A/N: Heyyy guys. I know it's a very long chapter. I just got a little carried away. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy it :)
'Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying
Even if you don't wanna speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door
And listen to you breathing
It's where I wanna be
Where I wanna be'
In search of something lost...
In the early morning, the nature seems so fresh and innocent as most of the people and vehicles are not awake yet. A light twittering sound of birds makes it so peaceful. The wind seems so gentle, quietly moving the leaves along with it. The entire meadow was glowing under its morning warmth and the dew was still plainly visible on all the blades of grass nearby. Blake rolled out of bed, stood up and stretched her long lean arms up in the air. She looked at her bed, hoping there would be someone still sleeping in. Disappointed, she left the room. It was not the first time she'd wake up alone. In fact, it happened so many times, she forgot what it was like to have the person she loved the most, next to her. Her husband. Hopefully he'd return, one day, to be by her side and love her like she loves him.
She walked to her huge floral balcony and let the cold wind blow her sleep away, making her eyes open wider, when she felt the cold breeze flow through her very warm body. The city was glimmering with street lamps and car lights in the distance. New-York city was always glowing, no matter what time of the day.
Every morning was a new beginning and she hoped things would get better and time would heal the deep pain she had inside of her and eventually she'd be happy and be with the one she vowed to love for the rest of her life.
She was depressed... a little more and more everyday...but she got stronger...she had to be strong...for someone else...someone as precious as her husband.
She brushed her negative thoughts away as soon as she remembered her early morning duties.
She rushed to the room next to hers, smiling all the way through. She always smiled a little when she opened that door. The beauty of that room, the comfort, the positiveness, the innocence that covered the room was so pleasant.
As she turned the door nob, the rays of the sun devoured the whole room.
She walked on a purple rug that led to the huge turquoise bed. The atmosphere was so calm. She sat as quietly as possible on the bed.
"Angel! Wake up" She said while stroking the little head that was sleeping so peacefully. The little five year old little girl rolled over on her back and stretched her little arms and wrapped it around her mom. It was such a beautiful and innocent touch. The most beautiful feeling that really no one could explain. It was all about the immense, overwhelming. powerful love she felt for her little baby girl! Love pours throughout her whole body just watching her little one... Some days she just watched her sleep, and the joy brought tears to her eyes! Becoming a mother had completely fulfilled her life. It was the most heart-warming feeling Blake could ever ask for!
With every smile she gives her mom, with every time she nuzzles her tired face into Blake's shoulder, and every time she stretches her arms out for her mom to pick her up, Blake melts a little inside.
Blake gently tucked her hands in her daughter's shining blond locks.
"Today is a special day, my love! Hurry up! We should get you dressed."
The little blond girl released herself out of her mother's grip and started jumping excitedly on her bed...
Blake joined in her little girl's enthusiasm and clapped her hands along with her daughter.
The little girl looked so happy and beautiful, her curly blonde hair was bouncing off with every jump. Her deep, serene, blue eyes shined even more brightly as the sun shined upon both mother and daughter. They looked so alike and both were so lively and full of life.
Life was never boring with these two!
Blake reached for her daughter's foot and tickled it slightly until she fell flat on the bed, laughing uncontrollably as her mom continued ,mercilessly, on tickling her little bared tummy...
"Mommy! Mommy...Ss...stt..stoooooop it"
Blake giggled slightly before spoiling her little one with feather-like kisses on her soft little hands. They both laughed and giggled together. In fact, it was like this every morning. They'd just spend hours in bed together, just goofing around and teasing each other. But this particular day was one Blake was hoping to avoid for as long as possible...
"Alright, little monkey! Let's get you dressed"
"Mommy, I want the pink dress with the white and black polka dots"
Blake kissed the little girl on her forehead before going in the immensely big closet to get the requested dress. It was overly sized for a four year old's closet but everyone had been sending clothes and shoes, even Christian Louboutins made custom shoes for Blake's daughter. She was only five but she was already the muse of the big designers. In fact, she was named 'The most stylish celebrity children' for 2 consecutive years. it was no shock to anyone, since Blake has such great style and really understood fashion and fabrics.
But she wan't like the stylish celebrity children who were overly spoiled. She was a happy, selfless child who would always let others have the last gummy bear and let others borrow her most favorite barbie doll. Though those big blue eyes, pouty mouth and explosion of blond curls would always control Blake's heartstrings.
"Hurry Mommy... Hurry!" the little girl was getting more and more hyped as her mom took forever to bring her dress.
