A Soul Too Many - a garrusthaneshep love

by IAmElvie

A story about how two men come to grips with loving the same woman. This is rated M for language and sexual content. Please note I'm not a writer, editor, or English major - there will be mistakes. It will not always follow the canon game.

1. Ch 1-5 Night Before Ilos to Death

Garrus-Thane-femShep love triangle

Chapter 1

The Night before Ilos

Shepard paced the small confines of her cabin, filled with urgency, dread, frustration, guilt, and many more emotions she'd rather not look to closely at. They were heading to Ilos tomorrow. An impossible feat she had to accomplish and it had set her on edge. Then Kaidan, whom she'd been flirting with on and off for some time, had come by her cabin professing love and wanting to take their relationship to a deeper level.

She liked him well enough, and might have even considered the prospect herself, if another hadn't caught her eye. She was being drawn in a different direction…a direction that was not reciprocated. A direction that had no future; yet, she was helpless against the pull and had been from the moment she met him.

Flirting with Kaidan had at first been due to honest interest, but eventually become more of a fun, harmless way to relieve tension. Or so she thought. She had not taken into account his growing feelings; hadn't even noticed things had changed between them. His visit tonight had caught her off guard. She had been sorting through the ramifications of getting to Ilos and her growing attraction to a man who had her firmly placed in the friend zone. When she finally understood just what Kaidan had come for, she had to turn him away. She could see the confusion and hurt that he was trying to hide under a veneer of gentlemanly manners as he left her cabin. Guilt had been added to her emotional upheaval.

Guilt. Great. That was all she needed. It was her fault, she knew that, but it only made the pill harder to swallow. She had to relax before she did something she would regret. She hung her head wearily and headed to the bathroom for a hot, steamy shower. Wishing, not for the first time, they had installed a bathtub instead.

She toweled off and stepped into a black silk and lace teddy and lace French cut panties that only covered half of her bottom. She may have to don the commander mask and man up all day, but the nights belonged to her, she could let her hair down and revel in her femininity. It was her guilty secret. A secret she kept close to her heart. One of many secrets kept close to her heart.

She dimmed the lighting, grabbed a bottle of wine, a glass, and her e-pad and curled up on the sofa for a bit of light reading. Eventually she realized she'd read the same paragraph 8 times in a row and still didn't know what it said. She tossed the pad down, absently drank wine, and began to pace her cabin again. She wasn't tired. She couldn't sleep. She missed Garrus. Kaidan had been staying up later, so Garrus hadn't been able to come by as often lately. She was restless, anxious, and romantically frustrated. This was silly. She was a grown woman; a confident woman. She tossed on the black silk and lace matching wrapper, belted it at the waist (not even realizing it displayed more than it covered), donned some black slippers and headed out the door. She was going to do it. Yes, she was. She was going to head down to the crew quarters off the cargo bay, wake his turian ass up, and she was going to tell Garrus Vakarian just how she felt about him. Maybe he would shoot her down. Maybe he didn't see her in the same light, but didn't she owe it herself…to them both...to see if there might be something more?

She made her way to the lift, balancing precariously as the floor swayed beneath her feet. Bloody wine. She didn't encounter any other night owls prowling the deck. She was relieved. She wasn't in the mood for small talk. She entered the lift and hit the down button. The elevator seemed to take forever to reach the lower deck. As it descended she became more and more nervous. No, she thought, if he was asleep she wouldn't disturb him. Tomorrow was just too damned important. No...no...no…tonight was all wrong. What was she thinking? Could her timing be any worse? If they survived Ilos she would talk to him.

The elevator came to an abrupt stop. She placed her hand on the door and rested her head against it. So close. So far away. She dropped her hand, backed away and hit the up button. The door slid down as it opened and in walked the man she'd be obsessing over. He had on a dark green and tan outfit. His waist was so slender. What would it be like to wrap her legs around it? Her face flamed at where her thoughts were going.

As he entered the lift he turned to hit the up button and realized he was not alone. He hadn't expected anyone else to be up at this hour…and spirits…his mouth dropped open in surprise, mandibles flaring. There stood his Shepard in the smallest most revealing black outfit he'd ever seen. He had seen her in her under things a time or two…but this was all lace…a very see through lace. So much soft, white, human skin was exposed. If the lace shifted just a little bit he suspected he just might blush as hard as she was right now. By the looks of her she must not have expected to run into anyone either.

"Shepard, I…" he cleared his throat…"I wasn't expecting to see you…er, anybody. I couldn't sleep. I just...um..." he cleared his throat again… "finished up some last minute calibrations on the Mako. I was …ah…hmm...just heading to the lounge to…a…relax before heading to…er…bed." He said, his voice cracking over the last word. His eyes wandered all around the elevator, looking everywhere except where he wanted to look the most. He tried so hard to ignore what his commander was wearing, but spirits…he wasn't dead.

He'd been drawn to this fiery woman since he'd first seen her walking towards him outside the council chambers. He'd been arguing with Executor Pallin and getting nowhere. He had recognized her right away. She was famous; he knew he had been suffering from a bit of hero worship back then. But, who could blame him? This was the Commander Shepard. He knew even then that it went beyond hero worship, though he hadn't admitted it to himself until sometime later. The fact that he was drawn to her had disturbed him for a long time. He was a turian soldier, she was a human. End of story.

As the months had worn on, under her tutelage, hero worship became a great respect. She had helped him grow…to become more than he was, more than he thought he could ever be. She had become a central fixture in his life. A life he couldn't comprehend without her. He found himself growing more and more protective of her and he knew she was becoming more and more dependent on him. He went with her on nearly every mission… on the rare ones where he was left behind he knew he acted crazy, pacing and snarling at anyone who ventured by; the crew fastidiously avoided him at those times, so much so he would have to hunt someone down to vent on them…and spirits forbid if she came back with so much as a scratch.

Shepard and he were a team…a well oiled machine…moving together as one. They knew what the other would do before it was done and react accordingly. What they had was special. An unbreakable bond forged in blood and sweat, in victory and fear, in close calls and desperate measures. No matter the mission, the only goal he had was to keep her safe. Nothing else mattered. Nobody else could protect her like he could. Nobody ever would. And, nobody better EVER come between them.

He knew he loved her just as he knew he shouldn't; his head and heart constantly warring over the right and wrong of it all. Failed turian soldier, failed c-sec officer…what right did he have to even think of this woman…This very human woman, who had never even given him the barest hint that she saw him as a man. And, how could she? He was well aware his race was not considered attractive by a majority of the other races. But that was ok… it was better this way. She was his commander…he was turian…he would respect what that meant, it was how all turians are trained…he sighed…at times like this he wished he was a better turian.

"Garrus." She said breathlessly. Was it hot in here? The elevator had never seemed so small before. "I'm glad you're awake." What she said was, "I was hoping someone was," what she really meant was: I was hoping you were. "I was so edgy, I couldn't go to sleep. I miss our evenings together. Mind if I join you for a night cap in the lounge before I turn in? Of course, if you prefer to be alone I understand."

"No, Shepard, I'd be..ah..hmm…grateful for the company." As they rode in silence his eyes kept traveling to the barely clad woman at his side. For every inch exposed he wanted to see another. He had never seen a naked human woman…never wanted to…well , except for this woman next to him, truth be told…and that he certainly never expected to happen. He knew his place. This would certainly be a test of his turian fortitude, he mused as he followed a half naked Shepard out of the elevator.

As they entered the starboard lounge, he walked over to the bar and poured himself a turian brandy and her some asari rosewine. He handed her the glass and settled on the sofa facing the large window, resting his arm on the sofa's arm, gently twirling the dark amber liquid. She settled in against his side, just like old times, only there was no book or vid to occupy them…just the dark of space and the randomly winking stars. He put his other arm around her and she snuggled in. If she had a clue what this did to him she'd probably freak.

She was staring raptly out the window, sipping her wine, so he took a moment to look at her while she was occupied. Her long legs, which she had tucked in were exposed nearly to the hip. The slim fabric had slid up when she laid against him. The deep lacey "v" of the outfit went to her navel. But, it had shifted and her breast lay exposed through the lace, its peak tight and hard. He swallowed the lump in his throat and turned his head forward so that he too was looking at the stars. "So beautiful." He said thickly, though he wasn't thinking of stars at all.

"Yes," she sighed. "And so very peaceful looking. I wish it could be like this always." Her words fading into silence…followed by a light snore…

Garrus closed his eyes and his mandibles spread in a smile. His Shepard could fall asleep anywhere. He looked down at the woman that he loved and a sense of peace filled him. "So do I," he whispered. He placed his empty brandy glass on the table, gently removed her glass from her hand and placed it next to his. He gathered her up in his arms, adjusting her slightly to the side so his carapace didn't dig into her, held her closely to his heart and headed for her cabin.

He had tucked her in countless times. This time shouldn't be different, but it was. She was all but naked in his arms. He had seen her breast, yearned to touch it, to feel its softness. His desire for this woman right now overwhelmed him, nearly brought him to his knees.

He entered her cabin, laid her gently on the bed and pulled the covers up to her waste. He noticed the "v" had parted even further, completely baring one breast to his hungry gaze. He had to touch her; just once. He removed his thin glove, his taloned fingers hovering just over the heat of her breast. He slowly touched the white globe, feeling its softness, running his thumb pad gently over its peak and he watched in wonder as it hardened and puckered. She moaned and moved into his hand. He closed his eyes tightly, shaking with need, fighting the urge to wake her up and make love to her. Every part of him screamed to take her. To make her his. His eyes shifted focus, his control slipped, he could feel something pushing to get out and it turned him cold with fear. He pulled the covers up to her chin and slipped out of her room at a near run. Nobody would hurt his Shepard…not even him.

