A N: Don't own.

A N 2: WARNINGS

This is yet another Harry/Harem Fic. I know, it's not what I usually write and it has been done, like, hundreds of times.

But I was bored.

So, some fair warnings before we begin…

THIS FANFICTION CONTAINS:

1- Harry/Harem. Hentai Stile (As in "Awkward Schoolboy with a big secret gets an Harem of hot gals against his will because reasons").

2- Ron Bashing: Because, hell, this is an Harry/Harem Fic! If there' somewhere where the ginger "Deserves" to get bashed, is here.

3- Senile!Dumbledore: The best kind of Dumbledore.

4- Draco Bashing: Same reason of Ron Bashing. And also because he is kind of a dick in the books too.

5- M/F, F/F, M/F/F, M/Several F, Several F/ Several F and so on: Shocking, isn't it?

6- At least a (probably badly written) sex scene each chapter except this one. I hope.

7- What I like to call Neville/Harem of Female Supporting Characters. It's mostly to pair the spares and to give Neville something he rightly deserves. They have a marginal role in this and none of their sex will be shown.

8- Out of Characterness? Probably, I suppose.

9- Closet Gay! Dead! Cedric: Whose "Particular tendencies" had changed Cho in... unexpected ways. (SPOILER ALLERT: This story May/May not contain pegging on the main character. It will of course mention it in the author note of the chapter if there's any risk of it from happening in said chapter so that you can skip it.)

10- Book 5 AU: Look, some of you will probably start raging about the underage sex and shit. To those people I say: "It's not underage sex." The character's ages will never be mentioned (apart for the age's differences) so, as far as you're concerned, this is happening in an alternate world where those idiots are 18 during their fifth year or some other shit. I don't know, use your imagination or something, Goddammit.

11- Bipolar Hentai Luck Rule: "If there's even a small possibility for the main character to have sex with a woman, he will have sex with that woman. This will usually happen during the worst possible moment, especially if there's an high probability for them to be discovered, and will bring more harm than good to the main character on the long run." Why this happens will explained later on in the story.

12- Laughable Villains: The Death Eaters will be basically reduced to "Hitler Rants" level of idiocy. If not worst.

13- Incompetent Ministry: Basically like Canon!Ministry.

THIS FANFICTION DOESN'T CONTAIN:

1- Ginny Bashing: Look, I don't care if she's a slut or has used Love Potion on him. She's still a fairly decent looking girl, and she's still somewhat close to him. Hence, she's in the Harem. Deal with it.

2- Neville/Luna: I know, I'm sad too, but sacrifices had to be made.

3- Harry/MILF: It… it would be just wrong. I don't care that Narcissa and Bellatrix are SOMEHOW considered hot. I would feel utterly uncomfortable in writing Scarhead with an Oedipus Complex. Tonks is fair game, thought.

4- Male Slash: I'm a guy, and I generally consider myself straight, so no M/M will be shown and there will be no other males other than Scarhead in the harem. Of course, M/M MIGHT be mentioned (Always to pair the spares and/or taunt Twilight).

5- Abusive!Harry: Far worse than Harry/MILF. Seriously, the idiot has been blessed by "The Power that Be" (That being me) with an Harem of generally young, generally nice looking witches… And he mentally/physically abuses them? With his past history of familial abuse? That's just stupid.

6- Actually, any kind of Harry except for Somewhat Naïve!Harry. So no Evil!Indipendent!Harry for you, guys.

7- Original Female Characters: I loathe them. LOATHE THEM!

A N 3: WARNING FOR THE CHAPTER: Death will be shown in this chapter. Twice.

Now that I've said that, let's start this… Thing.

PROLOGUE

Somewhere, on the only functioning swing in a playground in the Surrey, Harry Potter was brooding.

He was a skinny, black-haired, bespectacled boy who had the pinched, slightly unhealthy look of someone who has grown a lot in a short space of time. His jeans were torn and dirty, his T-shirt baggy and faded, and the soles of his trainers were peeling away from the uppers.

He stared at the ground, his mind plagued by the memory of Cedric's death.

"It's all my fault…" He started internally angsting before hearing a loud cracking sound.

He jumped up, wand in his hand, looking around for any sign of the apparated wizard, hoping it to be someone finally taking him away from that dreadful home he was forced to live every summer, but fearing it to be one of Voldemort's cronies, come to finish his master's job.

EHM.

Harry was then startled by the sudden voice coming from behind him.

It sounded like two tombstones grinding together.

Harry turned toward the source of the sound, his wand held high, ready to hex him.

CAREFUL BOY, the figure said, holding both his hands up in surrender, YOU COULD POKE SOMEONE'S EYEBALL WITH THAT.

The figure briefly froze before giving a small, mirthless chuckle.

Harry eyed the stranger… strangely.

Harry couldn't quite place the man in the scenery, almost like his eyes refused to consider him real. All Harry could focus on was that the man incredibly thin, someone might have called him bony, but compensated that slenderness with his exceptional tallness. He was dressed in a black robe that covered all of his body, which made Harry wary.