Blake came in seconds later with the polka dot dress and helped her daughter put it on. There were a little more giggles and tickling battle before they both headed to the kitchen, their most favorite place in the whole house. Blake's passion for cooking had surely had a huge impact on her daughter as well. She'd always watch her mom when she made cupcakes qnd help her garnish them. Her favorite ones were covered with pink whipped cream and white sugar beads..
For this particular day they had prepared over a hundred of cupcakes for the party they were invited to. But this was not like any simple party. It was Leighton's birthday. It was a huge deal for Blake since it would be the first time in a very long time that she'd meet Leighton. Surely, they did talk on the phone, occasionally, when it was Blake's birthday or when Leighton needed to know something about a cooking recipe but apart from that, they never really talked much. The party was going to be held at Leighton's house in Los Angeles and Leighton had begged Blake to make the trip from New-York because it was like their reunion party and she wanted everyone to participate and get together. Blake surely did miss everyone, and she'd be lying if she said she didn't miss the whole Gossip Girl team and there were times, she wished she could just go back in time and enjoy the moments spent together a little more. She indeed spent six years of her life with these people and they had become a family and she blamed herself for not making the effort to contact them.
Blake's thoughts were interrupted by her excited little 4 year old daughter who was jumping up and down, clapping her hands and laughing enthusiastically when she heard the stove make a 'ting' sound indicating that the cupcakes were finally done.
The little kid rushed to the oven and stood on a stool to get a proper view of the cupcakes. Fascinated, she directed her tiny little hands to open it.
"Miss Chloe Audrey Lively-Reynolds! What do you think you're doing?"
The little girl stood still, looking at her mother who was portraying an angry grin to her face. The look was scary.
"This oven is still very hot. you can burn your hands... Never touch it again, you underst..." Blake realised she was getting a little too harsh...She settled her hands on her daughter's cheeks and lowered her tone to finish her sentence..."You can burn your hands, baby. This is dangerous and the oven is still very hot. Let mommy take out the cupcakes and then you can decorate them."
Blake kissed her daughter's tiny little hands before taking out the cupcakes. She always felt guilty after she'd shout at her daughter or scold her when she did something wrong.
Both mother and daughter got to work and decorated all the cupcakes with the word 'Leighton' written with chocolate toppings on top of them. She wanted to do something special for her and she hoped her famous cupcakes would do.
They packed their belongings and enough clothes for their one week trip. The party was tomorrow and Leighton had insisted that Blake should come one day before. Though it was the last thing she'd want to do, she'd reluctantly accept the offer.
A chauffeur came to pick them up at 11 a.m sharp. It was a long one hour drive before they arrived at the airport.
Chloe was very excited to see Leighton whom she'd talk to every once in a while. Blake never really understood how they got along so well. Leighton was so excited to see Chloe since the last time she saw the little blond was when she was only a few months old.
Their flight was six hours long and both mother and daughter had one nice good sleep in their first class travelling seats.
"Mommy, look! we are here. I can see Leighton at the front door"
Blake finally managed to smile a little at her little girl's enthusiasm.
Chloe ran out of the car before Blake could even stop her or say anything.
Leighton rushed to the little girl running towards her and held her tightly in her arms. They were both laughing like two long lost souls who'd finally reunite. Leighton was feeling so much love and adoration immediately for this little bundle of joy.
"You are just like your mommy, so pretty and lively"
Blake got her luggage and walked towards Leighton's to greet her. She went with a simple "Heyyyy!" followed by a tight hug. Both girls rejoiced at their reunion.
"C'mon inside, everyone is waiting for you both" Leighton spoke excitedly.
"Everyone? I thought they were all coming tomorrow"
"Slight change of plans..."
"Ohh my gosh! Leight, I'm gonna kill you.. Why didn't you tell me this before. I thought it was going to be just us tonight, preparing for the party...Are they all gonna stay the whole week, too?"
"Yessss. C'mon it's gonna be a fun week. Stop the complaints and let's go inside, already"
-Breathe...breathe...There's nothing to be scared or nervous about. -Blake thought to herself as she made her way in.
"Blakeeeeeeeeeeee! Oh my god! Look at you! Not a single wrinkle! You still have that same glowing spark in you" Ed said while coming towards Blake to hug her.
"Ohhh and i see someone else hiding behind your dress... You must be Chloe, the cutest, most loving, funny little girl of this planet, right?" Ed said while taking Chloe in his arms, an act he hoped would reassure the little girl from her new environment.