Garrus-Thane-femShep love triangle

Chapter 2

Ilos

The dawning of a new day brought no relief to Garrus. What had happened and what had nearly happened last night was unforgivable. He was a turian, she his commander... and she was the only true friend he had in this screwed up galaxy. She had put her faith and trust in him and he had failed her on the deepest level. His only saving grace is that she wouldn't know - though that, too, made him feel dirty. He didn't know what came over him last night, but he would make damned sure it didn't happen again. He was turian. Period. He would control it…even if he had to shove a stick so far up his ass that he could use it for a toothpick.

He stopped pacing the cargo bay and returned to work on the mako. It would have to be in top shape for their mission today.

Shepard snuggled under the warm blankets and buried her head. She did not want to get out of bed. To do so meant the day would actually begin…and today was going to be a doozy. She sighed wearily, sat up, tossed the covers off and gingerly touched her feet to the warmed floor. Bliss…Being the CO did have some benefits… climate-controlled flooring was a godsend.

She looked down at her black lacy teddy. Oh stars had she actually prowled the decks last night dressed like this? Garrus! Bloody hell…she had been obsessing over him last night. Did she do anything? Did she embarrass both of them? Pictures…disjointed…blurry flooded her mind. She saw his face…she saw stars…she saw herself looking up at him at an odd angle…was he carrying her? That must be how she got to bed. It certainly wasn't the first time he'd put her to bed…though never clothed like this…what must he think of her? Why couldn't the pictures ever be more coherent? It was like looking at bits and pieces of somebody else's memories, even if they were hers. Of course, being drunk off her ass probably hadn't helped. She was, however, very thankful she never suffered from hangovers. She knew that was a sore spot with her crew, so she made sure she rubbed it in as often as she could.

She really had not wanted to wake up. She'd been dreaming of her and Garrus together…making love. Unfortunately, the dream had been no more coherent than the pictures of last night. She didn't know what a turian looked like naked…did they have an external penis similar to that of a human? Did they have a cloaca and internal hemipenes that only came out for breeding? Or…God forbid… just a vent that released sperm? Perhaps she should research turian anatomy on the extranet…a far sight less embarrassing than asking Garrus...she could almost see his mandibles dropping, his mouth gaping open. She wondered if turians could blush. Probably not…she sighed…should she ask him? More importantly…could she ask him? She'd probably be too mortified to enjoy the hilarity of the moment. Either way, at least if…when…she dreamed of him again the blanks could be filled in.

She slipped out of her teddy and headed for the shower…let the day begin.

She donned her commander mask with her armor and headed for the Cargo Bay. She only had a few minutes to decide who to take with her. She had decided last night to take Tali and Garrus…Tali was the best at handling geth…but she was squishy. She always felt guilty when she brought her along. A small suit rupture and…she shook her head. Best course of action was always to let them show her who to take. Relying on judgment alone usually led to disaster… Not that disaster didn't happen either way. The best squaddies for a particular mission didn't mean they would find success, it just meant they were more likely to.

As she walked into the cargo bay her team lined up, as was custom, to find out who would be going with her. She looked over each member of her team, their auras shining like a multi-colored rainbow. She glanced at Kaidan and dismissed him right away, his normal bright blue aura was dull – one look into his eyes and she knew he was still hurt over having his romantic overtures dismissed last night. She knew it had taken a lot for him to come to her, to overcome his hang-ups about her being his commander. She wished she could feel for him what he felt for her; it would make things so much simpler.

Her eyes were immediately drawn to Garrus. His blue-green aura shined like a beacon. The blues and greens rolling together, like a beautiful sea. Wrex's orange-reddish aura was glowing like the fire it resembled. That settled things. They would be her team. Auras didn't lie.

"Wrex, Garrus…gear up, we move out in 10." After dismissing the team she headed over to where Garrus was getting ready.

"I wanted to thank you for…everything last night. You are always there for me. I appreciate it." She told him, nodding at him, keeping firm hold on her commander mask.

"That's what I'm here for, Shepard…personal body guard and valet at your service." He saw her mask start to slip and he knew his words must have hurt her. He was trying to play it cool, trying not to see her naked in his arms… trying to see her as Commander Shepard, best friend and confidant. But he also knew she needed his understanding right now. "Look, Shepard, you don't have to thank me for that. Not ever. I will always be there for you when you need me. I will always look out for you. You know that. Now, let's go kick some geth ass."

He tamped down on the growing need within him as he watched her walk away. He didn't like this out of control feeling, the desperation that clawed at him. It was like a beast wanting to rip its way out of him…he wasn't too sure how long he would be able to hold the beast at bay, and that worry settled in his gut like a cold stone. He was terrified. It was the one thing in his life he couldn't share with her, because she was the focus of it. He would control it. He had to. The alternative was unthinkable.

Relief flooded her when they'd made the impossible precision drop without incident. She owed joker a bottle of Thessia Red for that drop.

They hopped out of the mako in time to see Saren and his geth followers disappear behind the doors in front of them. Shit! They'd have to find another way in.

She looked at both her team mates, who were looking at her expectantly. They knew she always kissed a team mate for good luck before starting off on a mission. It was just another one of those eccentricities from their illustrious commander. They knew she meant nothing more by it…it was just a platonic peck, but they had come to expect it and believe in it themselves. Occasionally, the crew ribbed her about it, affectionately calling her Captain Kiss. It sounded like the title of a cheesy romance novel, but she accepted it good naturedly and was known to joke about it herself. Captain Kiss indeed…you ain't got nothing on me Kirk...she chided herself.

She turned her attention to her squaddies. Both of their auras burned bright, but Garrus' shone brighter. She knew he should be who she sought for the good luck kiss, but she also knew she couldn't do it. Not after last night, not after the dream. Commander mask or not, she wasn't too sure she could stop with just a peck. She turned and headed for Wrex. Everything inside her screamed at the wrongness. She was disrespecting her system and she hoped there would be no blowback.

Wrex grabbed her up in his arms. "Come to papa." He said and made a big show of the little kiss she'd placed on his jutting lower lip.

"Wrex, you're incorrigible!" She admonished. "Now put me down."

Wrex chuckled and hugged her tighter. He could see the anger flash in the turian's eyes and was wondering just how far he could push his friend. He released Shepard when Garrus went for his gun. Interesting, Wrex thought to himself. Very interesting indeed.

Wrex walked over to Garrus and cuffed him on the side of the arm. "Better luck next time, Garrus. She just needed some krogan superiority today." He roared out a laugh and followed the commander. A glaring Garrus bringing up the rear.

Resistance had been very light and her internal lootdar was going crazy and she was picking up all kinds of goodies. Sometimes she liked being herself…sometimes not so much. This was one of those "like" times. She loved her treasure hunts…or treasure finds would be more accurate. There was really little to no hunting involved. The team was always surprised by her uncanny ability to root out credits and loot…it was like they jumped out at her screaming take me I'm yours, which wasn't so very far from the truth.

Plants were growing in a tangle covering everything. Effectively hiding the geth and hampering their progress. Grotesque statues, pillars, and half-crumbled walls were everywhere. The place might have been nice once, barring those freaky statues… but time, erosion, and plant life had taken its toll. She heard the distinctive geth warble and held up a hand up to stop them. She directed them behind nearby cover. She could see a destroyer and some shocktroops round a corner. With snipers ready, she had them go for the shocktroops first. Tali's AI hacking would have come in handy about now, and brought things to an end much quicker she mused. With the shocktroops finally down they could focus on the destroyer. She flung out her hand sending out a wave of power that tossed the destroyer into the air, concentrated gunfire rendering it scrap metal before it hit the ground.

They continued their way south from the courtyard, mopping up any geth they came across. They finally made it to a working elevator which would take them down to the security station so that they could get the doors open for their mako.

They made their way carefully down the long hall and around a curved wall where they ran smack into a couple of large geth juggernauts, and hand full of troopers, rocket troopers, shock troopers, and a huge white geth prime. Damn. This was not going to be easy. She ordered her team to concentrate on the prime. Her biotics weren't going to cut it where the prime was concerned.

While they were covering the prime she focused on the red juggernauts and rocket troopers. She fired a singularity at the troopers followed by a warp bomb, which sent them flying in all directions. Damn that was fun. She rained warp bombs and bullets down on the juggernauts. One of the juggernauts detonated. Such a beautiful sight.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Garrus jump out of cover to snipe an advancing trooper. He hadn't seen the one coming at him from the side. Not on her watch. She amped up her power and charged the oncoming trooper, both her and her biotics slammed into him sending him crashing against a crumbled half-wall, twisted and shattered. She gave Garrus a cocky smile and saluted him. She turned, amped her biotics and charged the remaining juggernaut.

Garrus spun around in time to see her slam into a trooper he hadn't noticed. Damn visor was picking up too many enemies and he was finding it a bit distracting. Damn if she didn't save his ass. He nodded at her as she flashed blue and streaked away. Damn he hated when she did that. He couldn't protect her when she stormed off like that. He watched in horror as the blue streak slammed into the juggernaut and bounced backwards. She had rolled out of the way a few feet from the juggernaut that hadn't budged an inch. She amped blue and charged him again. The juggernaut, normally slow on the move, had grabbed her out of her charge. His mandible dropped, his mouth opened, he roared out her name, broke cover, and ran towards them. Common sense bitch slapped him and he stopped and brought up his sniper. Then she was falling. The headless juggernaut dropped her as it was flung backwards by the impact.

She shook her head as she hit the ground. That thing was tougher than it looked. She thought she had weakened it enough earlier. Guess not so much. That was a little closer than she liked. She looked up to see Garrus coming straight towards her. That would explain the headless condition of the juggernaut. That was when she saw the Prime step away from Wrex, who was continuing to blast bullets into it. It raised its gun and shot a rocket at Garrus. No! She flung out her arm and sent a wave of power at the rocket. It had been flung to the side, but rerouted itself. She cast out another wave at Garrus and tossed him as gently as she could behind a container, the only nearby cover she could find. The rocket rerouted again. It was locked on and she was growing desperate. She flung out a barrier bubble around Garrus, who had begun shooting at the missile, hoping to detonate it before it could reach him. The prime shot out 2 more missiles, both locking onto Garrus. Shit! Shit! Shit! The first rocket detonated several yards from Garrus. Way to go Garrus…Unfortunately, the concussion knocked him to the ground.

