in her living room looking like he was a half drowned puppy. He was surprised that she was dressed casually and waiting with a cup of coffee, black for him and it was offered silently. Nick took it and the seat opposite of her on the couch trying not to make things worse. "Parker, I…"
Sage held up her hand to indicate that he was to be silent and he shut his mouth automatically. He knew he had messed up and this was it. He took a sip and burned his tongue but he was quiet and she finally said, "I may have gone about this the wrong way."
Nick looked up and would have spoken but her demeanor said not to talk. He swallowed a bit and took another sip. His tongue was going to be scorched but it was better than incurring the Southern hurricane.
Sage knew that she appeared to be upset but she needed to stay firm. She had time to think on this and had made the necessary arrangements. She even rehearsed what she was to say. "I was right in that you need to talk to someone outside the department but I think there are some other issues that seem to be a part of it. So… I will help you on that but you are still talking to Gari."
Nick sensed that he was allowed to speak. She was right and she didn't need to explain why she recommended Gari. "Okay."
Sage nodded and continued, "I managed to convince Grissom that you have a cold and will be out for at least a week." She paused to make sure that he was listening and continued when she was sure, "Starting today, you will do what I say."
Normally Nick would have asked her who died and made her boss but this was serious. She was serious and he wasn't stupid. She was offering a chance to redeem himself. He nodded, "Okay."
Sage nodded as well, "For the week we will work past this. No one needs to know what goes on between us. It won't be official on your file. Just two friends working things out. You already completed the mandatory and anything you say to Gari is privileged."
Nick realized that she may have lied to Grissom about the week with the cold thing and said, "Don't lie…"
"You have a cold. Grissom is okay with that," Sage repeated her assertion from earlier. "Two friends working things out and you have a cold."
It dawned on Nick that she was making it possible so that no one had to know about this even though he had been an ass with just about everyone there. He looked at her and said, "I hear ya."
Sage nodded, "Good."
Nick finished his cup and watched her relax her posture. The hard part was over. So it seemed. "I am sorry."
"I know," Sage replied softly. She folded her hands in her lap. "I know that things have been tough and I'm not going to pretend to know why. But whatever 'it' is that's bugging ya… it needs to be dealt with. I'm not asking you to spill all your secrets."
"Did I say… anything?" Nick had to ask the question. The details were fuzzy and he wasn't sure if it was anything that was a mixture of anger and not meant at all. "Did I do anything?"
"You tottered on your feet and said a few things. You were on alcohol and painkillers," Sage replied. She would give him answers if it would assuage any feelings he had about what he did. She knew he wouldn't accept any sugarcoating of facts. "You didn't do anything and your words were slurred."
Nick felt some relief from that. Still he felt like shit because of what he did. "I'm sorry."
Sage nodded at that. He would be apologizing for a while. Another thing that would eventually be talked about. She looked at Nick and said, "Ni—Ness things aren't going to happen overnight. An experience like yours takes time and I know you aren't very patient about things like that but the first step is admitting that you need some help and you've done that. One step at a time."
Nick looked at his empty coffee mug. "I guess… I guess you're right." He paused a moment and handed over the coffee mug. "So what are we doing?"
Sage took the coffee mug and rinsed it out in the sink. "I cleaned out your truck and picked up a bag for you. We leave in twenty." She looked at him to see if he had a problem with that.
Nick didn't have a problem with that at all. He did give his word to do whatever she said and he aimed to keep it. He trusted her judgment and hoped that she would see that. Twenty minutes later found him in the passenger side of his truck and they were heading down the highway in a direction he was familiar with. He was quiet the whole way even when she put on some country ballads.
It was a bit of a surprise that she brought him to the ranch that belonged to her grandfather. He realized that he had been stupid in assuming things and felt all the worse. It was slightly awkward getting out and seeing that the house staff was there with everything waiting and he noticed another car.
"I was coming here to think of a solution and I think this is it. Gari was nice enough to take the time to come up here and stay."
Nick looked at Sage as she hefted out the bags and shut the door. She kept his keys and didn't say a thing about giving them back. He understood what she was doing. She would help him out as she always did but she wasn't going to make it easy. He followed her as she introduced him to Gari, who was a nice guy, and took the formalities as they came. It would be tough. That was the way of things and he had to take it one step at a time and maybe he might work up the courage to do what he meant to do that night before this.
A/N: Well this was a bit of a turn here. Just a bit of friend helping friend in an intervention of sorts through tough times. Enjoy.