"I'm gonna show her around" Ed took Chloe and went to the balcony.
Blake felt lonely for a while. Everyone else was having fun and catching up in the living room while she decided to isolate herself from the crowd and go in the kitchen to give Leighton the cupcakes she made.
It felt awkward to meet all these people again, especially since she didn't make any efforts to contact these people since gossip girl wrapped.
For some reasons, a bunch a people were in the kitchen, talking as loud as they possibly could. The noise coming from the kitchen was definitely deafening. Nonetheless, Blake put the cupcakes down and went by Leighton's side.
"So, I bought you cupcakes and they're..."
"Oh my god! Did you really? Ahhhhhhh... You have no idea how much I've missed your baking"
Blake giggled a little at how Leighton responded at the word 'cupcake'...
"So, need any help?" Blake asked.
"Yes, please. You're the cooking genius. Help me with the chocolate muffins...They are in the refrigerator."
"I'm on it"
Blake felt uncomfortable, not only because there was a bunch of strangers in the room, but there was something else. She felt like people were starring at her.
She opened the huge refrigerator door and searched for the muffins when suddenly she overheard two woman talking nearby.
"So, Blake actually came along with her daughter...alone"
"Yeah, i guess the rumours are true then, she doesn't live with her husband anymore!"
Her mind completely shut down at the word 'her husband'!
She knew people would talk but that never made her feel good. They didn't know anything about her life with Ryan. How could they be so judgemental.
She took the muffins out and walked to the kitchen counter. She looked around and everyone had their eye clung on her. She wished she could just walk away and run, far away from all their judging minds but she preferred to shrug away her negative thoughts. Abruptly, the kitchen door swung open and suddenly a warm tingle crept up her chest. The person who just entered the room, completely shut her whole mind off. It was a decidedly unwelcome feeling and Blake swallowed a large gulp hoping to extinguish whatever the hell that sensation was. She wants to look away, but how could she? He has on dark jeans that fits his lean frame perfectly, slouching a bit on his hips. His brown eyes finally met Blake's and he zeroes in on her with a smirk. His lingering gaze rakes boldly over her body. Blake feels the nervous lurch of her stomach. The sights and sounds of the room slowly faded away.
'oh lord! He's even more perfect than the last time I saw him". He's lean, but with a hint of muscle. His hair is a warm mix of brown and black. His dark jeans is held in place by a worn leather belt. His T-shirt is plain and navy blue. He isn't overdressed for this thing, like some of the other gel-haired, button-up-shirt-wearing guys circling them. His hair is unruly and rumpled like he'd been in a fight with his comb.
'Crap. He caught me staring!'.
The pretty Boy's eyes stay locked on Blake's. One corner of his full mouth pulls upward as he makes his way to her.
"Run, Blake, just run!" was what her mind told her to do but not her heart.
"I... You...ummm..." Blake tried to find her words but his captivating and enchanting aroma didn't make it any easier for her to talk.
"No need to find great words, a simple hug will do" Penn said to reassure Blake's nervous grin.
Blake giggled a little and wrapped her arms around penn's welcoming ones.
Both of them seemed to melt into each other's arms. Blake squeezed gently on his back. She felt safe and comfortable. The warmth of the hug was so pure and heavenly. She could feel his chest moving inwards and outwards in a smooth rythme but it only lasted a few seconds...
"Mommyyyyyy! Look what Eddy gave me..." Chloe ran to her mom with a bunch of multi-coloured balloons.
Penn could not hide his emotions when he saw the little bundle of joy rush to her mom, laughing exactly like that little laugh of Blake's. Penn was filled with a heart clenching love.
Blake held her little girl by the waist and lifted her so she was now hanging on one side of her mom's hips.
"Baby, this is..."
"Pennnnn!" Chloe interrupted excitedly.
"Yes, that's correct!" Blake responded.
"So, how about you give me a big kiss?" Penn asked.
The little girl went in to plant a big kiss onto Penn's cheek...
"Eeeeeeek" Chloe reacted when she felt the uncomfortable feeling of Penn's unshaved beard.
Both Penn and Blake started laughing at the reaction of Chloe.
"you are just like you mother...she never liked my beard either"
"What? I never complained!" Blake joked.
"You used to fight with me and shaved it yourself because I was too lazy to do it by myself"
"Good times, huh!" Blake giggled a little.
There was a moment of silent before Chloe started getting bored and released herself from her mother's grip.