She flared up like a beacon, harnessing her power. He looked at her through the bubble and shook his head. He held up a hand telling her to stop. He knew she intended to charge to his side and he knew he couldn't let her. His heart ached at the thought of not being there for her. He staggered to his feet and pulled out his gun, but he was too slow, still stunned from the concussion. The rocket slammed into the barrier and disintegrated it. The concussion flung him to the ground again.

Shepard watched in horror as the barrier bubble exploded. She flung out another bubble towards Garrus and another wave towards the rocket, trying to pull it away again. She wasn't fast enough. She watched her world come crashing down as the rocket slammed into Garrus in a fiery explosion. Her knees buckled. Her stomach heaved. She fell forward onto her hands as her stomach purged itself of what little she'd managed to eat. She was too exhausted. She hadn't been fast enough. She couldn't save him! She couldn't save him! She raged. All this power and she couldn't save him. She couldn't…

Silent tears fell unheeded down her cheeks while she raged out her grief inside. It was all her fault. She'd misjudged the juggernaut. Her fault. Hers. He'd left the protection of cover to save her. She's dropped the ball and he paid the price. It had been her price to pay not his. Why had she listened to him when he called her off? She could have gotten there in time…Maybe…She could have tried. She should have tried. She would rather have died with him than live with this bleak emptiness that threatened to swallow her soul. As grief tore through her she focused all her hatred, her anger, her pain in one direction. Saren.

A cold resolve settle in the pit of her stomach. No, she fumed. No. This is not the way things were going to go down. Not her Garrus. Not on her watch. Not ever. Only one way this ends. She got determinedly to her feet and headed for the geth prime.

She glanced to her right and noticed an activation console and the huddled armature behind it. It had been overgrown with vines and she had been too busy trying to stay alive to be aware of it earlier. God damn it! It might have saved their asses.

To give Wrex credit, the Prime was on its last legs. She knew there wasn't much time left. She amped up and charged the prime. She pulled up at the last moment, right in front of the prime, dropped her barriers, and was flung backwards from the force of the rocket that tore into her chest. Pain ripped through her as the light faded to black. Her last thought was that she should have kissed Garrus. Damn system.

They had just come from the long hall and were huddled behind the curved wall. She looked at Garrus carefully. Her gamble had paid off. And a gamble it had been, for death could have been final. There were no guarantees. This was one of those secrets she kept close to her heart. One she had shared with no one. A secret that made her a freak…but, at this moment she was a very grateful freak. She called this freaky business the "reset". She had discovered it on accident the first time she was killed in action a few years ago. She was never quite certain of the length of time between her death and when the reset occurred. Likely it depended on how badly her body was destroyed and how fast it could heal. But time had reset and she had a do-over. No one had ever been aware of the time dilation but her; no one remembered…but her. No one ever knew the things she saw... The things she lived through... Nor the pain and emotional agony she suffered when a friend went down over and over again because she couldn't figure out how to correct it. At times she wondered how come her mind wasn't a shattered, drooling wreck by now. She shook her head to clear it and held firmly to her commander mask. They didn't have time for her to work through her emotions right now.

She stood straight and marched up to Garrus, grabbed his armor, pulled him down and kissed him. His eyes bored into hers, heat danced across her nerve endings. It was all she could do to tear her away from him. "Trust me when I tell you we need the extra luck." She saw something in his eyes, but he veiled it before she make out what it was. She backed away and took a shaky breath.

She looked at Wrex, then back to Garrus. "I need you both to stay in cover and watch my 6." She said. "There are a lot of geth on the other side of this wall, to include a couple of juggernauts and a prime unit. I need you to focus on me and any geth targeting me while I make a charge for the console on the right hand side. I'll use it to activate an armature to help us fight. Unless a geth is charging you directly, keep your focus on covering my ass and nothing else. I'm going to dart around the room and see if I can discover any more of those consoles. Understood?"

Neither man questioned how their commander could know such details; they were well used to her eccentric and rather mystical ways by now. "Understood," they said.

Garrus felt an odd worry settle into his bones. "Shepard," he said, grabbing her arm before she could walk away. "Be careful. Something feels off about this. I know I tend to expect the worse…but this feels different…" He shook his head and then canted it sideways. "Oh...and when the prime goes down…just remember I took the kill shot."

"Yeah, Yeah…enough whining you pyjacks…let's get some killing done" Wrex grumbled, pounding his fists together.

Smooth as silk she thought as they settle back in the mako. Thank you reset. A lot of dead geth, a broken Prothean VI warning of the Reapers, and the archive doors finally unlocked… Saren we are coming for you.

Garrus-Thane-femShep love triangle

Chapter 3

Ilos-Race Against Time

The mako raced down the narrow waterway. Ok, she mused, raced was a little farfetched…it felt like they were racing, but in fact they were going rather slow as maneuverability was being hampered by the water. She ignored the grunts and complaints of her squaddies…always bitching when she drove them anywhere…as if they could do better. Garrus monitored the scanners and systems and Wrex, doing what he did best, was on the guns. They really did make an awesome team…present bitching aside.

She took a corner too wide and rode up the embankment…she looked sheepishly at her glowering companions, who never hesitated giving her a piece of their minds…ignoring their rather colorful remarks about her driving skills…or lack there of, she backed up, and corrected their course…

What appeared to be lifeless stasis pods dotted both sides of the passage way. Poor sots. Garrus pointed out that there were three enemies ahead. Wrex let out a course bark of laughter and blew them out of the water. One rocket had taken out two of them. The mako shook as a rocket detonated against its shields. "Is that all you got?!" Wrex roared as the third rocket trooper was taken down under a rain of bullets. Not very much farther ahead a glowing barrier brought them to a standstill.

The exited the mako warily expecting a trap. When nothing happened, much to Wrex's disappointment, they proceeded through a corridor into an elevator, which had been the only logical way to go unless they wanted to go back the way they had come. When the elevator door opened they made out a console with a glowing apparition, which ended up being a badly damaged Prothean V.I. that had stopped them purposely.

The V.I.'s name was Vigil and it proceeded to tell them of the Protheans, the beacons, the keepers, the Reapers and even that the Citadel, the seat of power both then and now was actually a mass relay used by the Reapers to leave dark space and wipe out galactic civilization! The conduit Saren had been looking for here on Ilos was a back door onto the Citadel and they had run out of time. Vigil gave them a file for the Citadel's Master Control Terminal and removed the barrier.

Once underway again she found herself taking more risks maneuvering the mako. She was quite sure luck rather than talent kept her on course. The path to the conduit was under heavy geth guard. Garrus was yelling out directions and enemy locations, Wrex was blasting everything in sight and a few things that weren't, thanks to Garrus. Shepard was doing everything she could to keep them moving and avoiding as much fire power as possible. The mako could eat rockets like candy…but the damn colossus was the worst…it could strip their shields in no time. Her heart danced when she saw it go down.

They rounded a couple of corners and ran into another geth ambush. "Uncle Wrex has a present for you!" He roared, and the blasting began again. The troopers went down quickly, with only a few missile scores on the mako, which danced under their impact. The Colossus, however, nailed them quite a few times before it went down.

"Shepard," Garrus warned. "Our shields have been depleted. If we keep going we'll get fried…and I don't want to go out being boiled in this tin can…it's undignified."

"Don't you worry about a thing, Garrus…if you get boiled you can live on through me…after I eat you that is…turian tastes pretty good boiled…though I prefer my turian roasted…the carapace just falls right off the meat…" Wrex reassured him.

Garrus' mandibles dropped in a frown. He never quite knew when to take Wrex seriously and there were some things he'd rather not look too closely at. Some things he was damn sure he didn't want to know the answer for.

"You think you'd survive if the mako blew up?" Asked Shepard.

"Of course I would. I survived Tuchanka." Wrex stated…as if that explained it all…and he thought she was lack witted to even ask.

Shepard rolled her eyes and shook her head. Wrex was certainly a handful. She sighed. Waiting for the damn shields to replenish was painfully slow…Bloody omni-gel could repair damage…but they were shit out of luck with the shields. So much for omni-gel being omni. She was watching Garrus and Wrex banter back and forth about what they were going to do to Saren when they caught up to him. Some of it was rather gruesome and made her stomach lurch. She tuned out what they were saying and let her eyes fall on Garrus. Why was she so drawn to this man? He is a great guy. He was her best friend…personality-wise he was just about everything she could want… but he was physically opposite of everything she'd ever been attracted to in the past. She liked beauty, and muscles, and large eyes…he did not have any of those traits…yet she was drawn to him all the same.

Garrus felt her eyes on him. He closed his eyes, shut out Wrex and then turned to face her. He could see she was anxious, worried, and stressing out. "Shepard," he said, grasping her by the shoulders and lowering his forehead to hers. "We will do this. Don't ever doubt that. I'll…we'll be beside you the whole way."

Wrex grumbled…"Get a room you two...you're making me sick."

Garrus closed his eyes for a moment longer, mentally kicking Wrex in the quad. "You'll defeat Saren…you'll defeat Sovereign…and you will save the galaxy…you're Commander Shepard…you always win…and since I'm here you will win with style." His mandibles flared in a cocky smile. He reluctantly pulled away from her and looked over the scanners. "Shields are finally back up Shepard…let's go finish this."

She followed the water way until it started to dip. She stopped the mako while Garrus scanned the area below. They could make out the conduit and the vast number of geth left behind to protect it. She looked at both the men who were bantering about how difficult this was going to be. "I'm going to barrel straight through," she told them. "If anything gets in front of us blow it up, otherwise don't worry about it. I'm not going to slow down so you can line up shots… Hang onto your seats boys…we're going to be in for a bumpy ride."

The men looked at each other in horror.

