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"I'm miles from where you are, I lay down on the cold ground
And I, I pray that something picks me up and sets me down in your warm arms."
Every time I closed my eyes, it was her image that burned behind the closed lids. It was her laughter I heard in the silence, her moans I heard in the whisper of the wind. More than anything, I wanted to seek her out, to draw her into my arms and bury my face in her hair. That wasn't entirely true. More than that, I wanted her to be happy. It was something I couldn't give her, happiness. Not by being with her, at least. My absence was my greatest gift, and I hoped that one day she realized it.
She had no way of finding me, and I was resolved to never seek out the sway of her curves or the feel of her skin again. I knew it would be hard, but I didn't know it would be like this. It felt as if the entire world rested on my chest, crushing, bruising, cracking any part of me it could reach.
The ground was wet, but I didn't care. I was past caring about anything, and I was no stranger to asphalt. If I closed my eyes, I could imagine it was a brick wall miles away in an alley that had become more of a home to me than anywhere else had ever had the power to.
I wasn't a religious man. The only time any prayer was spoken around me at all was when they were cries of mercy. I couldn't recall a time in my life that I'd hoped the figure of so many tearstained words was real. I'd never had reason to. And yet, I thought over the pleadings and cries for forgiveness and compassion, wanting it to be real. Hoping it was true, that I'd been wrong, naive even, all of the years I scoffed at the thought of a heavenly being. Surely any god would see the light in her, would know that she was special. If it was true, and there was a god, I couldn't fathom how he would be able to over look it. If it was true... If there was a god.. She'd be safe. And she had to stay safe.
I had no right to ask anything from anyone, especially not a god that I didn't really believe in, no matter how much I wished I could. But that didn't stop me from fixing my gaze on the overcast sky above me, my feet crossed and my hands intertwined on my stomach. It didn't stop me from whispering into the wind, the sorrow in my voice prevalent to anyone that would've heard me had I not been alone and lying in the middle of a road, miles away from where I wanted to be.
"Keep her safe."
Keep her safe... Because I couldn't anymore.