Another Day
Ergh! Another day ! Another day, and i'm still here ! I hate being me. I hate waking up in this bed. I hate the thought of going downstairs, and starting another day of lessons, and facing that Potters smug face, and all his little followers trotting on behind him. As much as i despise that boy, i still can't help but wish i was him. I wish so much that i could be perfect Potter, instead of the snivelling, pathetic, spitting image of my Father that i am.
Six years. Six years i've been here, at Hogwarts. I used to enjoy it. I used to enjoy sneering at Potter whenever i got the chance. But it's become too routine now. I'm over-shadowed by him, day-in, day-out. If it wasn't for the stupid reputations we've given ourselves, the reputations of hating each other so strongly, it might've been possible for us to be friends. But when i was younger, i was too quick to pass judgement, it's one of my biggest faults. So now, i just have to keep up the act; "I hate Potter", "Perfect bloody Potter", "Potter, you're such a ponce", the insults get stupider and stupider, but it's expected of me now to deal them out with a trademark smirk.
First lesson of the day, Potions. One of the only times that i enjoy nowadays. Professor Snape immediately chose me as his favourite, and now i realise what a blessing that was. Snape is, in my opinion, the best teacher in this school. Potions is my absolute favourite subject, i find it fascinating. Of course, i keep my love for Potions class a secret. I daren't tell anyone, they'd probably get the wrong impression. They'd probably think i was in love with Snape or something, which i suppose, is half true. I love the man, not as in, "In love" love, but i love the way he teaches. I love how he teaches, i love what he teaches, i love how he's totally straight to the point with everything, i love how he can control a class with barely more than a whisper and i love the tone of voice he uses to brutally insult and degrade the less capable students, especially Potter. He, like myself, has depised Potter from the first meeting of him. Snape is the one thing that keeps my sane nowadays, he's the one thing that keeps me from running away from this school. I wish more than anything, that Snape had been my Father, instead of the poor excuse for one that is Lucius.
Mealtimes is always such a mental struggle for me. I'm so sick of putting on this act for everyone. I wish i could just eat on my own, or better still, with Snape. We could have long talks, about what, i wouldn't really care. It's strange, i'm beginning to think about him more and more lately. It's growing into an infatuation, it's an infatuation that i really don't want to have, but it won't go away. I wish, how i desparately wish i could just be someone else. I'm so tired of feeling like i'm trapped in this character that everyone was so quick to place on me. I'm so tired of feeling tired of everything.
When it's time to go to sleep, i feel like i'm at my best. I don't have to act anymore, i can be alone in my thoughts. Sometimes i hope i don't wake up in the morning, i hope that all of this hasn't been real. But lately, even my dreams taunt me. There's the one with Potter always laughing at me, at my patheticness, and there's the other one, where Snape constantly ignores me. For some reason, the Snape dream disturbs me the most. It makes me feel unsettled, it makes me feel like i've lost a part of myself. I can't explain it, it's something only i would understand.
I wish everything would just go away, i wish i could be alone. But i'm never alone, never.....
Ergh! Another day ! Another day, and i'm still here ! I hate being me. I hate waking up in this bed. I hate the thought of going downstairs, and starting another day of lessons, and facing that Potters smug face, and all his little followers trotting on behind him. As much as i despise that boy, i still can't help but wish i was him. I wish so much that i could be perfect Potter, instead of the snivelling, pathetic, spitting image of my Father that i am.
Six years. Six years i've been here, at Hogwarts. I used to enjoy it. I used to enjoy sneering at Potter whenever i got the chance. But it's become too routine now. I'm over-shadowed by him, day-in, day-out. If it wasn't for the stupid reputations we've given ourselves, the reputations of hating each other so strongly, it might've been possible for us to be friends. But when i was younger, i was too quick to pass judgement, it's one of my biggest faults. So now, i just have to keep up the act; "I hate Potter", "Perfect bloody Potter", "Potter, you're such a ponce", the insults get stupider and stupider, but it's expected of me now to deal them out with a trademark smirk.
First lesson of the day, Potions. One of the only times that i enjoy nowadays. Professor Snape immediately chose me as his favourite, and now i realise what a blessing that was. Snape is, in my opinion, the best teacher in this school. Potions is my absolute favourite subject, i find it fascinating. Of course, i keep my love for Potions class a secret. I daren't tell anyone, they'd probably get the wrong impression. They'd probably think i was in love with Snape or something, which i suppose, is half true. I love the man, not as in, "In love" love, but i love the way he teaches. I love how he teaches, i love what he teaches, i love how he's totally straight to the point with everything, i love how he can control a class with barely more than a whisper and i love the tone of voice he uses to brutally insult and degrade the less capable students, especially Potter. He, like myself, has depised Potter from the first meeting of him. Snape is the one thing that keeps my sane nowadays, he's the one thing that keeps me from running away from this school. I wish more than anything, that Snape had been my Father, instead of the poor excuse for one that is Lucius.
Mealtimes is always such a mental struggle for me. I'm so sick of putting on this act for everyone. I wish i could just eat on my own, or better still, with Snape. We could have long talks, about what, i wouldn't really care. It's strange, i'm beginning to think about him more and more lately. It's growing into an infatuation, it's an infatuation that i really don't want to have, but it won't go away. I wish, how i desparately wish i could just be someone else. I'm so tired of feeling like i'm trapped in this character that everyone was so quick to place on me. I'm so tired of feeling tired of everything.
When it's time to go to sleep, i feel like i'm at my best. I don't have to act anymore, i can be alone in my thoughts. Sometimes i hope i don't wake up in the morning, i hope that all of this hasn't been real. But lately, even my dreams taunt me. There's the one with Potter always laughing at me, at my patheticness, and there's the other one, where Snape constantly ignores me. For some reason, the Snape dream disturbs me the most. It makes me feel unsettled, it makes me feel like i've lost a part of myself. I can't explain it, it's something only i would understand.
I wish everything would just go away, i wish i could be alone. But i'm never alone, never.....