"Oh, stop it you two...my driving isn't that bad!" She admonished. The mako jumped and started down the hill, picking up speed on the way down. Rockets, bullets and shield bombs rained up at them. She's jumped the waterway twice after the ground leveled out, hurtling over the small embankments before landing back into the waterway. The mako rocked and shook as it absorbed round after round of enemy fire. Wrex took out a colossus that had moved in front of them, the mako shuddered as it rolled over the top of the downed wreck.

The conduit was right in front of them now. Garrus reached over and put a hand on her shoulder and gave it a slight squeeze as the mako jumped into the conduit's beam. For better or worse they were on their way.

A sense of absolute stillness settled over them. The calm before the storm she mused. It was like being briefly suspended. There was absolutely nothing. You could not even get a fathoming of time. It was millennia...it was nanoseconds…it was stillness…nothing…void…then gravity took over like a bitch and they were hurtling to the ground. She frantically tried to get the dampeners back online, but the mako had fought its last fight. They crashed into the ground with bone rattling finality.

As they crawled out from the mako's wreckage, they took in their first sight of the Presidium… an empty, broken, smoking mess in Saren's wake.

A stuttering Avina V.I. told them the council was safe and where Saren was heading. The hopped the nearby elevator, but didn't get far. Putting on their breathers and activating their mag-boots, Shepard shot out the elevator's window and they stepped out into the exhaust plain of the Citadel Tower.

They head down a ramp, mopped up some geth and headed up another ramp and into an upper corridor. She'd found the easiest way to deal with enemies in the zero-G environment was to get them airborne. So, as they proceeded along, geth and krogan alike were treated to volleys of lift, throw, pull, singularity followed with a warp bomb, and shockwave as needed to root them out of cover. The men weakened oncoming enemies and shot anything that looked like it would come back down and bite them in the butt. She could hear intermittent shouts of Take that…eat this…scoped and dropped...and a few more colorful phrases she didn't even want to think about.

They moved up a ramp taking out more geth, weaving through their holo-shields, following the path to the left. Another left brought them to another corridor with more geth and krogan eager to meet their fates. They were an unstoppable wheel of death, spacing or gunning down everything in their path.

At the end of the corridor they rounded a corner and found a geth drop-ship raining geth troops all around them. She looked at the nearby inactive turrets and knew that was the only shot they had to bring down that ship. "Cover my 6," she said, amped up and charged to the first turret. She rolled out of the way to avoid a rocket and hurtled to the next turret. When all 3 were actively engaging the geth drop-ship she and the men settled in to mop up the geth it had dropped off. With flames and black smoke licking at its hull, the drop-ship backed off and pulled out.

They moved across the deck and into another corridor. More geth and krogan took flight. It was a beautiful sight…though she was feeling strained and drained. She knew she would never be able to keep this up. They hadn't even reached Saren yet. It seemed another secret would have to be revealed. Damn it. At least she knew if she had to entrust her secret to anyone these are the two she'd trust it with the most. She sighed wearily and shook her head.

Here goes, she thought. "The next krogan that comes our way shoot him, but don't kill him and certainly don't space him. I need him alive."

"Do you think he's going to tell you something we don't already know?" Asked Garrus.

"Keeping one alive is dangerous, Shepard, why risk it?" Grumbled Wrex.

"He won't be alive for long. Believe me. I'm drained. I need to recharge. I can use him like a…battery I guess. It's faster if I could touch him directly, but I can still siphon his aura and life force if I can get close enough to him." She said as she looked at her two friends. The men's eyes blinked in unison. "It's similar to a biotic's reave power, but with reave I siphon from them and receive protection while it's in effect. With my drain power I can siphon their auras, their shields, barriers, and life and absorb them into myself. It's the fasted way for me to rebuild." She sighed. "Look, there aren't enough krogan for me to be able to hide what I'm doing, like I've done in the past...I couldn't have you fill him full of bullets and make him useless to me…Please, say something."

"Damn human, you have the power to kill a man with a thought? Might have to make you an honorary krogan." Wrex growled as he slammed his fists together.

"Remind me to stay on your good side Shepard." Garrus intoned. He looked into her worried eyes. "You don't have to worry Shepard, this will not go beyond us…will it Wrex?" He asked, shooting his friend a dark look.

Wrex shook his head, pointed behind them and said, "Show time." A krogan was making his way along the far end of the corridor towards them. Garrus aimed his sniper and shot him in both legs. The krogan went down and Shepard picked up speed to get to him before he could regen. "Stay back while I'm siphoning from him," she warned. "I don't want to siphon from either of you." She turned to the krogan. "Forgive me."

Garrus watched intently as she held out a hand towards the krogan. Regardless of what she said, if he threatened her in any way, he would put him down hard. He looked from Shepard to the krogan. He couldn't see anything happening. Then she began to glow. The krogan began to twitch and shudder. He arched off the ground in a tight bow, a scream rent from his throat. Blood exploded from his mouth, his ear ducts, his nose and seeped from his eyes, and then he was still. Shepard flared blue and lowered her hand. "Thank you and sleep well."

"Damn me, Shepard, that was hot. Would you consider a breeding request? I'd love to get a krogan off you. Of course, the plowing might be fun too…even if you are a bit squishy" Wrex smirked, his gaze shooting to Garrus.

Garrus spun around, slammed into Wrex, knocking him to the ground and landing on top of him. "Don't you ever speak to her that way again," he snarled. "Or I will kill you."

"You would try," Wrex told him. Then he started shaking and it took Garrus a moment to realize he was laughing. Not just laughing…laughing his ass off.

Garrus got up and backed away confused and angry, not taking his eyes of Wrex who had sat up but was still laughing his ass off. He felt a gentle hand on his arm and he turned to face the woman he loved but could not have.

"It's okay Garrus. Wrex was joking. He knows you're protective of me… he was baiting you." Then she whispered, as best she could through her helmet..."I think it's a bromance thing among the krogan…a way of showing someone you care."

Garrus chuckled. Bromance…Wrex...what an oxymoronic combination. "Thank you Shepard…you always know just what to say." He said and turned away.

She looked at his back wistfully. I wish, Garrus…I wish that were true. If it were you wouldn't have me so tied up in knots. I'd be able to tell you how I felt about you…if I knew just what to say.

Wrex looked from one to the other. Well if it isn't the blind leading the blind he thought. He laughed again. To be so young, blind, and stupid. Should he tell them? Put them out of their self imposed misery? Naw, he snorted, this was too damn much fun.

Garrus offered Wrex a hand and gave him a boost up. They had somewhere to be.

They came out onto a more open deck. She ran a few steps and leapt down into a trench so she could survey the battleground. There were geth on the deck, geth in trenches ahead and a three large, nasty rocket turrets. She took the ramp up out of the trench and pushed forward slowly. Nailing any geth that she found. Looking around to the right she found a geth making a bead on Wrex, she amped and charged, sending the geth flying into space. She turned to find another target to charge. A rocket exploded into her chest, discharged against her barrier, but sent her flying backwards. Wrex grabbed her with a pull to prevent her from being spaced, but it spun her around; her momentum carried her backwards and she slammed face first into a large column. Wrex continue to fire at the geth, giving Garrus a chance to make it to their commander's side.

Garrus could only watch in horror as Shepard crumpled against the column. She looked so broken. His heart hitched and sputtered as he made his way to her side. He gently turned her over, afraid to move her at all. That's when he noticed her cracked faceplate…and the blood that coated the inside of her helmet. Her nose was broken and twisted, her lips shredded, a couple of teeth were missing. Her eyes were large and calm.

She looked up at the man she loved. "Looks like I really stepped in it this time, huh?" She coughed weakly.

"Shhh," Garrus said urgently…"don't talk."

"I need to tell you while I can," she wheezed…"I love you, Garrus…I always have."

His heart soared and fell at the same time. "I love you too, Shepard… so, you just hang on. I'm not about to let you go now." He pulled her into his lap as gently as he could, unsure how broken her body was.

A rocket struck a few feet from them, shaking the column he was leaning against. He bent over Shepard, to keep the debris from falling on her. He just didn't know how he was going to get her out of this. They were in the middle of a battle and there was no place to run to.

She loved him. The woman he'd loved for so long actually loved him back. She had loved him all along. Why couldn't he see it? They could have had so much time together. All the clues had been there. The comments Wrex and the crew had made, the looks Kaidan had given him, the way she depended on him, how easily she let him see the real her under her commander mask, the way she curled so trustingly into his arms. It had all been there, bared open, and he hadn't seen what everyone else had so easily seen.

He started feeling a bit light headed. He shook his head to clear it. He looked down at the woman in his arms. She was glowing. She was siphoning from him. Healing herself.

"Garrus," she said weakly. "You need to put me down and move away from me. I could not bear to take from you and my body has taken over."

"Take anything you need, Shepard. You know I would give you anything. I love you. I've always loved you. You are the center of my world… I could no more live without you than I could live without the heart in my chest. So, don't ever ask me to leave you. I would not. I could not. Not for ANY reason."

"You don't understand," she rattled. "The damage is too great…my body would take everything. I love you," she sighed…she looked up into her lover's eyes and knew that no matter what she said he would not let her go. If the tables were turned she wouldn't let him go. She couldn't blame him…but she could stop him.

He could see tears falling down her eyes as she looked at him through her helmet. "I'm sorry," she whispered…"I love you..." A small smile crossed her shattered face. She glowed briefly blue… a small shard of permaglass popped out of her cracked helmet. Garrus' heart stilled. "No, Shepard..," he said desperately as he covered the small hole with his finger. "Don't you dare. Don't you do this to me. Don't you give up on us."

Her calm, watery eyes looked at him, her lip trembled, she mouthed…I love you…

She glowed brighter blue and her face plate shattered, permaglass floating around them both. He watched in horror as the blood vessels in her eyes burst. Air and moisture were sucked out of her mouth, freezing in small plumes around her head. Her body arched and heaved trying to suck in air that wasn't there.

