Baby Trouble
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"Zeus...how did I let Cupid talk me into this?" Ares thought, watching his nephew play with some toys on his floor in his temple. Why did I say yes? I don't like children. Children don't like me. Damn
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One hour before
"Please uncle Ares," Cupid said in his most pleading voice. "It will only take a day."
"No no no, I will not watch him." Ares said firmly to Cupid. Trying not to look into his or his wifes eyes. "I will not watch him".
"But look at him uncle, he likes you." Then he had done the stupidest thing ever- he had looked at the baby. Five minutes later he was alone with him.
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Present time
"Ales want to play…"the baby said to a not so happy God.
"No, Ales..I mean Ares don't want to play".
"Ales angly, Ales don't like me," big tears started to fall from his eyes.
"No, no. Ares not angry. Ares just tired." To his big surprise, the baby stopped crying throw his arms around the stunned God, and declared:" I love you Ales".
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Looking down at the rounded face of Bliss, Ares was speechless. He picked up the baby and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. He quickly search the room making sure that no one was around. He whispered to the boy, "You know what? I think Ales loves you too."
Bliss laughed happily. "Now can we play?"
Since his temple wasn't a day care center, there wasn't any toys for the boy to play with. So Bliss came up with the ingenious idea of playing tag. Ares wasn't too thrilled about it, but what could he do?
He chased the boy around when in actuality he was simply trying to catch all the items that Bliss was knocking off before they hit the ground. For a God who had always prided himself on his stamina, Ares had to quickly re-evaluate his own estimation. He was having trouble just keeping pace with the boy.
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Ares decided that after three broken statues, one ruined tapestry and four servants with broken body parts it was enough.
"Bliss, I have a new idea." He smiled mischievously.
"What Ales?" Wondered a happily Bliss.
"I think that this is getting boring with only two players. We need more people."
The he snapped his fingers and suddenly two persons appeared in front of them.
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"What in Hades name..." Callisto exclaimed as she appeared in what looked to be a quite messy god's temple.
At the same time Joxer appeared out of thin air. This seemed to excite Bliss, who was sitting on the throne. "Peeple...Peeple...Unka Ales...Peeple...can I play with tem? Pleese."
Ares, with what could only be called a self-righteous smirk on his face, said, "Well hello there Calli, and Joxer. I would like you to meet my great nephew Bliss. You get to be his babysitters."
Callisto immediately went for her sword, which she found was not in its sheath. Ares chuckled, "I might be the God of War, but I do have a bit of brains."
Callisto growled at Ares while Joxer went over to Bliss. He sat down on the arm of the throne and cooed at the child, "How are you doing little man? Have you shot any arrows lately?"
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Ummm....how will Bliss answer, and will Callisto try to kill Ares or Bliss anyway...or will she find her feminine side....
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Bliss looked at Joxer and gave him an impish grin, "Ya the man with the unny at."
"Unny at, oh, you mean my funny hat!" Joxer took the hat off his head and showed it to Bliss.
Bliss laughed and grabbed it from the warrior wannabe. He turned the hat around a couple times, but the hat was exactly that, just a hat. It was not the fun toy that Bliss thought might be, so instead he took the hat and banged it on Joxer's head, just like another baby would. The temple was filled with 3 sets of amused laughter as Joxer cried out in pain.
"Hey, that wasn't nice." Joxer said loudly to the laughing child.
"But it was fun. Actually it was so much fun, I think I should try it." Callisto gave Joxer an evil grin as she advanced on him.
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Joxer jumped up in fear as the devilish woman advanced toward him. Ares laughed as the idiot ran off in terror. The baby godling ran back to Ares as Joxer vanished somewhere in the temple grounds. Callisto huffed and turned back to Ares.
"What am I doing here?"
Ares smiled as Bliss flew over to Callisto. "I can't watch this kid by myself. Believe me, I've tried."
Callisto growled. "I am a killer, not a babysitter!"
"Oh shut up." Ares rolled his eyes.
The little baby Bliss smiled at Callisto. "Kalsto, vet's play."
Callisto eyed Ares. "This kid can't even talk right."
"Well he calls me Ales. If I can live with that you can live with yours."
Joxer walked up from the corner and waved at the little one. "Kalsto, vook! It's Joxer."
Cally smiled and grabbed the kid. "Oh Joxer..."
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She walked over to where Joxer was now huddled and spoke, "I have an idea for a game kid. Now I know that you love shooting those arrows of your father's. But that just causes general mayhem. Want to play with some arrows?"