"Show me…" Harry cautiously began, his wand still pointed against the stranger, "… Show me you arm."

The stranger gave him a curious look, his deep, blue eyes twinkling like stars.

I'M SORRY?

"Show me your arm…" Harry repeated, an edge in his voice, "… I need to check if you're a Death Eater"

The stranger face, that since then was frozen in a constantly toothy grin, tried to frown.

THAT'S… KIND OF OFFENSIVE, BOY.

"The arm." Harry repeated, ready to stun the stranger.

The man sighed, a sound so soft and hissed that Harry thought it was parseltongue.

He then revealed his bony left arm, showing no sign of any tattoo on it.

Harry allowed himself to relax, slightly lowering his wand.

"Who are you?" Harry asked the stranger.

EHM, he said, starting to fidgeting, THAT'S… NOT IMPORTANT.

Harry gave him a disbelieving look, "Fine, what do you want, then?"

EHM, he repeated again, DO YOU HAVE ANY APPLES?

"What?" Harry asked, startled by the question.

APPLES, The stranger said again, OR MAYBE A WARM CLOAK, OR…

"What are you talking about?" Harry asked, irritated by the man's requests.

The stranger sighed again, LOOK, BOY, THAT'S NOT REALLY MY JOB, BUT… he started saying, fishing inside his robe for something, BUT SHE WAS BUSY WITH SOME BRIDGE BUILDERS IN JAPAN, AND HAS ASKED ME TO DELIVER IT…

"What?" Harry said, confused, "Who was busy? And deliver what?"

… DELIVER- HA, FOUND IT-THIS.

He triumphantly extracted a wooden cube from his robes, holding it up in the air.

Harry gave it a disbelieving look, "A cube."

The stranger enthusiasm slightly faltered.

IT'S SYMBOLIC, He said, offering the cube to Harry, YOU HELPED ME, AND I'M REWARDING YOU WITH THIS.

"I haven't helped you." Harry stated, still giving the cube a weird look.

DETAILS, the stranger dismissed him with an hand wave, NOW TAKE IT.

Harry probably believed that if he stared at the cube long enough, it would have blinked out of existence.

PLEASE? The stranger pleaded, I NEED TO MEET ANOTHER BOY TODAY, AND I'M REALLY RUNNING LATE, WITHOUT COUNTING ALL THE BACKLOG I MUST BE AMASSING IN MY REGULAR JOB JUST FOR WASTING ALL THIS TIME WITH YOU…

Harry sighed.

PRETTY PLEASE?

"Fine." He said, sighing, as he took the cube from the stranger's hand.

He eyed the plain, smooth cube in his hands.

"Well, now what…?" He began saying before looking up.

The stranger was gone.

"Weird guy" he said before turning his attention toward the cube…

That disappeared in a bright flash, irradiating Harry and temporally blinding him.

Once the sight returned to Harry, he noticed that the cube was now disappeared.

"Okay…" He sighed, quickly accepting yet another element of his life he didn't understand.

He glanced up at the sky, noticing the late hour, and departed from the playground towards his relatives' house.

As he passed a dark, dirty alley, he didn't notice his surroundings, his mind too engrossed in planning his next pity fest and reflecting on what had just happen, thus making him miss the prone, whale-lake creature laying, motionless, in a far corner corner.

Harry awoke with a groan as someone kept pounding at the front door of the Dursley's home.

He rose from his bed inside the smallest bedroom, heading downstairs still dressed in yesterday's clothes, approaching the door.

"Who is it?" He groggily asked as the pounding stopped.

"The tooth fairy…" A gravelly voice snarked from behind the door, "… Open this damn door, Potter!"

Harry's eyebrows shot upwards as he quickly opened the door, "Professor Moody?"

"I never was your professor…" The old Auror stated as he barged inside the house, "… But if I were, I would have probably detracted points from your house…"

Harry frowned, "What? Why?"

"You didn't check on my identity!" Moody loudly scolded him, "What would have happened I was another servant of the Dark Lord…" He accompanied this by spitting on the floor, "… with awesome acting abilities and another Bigger-On-The-Inside trunk?! You would be dead, that's what would have happened!" He ranted, grabbing hold of his flask and tacking a long sip from it, "… Never trust people, Potter, and most important of all remember to always maintain CONSTANT VIGILANCE!"

Harry heard some bustle from upstairs and sighed.

"Ehm, Professor Moody, I think your yelling kind of awoke the Dursleys" He tentatively said to the retired Auror.

Mad-Eye grunted, "I wasn't yelling, that was my normal, indoor voice…" He grumbled before grimacing at the two figures quickly descending the stairs in their pajamas, "Goddammit, Dursley, put some clothes on! My magical eye is trying to commit suicide here because of all your fat!" He yelled as his magical eye started spinning like mad.

