A/N: Hi all! This is first fanfiction. I just had this idea in the back of my head and I had to see it be played out. Being new, I will accept any sort of review you can give, good and bad! But please enjoy this anyhow! And I do not own these lovely characters.
It had been a few weeks since she and Will had faced off in court. She was relieved by it actually. All that fighting was actually taking more out of her than she could imagine. Alicia told herself at night after a long day in court against him that it was good. It was just court room exercises she thought after taking a sip of her nightly glass of red wine. But she was just lying to herself. It was draining her, day after day. She knew Will would probably always still hurt after what she did, and she could live with that, but she couldn't live with fighting him head on all the time. It was slowly killing her.
Cary was noticing it too. She would come into work some mornings, travel mug full of the strongest coffee on Earth, looking drained. Cary knew it must be hard for her, and she was doing her best not to let it affect the other cases they had but sometimes she would just slip up and make a mistake by letting things slide by in court, or misplace some files. He felt sympathy for her. It mustn't be easy being Alicia Florrick these days, he thought.
Though with having not much of the fighting recently, the times her and Will did happen to walk by each other in court there wasn't a mean name said under his breath nor were there any evil glares from either of them. She thought it was impossible, but it seemed that things were gradually getting better, at a rate slower than that of a snail, of course.
One late Thursday night while Alicia was sitting at her desk trying to find something in her files for a case, Robyn came into the office. Alicia had sent her out to find dirt on a client. This particular one had a habit of not telling the whole truth, ever.
"Robyn, hey. Did you find something about Mrs. Henderson?" Alicia said to her as she walked right up to Alicia's desk.
"Yep. I thought that Mrs. Henderson was probably just going to a bar or club and drinking with her friends every Friday, like she had said. Imagine that, her telling the truth about something, but it turns out she has a boy toy. Her gardener, to be specific." Robyn raised her eyebrows and smirked a little as she finished her sentence. Alicia just looked at her, then the edge of her mouth edged up, showing a small half smile.
"This is good, but we have to have more. An affair doesn't exactly prove that she had anything to do with feeding her neighbor's dog laxatives."
"I thought about that. We could get her gardener to come into court and testify that she told him she was doing it. He may have helped her, so we could always just let it fall on him if it comes to it." Robyn was sometimes very ruthless, Alicia soon found out.
"How would we know she told him or helped him?" Alicia threw back at Robyn.
"I followed her to a bar tonight where she was meeting him and they seemed more than satisfied and cozy with each other. I don't think we're just looking at some frivolous affair. I think they have real feelings for each other." That hit a spot in Alicia that she wasn't expecting. She knew it was more than a frivolous affair with Will. But she quickly removed that thought from her mind and focused on Robyn.
"Okay, that seems like it could work. Good job Robyn. Now go home and get some sleep." She gave Robyn a tired smile.
"You should do the exact same Alicia. Good night." And with that, Robyn left. Alicia knew she was right. She couldn't stay at the firm all night. Though the kids were fine on their own by now she didn't feel right with staying late all the time and not being there for them. It was only a matter of time before Zach would leave for college and she needed to spend extra time with him.
As she was packing up her things she heard the little whoosh from her computer alerting her of a new email. It was probably Cary telling her that she should make sure to take a new client of theirs out to lunch next week. She sat back down at her desk and read who the sender was.
Will Gardner.
Alicia let out a heavy sigh. She did not have the time or energy for Will to come after her with another law suit again. She reluctantly opened the email up and started to read.
"Mrs. Florrick,
Alicia,
I am well aware of how we have been fighting in court recently, it has been interesting, has it not? But I thought that we could meet at my office sometime tomorrow. I have a matter I would like to discuss with you, and I assure you that it is not another case.
Let me know what time suits you the best and I will make an opening in my schedule.
Will Gardner,
Managing partner, Lockhart/Gardner."
Well that was rather unexpected, Alicia thought to herself. He had even written her first name. Something was definitely wrong with that picture. Before Alicia could even start to think to decipher his email, she packed the rest of her things, left the office and drove home.
Will didn't know if what he was doing was right or not, but he knew he had to give it a try. Kalinda had talked him into it, of course. Though with Kalinda he could very well talking himself into it and she never even had a part in his decision. That was Kalinda.
What was he doing, he thought to himself as he drove home. She won't even think twice about coming to meet him. She would never do it if it wasn't for a case. With how he had been lately, he wasn't sure she would even do it for a case. But that is what you get for betraying me and the firm, he told himself.