"Mommy told me many stories about you" Blake's face went red... She wasn't expecting that to come out of her daughter's mouth...
"She said, you two were very close friends... and you were the only one who could make her laugh" Hearing that from
Chloe's sweet voice made Penn's heart melt.
"And she also said..."
"Ok honey, I think that's enough, don't need to tell Penn everything"
Penn giggled at how Blake reacted. Clearly, she was not enjoying that little talk.
"Alright, you can tell me everything but we'll do it when your mommy isn't around, ok?" Penn whispered in Chloe's ears.
Penn was acting very calm, but in reality, he was crying inside and he needed to be alone.
"Excuse me, I'll catch with you guys later"
He slowly disappeared from the crowd and went to the nearest isolated room he could find.
His thoughts were ravaging on his mind. This little girl that he just met completely shut his whole system down. She made him feel happy and in that little moment he was able to forget all his problems and everything he went through in the past four years. Seeing Blake with a child, her very own child, was like mental torture to him... They had often talked abut having kids and how beautiful they'd be and Chloe was exactly like that. He felt like he had been missing so much by letting Blake go. They could have been a perfect and happy family by now. By in reality, his whole life was a mess and it even got to a point where he could no longer recognize himself.
"Penn, we need you out there" Chace shouted from behind the closed door.
Penn tried to rejoice himself and fake a smile while getting out of the room.
"Ok, everyone's here?" Leighton asked to the crowd standing in front of her.
"So, we are not only celebrating my birthday tomorrow, but we'll also celebrate the fact that, after so many years, we've all come together under the same roof, and no matter what, you guys are still my family and i love you all."
Everyone cheered at Leighton's warm words and raised a glass of champagne to their much anticipated reunion.
{Two hours later}
Blake took Chloe in the room upstairs to make her sleep. It was already way past her bed time hour.
She read a bedtime story to Chloe and by the time she got to the end of it, the little girl was already fast asleep. Blake felt like someone was looking at them so she turned around to look at the door, only to find Penn, looking at them. 'How long as he been here' She thought to herself.
"C'mon in" Blake whispered quietly, so as not to wake the little girl.
Penn walked as slowly as possible and glanced over so he could get a proper view of Chloe sleeping.
"She looks so beautiful."
Blake smiled..."she's everything i'd hope she'd be. I couldn't ask for more. She completes me"
Penn felt like crying.
"You are very lucky! She's precious. I wish i had known her much before today"
"Well, it's never too late...you can always get to know her from now on... So, anyways, how have you been?"
"Well...you know... I have been better...but... I'm doing OK! "
"I don't wanna intrude or talk about your personal life, but i want you to know that i'm here for you, if you wanna talk about it..."
"No...I don't wanna bother you and it's something that i got myself into and I'm the only one who can get out of it."
"Penn, i don't like it...the way you're living your life. It hurts me, even if It shouldn't and it's non of my business but...as a friend, i care"
"Blake, I'm fine!"
"How is taking drugs 'fine', Penn? I saw the tabloids. they are all over the net. I'm actually really worried. How did it all get to this point?" Blake said angrily.
Penn tried not to look in Blake's eyes who was now starting to get teary.
"I was not in a good place, ok? I was trying to get over a lot of things and i was lonely...very lonely... and i don't wanna talk about it"
Blake starred into his big brown eyes for a few seconds, trying as hard as she could to not shout at him and try to reason him about his wrongs. She could not! She had no longer the right to tell him what was wrong or not. It was not her job anymore.
Penn left the room. Leaving Blake to reflect on her own life and all the things she did wrong herself.
She thought she was being a perfect wife but somehow something was wrong. She never really liked to blame Ryan or herself but her life was definitely not what she hoped it'd be.
The day Ryan left was the day her whole world had come crashing down. Was their family really broken? Will the return of Penn, finally bring joy in her lonely life? Were they brought into each other's life again for a reason?
A/N: Alright guys! Expect more Penn&Blake/ Penn&Chloe in the next chapter.. I hope you all enjoy the story so far. I've been wanting to write this for a while now because i love the idea of Penn bonding with Blake's daughter... If you think it's too rushed, i'm sorry about that but i just thought it was getting too long so i cut down on the details... ohh and if you're still wondering if i'm gonna update 'New beginnings' The answer is yes...i will update it as soon as i get the time to finish it. Please review and let me know how you feel about this story. The next chapter will definitely get more interesting.
P.S: Shootout to Gisele and Rosie for choosing the name 'Chloe' as Blake's daughter's name.