He propped her on his lap, one leg raised to keep her inclined. He removed his helmet and detached his air hose. Damn it was cold. He put it to his mouth and inhaled. Then he put the air hose to her mouth, but she moved away. Damn it, Shepard. He removed her helmet and removed his armored gauntlet, resting his left palm upon her cold cheek. "Come on Shepard," he mouthed, plumes of air and moisture freezing around his face. "Take it," he mouthed desperately.

She looked at him one more time. She could barely see him; like he was on the other side of a dark tunnel. She gave her head a slight shake and gave herself up to the darkness.

A look of calm settle over her features and Garrus dropped his head to hers. "Don't go," he mouthed. "Don't leave me here alone. I belong with you." He shuddered. "Don't go…or take me with you." He clutched desperately at her body, his own heaving from lack of air.

Wrex had finally made it back to where the couple sat. At a glance he saw what had happened. He had thought she was invincible. He looked at the shell that was Garrus and he knew he had to snap him out of it. They had a mission to finish. He grabbed Garrus' helmet and slammed it over his head. Then he attached the air hose. Garrus weakly fumbled for the airhose to dislodge it and Wrex cuffed him upside the head. "Quit moping around, you gutless pyjack. Do you think she'd want to see you acting the idiot? Or do you think she'd want you to finish her mission and save the galaxy? You need to let her go, Garrus, it's what she'd want."

"I loved her," he said weakly.

"I know."

"She loved me."

"Yes, I know." Wrex grumbled. "So, get off your whiny ass and make that love and sacrifice worth something."

Garrus hugged her lifeless body; letting her go would be the hardest thing he'd ever had to do. He shut his eyes, but couldn't stem the flow of tears. Tears any turian would be ashamed of… Any turian but him.

"We will mourn her later, Garrus." Wrex said softly.

"I can't just leave her here." Garrus said numbly.

"We won't. We will come back for her."

Garrus picked her up and walked her back into the alcove. He removed her guns so that the magnets that held them in place would instead hold her in place against the wall. He made sure her magboots were on to ensure she was more firmly anchored. He put her helmet back on her head. He didn't know why, it just didn't feel right to leave her so exposed. He looked at her one more time. It didn't feel right just leaving her here. She didn't look dead standing there like that. It seemed like she would look up at him at any moment and tell him it was time to move out. His heart wrenched. She was never going to do that again. She was never again going to lay in his arms late at night watching vids or reading books with him. She was never going to spar with him again. She was never going to shoot bottles with him again.

She was his world. How do you survive when your world stops turning? He wasn't sure he'd be able to and he was damn sure he didn't want to. But for now he knew Wrex was right. He had to put one foot in front of the other and finish her mission. He wouldn't do it for the galaxy, he could give a shit about the galaxy right now…but he would do it for her. He would do anything for her.

Her hand flew to her faceplate. Whole. Not cracked. Not shattered. The relief that flooded through her nearly dropped her to her knees. The lack of oxygen, the brain death left her a little disoriented and fuzzy. Some deaths were harder to come back from, some affected her in odd ways, a scar left behind, a limp, an irrational fear she had to work through. Death wasn't easy even if you were allowed to come back from it. She knew there were things she needed to remember and they niggled at the back of her mind. She shook her head. Time for that later.

She came to an exit and held up her hand to stop them before they could go through it. "The deck is heavily guarded by geth. They are both on the deck and entrenched. There are trenches running throughout the deck, so we must expect heavy resistance. There are massive rocket turrets. We can guarantee they've been hacked and will fire upon us. To the left past the first trench there is another entryway. It may be that is a way to skirt around the turrets. I think that is our best bet. When we break for cover I want you to make for the entryway like hell is on your heels. Garrus take point; I will stay and cover your 6s. When you get across you can cover mine. Understood?"

The men nodded, broke cover, and ran like hell. She sent out a volley of bullets and wave after wave of power, misdirecting bullets and rockets. One rocket, slammed with a throw, spun 180* and detonated into the geth that had released it. Beautiful.

At the entryway Garrus pulled out his sniper and laid cover fire for Shepard. "Krogen!" He heard Wrex yell, but he ignored the threat behind him, concentrating on the threat to Shepard. She amped and charged. She miscalculated her pull up and slammed into Garrus, hurtling them both to the ground. He dropped his gun and flung his arms around her to protect her. She was breathing hard looking down at him. He could see the smile in her eyes.

"Sorry about that Garrus…I was…er, distracted." It's not like she could tell him she was recently dead and a bit disoriented from it.

"Not time for that lovebirds…Krogan charging!" Wrex growled.

Garrus-Thane-femShep love triangle

Chapter 4

Seran, Sovereign, & the Geth

She held out her hand, gave Garrus a boost up. Spun around, grabbed up his dropped sniper, and handed it to him…still in a bit of awe that he had actually dropped the rifle to help her. That gun was his baby. It humbled her to think that he would abandon it to help her. Snap it to his back…sure, lay it down carefully…sure, but to drop it with total disregard to catch her? She shook her head…no...she was reading more into it. It must have been an accident. She probably hit him harder than she thought.

She absently flung out a wave of energy and sent a charging krogan flying, rebounding into the ceiling with a sickening thud. Damn, there's a ceiling in this corridor…no spacing baddies this time…time to get her head back in the game. Even if she did feel like a bobble-head at the moment.

They pin-wheeled down the corridor…Garrus softening them up in a rain of bullets or zapping shields, she warp bombed and reaved their armor, and Wrex sent them crashing into the walls and ceiling before blasting them with his shotgun. And like moths to a flame they just kept coming. Eventually, they ran out of krogan to fling about and the corridor had come to an abrupt end.

She glanced around in confusion. This should have taken them to the tower proper. She felt a tap on her shoulder and looked at Garrus who, with mandibles spread, was pointing at her feet. She looked down at the hatch then back to Garrus. "Smart ass." She griped. "Just wait until I break out the leather, I'll sadist all over your ass."

Garrus raised a brow plate, his mandibles flared and he looked at her intently. "Promises…promises." He chuckled as she rolled her eyes.

They dropped down into the hatch and headed for the Tower.

The underground passageway was uneventful. No surprises awaited them, much to Wrex's displeasure. She could hear the men bantering and complaining in the background. Her thoughts were focused on what they might find ahead. What defenses did Saren have up? Had he made it to the console that would give Sovereign the control it needed? Would she be able to save Saren from himself? She had seen his confliction earlier; perhaps it was not too late for him. While it may be too late for the Council to forgive him for what he allowed to happen, it might not be too late to save his soul. Gad…she was such a girl sometimes…how many male soldiers would be concerned about Saren's soul?

They followed the ramp up and exited through another hatch. Finally, the Tower proper. The Council Chambers. So very different from the last time she was here. Gone was the arrogance and indifference. Fires were scattered here and there throwing shadow and flame. Alarms were sounding off. Her hearing was better than most, the constant ringing was giving her a headache and annoying her senses like tiny flies buzzing around her head.

She grabbed a pack of medigel from a nearby medical kit and proceeded up the stairs. She held her hand up to stop them. A quick survey showed there were at least 7 geth, some of which were hiding behind those hexagon holo-shields. There may be more, they had to assume that to be the case. She motioned the men to fan out.

As they entered the courtyard geth began to rain bullets at them. She kept moving forward throwing geth in the air as she passed, leaving Wrex and Garrus to wipe them up. So, there were 9…a rather weak defense. Perhaps Saren hadn't expected them to make it this far…or perhaps he knew once he made it this far there would be no stopping the inevitable…but the one thing he hadn't counted on is that she did not know the meaning of inevitable. She ate inevitable for breakfast…though sometimes she had to admit it tasted more like ashes than victory.

As the master control terminal came into view she saw Saren push a couple of buttons, turn around to look at them and step off the platform to disappear.

"Double time!" She yelled, and they picked up speed.

Saren, aboard his flying platform, hovered up and lobbed a grenade at her party. She amped her power ready to deflect the grenade and throw it back at him. "Don't even think about it," Garrus shouted as he grabbed her around the waist and propelled them behind a planter at the base of the walkway platform. The grenade detonated in a fiery explosion. Garrus covered her body with his own and she threw up a barrier bubble to protect them from any fall out. She hoped Wrex had gotten to safety in time.

"You are so gallant, Garrus," she said grinning and pointing up.

He lay there stunned for a moment, shook his head and glanced up, noticed the barrier bubble, and then back down to the woman pinned beneath him. He gave her a wicked grin. "But this is so much more fun." Though, truth be told, without all this armor in the way things would have been a lot more interesting...and perhaps a bit more embarrassing, he admitted. Damn armor wasn't making nice with certain parts of him right now.

Garrus let Shepard up. They sat side by side in the protected corner of the stairs and planter. She flung her arms around him and hugged him tight, he closed his eyes and hugged her back. "It's the thought that counts and yours was a beautiful one. Thank you." She said. It was hard for him to let go when she pulled back. Her smile faded and he saw the Commander mask slide back in place. She turned her face towards the stairs to confront Seran.

Still floating just out of range Saren began taunting her. He didn't think she'd make it in time for her to see him beat her. He was disappointed she didn't offer him more of a fight. Her reputation was sorely over-inflated. But he also had to thank her, he began to have doubts after talking with her on Vermire…when Sovereign sensed them, it implanted him and now he had no doubts.

"Are you out of your cyborg mind? You let Sovereign implant you?" She asked incredulously.

"I was not offered a choice," Saren said looking away in contemplation. He shook his head to clear it. "But, regardless, I am thinking much more clearly now. No worries. No doubts. It is liberating to be free from murky hindrances that can cloud a mundane mind."

"You're not seeing the whole picture, Saren. Once you let the other Reapers in you will cease to be useful to Sovereign. All advanced civilizations will be harvested." She paused… "I have the power to end this, Seran. I'm the only one who can. I'm not…normal…I'm…different. And that …difference the Reapers didn't count on. That…difference will be what breaks this cycle. I will end this. "

"I'm inclined to believe you are different, vela... and it's obvious you believe what you say, but you are still only one woman…one overconfident, human woman. No matter how different you are the Reapers are too vast…too powerful…there is only one way any of us will survive…I have been shown the future...those that support the Reapers will survive. It has shown me..."