All Will knew was that he needed to straighten out a few things. He could very well be leaving for New York soon to get the new branch of L/G up and running, and he couldn't just leave Chicago without knowing why she had left the firm. Left him. He would go mad from it. Isabel had decided she would go with him, he was receptive to that idea. She convinced him that she could always transfer schools or just pick it up again later if and when she was back in Chicago, whatever 'it' was. He never really asked what she was studying.
He knew he would have to keep moving on from Alicia, but he wasn't used to unturned tables lately. He needed to know everything from everyone since the betrayal.
But was he actually asking her to come to his office? Was he going to tell her to have a seat and jump in with "Tell me the truth about why you left. Don't try and lie to me because we both know you are a bigger person that that." Or so he thought. He didn't know anything about Alicia anymore. He barely recognized her now. Even when he looked to her eyes, he didn't know what he saw. Her eyes used to mean so much to him. That gorgeous shade of hazel with a ring of brown around the pupil. Her eyes used to be something he could look at and instantly feel a warm feeling inside. It was different now. They weren't cold, but they were Alicia either.
As Will crawled into his bed that night, alone, he let his mind roam free and for the first night in many he dreamed about her warm, loving, gorgeous eyes.
Alicia was sitting at her desk at 9.13 in the morning the next day, laptop open and ready to type a reply to Will's message from the night before. She searched her brain for a reason that would sound plausible enough to deny his offer, but she couldn't come up with anything.
At 9.42, accomplishing nothing but successfully breathing, she finally started to type a response.
"Mr. Gardner,
Will,
If it really is so imperative that we meet then I can make 2.30PM work. I hope that is appropriate for you, as you said you would make some time at my earliest convenience. I'll see you then.
Alicia Florrick,
Managing partner, Florrick/Agos and Associates."
Send.
The rest of her morning wasn't eventful in the slightest. She tried to get on with as much work as she could but she wasn't doing a great job at doing anything. A couple of associates asked her about cases, which she almost yelled at in excitement over something productive to do.
As 2 o'clock rolled around she could barely sit still in her chair. Her whole body was vibrating with nerves over her upcoming meeting. She let Cary know she was leaving for a meeting and then left.
She hadn't been at Lockhart/Gardner in quite some time, but the employees there were still cautious over her presence. They still eyed her as she walked into the lobby from the elevator. Most of them tried to look as if they were doing something, anything, that wasn't snooping. The first couple of times when she walked in she had enjoyed how she made everyone feel and act. She felt superior to them all, but now it felt dull and old. She didn't want to be the person these people talked about behind her back anymore. She had been there and done that and it was worn out.
Alicia walked through reception and directed her nervous body and shaking legs to his office. She didn't dare to look down the hallway to see her old office, worried that she would see David Lee and hear his Judas cries. That was getting rather old too.
She began to slow down when she neared his door. She looked across the way and saw that Diane was not in her office. Things were just as awkward with Diane but seemed to be getting better with them as well, at a slightly faster rate than with Will.
She turned back to Will's office and saw him sitting at his desk with his head buried in files and law books. She knocked lightly on the glass and watched as his head shot up. She couldn't be sure but it was almost as if he had a small glint of delight in his eyes at seeing her outside his door. It must have been her imagination, she thought to herself. He waved his hand to invite her in. She carefully opened the door and shut it again. She took a few steps in.
"Please, sit." He said as he moved his hand to show her one of the chairs at his desk. She walked further in, placed her bag and coat on the other chair at his desk, and sat. She gave him a small smile, crossed her legs and placed her hands in her lap. Trying ever so hard not to let him see that they were shaking.
"Hi." Is all he said.
"Hello." They sat in silence for a few seconds before he spoke again.
"You are probably wondering why I asked you here today." He looked down at his desk and started to clear up some of the pages from his case files.
"Yes." Offering very little to the conversation. He asked her here, but she had no intention of making this easy for him. It perhaps wasn't fair, but then again, perhaps it was.
"I'm not sure if you know, but L/G is opening a new branch in New York." He paused to wait for her reaction. There wasn't one. He continued. "I am going to go out there to get it up and running. I'm not sure for how long yet but it'll take at least a couple months. Hell, I might even stay there." He held his hands together and looked towards the window, then to Alicia. She had a complex look on her face. He couldn't pick up on how she was taking this.
"I guess, congratulations?" She made it a question. An obvious sign of hostility. He couldn't blame her, he wasn't approaching this well.