Vernon Dursley started coloring in a faint shade of puce, "What… What is this… This freak doing in my house?!" He turned towards Harry, "You stupid boy! Bringing here the others of your kind to stain this spotless home!"

Before Harry could retort, Moody positioned himself between the boy and his uncle, "Now, Dursley, I understand that you hate us and that's fine, the feeling is mutual…" Moody began saying in his deep, gravelly voice, "… But, you see, the only thing that is keeping the Dark Lord…" He spitted again on the floor, the two Dursleys eyeing the stain on the ground like it was a plague rat, "… and his minions away from this house are me and other people "Of my kind", so I would like some respect when YOU ARE TALKING TO ME!" He bellowed, smashing his rod against the floor in a loud thump.

"I… I will not permit you to shout to me in my home!" Uncle Vernon yelled at the weird man, slightly trembling in fear.

"I'M NOT SHOUTING!" Mad-Eye shouted.

He composed himself before saying, in a fairly more calmer tone, "Now, I hate to bring you bad news, Dursley…" Harry was impressed by Mad-Eye's ability to say that line with only a slight twitch of his good eye, "… But it appear your son got attacked last night…"

Harry perked up at that, searching for his wand and cursing himself for having left it in his room.

"What?" Petunia said, his voice trembling, "What happened to my Ickle Diddykins?"

"There was a Dementor attack last night…" Mad-Eye continued, his voice grave, "… It appear Harry's cousin was the only causality."

The Dursleys looked worst than Harry had ever seen them as they both fell to their knees, big tears coming out from their eyes.

"This… This is all your fault, boy!" Vernon yelled at Harry in between sobs, "ALL YOUR FAULT!"

Harry winced at his uncle's vehemence.

"Well, since I suppose leaving the boy here now would be kind of suicidal, we will be going…" Mad-Eye quickly said before grabbing Harry's arm and apparating away in a loud crack.

After a quick stop in Harry's room to grab all of his material possessions, Harry and the Auror apparated on front of the space in between number 11 and 13 of Grimmauld Place.

An old man in obscenely bright purple robes waved at them.

"Harry, Alastor, hope you enjoyed the trip…" Dumbledore greeted them, "… How are Vernon and Petunia doing?"

Moody grimaced, "Not so well, especially after their whale of a son got his soul sucked…"

"Oh…" Dumbledore said, deep in thought, "… Well, they will probably get over it next summer when you will return to them, so don't worry…"

"WHAT?" Harry asked, outraged, "With all due respect, Professor, I don't think they will be eager to take me back after what happened to Dudley…"

"Hush, Harry…" Dumbledore said, hand-waving at him in a patronizing way, "… Time heal all wounds…"

"*Chough* Grindelwald *Chough*" Moody half-coughed half-muttered.

Dumbledore started looking far away, his mind lost in whatever he was thinking at the moment.

"Well, let's get inside, shall we?" Moody said, gesturing toward the empty space between the two apartments.

Harry gave him a blank look.

"Oh, yeah, right…" He turned toward Dumbledore, "… Hey, Albus, what's the secret?"

Dumbledore snapped back from his memories induced coma, "… And of course, there's the new school year you should be preparing to…"

"Albus, the secret." Moody repeated in a more firm tone.

"What?" Dumbledore asked, confused "Oh, yes, number 12 Grimmauld Place, Harry…" Dumbledore began, "… exists, and it's the order of the phoenix's headquarters."

And so Harry started seeing the apartment between number 11 and 13 of Grimmauld place.

A curve, hunched figure with a black cloak, an ample hood covering its face, sat on a bench of St. James park, a bag of breadcrumbs in its hands.

Sometimes, it would take an handful of them from the paper bag and throw them to the nearby crows, who kept disdaining the figure's futile attempts to feed them.

I SUGGEST TO TRY WITH EYEBALLS NEXT TIME, another tall, skinny figure said, apparently apparating from out of nowhere.

The hunched figure sighed, "How it went?" she said, its voice high, like the sound of a crow cawing.

SURPRISINGLY WELL, the tall man said as he sat near his friend, AND SAT STRAIGHTER, YOU WILL ONLY DAMAGE YOUR SPINE BY DOING THAT.

The hunched figure huffed, "Gosh, you sound like dad." it said, straightening it's posture.

"So, I take both the boys had accepted their gifts?"

The tall figure grunted, OF COURSE.

"Good." The once-curved figure stated, "Soon, all will be well…"

The stayed in silence for a while, admiring the crows still refusing the food on the ground.

"Well, I guess I should get going…" The smaller figure said, standing up, "There's an Italian bridge-maker who think himself smarter than he is…"

WHAT'S UP WITH YOU AND BRIDGE-MAKERS? The tall figure asked as he too stood up.

The smaller figure grunted, "None of your business,…" she said with a rude tone.

FINE, the tall figure said, slowly raising from the bench.

They bid each other farewell as they both disapparated away.

And then the crows started eating.

A N 4: So, I promise next chapter will contain smut. And I promise to write it in at least an half decent way. I hope.