She cut him off. "Sovereign is only allowing you to see what it wants you to see. You are indoctrinated and thus you are blind to the truth. There will be no one left behind capable of surviving. That is what it is not showing you. Anyone left behind when they go back to dark-space will be mindless, indoctrinated husks unable to survive on their own. You are not saving anyone, you are dooming us all. You need to think, Saren. Remember what the beacons showed you, what the cipher showed you."

In that moment his mind cleared, pictures from the beacons, pictures Sovereign clouded, had become focused once more. He could see the truth in her words. He lifted his head and screamed out his fury. He looked down upon the human woman. "You are right, vela." He sighed wearily. "I am indoctrinated. Sovereign twisted the truth and blinded me to what I had been shown. I," he gasped, "knew what he could do. I thought I was safe…You-" Crippling pain shot through his skull. He grabbed his head and screamed in agony.

Shepard stood and ran up the steps of the walkway platform. "You can fight this, Seran. You are a strong man full of strong convictions. Show Sovereign you will no longer be its puppet. Show Sovereign its manipulation ends now. Show it your strength!" She demanded.

Saren was blinded by the pain rending through his head. The pain was the only thing that existed. He could make out her words…barely…they came from a great distance. He saw the truth again and that could not be unseen. He wouldn't let it be. She was right, Sovereign's manipulation would end. He would not be controlled. He had been a Spectre…one of the best. But he would rather die a failed Spectre than Sovereign's play-thing. "Thank you, vela...for saving me." He said between clenched teeth. He put his pistol to the side of his head. "Now, save them all." He pulled the trigger and toppled from his platform, through the glass floor, to the atrium below.

Shepard blinked. She stood there a brief moment in shock. She shook her head and ran up the walkway to the master control terminal. She turned on her omni-tool and downloaded the data file Vigil had given her to regain control of the Citadel's systems. She had just opened a com channel to signal the Normandy when a distress signal came through from the Destiny Ascension. The council members were aboard and the ship's shields and engines were failing.

Joker commed her demanding she respond. He told her he and the entire Arcturus fleet were standing by and could either rescue the Ascension or concentrate their strength on Sovereign… she just needed to open the relays to the Citadel and give the command. Her team was quick to throw their opinions at her. She let them slide off. For a brief moment she considered letting the Ascension rot. She opened the relays, took a deep breath and said, "Save the Ascension." A grateful ally is more useful than a resentful enemy. And, cliché as it sounds…better the devil you know…

In the next instant the Alliance was poring through the mass relay, tearing into the geth fleet. She nodded, looked down at Saren's body in the atrium below and turned to her squad. "Check on Saren, make sure he's dead."

The moment Garrus commed that he was dead, the station gave a violent shudder, red lightning bolts flashed and streaked. She watched in horror as red lightning poured into Saren's body, lifted it screaming into the air…an explosion rocked the station, the concussive wave blew her squad backwards; the walkway she was standing on gave way, and sent her sliding to atrium floor below.

Saren continued to flail, buck, and scream…until all that had been left of Saren had been burned away, leaving nothing of the man behind. What they now faced was a robotic husk …red electrical charges coursed through its body, burning with Sovereign's rage.

The robot flung itself around the room faster than she could track it. She ordered Wrex to concentrate on warp bombs, stasis fields and shotgun firepower and Garrus to focus on dampening, overloading, and sabotage. She would cover the rest.

Garrus sighed and rolled his eyes. "We know what we're doing, Shepard, you don't have to tell us every step."

She shrugged and kept scanning the room trying to find where the damn thing jumped to. "It's the commander in me…hard to let it go sometimes." She flashed a brief glance in Garrus' direction. "If you know so much, why are you still holding your sniper? It's too fast for that."

Garrus looked sheepishly at her, snapped the sniper onto his back and grabbed his AR. "I knew that," he said. "Besides," he said. "If I missed the shot, I could always take the stick from my ass and beat it with it."

Wrex gave a bark of laughter and fired his shotgun. "Just ignore it like I do, Garrus. It makes her feel important. She needs that."

She sent a furious scowl in their direction.

The robot dropped to the ground and spider-walked straight for her. She backed up, stumbled over a small chunk of debris and fell hard on her ass. Damn...so much for graceful. She flung out a stasis field just as red energy from the robot danced off her shields. Her body tingled...in a very unpleasant way…she jumped to her feet and leapt away. "Now!" She yelled and pulled out her shotgun.

The three of them poured round after round into the energy bound robot. When the stasis field expired it sent out a dampening wave and jumped out of reach. She hated when that happened. Fine…bullets it was. When they recovered they sent powers flying in every direction, hoping that something would eventually hit the damn thing.

A red fire bomb lobbed into her, she doubled over and gasped. Damn that hurt.

"Shepard!" Garrus growled at her. "Get your head out of your ass and pay attention."

She knew he was mad because he cared…but it still irked…She gave a slight pull on her power, wiggled a finger at Garrus and he tripped over what appeared to be his own feet. He shot her a vehement glare. She winked at him, blew him a kiss, and blindly flung out a stasis field to her left.

She heard Wrex shout out, and they both turned to see the robot suspended in mid-leap. Hot-damn…she will not question the power of the fates…but she could not have been any more awesome if she tried. Garrus looked at her in awe and she smirked. They turned and unloaded their weapons into the trapped robot.

It crashed to the ground, burst into red flame, and disintegrated…They looked at each other…"Well, that was a bit anti-climatic," Garrus quipped. They all chuckled in relief.

They heard a high pitched screech and the station shuddered. She looked up through the windowed ceiling and saw Sovereign explode into fiery shrapnel…Shrapnel falling straight towards them. "Run!" she screamed. She sent a wave of power at the men, shoving them further away and lobbed a barrier bubble in its wake.

Glass and debris fell all around her. She amped for a charge and was struck in the side by a chunk of Sovereign… damn thing had bite even in death. She looked up in time to see a large chunk of tentacle nearly atop her. She flung out a barrier bubble, it bounced off the bubble, bursting it and crashed down next to her. The concussion of the hit sent her spinning into a twisted chunk of ceiling. The world went dark.

Garrus felt a wave of energy hit him propelling him forward, he ran with the momentum to keep from toppling over. She did not just do that. As soon as he could he turned to go after her. A glowing barrier popped up around him and Wrex. Through the barrier he saw her slammed sideways when flying debris struck her. No! He slapped his hands against the barrier, but it held. Huge bits of ceiling and debris slammed down around them, imprisoning them. Shit! Shepard! He looked through a large gap towards where Shepard had been. A shadow darkened the atrium. He looked up to see a massive chunk of Sovereign crash down upon her, her telltale blue light winked out. The barrier bubble died.

He stood still in utter shock, the blood in his veins turned to ice. A rage like he never felt before settled in his gut...he flung himself at the metal cage that kept him from her. He pounded on it with all his fury…slamming himself into it over and over again in desperation. He had to get to her. He heard someone screaming…he ignored it…it didn't matter. All that mattered was getting to her.

Wrex had finally had enough. He limped over to Garrus and cuffed him upside the head. "Stop mewling, you damn pyjack, you're deafening me." Garrus' mouth opened and closed, but only silence followed. "Damn, I was hoping I'd have to smack you again."

"She needs me Wrex." Garrus said numbly, falling to the ground in a boneless, battered heap.

"No." Wrex sighed. "Not anymore, Garrus. You saw the barrier bubble die before it should have. You know what that means."

Garrus felt drained. His world was crumbling. They were a team. She was his sun… his center...his rock. Who was he without her?

There was a thud followed by a bright light that blinded him. Garrus blinked his eyes in irritation. "Captain Anderson… they're over here!"

Anderson made his way through the opening. He saw the krogan and the turian, but no sign of Shepard. "Take it easy. It's over." He told them. "You're safe now. Where is Commander Shepard?" The turian refused to look at him. The krogan shook his head and jerked it in the direction of the large gap where a massive debris field could be seen. Anderson closed his eyes as a wave of pain assailed him. He was more than just her commanding officer. Shepard was like a daughter to him. He hung his head a moment and then stood. He would mourn her later.

As the sergeant helped the krogan out of the wreckage Anderson assisted the turian. Vakarian looked at him bleakly. A more lost and broken man Anderson had never seen. He laid a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry...she meant a lot to me too." Vakarian turned to look at him. The dead eyes made Anderson shiver, he was sure they would haunt him the rest of his days. Vakarian shrugged off his hand and pulled away.

The captain sighed. He looked over the debris field. So much destruction. So much death. He started to turn away and something caught his eye. He swung his head back around. Nothing. Shadows dancing…playing tricks on him. Then he saw it again. Someone was over there. Moving. "I'll be damned," he said.

Garrus turned around at the captain's words. His mandibles dropped, his mouth opened and his heart slammed in his chest painfully. Shepard stood atop a large pile of debris looking down at them, smiling…injured, but very much alive.

As she headed down to them he heaved his aching body in her direction. He didn't give a damn what anyone thought of him…of them…right now it just didn't matter.

They walked into each other's arms without hesitation, clinging to each other in relief. After a long moment Garrus looked down at the woman he loved. "Don't ever do that again. We're a team. We're in this together Shepard…not apart."

She looked up into his moist grey eyes and knew he was as close to losing his composure as she was. Thoughts beat like butterfly wings in her head…there was something…she pushed it away, she would try to remember later…right now she had to tell Garrus how she felt.

"Garrus…I need to tell you…I –"

Anderson interrupted. He clapped her on the shoulder, his eyes shining with relief. "Damn, you're a sight for sore eyes."

Garrus felt her wince and gently pulled her away. "She's injured," he told the captain.

"Of course." Anderson said. He briefly studied the man and woman in front of him. The love they had for each other shined brightly. He wished them well. "We're getting you to the hospital right away."

