A/N: Unfortunately, I neither have the talent to write like the infamous JKR nor to compose songs as the wonderful Marcus Mumford does … :(
Leaving
I know that things are broken
Hermione sat on the plush couch in her living room. She was waiting for her fiancée to come home – though she was afraid, she couldn't call him that later this evening. Their relationship was not what she had thought it would be. For years and years she had crushed on Ron. All their friends and his family seemed to have been waiting for them to take that step.
When she finally had the courage to kiss him, she thought it would be her happily ever after. It wasn't. Her feelings had never developed in the direction she had imagined. No butterflies in her tummy when they were kissing – apart from that very first kiss. She knew that he felt the same. She knew that his reserve had stopped her from letting go. Always her rationality would kick in, telling her that if he didn't want to give her all then she should also be careful.
I know there's too many words left unsaid
The problem was that she never knew why he held back. Was it that he never wanted her in the first place? Was it the pressure – the expectations of all their loved ones? She desperately needed to know. Even after all this time she wanted to make this work. She still wanted him.
She heard him open the door to their flat. He entered and said nothing first. He just looked at her – at the way she sat there on the couch on the edge of tears while reflecting about their relationship and their life. She could see his face contorting slightly as a pang of sorrow and, maybe, guilt crossed his mind.
"We need to talk." He nodded to this statement.
"I … I am sorry, 'Mione, but I can't keep this up any longer. It is only ever about appearances and I am sure in time you'll feel that, too. I am … so, so sorry. I loved you, you know that, right? I still do but just not that way."
You say you have spoken, and like the coward I am, I hang my head
Before this little speech of him, she had thought about a thousand things to say to him. Reasons to hold on. Reasons that would make him see. Now she was just feeling empty. Her brilliant mind couldn't come up with any argument in her favour. It was not that it was empty … but all the reasons seemed shallow suddenly. She knew he would easily tear them apart. She didn't want to hear his reasons, also. She was afraid he might be right. What if she was silly clinging to all of this? After all it was a mess, wasn't it? Why did she still feel desperate to feel him … to touch him? She wanted him to comfort her … to understand her. He wouldn't, though. He just sat down, looking sad and melancholic.
You lay careless, your head on my chest
After a while he grabbed her hand and looked at her again.
"We still need to be friends. Please, 'Mione, don't take that from me!" And he leant in, his head resting against her shoulder as he had done countless times, even before they were a couple. He seemed to be convinced that things should be 'back to normal'.
And don't even look at me looking my best
How could he think that, though? She had been sitting there, all evening, waiting for him. She had dressed up to show him she still cared. She had used make up which apparently he hadn't noticed any more than her wearing his favourite dress. She had made an effort and now he told her to just accept that they were never meant to be?
And all these things I can't describe, you would rather I didn't try
He looked at her again - again not noticing her appearance, seemingly. She wanted to tell him so much how she felt. She wanted to yell at him and tell him that she didn't want to let go. She wanted to show him how she felt betrayed and rejected and desolate and lonely and unwanted. She wanted to tell him all that. She wanted him to love her again. In his eyes, however, she could see that he knew all this … and he chose to ignore it. He didn't want to hear it and she wouldn't tell him, thus.
But please, don't cry, you liar
"I … I don't know, Ron. I just don't know. How can we go on? You … I … How?" Her heart broke that moment. She could almost hear the crack. Scratching together what was left of her courage, she looked up at him. When their eyes met, she could see his filling with tears. How dare he? He didn't care enough to cry, now, did he? He was just telling her that he didn't love her like that.
Oh please, don't cry you liar
He was just trying to have his way. He wanted her to make it easy on him.
Oh please, don't cry you liar
She wouldn't take it. She couldn't stand him in that moment.
Oh please, don't cry you liar
She started to become angry – really angry. But then, again, she looked into his eyes and felt herself falling apart by the loss of him.
Oh please, don't cry you liar
How did it feel, she wondered, to break someone's heart? Could he do that and still love her on another base, as he claimed?
And you lean in for your last kiss,
He tenderly brushed her lips with his. Why did he have to do that? Couldn't he just leave it there? How should she understand this – him?
Who in this world can ask me to resist?
Yet, she wanted to hold on to this kiss. She wanted this kiss to be it … but then, again, they both held something essential back, as it seemed.
Your hands cold as they find my neck,
She shuddered from his touch. She had never known his touch to be so devoid of any emotion. Or had she? Was that all he ever felt?
Oh this love I have found, I detest
Anger bubbled up, again, and this time she was determined to hold on to it. He didn't want her? He wasn't attracted to her in that way? Fine, then she would find somebody else. She would find somebody she could lose herself with because he would do the same. She would not accept any lover who would not give her all of him! She would never again go along with second best. Not EVER again.
A/N: So, usually I am a Dramione lover … but when I heard 'Liar' from Mumford & Sons for the umpteenth time this came to my mind. I have the slightest feeling though, that, sometime later, this might make the perfect start for another Dramione ^^