(Author's Note: I love Ocarina Of Time, but there were days where I wanted to strangle that stupid fairy. I wonder if Link ever felt the same…I know it's short, but it's a beginning.)
Of Fairies and Jack Daniels
Link stomped his way home after saving Hyrule for what seemed like the dozenth time (Actually, including Adventure of Link and the second quest in the first LoZ, it's the 5th.) He was sick of it. It was the same story every time…Zelda loses Triforce, Ganon pilfers it, and Link gets to go save her ungrateful butt one more time.
And did he ever get a Hero's welcome? Hell, no. Sneak into the castle (hardly a chore in itself, since two Deku Scrubs and Biggoron could have gotten past the Rent-A-Guards,) drop off the stupid Triforce, and not so much as a kiss on the cheek from Trixie Too-Good in there. Then Impa would sneak him out…again.
"How the hell do you lose a Triforce, anyway?" Link asked nobody in particular. It wasn't like it was a marble or something. The thing was huge, the size of a freakin' table, but Zelda always seemed to misplace it. "Hero of Hyrule, my Kokiri-Hylian-whatever-the-hell-I-am butt."
Serves the freakin' airhead right, Link grumbled. At least they're not calling her the Sage of Wisdom. Oh, wait, I think they are…Din Freakin' Farore.
"Hey!" Navi yelled. "Lismmpphh…" Link silenced the fairy with a hand over the mouth.
"Shut up."
"MMMPPHHH!!"
"I said SHUT UP!!" The Hero of Time yelled. "The last thing I need to set me off right now is you babbling at me."
Then Link screamed in pain as Navi bit him. "Why, you flying freak!"
"Listen!!"
"I swear to the goddesses…if you say that one more time…"
Link then got an idea.
"Link, let me out of this bottle!!"
Link smiled evilly. "Not until you promise to quit bothering me for at least a week."
The fairy, wings buzzing furiously, looked below her at the brown liquid. "But…"
"No buts. No 'Hey, listen', no 'watch out', no nothing." Link shook his head. "Like I can't watch out without you yelling at me."
"I have to…"
"Shush, or I'll start shaking the bottle up."
"Link…"
Link shook his head. "I warned you." With that, he began to swish the poor fairy in the bottle. It wasn't that deep, barely to her chin, but the motion made sure she had to swallow some of the substance…a gift from a demented Skull Kid: a fifth of whiskey.
Link lazily swung his sword, plowing through the Tektite at Lake Hylia. The beast collapsed, and he propped his sword back on the lounge chair's back. With the sword in place, he picked up the daiquiri from its spot on the blanket, took a deep drink, and resumed his tanning.
This is what I wanted…peace and quiet, thought Link. He smiled as he looked around the lake area. The sky was blue, a Zora looked out of the water from time to time and waved, and Navi hadn't said a word since he'd swished the bottle.
Well, I suppose that I'd better let her out. She's been quiet for longer than I expected. Besides, I guess I kind of over-reacted. Link sighed and reached for the bottle.
Navi groaned as the bottle came into the sun. "Aaahh…too bright."
She heard a soft BAMF!, and felt a rush of air as the cap was removed from her prison. The fairy squinted at the noise.
"Quit makin' so much damn racket!" She yelled to nobody in particular. "Oh, my freakin' head…" she moaned as she grabbed her skull, leaning on the bottle sides for support.
Suddenly the room started to spin, and Navi was surprised that her life wasn't appearing before her eyes. The next thing she knew, she lay in a small heap on the grass at Link's feet, in a puddle of alcohol.
Dash it all…I left her in there too long. Link mentally kicked himself.