Some bandages, a dose of medigel and a clean pair of underwear later and she was off to see the council.

The council greatly appreciated the losses the Alliance took to keep the council members safe. So much so, that to honor those sacrifices humanity was given a seat on the council. When asked who she thought should be given the seat on the council, she had responded, "Captain Anderson would be perfect for the job. Sovereign was only a vanguard…the Reapers are still coming and we need a military mind on the council to help prepare us for the war to come...a war I will do everything in my power to end." She said as she walked away.

Life had pretty much returned back to normal on the Normandy. Shepard had been ordered out to the Traverse to mop up remaining pockets of geth and keep lookout for any signs of a Reaper appearance.

The cargo bay was empty with the loss of the mako, so Garrus moved to the forward battery to calibrate the main guns. And...she sighed…it seems he found his niche. She could swear he was in love with a giant gun. She missed him. Plain and simple. He spent most of his time calibrating the damn gun when all she really wanted him to do was calibrate her. She poured another glass of wine.

She'd only spent a handful of evenings with him in the last few weeks and his loss was eating at her. She needed to find out what had changed, so she could set it right…If it could be set right. She had finally arranged to get an evening with him and she was so nervous she was shaking…and perhaps drinking too much…liquid courage and all. She put on a small, low cut, shiny gold dress. It was a wrap around. Belting at her waist and coming mid-thigh. It was filmy, yet stretchy and clung to her figure. She wore a tiny golden g-string and nothing else beneath it. She topped it off with shiny gold 5" hooker heels. She wasn't sure why she was dressing up…she just felt like feeling feminine.

No, she admitted to herself. That was a lie. She was dressing for him, though she doubted he would even notice. She wasn't sure what she would have to do to get him to notice her as a woman. Strip off her dress and dance the rumba? Would he notice her then?

She left her cabin and took the elevator down to the starboard lounge. She had claimed the lounge for herself tonight and keyed in her access code. A code only one other on the ship knew. Their code.

She knew she arrived quite a bit early. But she had been too eager to wait in her room. She kept the lights off and walked over to the huge window and gazed out at the stars.

She hoped she could figure out what was wrong between her and Garrus. She had to fix it so she could tell him how he made her feel …how she felt about him. She sighed in frustration; she should have had a nice long visit with b.o.b. before leaving her cabin. It would have made getting through this evening a lot easier. As it stood, it would take everything in her power not to jump Garrus the moment he walked through the door.

Hell and damn-fire. She spread her legs, moved her panties aside and stroked herself. She groaned...she would give anything for Garrus to be touching her. She closed her eyes, picturing Garrus in front of her, his eyes smoldering in passion, her hips swayed and she moaned as she continued to stroke herself.

Garrus watched as Shepard moved past him to the window. He knew this was her favorite place on the ship. He knew that she knew that he was ignoring her lately. It wasn't that he didn't want to be with her. Spirits, that was the farthest thing from the truth. He had been avoiding her out of fear. The need to possess her had grown to the point where he didn't think he could control it. He felt himself slipping whenever he was around her and he was terrified of what he might do to her. He didn't want to hurt her and he knew he was hurting her all the same. He knew this couldn't go on. He had to tell her what he felt for her, that's why he'd agreed to meet her tonight. He would do anything...anything to make her love him back. To give him a chance.

The gold dress she wore swayed provocatively around her thighs, caressing them as she walked. He closed his eyes and bid for the calm to come. The calm ignored his pleas. His pulse raced. His nose quivered. He smelled…desire. Her desire. The smell of her desire tantalized his senses, boiled his blood, and turned him hard as stone. His eyes flew open. He could see her reflection the glass…eyes closed…pleasuring herself, hips swaying…it was more than he could take. His instincts and his body took over…the beast assumed control.

He got up from the sofa and moved in behind her, stripping the thin gloves from his hands as he approached her. He put his mouth by her ear and said thickly, "Let me help you with that."

***I am not calling Garrus an animal by using the term beast. This term will be explained in the course of time.

Garrus-Thane-femShep love triangle

Chapter 5

Death & Destruction

He ran his hands down her arms until they rested upon her hands. She leaned back into him for a moment…then stilled and spun around, her hands rose to his carapace.

"Garrus," she whispered. "shhh…don't wake me up." The man she wanted most in this world was staring at her…eyes burning with desire. A shiver went down her spine. If this was a dream she hoped no one would slap her awake.

He ran his hands down her back, grasping her fleshy white ass and molded her against him. The heat of her core burned into him and he ground himself against her.

She gasped when she felt his hardness against her. Relief flooded through her…no vent. He had a penis and she couldn't wait to see what he looked like. "I've never seen a turian naked before," she admitted shyly as she rubbed herself against him.

"Nor I a human," he said thickly. He pulled the bow on her dress and it parted. He put his hands to her shoulders and ran them down her arms, the dress followed, pooling at her feet. Her pheromones beat at him, the scent of her desire drove him mad. He grasped the hand she had used to pleasure herself and brought it to his mouth. His tongue wrapped around her fingers, tasting her essence.

He growled, picked her up, and slammed her against the cold window. Garrus looked on in horror at what his body was doing. Not this way, he screamed. Beating at the walls in his head. This was the woman that he loved and he was treating her like an animal. He could tell she'd had too much to drink, she was not in her right mind and he was abusing her deepest trust and…helpless to prevent it. Her head was flung back and the beast was moving in to claim her. No! He seethed, pushing at his mind. Not like this! He felt his teeth sink into the top of her shoulder and heard her cry out in pain. He could taste her blood and he hung his head in defeat. He had marked her. Claimed her. Any turian who saw it would know she was his. It should have been a choice they made together. Never like this. It was the gravest of offenses.

She was shocked when he first bit her, but his tongue was soothing the wound and driving her wild.

He'd dropped to his knees in front of her, held her to the window with one arm, the other hand pulled the bows on her g-string and it fell slowly to the ground. For just a moment she felt precariously perched, then she could feel his upper arms under her ass, his forearms behind her back against the window, forming a chair of sorts. Her legs spread wide. How the hell was he holding her up like that? Her thoughts fled again... His head was…sweet stars she nearly shattered when she felt his hot breath caress her where she ached for him most. His mandibles flared and it sent shivers through her body. It felt like butterfly wings caressing her most sensitive flesh.

Garrus close his eyes...he didn't have a right to see her like this…this is not the way it was supposed to happen. He knew this fight with himself was a losing battle. Despite the horror of how he got here, there was no place else he wanted to be. This woman meant more to him then the breath in his body. He could not let the beast take her like this without at least trying to make her feel all the love he felt for her.

He opened his eyes to memorize the very core of her. A place he wanted to spend the rest of his life buried deep inside. The scent of her burned into his memory. He felt his tongue separated her damp folds. He needed to taste her. As his tongue explored he found a sensitive bud that caused her to buck and keen out in pleasure every time he bumped it. He swirled his tongue around the bud and gently nipped it between his pliable mouth plates, then gave it a flick with his tongue. She ran her hands along his crest spikes as her hips jerked in response.

He needed more. He ran his tongue down her slit and entered her hot core. He explored her tight sheath; he pulled out, flicked her nub and reentered her. She yelled out, bucked and gripped his tongue with her inner muscles.

She was coiled so tight. His tongue was wreaking havoc on her. It was so long, so flexible. Doing things no tongue should be able to do. She closed her eyes, pushed outward, and merged her aura with his. There was a brief moment of disorientation and then heat slammed into her. Her desire, his desire rolled into one. She could feel the pleasure of her crest spikes being rubbed, though she had none. She could feel him begin to shake and knew he felt everything he was doing to her as if it were being done to himself. Fire ripped through her veins, "I'm going to…," her world exploded around her as an orgasm tore through her, engulfing her in white hot pleasure. She flew so high the world went black.

She tumbled from the perch on his arms, but the beast caught her before she hit the ground. The beast was frantic. When she passed out the connection was broken. He had to feel her. He had nearly spilled his seed when the orgasm rocked her. He felt the orgasm like it was his own. His balls were heavy and tight. He had to release in the woman. He knew that. The beast freed himself from his pants and spread her legs. He would finish this. They would be one. She would be his and he hers…as it was meant to be.

Garrus roared out in horror. He would not just let this happen. They were no longer two consenting adults. He would not rape her while she lay there defenseless. He would die first. He threw all his rage, all his love into one final push and the world popped into full bloom. He sat for a moment panting from the exertion, and then he shoved himself back into his pants in disgust.

He gazed down at naked woman before him. Pink tipped breasts swayed as she breathed. A tight, flat stomach and flared hips enticed him like he never could have imagined. His eyes fell to her core. So very different than a turian woman. Tight curls wreathed the very heart of her. A heart exposed to his hungry gaze. Her pink, dewy petals beckoned him. He could only imagine what they would feel like wrapped around him. He closed his eyes. He could remember the feel of her softness, could still taste her on his tongue. He shook with a need so profound it rocked him. He could feel the beast raging within him, demanding release.

He gently pulled the dress back on her lax body; moving carefully to disturb her as little as possible. He then tied the scrap of material back over her mound, hiding it from his view. He keyed the door open, picked her up, and carried her as swiftly as he could back to her cabin. He laid her down in her soft bed, removed her shoes, pulled the covers up and crawled in beside her. He lay on his side, put an arm around her, and pulled her up against him, spooning her. It was far from the first time they had fallen asleep like this, but as much as a part of him wanted to make a run for it, he knew he couldn't let her wake up alone after last night. They had too much to talk about.

His hand brushed her breast as it settled on her rib cage; she moaned in her sleep and wiggled closer to him. He gritted his teeth as he felt her bottom rock against him, sighed in frustration and knew it was going to be a long night.

The ship pitched and swayed. They came awake abruptly. Garrus clung to her tightly, cradling her as the tumbled onto the floor. His hand beneath her head to protect her. She tried to get up and cried out in pain. "Sorry," he said sheepishly. The same hand that had protected her head in the fall had also trapped her hair under it.