Bliss looked up at Callisto with a smile, "Yes Kalsto...yay...I ike shooting arros. I good at it too..."
Callisto's face slowly morphed into a feral grin that had Joxer quivering in his boots. She reached over and grabbed a bow and arrows off of a table, then looked around the room. "Let's see here, I need a hook...." She spotted one over by where Ares was standing. She spoke to Joxer in a mocking tone, "Joxer, could you go over there and stand by that hook please?"
Joxer was confused, but quickly ran over and as he backed up against the wall, got caught on the hook. He dangled like that, waving his feet around trying to escape. Callisto smiled, "Now Joxer. I don't think that you really want to move that much do you?"
As Callisto handed the bow and arrows to Bliss, Ares quickly piped up. Even though this was going to be fun to watch, he didn't want Joxer killed unless it fit his purpose. He snapped himself over to where Bliss was now hovering with his wings, and whispered to Bliss, "Now remember that those arrows can hurt people. So try to not hit Joxer."
Bliss nodded, "Yes Ales...I understand..canna start now? Pweeessee..."
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Bliss took aim and let the arrow fly off the bow. The arrow whisked past Joxer by a mere centimeter and struck the wall behind it. Joxer almost fainted but sighed in relief when Bliss clapped his hand and flew over to Ares.
"Do hat agin, Bliss won to do da aros agin."
Joxer let out a squeal, "Bliss, don't you think you will have more fun shooting those arrows at something else? How about those lovely statues over there by the wall?"
Callisto was in a blood thirsty mood, and it didn't go over well when no blood was drawn. She gave Joxer an impatient look. "You are such a geek. Listen, Blissy, Blisen, whatever, let Calli show you how it is done." She grabbed the bow and arrow from Bliss and pointed the arrow straight at Joxer. The arrow went flying toward Joxer but never connected with the target as Ares stepped forward and caught it with his hand. "We DON'T want him killed. I need a baby sitter, not a corpse."
"And I thought you wanted me to entertain the little guy over there." Callisto flashed one of her trademark sadistic grins, pointing to Bliss. "And what can be more fun than to make Jerkster there squirm?"
"Bliss doesn't need a lesson in murder yet." Ares said and with a wave of his hand, Joxer fell off the hook to land none too gently on the ground.
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"Yeah, you heard him." Joxer said lying on the floor.
"Now, let´s see." Ares said smiling to himself. "I think I will leave to take care of some wars."
"What? You can´t leave us here alone with the bastard!" Callisto protested angry.
"First, yes I can. Second, he´s no bastard- his parents are happily married to each other, and third, if anything happens to him I will torment you two till the end of time. That means Callisto your life will be a paradise for all eternity and Joxer will never see Gabrielle again....bye," Ares said and the next second he was gone.
"Well Hades, this isn't fun anymore." Callisto said with a glance at Bliss.
"I thought his father was Cupid?" Joxer said in his usaul thickheaded way. He suddenly held his nose, "Either way, I think that he might need some seeing to. Pee eww..."
Callisto backed up as if being attacked. "Uh uh no way. I am not going to change a nappy. You do it Joxer."
Joxer shook his head. "Ares said you were in charge, so you do it. I'm going to go take a look at Ares' swords..." With that Joxer walked off, and Callisto stood staring at Bliss with a pained look on her face.
"Joxer, you will regret this." Callisto said, trying to catch Bliss.
"Bliss darling, if you let me change your diapers I promise I will let you play all day long with Joxer until Ares come back." Callisto said with a false smile on her face.
"Promise?" Bliss asked.
"It´s a promise."
"Ok."
After this this digusting businss was done, Callisto and Bliss walked together to find Joxer to *play* with......
Callisto and Bliss found Joxer in the main hall admiring Ares' sword. Joxer was staring at it intensely but was too afraid to actually bring it down for closer inspection. Callisto let go of Bliss and the baby flew over to Joxer.
"Oxer, what ya doing?"
"Oh Bliss, well I was just admiring your Uncle Ares' sword. You know, rumor has it that the sword is his source of power, and without it, he becomes mortal." Now that the baby is all cleaned up, Joxer doesn't mind having him around.
"You idiot, if that was true, do you think Ares would leave it behind? Do you think he is a bigger idiot than you?" Callisto said in disgust.
"Well...he did, didn't he?" Joxer said a bit uncertainly.
"Forget it! Look, Blissy here wants to play. Since I took care of the last, umm...emergency, you get to be his play toy this time." With a flick of her long blonde hair, Callisto turned and walked out of the room.