"I guess so. That still isn't the reason why I asked you here." He admitted. That got her attention to shift more to him.
"Well then, enlighten me as to why I am here." She looked up at him with an intrigued and sarcastic look upon her face. She was getting tired of him dodging whatever it was he had to tell her. Everything was getting old and tired.
"I… Before I leave, I have to confront you." He detected confusion in her eyes, then a hint of anger. He held up his hands in a way to assure her that it won't be like every other time. "Don't worry, I won't be hostile." Her faced calmed at what he had said. She shifted her legs a little out of frustration that was now charging through her whole body.
He started again. "I have to ask…" He looked down at his hands. His knuckles were white, he was nervous as hell. "I just have to get an honest answer out of you. Why…" His voice dimmed to a husky whisper. "Why did you leave?" He couldn't bear to look at her face now.
Alicia knew there was no getting out of this one. He wasn't yelling or screaming at her so she felt a little obligated to give him a truthful answer. He hadn't wanted to hear it at first, so she was now grateful for the opportunity to explain now. She breathed in and let out a deep sigh.
"I was upset about the votes that night. I was frustrated with a lot of things. And then… the thing in the car happened and I just didn't know what would happen. Then we got the votes in for Peter, and I went to Peter's party and… I thought I saw you there." He looked up at her and saw her eyes again. Her eyes. There was a glimmer of vulnerability in them. That must have been the secret to them. She continued and he kept his eyes on her, fixated. "It was something I had been thinking about over a few hours, and when I thought I saw you I felt… Excitement. Then it wasn't you and I knew that I couldn't carry on with living like that. Hoping I saw you and could just talk to you. Not when Peter and I were making some sort of progress. I just decided almost right there and then that I had to leave. I knew Cary was going and it just seemed like the perfect opportunity."
She thought she had put a small about of desperation in her voice in that last part. Not on purpose, and she wasn't even sure Will would pick up on it. She saw him look down at his hands again, he rubbed them together. He nodded his head a little.
"So it was just about me." He concluded, not question in his voice. He knew.
"Yes, but please believe me when I say that it wasn't meant to be a betrayal. I had to do what was right for me. You know I talked about having my own firm that I could build from the ground up. I was grateful for your offer of taking Diane's place, but I wanted something that was true and mine. I would have told you I was leaving with Cary to start the firm had you not figured it out beforehand." She tried to look him in the eye but he was still looking down. He was feeling angry, and hurt. Of course he was. She had probably brought back some Georgetown memories, but she was just being honest. Even though she hadn't meant to betray him like she did, he would have felt an insufferable amount of pain from it.
"Okay." It seemed like years before he spoke, and that was the only thing he said.
"Okay?" She responded. He looked at her again when he knew he could keep his feelings in line.
"Okay." He said with as much of a stable voice he could manage. They sat there for five, maybe ten, maybe twenty minutes. Alicia finally decided to get up and grab her things. She stood between the chairs at his desk.
"I'll go now then. Work to do." He looked up at her and nodded slowly. She turned on her heels and took a couple steps before turning back around. Will tilted his left to the right with a confused look on his face, his eyes on the verge of becoming those infamous puppy eyes. "I don't know why you wanted me to explain it now, but thank you for letting me. I'm sorry for it all." She sounded extremely genuine and he recognized that.
"I just wanted to know before I left, I felt ready now." He told her. She smiled a little in that all-knowing way she does for him, and nodded. She turned around once more and headed to the door. Her hand was on the door-knob when she heard him get up from his chair and "Alicia", called her name. She turned back at him again. He was walking around his desk and planted his feet firmly in the center of his office. His shoved him hands in his pants pockets. He opened his mouth to say something but she quickly jumped in first.
"Things won't ever be the same, will they?" She asked with such a low, soft voice.
"No. Things will never be the same." She nodded at his definitive statement and let out a breath that could have been a small laugh.
"I'm going to be sorry forever, Will. You'll never know how sorry." And with that, she opened the door and walked out. She felt sad, and confused, and stunned about what had just happened. If there was anything that she needed to do lately, it was to have the most honest conversation she has probably ever had with Will.
Walking down the hallway to the elevators, she had a sense of nostalgia about the day she broke things off with Will; she had stumbled her way back down the hallway to her office and straight into the bathroom to silently cry a little bit and then fixed her make-up to carry on like nothing had ever happened.
Though this time, she didn't feel like she had probably just broken the man who was probably the first to love her. She felt like she helped him piece himself together, just a little bit.