They untangled their legs and the ship pitched again. Alarms rang out all over the ship. As the ship bucked and heaved she made her way precariously to the comm Button. "Joker!" she yelled, "Speak to me!"

"Were under attack commander…unidentified vessel…" Joker replied

"And you didn't see fit to comm me?"

"I've been kind of busy keeping us alive…figured the alarms might tip you off."

Garrus was already heading out the door. She looked down at her wrinkled gold dress, shrugged, and followed him to the elevator. When the doors closed behind them, she grasped his hand and turned him toward her. Fire burned in her veins. "Was I dreaming?" She asked simply.

He knew he could lie to her, maybe should lie to her…but he didn't. He wouldn't. They had reached a turning point and there was no going back from last night. He could not undo what had happened between them and he didn't want to. He had claimed her. And while their bond may not have been completed…She was his. He was hers. There was no changing that. He was, of course, terrified by what almost happened, but he had never been more alive, he had never burned so hot, and he would never let her go.

He pulled her to him and laid his head against hers. "If it was a dream…we shared it."

She wrapped her arms around his neck pulling him down. She whispered into his ear hole, "It's about damn time." Then she ran her tongue down his mandible, encasing the double pronged tip in her mouth. She swirled her tongue around the tips, nibbled gently with her teeth and slowly moved down until they slipped from her mouth.

He growled and crushed her to him. Spirits she was full of surprises. He had not known how sensitive his mandibles could be.

She held the sides of his face in both of her hands and brought her mouth to his. She ran her tongue along his top, flexible lip plate. When he gasped, she deepened the kiss. Her tongue entered his mouth, exploring, finding his tongue, teasing it. He caught on fast. At first it was cat and mouse, teasing, playing…then he wrapped his tongue around hers, gave it a squeeze, released it...sliding down the length of her tongue, caressing it with light flicks.

Their tongues mated and danced, setting fire to her core. She wrapped her arms around his neck, held on tightly while she pulled up and wrapped her legs around his small waste. Damn…she'd always wanted to do that. His hands dropped down to grab her ass and hold her to him while he ground into her.

They were breathing heavy, their pulses racing, blood boiling, control slipping. Then the elevator dinged and came to a stop. He held her a brief moment longer before releasing her as the doors slid open. He grabbed her hand. "Shepard…when this is over we, er…need to talk…hmm…there are things…" he cleared his throat "…that I need to tell you…things…" She placed a finger over his mouth plates. "I love you, Garrus." The Normandy shook again. She gave him a wink and a squeeze, dropped his hand and headed for her locker to gear up.

The doors slid closed behind her and he depressed the down button to the cargo bay and his own locker. She dreamed about him. It was a heady thought. He hadn't even known that she saw him as a man. This mighty, beautiful woman wanted him...she loved him. She LOVED him. He never imagined he'd hear those beautiful words from her lips. And he'd just stood there, jaw open like an idiot. He hadn't told her what he felt. That he loved her too. Spirits, he needed to get into his armor fast…Not just for the fight to come...if there was one…but because he didn't need the whole crew seeing him walk around with a rock in his pants. A rock he was sure was not going to be going down any time soon.

The cargo bay was hectic with half-suited soldiers and techies running around in chaotic upheaval. Explosions could be heard in different parts of the ship. Damn…this didn't bode well. He suited up as fast as he could and ran for the elevator. Shit! It was offline. He darted to the emergency hatch, pulled the ladder down, and headed up into the escape tunnel. He could hear others scurrying up behind him like rats in the dark. Worry and fear warred within him. He had to get to Shepard. Whatever happened he would be at her side…where he belonged.

He heard a new alarm chime…it was the evacuation alarm. He crawled up onto the next deck and took off at a run. The ship bucked and sent him sprawling…narrowly avoiding an electrical fire. He got up on shaky legs and continued on. He had to find her.

The Normandy was shaking apart. Fires cropped up all around her. There were numerous hull breaches. She activated the distress beacon and hoped the Alliance would find them in time. She picked up a fire extinguisher and focused her attention on the fires. She had to give her crew time to board the evac pods.

Kaidan raced up behind her. He explained the Joker refused to leave his station and that he was staying too. "I'll take care of Joker," she told him. "I need you to make sure the crew gets aboard the evac pods safely. "

"Shepard…No...I won't leave you. I L-"

"Go Kaidan," She interrupted. "Now…" She said firmly.

He gave her a long, silent look…drinking her in…and then nodded his head in resignation and anger. "Aye-aye, ma'am."

She watched him go for a moment and then turned her thoughts to Joker. She headed through the hall and up the ramp onto the CIC deck. Garrus stumbled into her as the deck heaved. "Garrus! You need to head to the evac pods."

"No," he said firmly. "I told you before… we're in this together, vela…not apart. I love you, there is no way in hell I'm letting you out of my sight." He gave her a hard look for good measure.

She closed her eyes briefly. He loved her. She looked at him and trailed a hand down his cheek. "Ok," she sighed. Knowing she would never talk him into leaving. "Let's go get Joker."

They weaved their way carefully through the smoke, the debris, and the dangling electrical wires that shot off sparks in every direction. They opened the emergency door that led to the next sector. She grabbed onto Garrus and activated her magboots. The huge hull breach left the entire top of the ship open to space. She released him when she saw him firmly anchored to the flooring. They skirted what was left of the galaxy map and CIC work stations and headed for the main hall that led to the cockpit.

Moving aside floating work station chairs they entered through a blue barrier that protected the cockpit. Jokers hands were flying on the consoles, moving between the holo displays at lightning speed.

"Joker, we need to go." She told him matter of fact.

"I'm not leaving the Normady. I can still save her!"

"No, Jeff...you can't. She is lost to us. Going down with the ship won't change that."

He hung his head and nodded. "I know," he said weakly. "She's my baby…you know Garrus...like your gun is to you."

"I may have thought that way once Joker…but I came to realize some time ago that a gun is just a tool …there is something of far greater value in my life…that means more to me than any gun ever could." He said looking into Shepard's eyes, willing her to understand what he was trying to say.

Garrus grabbed Joker's arm wrapped it around his neck and boosted him up. Another explosion rocked the ship. Shepard spun around and saw a massive fiery ray blast through the ship behind them. She nodded to Garrus and they headed toward the cockpit's private evac pod. It was the only way left for them off the ship. If survival was an issue… that is. And it was.

Garrus helped Joker into the pod, made sure he was firmly strapped in. He turned around to help Shepard and another fiery blast hit the ship. The concussion sent Shepard flying back from the pod. He ran towards her, saw her hand go up. She flung him back and put up a barrier field at the pod entrance.

He erupted…anger and rage at what he felt was a betrayal boiled out of him. He hurled himself at the barrier, beating at it, clawing it in desperation. He saw her crash against a wall. She pushed off, grabbed onto the corner of the release console, blew him a kiss, and slapped her hand over the eject pad. The doors on the pod slammed shut. All he had left was a tiny view window. He watched in horror as she was thrown against the side of the ship and blown out into space. Her body bucked and heaved, her air valve damaged, venting into space. She went still…The barrier field winked out…and she disappeared from his view as the Normandy exploded into a fiery mass of shrapnel.

His heart shriveled and he sank into a boneless heap as their pod was buffeted by the concussive waves of the Normandy's detonation. They were a team. They were supposed to be in this together…not apart. She took that choice away from him. He might have been able to save her or he might have joined her. But it should have been his choice to make. Not hers. He sighed. He didn't even have the strength to be angry at her. He knew, deep in his heart, that had their positions been reversed he'd have done the same damn thing to protect her. Silent tears fell, overflowing his protective eye plate and ran unheeded down the sides of his face. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore. Nothing.

When she was propelled away from the evac pod she knew Garrus would come for her. He always did. With a sadness that broke her heart she sent a wave of power at the man she loved and pushed him back into the pod. She threw up a barrier field to keep him there. She knew how angry he would be, but she had to protect him from his good intentions. She was lost. He was not.

Another blast propelled her into a wall. She shook her head to clear it and made a mad grab for the release console. She took one last yearning look at him and mouthed I love you. She realized he couldn't see her mouth, so brought her hand to her helmet, where her mouth would be and sent him a farewell kiss.

Her hand slapped down on the eject pad as another blast caused the console to slip from her hand. She was slammed against the torn hull and propelled into space. She looked around at the debris and destruction around her. Perhaps rescue ships would arrive before her air gave out. She was, after all, no stranger to good luck.

Her suit's built in computer started sounding an alarm. She ran diagnostics on her helmet's internal display. But she knew the problem before the diagnosis was completed. Her oxygen supply was venting. The air was getting thinner and it was becoming more of an effort to breath. She recorded a last message. "I am Commander Shepard, Alliance Navy, captain of the Normandy SR1. The Normandy was destroyed by an unknown vessel, its crew jettisoned in escape pods. Please see that my remains are returned to the Council or the Alliance. To the Council and the Alliance: The Reapers are coming, be prepared at all costs. To my friends and crewmates: live well and be true. To Garrus: be strong and know that I love you. I have always loved you." She gasped and let out a ragged breath. "This is Commander Shepard signing off for the last time." The last words were wheezed out.

She reached behind her trying to get to the air hose. Maybe if she could cover the damage…but it kept slipping from her grasp. Her body began to buck and heave, contorting her in its fight to pull in air where was none left to be had. She knew deep in her bones that reset wasn't going to cut it this time…when she died she might heal…but there would be no do-overs…some points in life were anchors…a pivotal event that was immovable and this was so immense..so vast…it felt like an anchor.

She did not want the last thing she saw before leaving this world to be the sight her Normandy as nothing more than chunks of floating debris. She closed her eyes and tried to focus her last thoughts on Garrus. His head cocked, mandibles spread…she could remember how they felt against her…butterfly wings…black dots appeared on the edges of her vision, funneling inward until all that was left was a pin-point of light that winked out.