"Callisto..." Joxer turned back to Bliss and gave him a tentative smile. Although he likes children, his past experience with this particular child does not leave a whole lot of room for comfort. "Well Bliss, what would you like to play?"
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"Hide and seek." Bliss said and ran away."Find me!"
Great, Joxer thought. This is perfect, it´s a game that nothing can go wrong with.
3 hours later
"Bliss I give up where are you." Joxer called, in a tone you only could describe as panic. At that moment Callisto returned from whatever she had done for the last 3 hours.
"Joxer, what in the name of Zeus are you doing?"
"Thank the Gods." Joxer said as he threw himself on Callisto and kissed her. That was the last thing he remembered before all went black.
"Get up. I didn´t hit you that hard, you trash of a man." Callisto said, and kicked him in his ribs.
"Why did you hit me?" Joxer said in his most annoying voice.
"Because if you so much as lay your hand on me again I will kill you slowly."
"But he´s gone." Joxer said tearfully.
"What do you mean, he´s gone? Who's gone?"
"Bliss...."
"WHAT? Do you know what Ares will do if Bliss isn´t here when he shows up?" Callisto said with death in her eyes.
As she said that, Ares showed up in his usual style.
"Ah, here are the nannys… Where is Bliss??"
Callisto and Joxer just stared at Ares and started to back away...
Looking at the two in front of him but without Bliss, Ares' tone dropped to below freezing. "Okay, spill it, where is Bliss?"
"Umm, Ares, God, Lord, umm...we, I mean, him, Joxer, that idiot, sort of misplaced him..." Callisto stammered in less than her normal arrogant way.
"What do you mean misplaced?" Ares stomped over to the two and grabbed Joxer, lifting him off his feet. "How did you two morons manage to lose my nephew?"
"We...we were playing hide and seek, and little Bliss is such smart little hider that I...I couldn't find him. I've been searching for three whole hours; I've gone through every inch of the temple and he just vanished." Joxer was on the verge of tears.
Callisto could be heard snickering in the background. Ares dropped Joxer to the ground and turned to Callisto. "And just exactly where in Hades were you when all this was happening?"
Callisto's laughter stopped. "Well, a girl has got to have some time to herself. Besides, we were taking turns. And it was that idiot who lost your precious Bliss."
"Don't think you can worm your way out of this." Ares gave Callisto an 'I'll deal with you later' look and using his power, located Bliss. "Follow me," he said as he walked off into his chambers.
Once inside Ares went over to his canopy bed and levitated himself off the ground. He picked up a sleeping Bliss off the top of the canopy and lowered them both back on to the ground. At this point, little Bliss started to wake up. "Unkle Ales, ya back."
"What were you doing up there Bliss?"
"I was hiding, but no one came, got tired wet to leap."
"I looked under the bed. I didn't think he could have gotten up that high. I was looking for a baby." Joxer tried to explain.
"Of course you were looking for a baby, you have the mentality of one." Callisto shoved Joxer, and he almost fell to the ground.
"I see. Well Bliss, since some people did not take their jobs seriously, I think they need to be punished." Ares turned and gave the two huddling by the wall a menacing look. "What do you think I should do with them?"
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The child of Cupid giggled gleefully as he saw the two 'warriors' cringing from the war god's raft. "I tank they should fay."
"Fay?" The War God asked, mimicking the child's words.
"No Unk. Not fay. Fay."
"Fly?" Joxer asked, his eyes narrowed and stepping closer to the dangerous relatives.
"Yes! Fay!"
Ares threw his head back in laughter, then looked over to the god, flying by his shoulders. "Okay little one." He snickered again, then waved his hands at the blond and 'warrior.'
The roof shattered on impact and the two gods vanished to outside of the temple where they saw the two figures soaring across the sky.
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"You know Joxer as soon as I figure out how to land I will kill you," Callisto said as she tried not to look down at the ground.
"What? It´s not my fault, you're the one that left me to look after the little monster."
"I didn´t know that you would try to have us both killed you idiot....ahhhh"
That was the last Callisto managed to say before she felt that instead of going forward through the air she was going down. But luckily beneath them was a lake. So instead of killing themselves against the ground they become only wet.
"If you say anyting about this to anyone, I swear I'm going to kill you," Callisto said as she pulled herself out of the water.
"No problem, I will try to forget that this day ever happened," Joxer replied.
And without a glance at each other they stalked away in different directions, not knowing that a little baby God was watching them...
The End